Goodnight Michael

[MJstarlight]

Michael was in my dreams last night too.. I did not want to wake up

[jfleenor2]

But its so terribly hard for me. Nobody understands me at all. And I dont want to live anymore without Michael. I consider myself a widow now. I love him. I just dont understand hoe GOD could take my baby away from me. I just dont understand. He is my life, I cannot live anymore like this. I want to die. And most of all, I want to be with my Michael.

I see in your profile that you are 26 years old. I am 59 yrs old. When I was 25 I wanted to die. I was contemplating suicide. At that time I managed to get myself to a good counselor, and made it thru the horrible time. You can't see it now, you've got to pull yourself out of the "death sadness", you've got a whole future ahead of you! You will have happiness again. I have a loving husband now and life is good.

I also love Michael very much and feel sooo sad at his passing. I wish I could wake up and realize it was a very bad dream. But we all have to be strong and keep ourselves healthy and promote his legacy -- that's what he would want! He worked so hard for his legacy, we are his people to be sure he is not forgotton!

[claire64]

oh dear, all your beautiful words have made me cry again. you also sum up how i'm feeling. but we do have to go on, we do have to make the effort everyday, we have work to do, spreading MJ's love and legacy, by doing this he will never truley be gone.
now i have to go to work with red eyes.

[MJstarlight]

I am only 22.. I fear I have a long road ahead of me in pain

I still cant imagine a life without Michael or living this way since Michael has always been with me... I mean he still is just in a different way now

[*Billie Jean*]

Thank you for the support guys ...

[*Billie Jean*]

You love Michael exactly the same way I love Michael. I became a fan of Michael's sometime in the early 80s. But it wasn't until 1988 I had gotten a huge major crush on Michael. From seeing his Bad video. Then in 1992 when I was 12 I had falling madly in love with Michael when I saw his In The Closet video. 17 years later I love Michael more now than I ever did before. Michael has always been and always forever will be the love of my life. Especially since I have his name forever tatoo on my heart. That is one of the reasons why I can't get over Michael. Another reason we both suffered from a skin disorder. Michael was practically the only person in my life knows what it is like to have a skin disorder. Its those 2 main reasons why I will never be over Michael's death.

Girl I feel your pain, the tears yesterday were immense.. I could never love anyone the way I love Michael. I just cant. I have loved Michael since I was 6 years old. I am now 26 years old and love him more everyday. My heart was crushed when I saw him tormented during the black trial times. I knew in my heart and mind that he was innocent. I deeply believe that he has the kindest soul ever. I wish I was with him all my life to show him the genuine unconditional love. My life will never be the same after the 25th. Its always dark and gloomy now without him here.
I'm carrying on with my life as if I'm in a kind of fog.... looking at the world through a filmy veil that just won't dissipate. I'm not strong enough to carry on. I wish that I could snap my fingers and get out of this dark tunnel. This is so incredibly painful.
I miss him so much, now more than ever. I need him. This heart which is within me beats just for him. My heart belongs to him. My love for him is unconditional. I need him... by my side... in my life. He is all that I want. He is all that I need. I just want to die and be with him forever. Michael is my life... so there is no life without him.

[*Billie Jean*]

I see in your profile that you are 26 years old. I am 59 yrs old. When I was 25 I wanted to die. I was contemplating suicide. At that time I managed to get myself to a good counselor, and made it thru the horrible time. You can't see it now, you've got to pull yourself out of the "death sadness", you've got a whole future ahead of you! You will have happiness again. I have a loving husband now and life is good.

I also love Michael very much and feel sooo sad at his passing. I wish I could wake up and realize it was a very bad dream. But we all have to be strong and keep ourselves healthy and promote his legacy -- that's what he would want! He worked so hard for his legacy, we are his people to be sure he is not forgotton!

Well, I NEVER said that I wanna kill myself! Suicide is against God no matter what. But I'm sick of living. To be honest right now I'd rather be up there with Michael than down here in this cruel world where nothing fits anymore. I just want to fade away. I am so sad... so sad... I feel drained. I miss him today more than yesterday.. this is final... I really wanted to believe it was not real but it is... He's dead. He's not coming back.
I feel empty... I wish he was still warm and alive. I'm too devastated to live. Life means nothing without him. I love him so much. I love him unconditionally. For him I would die. I feel I love him more and more every day. And I'm already looking forward to be able to meet him in Heaven. What is not granted to me in life, may be in Heaven... I guess I am selfish too then, there's not one day I look up to the sky & say "Michael please come back or take me with you". It is difficult for me without writing tears in the eyes, about Michael or thinking of him. Every day I must cry... Hey thankyou for your support..

[*Billie Jean*]

oh dear, all your beautiful words have made me cry again. you also sum up how i'm feeling. but we do have to go on, we do have to make the effort everyday, we have work to do, spreading MJ's love and legacy, by doing this he will never truley be gone.
now i have to go to work with red eyes.

I know, I know... I'm trying to be strong. But its so terribly hard for me. It hurts a lot. I dont want to live anymore without Michael. I am so confused, lonely, sad...

[Angela_MJJ]

I love him more every day too.
I've had a relationship for 6 years (that was a year ago) and I thought I loved him more then anything in the world.
But the love I feel for Michael is so different of what I felt for my ex.
I wish I really got to know Michael, if only he would be my friend.

I'm trying to move on with my life but it's hard.
I miss him like everyone here

[*Billie Jean*]

I am only 22.. I fear I have a long road ahead of me in pain

I still cant imagine a life without Michael or living this way since Michael has always been with me... I mean he still is just in a different way now

I know just how you feel... I cant imagine a life without Michael. I can't seem to say goodbye. My heart is broken. Every part of me is aching. I love him so much. For ever and ever and ever. Really the only thing I want is to have him by my side, and I know he is on by my side, but it's just different. I hope he has found peace. That's the most important thing for me. I love him and miss him more than anything.

[*Billie Jean*]

I love him more every day too.
I've had a relationship for 6 years (that was a year ago) and I thought I loved him more then anything in the world.
But the love I feel for Michael is so different of what I felt for my ex.
I wish I really got to know Michael, if only he would be my friend.

I'm trying to move on with my life but it's hard.
I miss him like everyone here

Michael is and always will be my one and only true love, my Prince Charming.. my Smooth Criminal. I love him so much it hurts, sometimes! Michael is my love, since I was a little toddler, I loved him. I can't imagine a day in my life that he wasn't there. I love him more than words can possibly express. There are no words so far which could describe how much I loved him whole my life. I always loved him. I NEVER loved another man. I remember I could not fell in love with anyone, only because I was deeply in love with my Michael. Oh God! I want him. I dont want my life, but him. I wanted to marry him! He was so perfect in every way. I need him... so much. I cant accept the fact he's gone. I will never accept it. My love for him is endless. It grows and grows. More time passes, more I love him.
His moves, words, smiles and cries make me love him. When he dances, I become happy and hypnotized by him. He fills the space of my wounded heart. How can anyone be so kind... Now I am his and he is mine, forever and forever. Not death, nor life, nor anything, can ever separate me from him. I am his forever. OK, I'm going to cry now...

[MJsBollywoodGirl7]

Girl I feel your pain, the tears yesterday were immense.. I could never love anyone the way I love Michael. I just cant. I have loved Michael since I was 6 years old. I am now 26 years old and love him more everyday. My heart was crushed when I saw him tormented during the black trial times. I knew in my heart and mind that he was innocent. I deeply believe that he has the kindest soul ever. I wish I was with him all my life to show him the genuine unconditional love. My life will never be the same after the 25th. Its always dark and gloomy now without him here.
I'm carrying on with my life as if I'm in a kind of fog.... looking at the world through a filmy veil that just won't dissipate. I'm not strong enough to carry on. I wish that I could snap my fingers and get out of this dark tunnel. This is so incredibly painful.
I miss him so much, now more than ever. I need him. This heart which is within me beats just for him. My heart belongs to him. My love for him is unconditional. I need him... by my side... in my life. He is all that I want. He is all that I need. I just want to die and be with him forever. Michael is my life... so there is no life without him.

I know how you feel. I remember during the first week of the second allegations. I practially spent that entire week crying almost non stop. Because I was just reliving 1993 all over again. I can still remember the 93 allegations as if it had happen yesterday. I was 13 years old then and I can still remember exactly what I was doing the day that I had heard. OMG did I just cried the second I had heard molested. And I was sick with a cold that day. So I know I was just making myself feel worst than I already did. But I didn't care because I just loved Michael so much back then. And as upset as I was then I knew right away Michael was innocent. Michael would never ever hurt a child in any way. My heart just practically broke right in to 2 for him. Just like it did in 2003 when I had heard. Thankfully I wasn't sick on that day. But it was on a late Saturday afternoon back in December of 2003. Is when I litterally made myself really sick cause I was just still so upset by what was going on with Michael then. I had to spend the rest of that Saturday in bed because of it. But on June 25th is when I litterally felt my heart shattered in to millions of tiny little pieces. My heart is never going to heal because of it. And I knew the pain that I have now is going to last forever. Its been almost 4 months now and I still practically cry every single day for Michael. I don't even want to think about how I am going to be when Christmas comes. Especially since I know most of my Christmas presents will MJ items. One of the MJ items will be the Opus book. So I am definitely not looking forward to Christmas. Or my 30th birthday which is 10 days after Christmas.
A huge part of me died the day that Michael died. I am never going to get that part of myself back. I remember back in late June I was ready to kill myself. It was a promise that I had made to myself in December of 95 when I was 15. I was so extremely upset over Michael being in the hospital back then. That I told myself if something horrible should ever happen to Michael. I am going to kill myself because I absolutely refused to live in a world without Michael in it. And I really was ready to go through with it. Until I realized Michael would not want his fans killing themselves over him. It will hurt Michael to know some of his fans has killed or are killing themselves over him. I just couldn't hurt Michael like that. I just love Michael way too much to hurt him. I still sometimes have thoughts that maybe I should kill myself. But I know it is just my pain that is making me think that. And remember that I will be hurting Michael if I did. So I am only staying alive out of the love that I have for Michael. I know you miss Michael. I miss him just as much as you do. Probably even more since I have been a Michael Jackson fan a few years or so longer than you have been one. You love Michael exactly the same way I love Michael. I too want to be with Michael just as badly as you do. And I know it is so extremely hard now to live in a world without him in it. But we have to now because I do know Michael would not want his fans killing themselves over him.

[*Billie Jean*]

I know how you feel. I remember during the first week of the second allegations. I practially spent that entire week crying almost non stop. Because I was just reliving 1993 all over again. I can still remember the 93 allegations as if it had happen yesterday. I was 13 years old then and I can still remember exactly what I was doing the day that I had heard. OMG did I just cried the second I had heard molested. And I was sick with a cold that day. So I know I was just making myself feel worst than I already did. But I didn't care because I just loved Michael so much back then. And as upset as I was then I knew right away Michael was innocent. Michael would never ever hurt a child in any way. My heart just practically broke right in to 2 for him. Just like it did in 2003 when I had heard. Thankfully I wasn't sick on that day. But it was on a late Saturday afternoon back in December of 2003. Is when I litterally made myself really sick cause I was just still so upset by what was going on with Michael then. I had to spend the rest of that Saturday in bed because of it. But on June 25th is when I litterally felt my heart shattered in to millions of tiny little pieces. My heart is never going to heal because of it. And I knew the pain that I have now is going to last forever. Its been almost 4 months now and I still practically cry every single day for Michael. I don't even want to think about how I am going to be when Christmas comes. Especially since I know most of my Christmas presents will MJ items. One of the MJ items will be the Opus book. So I am definitely not looking forward to Christmas. Or my 30th birthday which is 10 days after Christmas.
A huge part of me died the day that Michael died. I am never going to get that part of myself back. I remember back in late June I was ready to kill myself. It was a promise that I had made to myself in December of 95 when I was 15. I was so extremely upset over Michael being in the hospital back then. That I told myself if something horrible should ever happen to Michael. I am going to kill myself because I absolutely refused to live in a world without Michael in it. And I really was ready to go through with it. Until I realized Michael would not want his fans killing themselves over him. It will hurt Michael to know some of his fans has killed or are killing themselves over him. I just couldn't hurt Michael like that. I just love Michael way too much to hurt him. I still sometimes have thoughts that maybe I should kill myself. But I know it is just my pain that is making me think that. And remember that I will be hurting Michael if I did. So I am only staying alive out of the love that I have for Michael. I know you miss Michael. I miss him just as much as you do. Probably even more since I have been a Michael Jackson fan a few years or so longer than you have been one. You love Michael exactly the same way I love Michael. I too want to be with Michael just as badly as you do. And I know it is so extremely hard now to live in a world without him in it. But we have to now because I do know Michael would not want his fans killing themselves over him.

I actually don't know what to say, my heart was broken the day he died, now my heart is completely shattered. During his life, it was hard to listen to the ugly things said about Michael in the Media. So many lies and false accusations around him, a shame. Even through all the accusations and trials my loyalty, and love for him never faltered. I'm proud to be one of those people that loved him when the world judged him. Now, when he's dead, everybody started to listen to him.. so depressing.. I have cried and prayed for Michael over the years, when the world started spreading nasty lies about him.
During trial I felt very sick. I have had a very great sadness, I knelt and prayed many times. I always knew in my heart he was innocent.. I always loved and believed in him. Michael was so innocent. He did no crime, he did no sin. At least in my eyes, that's what I believe. His only crime was loving and caring unconditionally. He suffered and he cried so much! He did! I would happily have switched places with him. I cried, I cried everyday... Tears of love and tears of pain. Words cannot express how my heart breaks even today when thinking of all the injustice done to Michael over the years and how much they've hurt him. And words cant express how much I love him. He was a sweet and sensitive man who gave his life to helping others around the world. It's infuriating. The way the media continues to exploit his image, even in death, makes me ill. My soul aches and my hands tremble at the thought of continuing my life without Michael. I can't stand it anymore. The pain and the grief just won't go away or even lessen. I don't know what else to do. Michael has been a part of my life. I think I was in love with him since birth…'til now! That's the truth! I'm sorry that I don't have any comforting words to say to you. But don't worry, Im here for you. I know that the pain is still the same, even after all this time - I still cry everyday. I can barely look at a picture of Michael (especially a picture of him smiling) without bursting into tears. I am here to support you. Hugs to you...

[wendijane]

[*Billie Jean*]

Michael,
I can't stop crying this night. I'm going to bed again. You're still asleep..
I hate the fact that you won't wake up anymore! I'm feeling quite sad
actually.. Like always.. I miss you so much Michael. More everyday. I need
you more than ever. It's very sad. I'm getting tired of life I guess.. I love you. I really do.
Goodnight my love. I love you so much. Missing you every minute of the day.