J5master's Blog

After June 25th when I removed myself from all things MJ and the fandom, I saw tasks as tasks, days as days, and nights as nights. The richness of creativity and inspiration – although I cannot deny - it was THERE, and I DID experience it without MJ in my life, but it was dulled somehow. My...

Im back again spamming the blog section! lol As some backstory, I used to play tennis all the time since I was about 10 years old. I never really “liked” it, as it wasn’t really a passion of mine. It was good enough as a form of exercise, but I always found myself getting bored at practice...

Finally I read Cascio’s book – and with all the controversy surrounding Cascio – just like the rest, his very detailed portrayal of his time with MJ had aligned with common threads I’ve seen throughout all of them. And after reading his book, it brought one of those threads home really well...

After MJ’s passing, it was easy to go right into tragedy-mode. As with any one who dies so unexpectantly, just like when one loses a big championship game – everyone goes over all the things that could have gone on differently. What had we missed? What could have been done? What were our (his)...

After much reflection recently, I’ve realized being a MJ fan or on “Team Michael” is a lot like rooting for your favorite sports team or player. I recently saw a segment on TV about how the brain tricks you into getting a ‘payoff’ when YOUR team wins, or in other words you get a dose of...

So remember that long 3 part essay I did when i first came here? Well after feeling very good after I wrote that, I woke up this morning (several weeks later) with this looming sadness. I had a...I guess I would categorize it as horrible?...dream. It was very vivid and it was about reliving...

Continuation from part 2 of this super long essay lol.... GOTTA MAKE A CHANGE So during those two weeks of playing the album on repeat every second of the day (lol), I quit my job, without a problem. Again, the decision wasn't really related at all to MJ - there were a lot of issues going...

Continuation from Part 1 of this super long essay lol.... LEAVING NEVERLAND I grew up. I did so not realizing it had anything to do with Michael at all. I just assumed...I was just facing reality. But really waaaaay in the back of my mind I was thinking 'whats the point in striving to...

So just recently, I came to somewhat of an epiphany (a good one!). For context, I'd like to share my journey over the last 5 years, because I haven't been able to vent to anyone about it. Like, ever. I just need to get this out, so forgive me. This is just a brain dump of epic proportions...