Dear Conrad Murray

Why did you do it?

Every human life is important in your field. As a doctor, you do what's in the best interest of the patient. You treat them with care and compassion. Your Texas patients seem to agree that you treated them like a doctor should. You treated them like the human beings they are. You did your job.

In this field where each of your patients are supposed to be treated with the respect and care, why did you treat Michael Jackson like a lab rat? Is it because he was Michael Jackson? Does that make him any less human? Does that mean he would react differently to being knocked out every night with general anesthetic, when compared to someone else who was receiving the same treatment? How could you not know that what you did was wrong? Why are you making excuses? Why do you justify it? Was this particular human life not as important as the others? Why can't you see your wrong?

I discovered today that you ordered 15 litres of propofol from a pharmacist in order to put the your patient, Michael Jackson, to sleep every night. If you, in your own words, were only giving your patient 20mL per night, and you were trying to wean him off, why did you need 15 litres? What were your intentions, Conrad, when you ordered 15 litres of Propofol for use on just one patient? A drug you're not even qualified to give? 20mL a night means you brought just enough to knock your patient out for 750 nights straight. But you were weaning him off, right?

Were you deliberately trying to create a dependency? Ensuring that your patient is left at your mercy? So that he has to pay you $100 000 per month for your services because he can't live life without you? Is that what you were trying to do?

Guilty person pleading guilty. How dare I even suggest that! You can't do that. No. The nerve of me asking you to hold accountability for your actions! To feel even an ounce of remorse for killing a human being with your carelessness is something you apparently don't know how to do--not for Michael Jackson, anyway.

I suppose that since Michael's life wasn't even worth a sorry, not even a "I did wrong, forgive me" to his orphaned children, I should not be so surprised that you seem to be doing whatever it takes, clutching at straws, throwing the victim under the bus, in order to weasel your way out of a conviction. Should I prepare myself for appeal after appeal if you're convicted?

You saw him as a cash register, an ATM Machine. I must remind myself of that in order to begin to understand you and your actions. In your eyes, you didn't kill a human being, you killed a cash dispenser. Why should you go to jail for that? He's not even real! Although, it does seems strange that a lifeless cash dispenser had so much control over your actions, Murray. Doctor with morals and a conscience, you are not.

I don't expect to get the truth from you, Doctor Murray. I don't expect you'd tell the truth about what happened to Michael that night. YOU were the only person with him in that room, YOU are the only one who knows the truth and I know you won't tell it. Not when your freedom is at stake. I don't expect to get many answers out of this trial, especially from you.

I've tried, in vain, to understand. To make sense of this, but it's impossible, because everything you did was so incredibly senseless.

Where was your sense? Why did you take a healthy, 50 year old man, with years ahead of him and pump him with propofol when there are safer alternatives available to treat insomnia? Why did you see no problem with stashing 15 litres of propofol at a house to use on just one patient? Why didn't you monitor him? Why, when Michael was dying, were you out of the room and taking phone calls? Why were you busy hiding evidence instead of calling 911? Why did you lie to EMT's? Doctors? Why can't you take responsibility? Why are you unable to see the wrong in what you did? How could you take the life of a father, brother, son, idol to millions around the world and show no remorse? None whatsoever! No apology to the children who lost their only parent. No apology to the mother who had to bury her son. No apology to the man, whose life you cut short!

No apologies, no remorse, no guilt. Just plain old "I don't care, I'm innocent, throw the victim under the bus antics to get out of my responsibility" madness. I've come to expect that from you, Conrad, but God knows I'll never be able to understand it.

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