Latest on MJJC

I'm going through depression

Darvon1982

Proud Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2011
Messages
3,007
Points
0
Location
Arlington, TX USA
Yesterday (Friday, May 24th) was the first time in my life where I thought that "being dead" would be easier than living. I would never kill myself, but I thought that it would have been easier then what I was feeling at that moment. At that moment, I was feeling like the two people I really loved.... hated me. My mom and my boyfriend.... (who is now my ex boyfriend).....

It's a very long story over what happened, but let's just say that my boyfriend disagreed with what my mom was doing to a certain property that was put in my name.... and he made some points to my mother... and my mother accused him of "stealing" the house.... (to make a LONG story short).....

and I barely defended my boyfriend, and so now he really dislikes her, and she really dislikes him.... so now we're broken up. He felt that my mother controlled me, and I think that too sometimes.... but she thought the same for him, that he controlled me.


So yesterday I was confused, and I still AM confused. I don't know who's brainwashing me... if just my mother is, or if just my boyfriend at the time is, or if both of them were. If you are the one being brainwashed, how do you know?

So my mom is going to tell my whole family about this, so my whole family is going to hate my boyfriend, even if we do get back together, which I don't think we will.

This was a 2 year relationship almost... and I'm heartbroken.

I'm so so so so much in a financial bind right now, and I want to get away from my mother, but she's providing me with a job that I DO NOT like, and she's providing me a place to live, but I don't want to live with her. I want to get away from her, because she's still with someone who controls, manipulates, steals and lies to her..... and I think because of HIM, is the reason why She hated my boyfriend......

I'm just so lost, I'm just so sad, I just... so depressed.....

:(
 
Aww, hunni, urmm i would say go to stay at a friends house and apply for another job that could tide you over, im sure you will be ok and this would also give you a chance to breathe and decide your next course of action.
 
emwill02 said:
Aww, hunni, urmm i would say go to stay at a friends house and apply for another job that could tide you over, im sure you will be ok and this would also give you a chance to breathe and decide your next course of action.
Click to expand...


I agree with you emwill02. To Darvon, you will get through this. Be strong and have faith. Sometimes it's best to distance ourselves from our parents, they can suffocate you. And for your ex, when a relationship is effecting your health, I say adios to the stress. You'll feel so much better.
 
Last edited:
Darvon1982 said:
Yesterday (Friday, May 24th) was the first time in my life where I thought that "being dead" would be easier than living. I would never kill myself, but I thought that it would have been easier then what I was feeling at that moment. At that moment, I was feeling like the two people I really loved.... hated me. My mom and my boyfriend.... (who is now my ex boyfriend).....

It's a very long story over what happened, but let's just say that my boyfriend disagreed with what my mom was doing to a certain property that was put in my name.... and he made some points to my mother... and my mother accused him of "stealing" the house.... (to make a LONG story short).....

and I barely defended my boyfriend, and so now he really dislikes her, and she really dislikes him.... so now we're broken up. He felt that my mother controlled me, and I think that too sometimes.... but she thought the same for him, that he controlled me.


So yesterday I was confused, and I still AM confused. I don't know who's brainwashing me... if just my mother is, or if just my boyfriend at the time is, or if both of them were. If you are the one being brainwashed, how do you know?

So my mom is going to tell my whole family about this, so my whole family is going to hate my boyfriend, even if we do get back together, which I don't think we will.

This was a 2 year relationship almost... and I'm heartbroken.

I'm so so so so much in a financial bind right now, and I want to get away from my mother, but she's providing me with a job that I DO NOT like, and she's providing me a place to live, but I don't want to live with her. I want to get away from her, because she's still with someone who controls, manipulates, steals and lies to her..... and I think because of HIM, is the reason why She hated my boyfriend......

I'm just so lost, I'm just so sad, I just... so depressed.....

:(
Click to expand...

I know how you feel, Darvon....believe me I do. You find that some days your feelings overwhelm you. Yes, you could go to move in with someone else but that may be a temporary solution. However, if you feel that those feelings are completely overwhelming you, please go talk to someone. I did. Talk to a psychiatrist. This is not a bad thing. We all have problems at one point in our lives. I spoke to my doctor about how I was feeling - anxious and depressed to the point where I wasn't sleeping and I was also talking about killing myself - he put me on Paxil. There are several SSRI - selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor - drugs that can help re-balance your brain chemistry. These help you with those feelings of helplessness...your brain is out of balance in it's chemistry.

I wish I were there - I'd give you such a big hug right now it wouldn't be funny.

Please, speak to a professional about how you feel.. You will be glad you did. And honey, all is NOT lost. You are a vibrant, beautiful person - remember that. You owe this to yourself. Please, take care. Know that a lot of us love you here...

A bit of brain chemistry explained...

Here is a picture of a brain cell - called a neuron:

ssri_good_image.jpg


What happens is that serotonin, a brain neurotransmitter - gets back into the cell by reuptake. Certain people do not have enough circulating serotonin to keep their mood at an even keel. It is believed that serotonin is the neurotransmitter that is needed to keep people's mood constant and not dipping...So, the SSRI drugs help to restrict the re-uptake of the serotonin, thereby keeping more serotonin in the brain....which helps to elevate your mood and helps deal with depression and anxiety...hope this explanation helps...
 
Last edited:
Hi Darvon,

What you have described is probably not depression in the medical sense, but a normal reaction to a loss, pain, and a difficult situation. And it hurts.

Give yourself some time to start healing, and if you don't start to feel better in a week or two, then go see a doctor. I don't know how old you are, but I assume you're young and healthy; when you start to feel a bit better, you may be able to see things more clearly, and then you can decide how you want to deal with your situation. There are so many possibilities. Only you can decide what is best for you. Of course I understand how hard it is to make any decisions at the moment. It's probably not the best time right this minute to make any serious ones.

In the meantime, I sympathize with your pain; life is sometimes very difficult. This is surely one of those times. But also, many times it is very joyful and fun.

I wish you all the best.
 
Yep life is sometimes really not the easiest.
Darvon I agree with eighthnoterojo, take your time. Don't make decisions or changes now that all is more hurt and pain than that thinking is possible.
And I don't think your boyfriend or your mom are able to brainwash you as long as you're doing your thinking. When the pain will fade you'll have to find out what it really is what you want and then go for it.
Don't worry someone who loves you will not leave you or at least always come back to you. To break up only because you happen to disagree was maybe a bit a rush. You have to make known to both what it is that you want and why.
Don't make yourself a toy to ppl.
See if you have debts or something, you have of cuz to pay them back but see you're doing that for yourself to get finally free. It will take time but if you're consequently going for it, you'll make it happen.
Sure it's annoying maybe not to be able to live other ppls standard of living but you can work for that also... one step by a time and it will get better.
 
I was re-thinking my reply to you Darvon...and I agree with the other posters. I overreacted. Maybe you could tell us a little more about your situation, if you want to...it's up to you. If it is recent, then yes, this is just temporary, a natural reaction to loss and disappointment. It will pass. You will get over this. Do what you need to do. Talking like this to others helps tremendously. It gets it OUT. You need to express your feelings to deal with them better..

However, the advice about the doctor I still stand by. If you feel that these feelings do NOT go away, and you still feel this way at least two weeks from now and they get worse - then see a doctor.

We love you!! Take care!
 
Last edited:
I sure hope she's ok....

Is anyone here in regular contact with her?

Darvon, we hope you're feeling better.
 
Darvon, your depression is the reaction of your heart, mind, soul and body to a very difficult situation, you are not the only one feeling this way, emotions are complex and we are all human. It's important to talk to other people about that instead of just keeping it for yourself, because this will only make the negative feelings and thoughts worse. I recommend to go and see a therapist. I had a very difficult childhood and youth and I had two therapists who really helped me out of my misery. Sometimes it's so much better to consult someone who is NOT involved in the particular situation bothering you, but has a professional distance. This person is trained to show you ways out of your situation and gives you new perspectives that you will most likely not find yourself. If you just try to deal with it all by yourself, you end up in a viscious circle of negative thoughts and feelings and nothing will get better. Also, try to do things you really like and enjoy, surround yourself with positive things and people.
 
Darvon,
When my son Kevin decided to go live with his father at 17...Even though I knew eventually that day would come...none the less, I was absolutely heartbroken, truly devastated...

I was sobbing, distraught, and felt no one could understand what I was going through, I went to the only place that I knew I could get guidence, peace...

I drove to my church knocked on our Priest's door and asked him if I could sit in the Chapel for awhile, he could tell I was crying, and asked, is there something I can help you with? I politely said no thank you, I just need to be in the Chapel for awhile, He unlocked it for me and said to make sure I lock it when I left...

I shut off all communication with the outside world...sat in that Chapel for hours upon hours...asking for God for the strength, guidence, and direction...

In the end, I found that I had to let my son grow, and make his own decision (s) and eventually he would be back...

He is now 25, saving money, and working on moving back to Ohio.

Darvon, everything in life happens for a reason...Always "Keep The Faith" and you will get the answers to the questions you seek...

Heal The World~~~
 
Last edited:
the best advice i can give u is to go to a good counselor and let them help u get through this difficult time :)

i wish u the best of luck and a very speedy recovery :) lifes too beautiful and depression has no place in it
 
Darvon1982 said:
Yesterday (Friday, May 24th) was the first time in my life where I thought that "being dead" would be easier than living. I would never kill myself, but I thought that it would have been easier then what I was feeling at that moment. At that moment, I was feeling like the two people I really loved.... hated me. My mom and my boyfriend.... (who is now my ex boyfriend).....

It's a very long story over what happened, but let's just say that my boyfriend disagreed with what my mom was doing to a certain property that was put in my name.... and he made some points to my mother... and my mother accused him of "stealing" the house.... (to make a LONG story short).....

and I barely defended my boyfriend, and so now he really dislikes her, and she really dislikes him.... so now we're broken up. He felt that my mother controlled me, and I think that too sometimes.... but she thought the same for him, that he controlled me.


So yesterday I was confused, and I still AM confused. I don't know who's brainwashing me... if just my mother is, or if just my boyfriend at the time is, or if both of them were. If you are the one being brainwashed, how do you know?

So my mom is going to tell my whole family about this, so my whole family is going to hate my boyfriend, even if we do get back together, which I don't think we will.

This was a 2 year relationship almost... and I'm heartbroken.

I'm so so so so much in a financial bind right now, and I want to get away from my mother, but she's providing me with a job that I DO NOT like, and she's providing me a place to live, but I don't want to live with her. I want to get away from her, because she's still with someone who controls, manipulates, steals and lies to her..... and I think because of HIM, is the reason why She hated my boyfriend......

I'm just so lost, I'm just so sad, I just... so depressed.....

:(
Click to expand...


me too I also have that as well.....
 
thank you for the advice you guys. Sorry I hadn't responded untill now.

This week was better. I started college. I went with the "ex" boyfriend. He's still my friend. We still have our problems, but I guess we're trying to work them out. I have high doubts we'll ever be together again, but who knows. Maybe it will just take time.

As for my mom, well I talk to her still but... blah..

This week really was much better. But tonight I slept REALLY early, at around 6pm... slept for 2 hours, woke up a bit, went back to sleep, then woke up at 12am, then watched a movie, then woke up at 3:30am, and now it's 4:30. I don't know if I'll go back to sleep because I keep having bad dreams about my ex-boyfriend/close friend.
 
Darvon1982 said:
thank you for the advice you guys. Sorry I hadn't responded untill now.

This week was better. I started college. I went with the "ex" boyfriend. He's still my friend. We still have our problems, but I guess we're trying to work them out. I have high doubts we'll ever be together again, but who knows. Maybe it will just take time.

As for my mom, well I talk to her still but... blah..

This week really was much better. But tonight I slept REALLY early, at around 6pm... slept for 2 hours, woke up a bit, went back to sleep, then woke up at 12am, then watched a movie, then woke up at 3:30am, and now it's 4:30. I don't know if I'll go back to sleep because I keep having bad dreams about my ex-boyfriend/close friend.
Click to expand...

That's great Darvon!! What are you studying?

You know, you can't change people...but you can change the way you react to certain people. I learned that the hard way...trust me. You may not be able to change your mother, but you can learn better ways to react and deal with her..
 
I am continueing my education in Digital Graphic Design/Multimedia Design.. although I may switch to Speech Communications, because I love the class "fundamentals of speech"... I just love this professor... or at least what the class teaches.
 
^^ I wish you the absolute best in luck!! My daughter just graduated from a community college here for Graphic Design. She is continuing her studies - she's in the bacchalareate program for Graphic Desighn in the Fall!
 
Darvon
I know how it feels, believe me.....
I don't know what to say...

just hope you'll feel better soon

remember- God and His Love is with you always...

just Trust in Him

regards, cinderella
 
Darvon1982 said:
I am continueing my education in Digital Graphic Design/Multimedia Design.. although I may switch to Speech Communications, because I love the class "fundamentals of speech"... I just love this professor... or at least what the class teaches.
Click to expand...
That's great, Darvon!

Glad to hear you're feeling better, and that things are looking up. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top