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I can't stop crying...

ArchangelX

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Here I am, a grown man, 33 years old...with a wife and kid...and I never met Michael, but I loved his music and his life. I'm not even a particulary obsessive fan, I never got to go to one of his concerts, but I am so seriously hurt by his passing. I can't even explain why I'm here bawling as I type out this post. I just had to post...to share. I cannot stop crying and I'm utterly shattered. I calm down, and then I hear his music, or see the news, and I just start again. I don't ever post on here, but I just had to express this...I need to tell someone that cared about him as much as I do.

I'm so pissed. Why didn't the people around him help him...why did they let him get to this state? All of the sharks and cuttthroats, people just out to hurt him, or take from him. How could they? How could anyone not see this coming...why couldn't someone prevent it? Why didn't someone step forward and help?

I'm so freakin' upset right now...Michael was truly my favorite performer, others came and went, but Michael has always been in albums, has always been on my playlists. Just knowing that he's not somewhere, laughing with his children...it guts me. I'm so hurt.

RIP, Michael. I hope your children know and understand what a man you were. God bless you.
 
When I was at work and was hearing his music from the radio all the time, I was crying... I couldn't work at all :cry:

It's so unfair... he has done so many good things, he helped A LOT of poeple and he passsed away like this :cry:
 
Archangel, you've just posted exactly what I am feeling. One minute I'm so sad, the next I'm angry. I can't imagine ever listening to his music again without thinking of the last 24 hours and what could have been prevented. :(
 
Archangel thank you for the post
i have many friends that werent fans at all and they called me yesterday to say they didnt even realize that it could hit them too and hard
Peace
 
I also cry everytime I see him or hear his music :( Eventually it will get better.
 
I can't help it either. Your not alone. Michael is almost like the brother I never met but always loved. It feels like a close family member has perished right...This is how great this man was.

I think my last out burst was four hours ago but I know its coming again and I will embrace it. Michael we love you!
 
Thanks all...I can only hope that this frustraton and depression will lessen as time goes on. Honestly, it's just too much right now.
 
I can't stop crying either. Haven't eaten or slept since the news broke. Don't really know what to do with myself. I'm miles away from my family, but I do have my husband with me and he's been very supportive. I am so sad............ xxxxxxx
 
i cant help myself either. i shud be crying blood by now,i seriously have no tears left in my ducts
 
Me neither. We stayed up all night. By the time we crawled, exhausted, drained to the bed at 6am I could barely see out of my eyes they were so swollen, my heart quivery and beating fast from stress. Woke up after only 3 hours and was immediately crying. Just lying there crying. Had to ice my eyes when I got up since I looked like someone had been punching me all night. I never knew eyes could swell that much. Then today... my husband had to go to work and so I was alone at home and everytime I'd think I had my emotions calmed, I'd hear a song, see him smile on TV, they'd play the 911 tape or I'd just think of it all and then completely lose it. My neighbors blasted the whole album Thriller 3 times in a row. And I was standing at the back door crying, but feeling a bit joyful to hear them giving him props.

I am so devastated. I think it's slowly turning to numbness by now (4am), because of the overload. It's just making the system shut down. Is there a point when you simply can't cry any more? I want to sleep. Just sleep for hours with no dreams so I can just not deal with it any further.

I always knew that if he went before me it would be a horrible nightmare of hours of hellish news coverage with all the fateful words and birth/death date photos... and me collapsing into nonstop tears for days. But that was too painful to truly consider. And I never thought.... NOW... so young, so soon, so premature. I was right about one thing... it is too painful indeed. And I never really thought about what happens THEN. What comes after those days, after a funeral, when the world goes on without the beautiful angel I have loved since childhood. How do I go on after that, without Michael, without knowing he's out there, with his kids, that someday I may see him again or even meet him? I know there's no choice but to go on, but it's sure not going to be easy.

God, I love him. Forever.
 
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mjbunny said:
Me neither. We stayed up all night. By the time we crawled, exhausted, drained to the bed at 6am I could barely see out of my eyes they were so swollen, my heart quivery and beating fast from stress. Woke up after only 3 hours and was immediately crying. Just lying there crying. Had to ice my eyes when I got up since I looked like someone had been punching me all night. I never knew eyes could swell that much. Then today... my husband had to go to work and so I was alone at home and everytime I'd think I had my emotions calmed, I'd hear a song, see him smile on TV, they'd play the 911 tape or I'd just think of it all and then completely lose it. My neighbors blasted the whole album Thriller 3 times in a row. And I was standing at the back door crying, but feeling a bit joyful to hear them giving him props.

I am so devastated. I think it's slowly turning to numbness by now (4am), because of the overload. It's just making the system shut down. Is there a point when you simply can't cry any more? I want to sleep. Just sleep for hours with no dreams so I can just not deal with it any further.

I always knew that if he went before me it would be a horrible nightmare of hours of hellish news coverage with all the fateful words and birth/death date photos... and me collapsing into nonstop tears for days. But that was too painful to truly consider. And I never thought.... NOW... so young, so soon, so premature. I was right about one thing... it is too painful indeed. And I never really thought about what happens THEN. What comes after those days, after a funeral, when the world goes on without the beautiful angel I have loved since childhood. How do I go on after that, without Michael, without knowing he's out there, with his kids, that someday I may see him again or even meet him? I know there's no choice but to go on, but it's sure not going to be easy.

God, I love him. Forever.
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I feel exactly the same thing.

This is so hard... I'm crying since I had the news, I'm exhausted, I have the feeling that if I go to sleep, I abandon Michael...

I just can't believe it, and I think I'll never realize what happened yesterday!!

I just can't believe Michael is not alive, he's alone on the coronary center or whatever, this is so painful...
 
This is so painful for me, that I can't even describe it. And it's not even like I've lost a parent or sibling or other close family member. I'm feeling this pain and hurt for someone that I have never personally met. That scares me a little bit. Had this happened two years ago, this would not have even been the case.

Since I became engrossed in the music well over a year ago, it has literally been my soundtrack. I have had his music playing constantly during my fitness walks, while working on the computer, in my car, on television, etc etc etc.

I had a flashback earlier today to the last week that I spent in Pennsylvania while I was getting ready to move back home from college. I was folding clothes and stressing out over the fact that I was graduating with no job, very little money, and having to cope with a depression that had come over me at the beginning of the semester (and still lingers). On top of that, I had a situation where I had been pulled back and forth between my father and my then-boyfriend over my commencement ceremony. I truly felt alone. Just several days prior to this, I discovered "Stranger in Moscow" which, to those who don't know, is my favorite song of Michael's. As I folded clothes and watched the rain fall outside of my window, I listened to the song about six or seven times and tears were falling from my eyes. I felt as if I had my own theme song.

Michael has touched my soul in a way that I have never experienced before with any other musician or celebrity. My heart is literally hurting right now as I type this, and I feel just lost. :no:
 
My friends and family can't even believe how much I have been crying because I never cry. I didn't cry when my grandparents passed or any other family member I am usually the one that is level headed. But this death right here, well I am just no good to anyone rt now. I keep crying on and off, I am sitting here at work with tears running down my face. I really just want to have one good cry, I am assuming that will happen on the day of his funeral. Earlier today my eyes were swollen shut and I couldn't get my contacts out. My face hurts like hell, my heart is just shredded, I wish I could hug each and every fan on MJJC, and now I start crying because I can't decide if I should go to Gary or L.A....
I have been glued to the tv for some reason, I guess because I want someone to come on CNN and say that the person that is at the morgue is not him but a look a like. I will do my best to watch the BET awards to see the tribute they are going to do for him..
 
i fell asleep for an hour or so and had this weirdest dream, something like "there have been new allegations against Michael Jackson. he's alleged of being dead" and i'm thinking in my dream "now we need to fight these allegations. he needs to fight back again. God" and woke up ... am i going crazy?
 
This pain is just toooo much to bear:boohoo:i'm hurt like never before i have mixed feelings very very sad and a lot of anger that they let our beloved Michael just passed away like that,i can't help thinking that something isn't right here....:no:

I HOPE Michael's kids,family and friends and we the fans will find the strength to bear sooo much pain...

R.I.P my dearest Michael I will love you forever!!!:heart:
 
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At this point I've stopped crying but I have this intense weight feeling in my stomach - it sure ain't food because I haven't eaten a thing since this hell began. I know I will cry more but after crying all thursday night and all yesterday I think my body is trying to repair.

I have to tell you about this dream I had thursday night during the couple of hours I was able to sleep (valium - and yes I did think about MJ when I took it but I needed some rest).

I dreamt that Michael had died and I was absolutely gutted gutted gutted, as we all are now. We were in a kind of park-type place. Someone other than Michael but a friend of Michael said something to me and something in my mind twigged - it was all a trick. I said something like 'are you fucking kidding me?!!' and the friend of Mj started to smile. Then further across the park I saw Michael and he was laughing, laughing like crazy, like he had played the best trick ever. They were talking about how they wanted to trick the media into the best/worst rumour ever, to show them how it felt.

It didn't exactly make me feel better let me tell you, I mean I woke up and a second later knew the truth. But to have Michael laughing and smiling in a dream of mine, on the night that he died, was still something of an honour in a weird way.
 
I just got up after a few hours of "sleep".
And here I'm sitting again crying....I can't accept the fact that he is gone.
It's too much to handle :'(
 
ArchangelX said:
Thanks all...I can only hope that this frustraton and depression will lessen as time goes on. Honestly, it's just too much right now.
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. We can all relate to it more then you can imagine. :better:

No matter the kind of fan you were, for us all our (childhood) hero has passed away. Many of us grew up with his music, and many got to know him in their adult life.
Michael has inspired so many people with his courage, his strenght and his passion. The memories of his sparkling eyes as he cared for the children and the world, the passion in his voice as he stood on stage, those are the things that give me strenght to overcome this great loss. He will live on in our memories forever.
 
Keep crying...let it out. It's part of the grieving process. I hope each and every one of you have a better day today....and if you need to talk, I'm here to listen.
 
Hi

I know how you all feel, and for the poster, *i feel ya mate! im 44, Michael has been a part of my life for some 25-30 years now, i seen him in concert and met him twice and its like i have lost one of the most important ppl in my life! It hurts me to see his videos or live performances now, i used to relish on how extraordinary he was , how talented.

I want new material to be released, but then i think NO! i dont know, whats the point, because after its all exhausted and its all out , that iT! and that is so sad! I hope that in mikes Will he only lets us have a certain amount every so many years! and that we only get little bits of footgae, to keep this man alaive in the music world as well as ours! maybe he done loads of unreleased videos etc! like unbreakable, or smile! I really think that Mike would want that. However could i watch or listen to them right no! and could i ever again? Seriously, i dont know! Im heartbroken! i go from , quiet to breaking out in tears! and i carnt stop!

NOBODY BUT BOBODY knows what its like to be a fan and have that connection! unless you are one!!

My love to you all in this terrible time, just when we thought that we was getting the best time of our lives!

Love

Terry
 
I agree...completly. I really want to hear new stuff from Michael, if only to feel as if he's still out there, making the music we all want to hear, and to hear that beautiful voice again. There must be tons of his music that he's never released. I so want to hear something new...something that will make everyone agree that he was and is the best thing that ever happened for pop music.

He certainly was the soundtrack of my life. He'll be there when I die, too...thanks for all the support, everyone. I think we all need to express what we can...I've teared up a few times today, but I think I'm alright for the moment. I don't know if I can take the funeral though...I just hope we get to see this great man laid to rest.
 
I said to myself that I would not cry. But today I cried... very, very and very. I cry when you see the picture of Michael, to hear their music, to read something about him... It is so sad that I can not explain what I'm feeling. My family thinks all these ridiculous feelings for a person who even knew of my existence. They do not understand. I can not stop thinking about Michael, the children and the sweet Katherine. I have prayed much for them. I still can not believe that Michael was gone. He was very young and I feel that he could achieve many things in life, in their careers and see their beautiful children grow. God is good, but sometimes he is cruel. He starts from what we love. He started Michael on us, his family and their children. We are all devastated. I hope each of you are better today. I know it will take to pass that pain and will be accustomed to hard and believe that Michael will never. It is only in our memory, in our hearts and in our lives. We will love him forever and now we must keep alive all that Michael has done for the music that he is a great inspiration for generations of artists. Let us keep alive our love for Michael and his beautiful art that will never be forgotten.
Who knows one day each one of us to find Michael in another life (if anyone here believe in reincarnation).
 
I can't even bear to hear one song on the radio that he's singing on...they played "We Are The World" and I had to switch stations...
 
its the changing of an era now as when Churchill died.

gone is the last true superstar with orginiality that will ever have an impact like him.

I have most of his albums on vinyl, two copies one of which is unopened.

that sums him up, bringing so much joy yet at the same time untouchable
 
I honestly feel like a part of me has gone too, and i never thought i would be able to say that about someone i have never met. I was watching his videos earlier today - tears streaming down my face, but at the same time he was cheering me up, as he always used to. Then when you are not alone came on i just had to change channels, that is one of my favourite songs and always managed to make me sad before all of this. Gonna be some time before i can bear to listen to it again. I actually can't imagine living the whole rest of my life without him there. If it wasnt for his music and videos, and this forum, i dont know how i would cope.
 
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