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does anyone else feel guilt?

snowhite

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does anyone else feel guilt over MJ's death? like you should've/could've done something to avoid it? I mean his death was so avoidable
I'm not talking about new fans I know they were not around when he was alive, I'm talking about the older ones....today I was walking down the street I had a happy day today, the first in like...6 months, and I was so happy for a moment I forgot about anything negative in my life, and then Boom - I remembered MJ is gone. in that moment I was so grief-stricken. he has been a part of my life for so long, when he was happy I was happy, when he was sad I was sad, he was like a friend or like family to me and now I just can't believe he's gone, I still have those moments when it hits me like a train
today I felt so overwhelmed, then I was like "why didn't I do something?!" I'm just so angry because his death was so avoidable...me as a fan I did worry about him, I was wondering is he sleeping is he eating well, and I believed those fans when they said MJ spoke to them. even though I live half a world away I still feel guilt I feel like I have no excuse and I take it out on myself

I feel all this guilt and I didn't have anything to do with it, I have no idea what Murray or anyone else involved feels like, or if he feels anything at all. I still can't believe someone killed our Michael, I don't think I'll ever get over it...it's like an open wound that never stops bleeding
 
You shouldnt blame your self or feel guilty, it was out of your hands what happened to Mike and no one was to know what would happen

Hopefully the people who are to blame will be put on trial and punished

I know its hard but be strong - were here for you:better:
 
Hunny please don't feel guilty. None of us could have imagined what would have happened in the way it did. It was completely out of our hands. You should not feel guilty. The people who are guilty will be tried in a court of law hopefully. The people who are to blame are the people that saw MJ as someone who could do a lot for themselves and to make as much money as possible from him. We're the ones that loved him unconditionally and he knew that. We never let him down. Its the leeches and money grabbers that should feel guilty, not you.
 
Snow, you really shouldn't blame yourself for what happened to Michael.. I understand what you mean... I have found myself feeling guilt and blaming myself. It does not make sense at all when you think about it but think about this too. We're hurting and we need something to kick be it someone else or even ourselves. We're trying to rationalize this pain. We feel helpless and we think of ways that could have prevented Michael's death because we miss him so badly. What you're feeling is natural and understandable but it's not logical or even close reality. You are not to blame. And justice will be served, in this life or the after life. But God won't be after you.
 
sloride said:
Hunny please don't feel guilty. None of us could have imagined what would have happened in the way it did. It was completely out of our hands. You should not feel guilty. The people who are guilty will be tried in a court of law hopefully. The people who are to blame are the people that saw MJ as someone who could do a lot for themselves and to make as much money as possible from him. We're the ones that loved him unconditionally and he knew that. We never let him down. Its the leeches and money grabbers that should feel guilty, not you.
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This

It was out of our hands
:(
 
Just like the others have said you shouldn't blame yourself. I am one of Michael's older fans I have been a fan since the early 80s. But I am also some what of a psychic. I have predicted things through dreams that have came true already. 3 of those dreams were about Michael. That have came true but I am not blaming myself for having those dreams. Especially the one I had nearly 10 years ago where Michael's children were killed in a car accident. I still can't believe how that dream almost came true for me. There really wasn't anything you could do to stop it. And Michael wouldn't want you to be blaming yourself.
 
snowhite said:
does anyone else feel guilt over MJ's death? like you should've/could've done something to avoid it? I mean his death was so avoidable
I'm not talking about new fans I know they were not around when he was alive, I'm talking about the older ones....today I was walking down the street I had a happy day today, the first in like...6 months, and I was so happy for a moment I forgot about anything negative in my life, and then Boom - I remembered MJ is gone. in that moment I was so grief-stricken. he has been a part of my life for so long, when he was happy I was happy, when he was sad I was sad, he was like a friend or like family to me and now I just can't believe he's gone, I still have those moments when it hits me like a train
today I felt so overwhelmed, then I was like "why didn't I do something?!" I'm just so angry because his death was so avoidable...me as a fan I did worry about him, I was wondering is he sleeping is he eating well, and I believed those fans when they said MJ spoke to them. even though I live half a world away I still feel guilt I feel like I have no excuse and I take it out on myself

I feel all this guilt and I didn't have anything to do with it, I have no idea what Murray or anyone else involved feels like, or if he feels anything at all. I still can't believe someone killed our Michael, I don't think I'll ever get over it...it's like an open wound that never stops bleeding
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Yes, I feel guilty about it. I was too excited about the curly hair being brought back instead of actually noticing what was going on. :doh: Even though I live no where near California, if I would have known I would have done something. Anything to stop this from happening. I feel like I should have been there and saved him. :( His passing was so preventable and that is what kills me. It didn't have to happen. :no: It wasn't a natural death. He was taken away from us. I, I just feel like I should have been there, like I let him down..

edit: maybe that's why I have been working on things in the IU forum? It's how I cope, like I need to know what happened to him. So, I work with other fans in that part of the forum to try and search for it.
 
I do feel like this.
And my mind tells me I'm crazy, but my heart is so slow :(
I can truly understand that living some 14+ hours flight from Michael, being so far away from him in all senses, there is really no way I could have helped him. But still, my silly heart plays games with me and I feel guilty from time to time. Today someone asked me "What is that that you really feel? Why are you afraid or doubtful to name it?" I was like ... pain... regret... too much pain, i really don't know; silly as it can be, I just don't have a name for this :(
 
I remember back when the trial was going on, when I was on MJNO for at least four hours every day, I had started to get really really worried about Michael because he just looked SO incredibly sad and I was sure he was sinking into depression and I wanted to do something..... but I knew there was nothing I could do. As a fan, what can you do? It was almost impossible to get near enough to him, you know? If you were lucky enough to get a letter through, lucky enough for him to actually read it, or close enough to talk to him.... it doesn't mean it would have changed anything....
I know how bad it's been and the guilt that you feel but I think it was all out of our hands. I wish it was different.... I wish SO BADLY it was different.... :cry:

Don't feel guilty :hug: Just be proud for being a fan during years when many weren't or couldn't be. You were there when he needed you most, be proud of that :)

♥
 
snowhite said:
I'm not talking about new fans I know they were not around when he was alive, I'm talking about the older ones....today I was walking down the street I had a happy day today, the first in like...6 months, and I was so happy for a moment I forgot about anything negative in my life, and then Boom - I remembered MJ is gone. in that moment I was so grief-stricken. he has been a part of my life for so long, when he was happy I was happy, when he was sad I was sad, he was like a friend or like family to me and now I just can't believe he's gone, I still have those moments when it hits me like a train
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oh god i know how you feel and it sucks. it happens to me everyday. but i don't feel guilty because there is nothing i could have done. i didn't see it coming.
 
Reghead121 said:
Don't feel guilty :hug: Just be proud for being a fan during years when many weren't or couldn't be. You were there when he needed you most, be proud of that :)

♥
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that's how i look at it. we were there when michael needed us and i'm glad i never abandoned him.
 
snowhite said:
does anyone else feel guilt over MJ's death? like you should've/could've done something to avoid it? I mean his death was so avoidable

I feel all this guilt and I didn't have anything to do with it
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I have kept thinking of your question, also trying to understand myself and why I feel so guilty at times and then I came to realize that I feel extremely guilty because I wanted so much to see MJ back on stage at TII.

Just to know he was working on the shows was great news and I was just worried about that, about MY plans and MY hopes and MY dreams of seing him again, that I never stopped to think if those rumors of him being unwilling to make the shows were true or not. I didn't stop to think if he would be healthy, I just "knew" he was healthy and cared after. If he was working so hard, that was the strongest proof for me of he being able and willing to do the shows.

So later on, when I knew he couldn't sleep, when I saw him that thin, but still so focused and willing to give us (give ME) the best show ever, when I learned about TINI, etc.... I start feeling guilty for never stopping to think of HIM, but only about me and my wishes.

Had I known his health was in such danger, had I known he had such "professionals" around, I would have rather him to never work that hard and to stay forever home, taking care of his kids and just living his life the best way he could. He would be still be in our hearts, alive :cry:
 
Sometimes I feel a sense of guilt in a way. Expectations put upon him, hopes that I had for him. Feeling guilty for being a fan in a way I suppose you could put it. Cause as fans we want something of him.

But mainly I feel I took him for granted. I thought Michael would live a long long life and that he'd be here when I was an old lady and his own kids were grown up. For a long time I never bothered to go and see him when he came to London, thinking that there would always be that other time when it would happen, I had always envisaged myself meeting Michael much later in life. Now that wont happen. The suddeness of how Michael left is one of the harshest things to deal with.
 
PCR said:
I have kept thinking of your question, also trying to understand myself and why I feel so guilty at times and then I came to realize that I feel extremely guilty because I wanted so much to see MJ back on stage at TII.

Just to know he was working on the shows was great news and I was just worried about that, about MY plans and MY hopes and MY dreams of seing him again, that I never stopped to think if those rumors of him being unwilling to make the shows were true or not. I didn't stop to think if he would be healthy, I just "knew" he was healthy and cared after. If he was working so hard, that was the strongest proof for me of he being able and willing to do the shows.

So later on, when I knew he couldn't sleep, when I saw him that thin, but still so focused and willing to give us (give ME) the best show ever, when I learned about TINI, etc.... I start feeling guilty for never stopping to think of HIM, but only about me and my wishes.

Had I known his health was in such danger, had I known he had such "professionals" around, I would have rather him to never work that hard and to stay forever home, taking care of his kids and just living his life the best way he could. He would be still be in our hearts, alive :cry:
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your posts made me cry...I think it says alot for alot of people...:cry:.....thank you.
 
I dont know whether I'm the worst new fan or the worst old fan becoz the first time I saw Michael on tv was when I was like only 8 years old.I knew Michael was a big star then becoz his news were literally everywhere. Then when I was around 10 or 11 years old, I was so obsessed and crazily love with Michael becoz I thought he was so handsome in You Are Not Alone vid. God.. I was only 10 or 11 that time! But then the love/obsess for Michael transcended sort of when I got older...until April 2009, when my boyfriend gave me videos of Michael. After watching,that time I remembered how much I was obsessed with him when I was young. I was so upset and regretted becoz I felt I abandoned him as a young fan. I was so moved by the song Michael sang with children at Super bowl. I thought he did so much and contributed so much to the world with pure love and heart and yet he received nothing.
So when the news broke that Michael was death, I was like shocked but I did not cry the first time I heard it. But when I began to listen to his marathon songs played on radio, it hit me so hard that I couldn't stop crying. It was the worst moment I ever countered as I just discovered how special he was. It was after his death I knew songs like Ben, I'll Be There, those old songs. I felt so much guilt than ever.. I did not appreciate him when he was alive. It's too late for me now.. :cry: I really really miss him...

*sorry for the bad grammar. English is not my mother tongue
 
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Michael died because his doctor mixed drugs and gave a lethal dos of propofol.
Noone should have to use propofol to be able to sleep, I blame his accusers and tabloids for that.
He didn´t die because he was too skinny and tired.
He wasn´t broke and wasn´t forced to do these concerts, he could have said no if he didn´t want to.
Maybe he couldn´t choose to do 10 concerts in London and the other 40 concerts in other places in the world when AEG wanted him to do them all in London.
It seems that he was working on several other projects too so he couldn´t have been too exhausted by the rehearsals.

Of course the rehearsals were tiresome sometimes but he seems to enjoy himself in this is it, especially with Judith Hill ,and the female dancer in TWYMMF.
 
yes the doctor is ultimately to blame but the truth is a whole mixture of circumstances lead to this and I did worry. I didn't think he'd end up dead! but I did worry and that's what made me feel guilt anger, I don't know what to call it...and just the fact that it could've been avoided so easily! but even if you did worry as a fan being miles away you couldn't do anything about it and that's what made it so frustrating
I know the guilt it irrational but in the past few months I've been to hell and back I experienced all kinds of emotions. I feel so empty sometimes and wonder why did it have to end like this, I'm like ok I want to wake up now and go back to how it was...there's no getting over it you just learn how to live with it, how to live with the tears. it'd be so much easier if I didn't care about him at all or if I put it all behind me and forgot he ever existed
seeing that I'm not alone in this helps me somehow, I don't think I could get through this by myself, I remember how scared I was when he died totally terrified
 
I don't know if it will help, but I see a lot of Love in this thread. For those that feel guilty, I hope you realize how pure your intentions are. You know, there are so many people in this world who either lack the capacity or the opportunity to appreciate and love another human being. You all are speaking and acting from your HEART and that is the truest way to live. That makes you a beautiful person.

If you felt you abandoned Michael at one point in your life, it seems to me that it wasn't done out of hatred or prejudice, but rather that your life took you down a different road for a little while...Had you been able to, you would have done anything. Your words now prove your love and your good intentions.

Do you realize that you/all of us are blessed to see this in Michael? Millions are too clouded by ignorance and hatred to even realize the life-altering greatness that this man is. We are the lucky ones.

I believe we gave Michael strength and love, just as he gave that to us. We WERE there for him. And please remember, Michael was happy. He was finally living his life happily with the people he loved most - his children.

Every single day my heart hurts because of this. But I don't feel guilty, and I hope you guys don't either. You are the Soldiers of L.O.V.E.
 
Dangerous21 said:
I don't know if it will help, but I see a lot of Love in this thread. For those that feel guilty, I hope you realize how pure your intentions are. You know, there are so many people in this world who either lack the capacity or the opportunity to appreciate and love another human being. You all are speaking and acting from your HEART and that is the truest way to live. That makes you a beautiful person.

If you felt you abandoned Michael at one point in your life, it seems to me that it wasn't done out of hatred or prejudice, but rather that your life took you down a different road for a little while...Had you been able to, you would have done anything. Your words now prove your love and your good intentions.

Do you realize that you/all of us are blessed to see this in Michael? Millions are too clouded by ignorance and hatred to even realize the life-altering greatness that this man is. We are the lucky ones.

I believe we gave Michael strength and love, just as he gave that to us. We WERE there for him. And please remember, Michael was happy. He was finally living his life happily with the people he loved most - his children.

Every single day my heart hurts because of this. But I don't feel guilty, and I hope you guys don't either. You are the Soldiers of L.O.V.E.
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from the bottom of my heart...
Thank you :cry:
it is relieving..
 
snowhite said:
does anyone else feel guilt over MJ's death? like you should've/could've done something to avoid it?
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Nope. Friends and family have only so much influence on anyone. And fans have even less to none.

I'm sure there are people in your life that don't do what you want them to and genuinely feel is best for them. Just as I'm sure, you don't always do what others tell you to do when you're adamant about something.

Michael was a brilliant man as well as an entertainer.

He lived his life the way he wanted to (despite the fact he had to deal with some of the lowest forms of humankind to ever set foot on this earth).
 
I still feel horrible, especially after a conversation we had on June 1st. It was my friend's birthday, and I bought him a ticket to see TII with me in February. We were sitting around in the bar that a friend of ours owns with a group of people from work, when my friend said 'well, we'll be seeing Michael next year - that's if he's not passed away from the stress of it all'. I couldn't believe he even said that - I felt really distressed!

I cry about this regularly - why did Michael have to leave us? Did we all put too much pressure on him? If we had been quieter in our fandom, if follower fans didn't exist, maybe the media would have left him alone. This drives me crazy! :cry:
 
I do feel guilt, but I know it's completely irrational. I fantasize about saving him...and I just wish someone who could have done something had known. I wish Michael had told just one person what was going on...I don't think he even did that. Or I guess most of all I wish he had a partner who was living with him who could have prevented the whole situation from even existing. But there are a million little "what ifs" that, if one thing had been different, wouldn't have led to this.
I was terrified for Michael during the trial...that was the only time I was genuinely worried about the possibility of him dying. But I honestly wasn't concerned at all last spring, because despite the stress, he was happy and excited.
His family, friends, and fans are not to blame; we had no idea of the severity of the situation, and we would have done everything in our power to save Michael had we known.
Don't feel bad snowhite. :better:
 
Dangerous21.1 said:
I don't know if it will help, but I see a lot of Love in this thread. For those that feel guilty, I hope you realize how pure your intentions are. You know, there are so many people in this world who either lack the capacity or the opportunity to appreciate and love another human being. You all are speaking and acting from your HEART and that is the truest way to live. That makes you a beautiful person.

If you felt you abandoned Michael at one point in your life, it seems to me that it wasn't done out of hatred or prejudice, but rather that your life took you down a different road for a little while...Had you been able to, you would have done anything. Your words now prove your love and your good intentions.

Do you realize that you/all of us are blessed to see this in Michael? Millions are too clouded by ignorance and hatred to even realize the life-altering greatness that this man is. We are the lucky ones.

I believe we gave Michael strength and love, just as he gave that to us. We WERE there for him. And please remember, Michael was happy. He was finally living his life happily with the people he loved most - his children.

Every single day my heart hurts because of this. But I don't feel guilty, and I hope you guys don't either. You are the Soldiers of L.O.V.E.
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This is just beautiful; thank you so much for these words.
 
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