Sending out a big hug to all of you who feel this way. A lot of great comments by people and fellow fans who care deeply about each other, please take them on board. I know that eventually we will all meet up with Michael in heaven and that's worth holding on to. Life is the most precious gift of all and we mustn't abuse that wonderful gift. We need to live life to the full and for some of us we do that we way we feel Michael would have wanted us to by being good people. Getting involved with charity work is a good idea as it gives you a focus. I am a much older fan with a loving husband and grown sons so I very much want to stay alive for them as well as myself.
It may also be an idea to see a doctor to find out if any of you have clinical depression which can happen after a trauma such as the one we have all gone through. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of, it is a chemical imbalance within the brain and can be cured or at least greatly helped by medication. Please give this some thought too.
If anyone would like to private message me I am only too willing to listen.
Keep the faith.
Marge x
Been there, done that. It doesn't help at all. Medication just numbs you and in some cases even encourages you to off yourself more. It is an evil thing, in my opinion. I think theraphy and that stuff is a load of BS, to be honest. The world went on without it before. Why can't it go on without it now? It's all a money-making scheme between the medics and big pharma. Drugs for everything.
The way I get through all this is to think of Michael, as I have already posted. Without him, my life would go in no direction at all. I don't want to do anything in that horrible, Michael-less world. If I go on, it will be for his sake, not my own. I never wanted to be a part of this and I stand at that position today and always.
I think it is a given that there are some very decent people in this world who are worth the air they breathe. Unfortunately, these are few and far between. Some only come but once, into a world of anguish and despair...but the impact they left moves someone so deeply that they are compelled to follow through, to be like that person, and to live only for that.
Without Michael, my world is a pointless prison of pain. It's a life that, as Dracula put it in a musical, is bleak and unforgiving. I think you can see the rest of the quote in my signature. That's me in a nutshell right there, without Michael. People make the erroneous assumption that your life must be a peach if you're "gifted" or "genius". It's quite the opposite, actually. It's a terrible thing. You are expected to squander your talents in some sort of occupation in order to slavishly support the society which imprisons you in exchange for food, like a dog performing tricks for its owner. Everyone is expected to do that, of course, but if you're considered to be "intelligent" or "special",you are given a strange look and an awkward silence if you say you don't want to go to college and join the rest of the vultures in your field of choice. They are too caught up in the sound of their own lives, in the cell of their prison, to see it all for what it is. To be like this is to live a life of misery, misunderstanding and pain. Too much pain from people who never understood you and never will. You are almost expected to be a machine and not care about things like love, but we are all human and we all seek love, in whatever form it may come. The feeling of being trapped, like I am drowning in an ocean, it's far too much sometimes. The high IQ, the talents, whatever else, they all mean absolutely NOTHING to me. I would gladly trade them all to just be with Michael. To be somewhere I am loved, with someone who really seems to get it. I would give it all for that.
I could have died for him. He had his children, his family, his music. I have nothing left to lose. If I could trade places and give him back to them, I would. I have so much guilt for being alive right now. I know I can't do that, though. Dying won't bring him back. Doing what he wanted to do will, though, in a sense. That's all that I'm living for.
You just have to stand back up when you fall down and live for all I've said. If you have a family that loves you, live for their sake too. For your friends, for your dreams, for Michael.
I won't ever go on for family's sake. They're part of the reason why I wish to join Michael. Why be with those people when I can be with someone who loves me? That is the ever unanswerable question. I stay only for him, because that is what he would want, because there's work he left behind. There is a world too beautiful for words hidden underneath the garbage we've created, and I've said it many times before in the forum. I stay because I have seen past the illusion. I have seen that world, although briefly. It is imprisoned as I am, and in need to be set free. We are imprisoned by the same thing, exploited by the same thing, and opposed to the same thing. I can't leave it behind. Michael wished to free it and I will free it in his place, as I hope the rest of you all do as well.
Only then can I leave in peace. After the work is done.
