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Selene

Ache

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[CENTER][FONT=Tahoma]I'm heartbroken.I didn't think it could be more painful than it already was,but all the recent events are crushing my spirit.I'm exhausted and I didn't really do anything today.My whole body hurts.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Tahoma]We shouldn't have to be dealing with this chaos.[/FONT]
[FONT=Tahoma]Fake vocals,confusion and constant embarrassment instead of the excitement of a new album,the first album since he left.It should be something done with the utmost care.It should be a celebration of this great man's talent,a precious gift to help us find some sort of comfort,but instead it adds to the pain.Michael had the biggest respect for his art and his public.How dare $ony & the Estate mess with both of these things in such an atrocious way? How far these people have gone out of greed is mind-blowing.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Tahoma]His own family turning against his wishes,selling his privacy and dragging his name through the mud instead of working together to cement his legacy.In my opinion, his mother failed to protect him as a child,so it didn't come as a big surprise to me that she now fails to protect his memory...or his children.He adored and worshipped that woman and I have no doubt she loves her son,but it's also clear to me she's betrayed him.Michael was always gracious when going public about his family.Why can't they act in the same way towards him? Is it really that hard to show loyalty and respect to your own blood?[/FONT]
[FONT=Tahoma]I get they are human and have their own feelings,but why do they say things they didn't dare when he was here? If they are not going to defend him,at least I would expect they didn't add fuel to the negative way in which the media likes to portray Michael.But this is exactly what keeps happening almost every time they open their mouths.I'm disgusted.
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[FONT=Tahoma]I was watching the EMA's earlier.I didn't feel like it and didn't pay much attention,but what I saw made my day even worst.They presented their first-ever global icon award and then there was the [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_Your_Mind"]Free Your Mind award[/URL].All the time I was thinking of Michael and everything felt so empty.I'm aware there are more artists and contrary to what it may seem to someone reading my mind at that moment I'm fine with that fact and I don't mean no one else deserves such honours.But when I watch this and confront it to the reality above I feel everything is upside down.Reality is oh so absurd and I can't make any sense of it.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Tahoma]I saw a post on another site that described the feelings I'm having much better than I'm able to,so I hope the author doesn't mind me quoting her here :[/FONT]
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[CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][quote]As I watch this horror show unfold, my empathy for Michael has increased a thousandfold. What we are going through as fans is merely an iota of what he experienced. Just imagine how he felt as he experienced trust turn into betrayal, friend turn into foe and hope turn into despair again and again. Imagine the strength it took to protect his legacy from one vulture and opportunist after another. Think about how torn he must have felt at the conflicts within his family. Imagine how lonely and isolating it must have been for him to wonder if there was anyone he could ever really trust. Not to mention the constant drumbeat of the hostile, sadistic media attacking and mocking him at every turn. I can see how unbearably crushing both physically and emotionally it must have been for him. How much can one person be expected to endure?
I was looking forward to hearing the new album and experience the thrill of Michaelís music one more time. But Iíve had a change of heart. Michael gave us everything he had while he was here. And Iím grateful for that. Itís enough for me. Wanting more is a natural wish but, speaking only for myself, itís selfish. He already gave us the best he had to give. Whatever is produced from this point on is a compromised product. Again, speaking only for myself, I think my excitement about hearing Michaelís new album was a form of denial. It gave me the false sense that heís still here; heís still writing, singing, producing, creating, dancing and thrilling his fans. It gave me the false sense that we could thrill him with our appreciation of his work and that wonderful bond between Michael and his fans could continue. But he is no longer here. And, for me, all the current drama has brought that fact of life home with startling clarity.[/quote][/FONT]

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[FONT=Tahoma]I know that last paragraph sounds quite extreme and I may feel different tomorrow.I don't even know if I would have said this myself,but when I read it,after this long day,it mirrors my feelings.I don't know if I'm completely out of the game regarding future endeavours.I don't know if I will regain that thrill or not.But right now I feel drained and very very sad.I miss you Michael,I miss you terribly.[/FONT]
[FONT=Tahoma]It's past 10am and I guess I should try to get some sleep.I hope to find a brighter day when I wake up.[/FONT][/CENTER]

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