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Regressing...back to Neverland

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So remember that long 3 part essay I did when i first came here?

Well after feeling very good after I wrote that, I woke up this morning (several weeks later) with this looming sadness. I had a...I guess I would categorize it as horrible?...dream. It was very vivid and it was about reliving through Michael's death. I heard on the news that MJ was hospitalized, and just like on June 25th, they kept saying they were trying to revive him. But that day, it turned out they succeeded. He was okay. Then the next day, June 26th, news broke that he had died anyway due to 'complications' or some sickness he already had.

Now this dream comes in the middle of me reading back on what happened with the AEG trial and Murray's trial, and the facts in those cases because I just didn't keep up with it after MJ died. I put a "?" by the idea that the dream was horrible because given the fact that I was reading about this stuff without feeling sad at all, I found the dream more interesting than horrible.

I've also been going through a spiritual transformation (you can read some of my long essays on that too: [URL="http://[URL"][/URL], [URL][/URL]). This is all while reading the "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle as well (which I recommend to anyone and everyone), which has had a significant part in me being relatively okay while investigating all the stuff I missed. I believed in one fundamental thing that has kept me from breaking down: Michael will never be "gone" - he has just moved on from this life, as will all of us. His spirit is alive and will always be alive, as is all of ours. He's moving through his music and within us. And this is just a simple fact for me, not even a belief.

But I must admit, I observed that the news about Neverland gutted me - and although I knew that the place really isn't tied to MJ's that it is only a physical place, and its not like if you get rid of Neverland, you hurt MJ in someway. Or anyway. You don't. But I also feel the emotion of the fact that it is a sentimental piece of MJ's soul, a physical representation of it, that is here on earth (much like his music - in that Mj said he put his soul into it). And it was sad for me to hear that it is going to go to someone else.

So looking back on it, I believe that had a lot to do with my dream. Its like losing MJ all over again perhaps? Like a double whammy.

So when I woke up, I wanted to cry again. My MIND was telling me (and you'd get this reference if you read Tolle's book).... "MJ is gone." That was the very potent and almost kind of random thought that came into my head when I first woke up today. That kinda hopeless and unproductive thought. And I [I]felt[/I] that thought and that pain, the idea that MJ is gone. The word "gone" is just so...sobering. It means a lack of existence, which is the saddest thing for me. The idea that Michael no longer exists.

But I had to practice breaking away from my mind into my spiritual self. I had to reconnect to the fact that no one is ever gone. Just like MJ said in his book Dancing the Dream, stars never die - they just fade back into the universe, the cosmic dance of oneness. I was amazed once I did this how much control my mind has. How it rips you away from your spiritual center, from your fundamental anchor. I stopped being sad because I knew MJ was forever connected to me, to you, to us - to the eternal dance of life itself, of existence.

Neverland is everywhere.

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