MJs Soulmate
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I work as a school psychologist and therefore know quite a lot about children’s grieving process. A parent’s death is the biggest loss a child can face, especially if they don’t have another parent in their lives. No matter what kind of a relationship the child had with the parent, it is never easy to come in terms with parent’s death. Unlike adults however, children usually are not able to spend all day mourning and actually it would be detrimental to their development. Children’s sorrow often consists of briefer moments of sadness that appear between more carefree times of playing and laughing. It may be difficult for the mourning adult relatives to see children occasionally smiling and playing like nothing had happened, but it is extremely important for their mental health. They need these kind of moments of relief to be able to cope with the enormous loss they have faced. These carefree moments don’t mean that children have forgotten their parents or that they are not grieving them.
Unlike many people think, crying is only one of many possible reactions children can have to a loss like this. Other very common reactions are for excample numbness, guilt, anger, irritability, restlessness, denial, avoidance, somatic pains, sleep and eating problems, fears, etc. Sometimes even a total lack of reaction can be seen. Even that can’t be taken as a sign of children not grieving their parents, quite the opposite. Lack of reaction usually means either that the child is not yet ready to accept the reality of their parent’s death or that they are trying to protect other people from their pain. I think both of these can explain why Prince behaved in a way that many fans found difficult to understand. According to LaToya (if we are to believe that interview) Prince cried at the hospital but hasn’t cried since then, although she has told him it is okay to cry and would actually want thim to cry. I think it is possible that the emotions Prince faced at the hospital were too strong for him to handle, and he has therefore tried to avoid them afterwards by trying to process Michael’s death on intellectual rather than emotional level. It is also possible that he doesn’t want to burden the family any more with his grief, because he sees them suffering so much already. That is very typical for children who are sensitive to other people’s feelings. That is why I am also happy if the family has hired a grief counsellor to help the children, like LaToya apparently said. An outsider is often needed in situations like this, because it is difficult for the family to help the children to cope before they have themselves come in terms with the situation.
I’ve seen many fans saying how Prince is strong and how he would make Michael proud, but more than anything, I hope that he can give up a need to be strong in a moment like this. After Michael’s death I have been thinking that his biggest mistake may have been that he didn’t let others see how much he was suffering but instead was trying to appear strong on the outside. I don’t want that to happen to Prince. Being strong doesn’t help him to get over this. He is a child who has faced a loss none of us could even imagine. It is not a child’s responsibility to be mature and comfort others. It is the adults who need to be strong and give comfort to Michael’s children. I think Paris’ behavior at the memorial demonstrates this beatifully. I mean, we first saw her singing, comforting and hugging Blanket almost like she was his mother. She seemed very strong and mature, but when she started speaking, it felt like it was her way of telling the world how very much she is still a child in terrible pain due to her daddy’s death and how much she herself needs support from all the people around her.
All children are unique in their grief reactions and we shouldn’t expect all of Michael’s children to behave like Paris did. However, whatever their reactions and emotions are, I hope they feel free to express them to someone, whether it is a family member or a grief counselor. And I hope that family members around them are sensitive enough to understand that if children avoid talking about their father’s death, that doesn’t mean that they are strong or have “got over it”. True strength can only be achieved after a long and painful grieving process, it is nothing you can see from outside behavior.
Unlike many people think, crying is only one of many possible reactions children can have to a loss like this. Other very common reactions are for excample numbness, guilt, anger, irritability, restlessness, denial, avoidance, somatic pains, sleep and eating problems, fears, etc. Sometimes even a total lack of reaction can be seen. Even that can’t be taken as a sign of children not grieving their parents, quite the opposite. Lack of reaction usually means either that the child is not yet ready to accept the reality of their parent’s death or that they are trying to protect other people from their pain. I think both of these can explain why Prince behaved in a way that many fans found difficult to understand. According to LaToya (if we are to believe that interview) Prince cried at the hospital but hasn’t cried since then, although she has told him it is okay to cry and would actually want thim to cry. I think it is possible that the emotions Prince faced at the hospital were too strong for him to handle, and he has therefore tried to avoid them afterwards by trying to process Michael’s death on intellectual rather than emotional level. It is also possible that he doesn’t want to burden the family any more with his grief, because he sees them suffering so much already. That is very typical for children who are sensitive to other people’s feelings. That is why I am also happy if the family has hired a grief counsellor to help the children, like LaToya apparently said. An outsider is often needed in situations like this, because it is difficult for the family to help the children to cope before they have themselves come in terms with the situation.
I’ve seen many fans saying how Prince is strong and how he would make Michael proud, but more than anything, I hope that he can give up a need to be strong in a moment like this. After Michael’s death I have been thinking that his biggest mistake may have been that he didn’t let others see how much he was suffering but instead was trying to appear strong on the outside. I don’t want that to happen to Prince. Being strong doesn’t help him to get over this. He is a child who has faced a loss none of us could even imagine. It is not a child’s responsibility to be mature and comfort others. It is the adults who need to be strong and give comfort to Michael’s children. I think Paris’ behavior at the memorial demonstrates this beatifully. I mean, we first saw her singing, comforting and hugging Blanket almost like she was his mother. She seemed very strong and mature, but when she started speaking, it felt like it was her way of telling the world how very much she is still a child in terrible pain due to her daddy’s death and how much she herself needs support from all the people around her.
All children are unique in their grief reactions and we shouldn’t expect all of Michael’s children to behave like Paris did. However, whatever their reactions and emotions are, I hope they feel free to express them to someone, whether it is a family member or a grief counselor. And I hope that family members around them are sensitive enough to understand that if children avoid talking about their father’s death, that doesn’t mean that they are strong or have “got over it”. True strength can only be achieved after a long and painful grieving process, it is nothing you can see from outside behavior.
