What are you doing this very second?

While thinking of why I keep going in to the main section of this site. When it just upsets me every single time I go in to that section. Of course it upsets me even more when I think about all of my gorgeous MJ posters that I used to cherish so much. Are now in the basement collecting dust. When at one time those posters used to be on my walls and doors of my room. I still can't believe just how badly I still miss being the hardcore MJ fan I once was.:cry:

You can always be a fan. just because Michael isn't with us anymore shouldn't stop you from being a fan. i know it hurts seeing pictures of him etc sometimes because he's not here. but his legacy will live on. it's okay to cry and be sad. it's normal. :heart:
 
listening to mj

That is something that I miss doing so extremely much. It's been 2 years since I last listen to him. You can definitely blame my depression for that. I just have to except the fact that the only MJ related stuff I will ever do now. Is wear one of my black MJ t-shirts, wear my MJ necklaces, and have a MJ background on my 2 laptops.


Right now I am listening to Shahrukh Khan related Bollywood songs. Even though I will be doing that a lot this Thursday. When I celebrate India's Independence Day. Something I tried to do every year. I am also relaxing on my bed drinking some ice tea. While I look up how to build certain rooms and stuff for my Dragon Quest Builders 2 game. Ever since getting that game I been totally ignoring my Sims 4 game. That game is just so extremely addicting.
 
That is something that I miss doing so extremely much. It's been 2 years since I last listen to him. You can definitely blame my depression for that. I just have to except the fact that the only MJ related stuff I will ever do now. Is wear one of my black MJ t-shirts, wear my MJ necklaces, and have a MJ background on my 2 laptops.


Right now I am listening to Shahrukh Khan related Bollywood songs. Even though I will be doing that a lot this Thursday. When I celebrate India's Independence Day. Something I tried to do every year. I am also relaxing on my bed drinking some ice tea. While I look up how to build certain rooms and stuff for my Dragon Quest Builders 2 game. Ever since getting that game I been totally ignoring my Sims 4 game. That game is just so extremely addicting.



Awww hun why dont u listen to him anymore?
 
Awww hun why dont u listen to him anymore?

Is because I can't handle it anymore. I can't tell you just how badly I miss watching and listening to him. But my depression that I am still very much suffering from. Just makes it impossible for me to watch and listen to him. I suffer from both panic and anxiety attacks now. If I so much as to try to watch and listen to him now. And every single time I go in to the main section of this site. I just start crying all over again. Which is why I don't go in to this site as much anymore. I try to stay away from this site as much as possible. It is just a horrible reminder that there is literally nothing to look forward to as an MJ fan. When Xscape came out I was one MJ fan that didn't bother to buy it. I just wasn't interested in it. And I still don't want it now. And I totally blame that nameless ahole. For destroying my life like he did. By doing what he did to him. I want nothing more to go back to being the hardcore MJ fan that I once was. Back to when he was my total obsession. But now it is totally out of the question for me. If you ever see the 2 Shahrukh Khan movies Fan and Darr. They pretty much almost describe of how I was as an MJ fan. Most especially Fan. My Christian religion, video/compute/mobile games, Indian movies and music, and of course Shahrukh Khan has all since replaced him. Especially since 95.5% of my MJ fandom is forever gone from me. Sometimes I still wish I never became a fan of his. Hearing about the latest Indian movies or the latest video/mobile/computer games that I might be interesting in. Is all that I have left to look forward to now.:(


Right now I am going to relax on my chair in my room. To play my Dragon Quest Builders 2 game on my Nintendo Switch. While I drink some ice tea. And look up recipes and stuff for the game.
 
Spending another sleepless night up. It is 2 am here. Which is something I am so very thankful that I do every single night now. Mainly because I don't want those upsetting MJ related nightmares to start again with me. So right now I am relaxing on my chair drinking some ice tea. As I try to make a village farm in my Dragon Quest Builders 2 game. On my Nintendo Switch.
 
Just relaxing on my bed still playing my Dragon Quest Builders 2 game on my Switch. Which I will be doing for the rest of the night. It is 1:35 am here. But seeing that I really don't sleep much any more thanks to my insomnia. It does give me something to do.
 
Just listening to some of the newer creepypasta stories on you tube. While I download Sims 4 custom content. And I literally have a ton to download too. My own fault for being so addicted to Dragon Quest Builders 2. That I totally ignore my Sims 4 game.
 
Listening to Billie Jean. :billiejean: :laughing:

I so miss listening to him. I so envy the fans that can still do that. My depression that I am still suffering from over what happen to him. Won't let me do that anymore. The same goes for watching him as well.:(


Just relaxing on going back to my Dragon Quest Builders 2 game on my Switch. Which I might be playing all night. As well as my Final Fantasy 8 game on my Switch. Since thanks to my depression it's been over 10 years since I last had a good night's worth of sleep. Since I no longer have Michael's music to rely on to help me go to sleep at night. Because of it I have gotten very use to my insomnia. And in some ways I am extremely thankful that I have insomnia now. Because of it I won't have another one of those horrific and very upsetting vivid MJ related nightmares. Something I been having on and off ever since what happen to him.:(
 
Eating Cheez-it Snap'd. there really good. they taste like potato chips but there cheez-it that been baked thin.
 
Just relaxing on my bed. Drinking green ice tea in my cat tumbler. About to go work on my Indian gypsy witch's house in my Sims 4 game. I just love that I finally have magic in the game now. Something I have wanted in my Sims 4 game for 5 years.
 
Listening to Michael demos from his albums he didn't release or/and never got done with. so far they all sound pretty awesome. :)(y):listeningtomusic
 
Found Brad Marchand on Instagram and followed him.
 
Watching "The Rescue of Jessica McClure" on YouTube.
 
Just finished Nickelodeon’s live stream of “The Casagrandes” latest episode “Day Of The Dead” on YouTube.
 
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