How do I cope with it? Not well, actually. But I keep reminding myself what some of MJ's band members on TII have said about how excited and focused he seemed to them at rehearsals, and what a shock his death was, because they did not see him in the way that either side in this trial is painting him.
Also the coroner's summation was that he was pretty healthy for a 50-year-old despite some obvious wear and tear on the body, and the only drugs in his system were those administered by Murray.
I also remind myself that whatever unorthodox/inappropriate measures MJ insisted he needed to help him sleep - NO doctor who took his responsibilities seriously should leave his unconscious patient unmonitored (and especially not to make telephone calls).
When I read Murray's appeal claim that MJ administered the fatal dose to himself (despite expert evidence to the contrary at the manslaughter trial) I tell myself again that even if that were possible, Murray as the supervising (!) doctor should have been there to ensure it did not happen. He should have made sure the drugs were not lying around anywhere within reach if MJ somehow woke up sufficiently to go looking for another 'hit' to put him out.
Really, the more you look at it, the more ridiculous Murray's scenario is, and while I think AEG have a case in saying MJ was responsible - because the doctor and type of sleep aid were apparently of his choosing, that does not excuse Murray's negligence. The buck stops with him.
As to who hired him, I couldn't give a toss. He's still the guilty party in the matter.
As far as the Jacksons' angst over who is responsible, well, if it isn't for money, what is it for given the muck that is going to be thrown at MJ (not to mention his kids, i.e. with respect to the tabloids raking up all that paternity crap again?) I understand that this may be Katherine's grieving process - still, but the fact that it entails hugely inflated $$$ does not do anything to dispel the impression of greed that many of us have of some members of the family.
I understand that Michael's children still want answers about the loss of their Dad, given that he told them who he thought they should consider trustworthy amongst his close associates, e.g. Murray and Klein. (Let's face it, Michael was too trusting by far throughout most of his adult life - and paid a dreadful price because of it!) But, with respect to this civil trial, I wish his children had nothing to do with it, that their names weren't included with Katherine's as plaintiffs. I hate to think of them being inculcated with this $$$ mentality when their Dad has obviously raised them to be decent human beings.
I thought by focusing on the actual court docs posted here by Ivy that I would stay properly informed and insulated from the tabloid crap. But it finds us regardless - in magazines, newspapers and headlines of all media types - perpetuating and regurgitating the myths we hoped had been properly dispelled.
Anyway, when all else fails and it gets too much, wherever I am, if I have access to the internet, I light a virtual candle and post a little prayer, and try and get on with living until the pain and the lies go away.
"Keep the Faith".
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=MegaH
This candle shrine account was established by the currently inactive Megaheart4MJ fan website, by the webmaster, Rose. I have kept it going and keep posting links for fans to visit whenever they feel the need. I would like to retain it in Michael's memory and invite other fans to visit, light a candle, post a message. It may not be much, but it does seem to help - not only at times like this, but whenever you need some quite space and a flame of hope to focus on.
