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"The pain gets stronger every day" :(

Petals

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Hello friends!

I hope it's ok starting a new thread about my feelings!

I just wanted to say how sad I (still) am. It's a terrible feeling, and I know I'm not the only one. I know you all are suffering too! :(
"Oh boy", I used to come here to read the news, search for new MJ pics, talk about how gorgeous and sexy he is/was (damnit) at the Man in the mirror forum. That was fun!! I loved to read people's comments, I laughed at the girl's comments on Mike pics. Now I dont even go to the Man in the mirror forum anymore! No! :cry: I just cant go there! :no: Unless I'm searching for a certain picture. But its not fun anymore. :no:
GOD!!! We were supposed to talk about the shows!!!! I was waiting for these shows like a child waits for the Christmas morning!! :boohoo: And I was not sad at all because I could not go to London. Sometimes people would tell me "oh I'm sorry you're not gonna see MJ live" and I was like "noooo waaayyy!!! dont need to be sorry!! I'm VERY happy just for the fact that Michael is gonna dance and sing on stage again!!"
And I REALLY was!! Just like you all of course!! I knew I would be crying like a baby when Michael steped on stage LIVE to perform again!
But now I'm crying for another reason... I would NEVER have imagined it. NEVER! :boohoo:
Sometimes I wonder to myself if this is ok to be so so sad because of an artist that didnt even know I exist! Sometimes I feel a little "guilty", not sure if this is the right word, but I feel like I shouldnt be suffering this much!! :boohoo: Do you know what I mean? I hope so!
I read some brazilian BS that Michael is alive! DUH! How can people say something like that?? But you know what?? Deep inside me I wish it was true!! And then I caught myself thinking "what if he really is?"!! Of course he is not, damn! :cry:
I'm still in a huge pain! HUGE! :boohoo: :no:

Oh! Let me take this oportunity to apologize if I didnt behave. If ever offended ANY of you, forgive me! It's a crazy mix of feelings, u know? And sometimes I cant control my sadness, my anger and etc. It's just too much! :cry:

Thank you for listening!

"...I'm gonna need some kind of sign..." :angel:
 
Dear Petals,

Your feelings are totally valid and I relate to so much of what you say here. Many of us are experiencing a wide range of emotions like disbelief, grief, anger, etc. The unfairness of it all seems so huge.

I'm so sorry for your pain. Please accept my virtual *hug* and my hope that we all start to feel a little better soon.
 
Thank you jemini515!! I feel your hug and I'm hugging you too!! :hug:

I'm glad u can relate to I'm saying, what I'm feeling. I know I'm not the only one!
The unfairness of it all seems so huge.
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Oh that is so true!

:no:
 
I agree with you aswell :( The pain isn't going away, my mum says to just try and imagine he is laid on a beach somewhere, but i know he's gone. I can't believe i would feel this much grief over someone i didn't ever meet.
I'm so glad we have this place to come to to share our feelings.

*virtual hug* to everybody
 
I know exactly what you mean. I was just watching my Dangerous Short Films video and I tried to watch the begining of it. And it started to make me cry so much that I had to shut it off. Now I am just sitting here listening to him as I cry. My pain is never going to go away. And what makes it worst that I am having problems sleeping. Because of all of these MJ dreams I keep on having. In fact every single time I go to sleep I have another MJ dream. And I love having them. But now they are starting to get more vivid. It is like Michael is trying to tell me something and I just don't know what it is yet.
 
That lyric somes it up very well
the pain really does get stronger every day :cry:
 
Your pain is felt be everyone on here. Whenever I do something MJ related I get mellow and sad. The only way I get to stop that is by not doing anything related to him. I feel extremely bad for feeling like that I need to stop listening to MJ to feel better :( I don't want to ever have to do that! The pain just won't stop.
 
I too have been feeling this way - all of the above. I haven't been dreaming of MJ but have felt that he is trying to tell me something too. I am pretty sure one of the things he is trying to say is 'Please don't cry, don't be so upset', so I am trying to do that, but it is not helping much right now.
However, I do know, because my father passed away 15 years ago, that the feelings we have right now will pass with time, and we will be able to watch his DVDs and listen to his music, and be able to enjoy them like we did before.
Hang on in there everyone!!
 
You worded it so well....
This still hurts so much. Will it ever get better?
 
Hey Petals, and everyone else.

I feel the same...and its hard to sometimes not feel like an idiot for randomly bursting into tears over someone you never personally met but felt such a strong connection to. Its hard to explain to people why you feel that way, but I'm glad to know I'm not alone.

*Hugs to all those who feel the pain like a thorn in ones hollow heart*

Lots of love...
 
Yes, it's ok to be so sad. Many here feel exactly the same. I think what happened is initially we were in shock because it was so sudden and unexpected, and now reality is setting in. It takes a LONG time to process grief. We just need to hang in there and support one-another. You are NOT alone here. . no one is. . .

love,

Victoria
 
Will we all start to feel better? I hope so. Grief is an ugly rollercoaster of emotions. Crying, screaming, yelling, feeling like crap. Some days it feels like its never gonna end. Other times I find myself managing, just. Other days I wanna crawl into a deep dark hole and never come out again. Rationally I tell myself this is normal, and I've just gotta ride the wave of emotions out but other days I'm not so sure its ever gonna stop.
 
My mood swings have been very big in the past few weeks :-/ Just safe in the knowledge we've got everyone here to support us through this terrible time.
 
krism said:
Will we all start to feel better? I hope so. Grief is an ugly rollercoaster of emotions. Crying, screaming, yelling, feeling like crap. Some days it feels like its never gonna end. Other times I find myself managing, just. Other days I wanna crawl into a deep dark hole and never come out again. Rationally I tell myself this is normal, and I've just gotta ride the wave of emotions out but other days I'm not so sure its ever gonna stop.
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It WILL get better, but like Vic said it takes time. Grieving is not something you do in a week or two. It really takes time, and that's what you need to give yourself. It is a heavy ride, but since we're all riding this bumpy rollercoaster we can pull eachother through it.

Some have found closure already, others won't be able to think of such a thing until we know what on earth happend that day. But we are in this together and we will get through this together, that's one thing you can be certain of :better:
 
Aww! Thank you all for listening to me!! It comforts me a little to see that many of you feel the same. Especially about crying because of an artist that we never met!
I thought I would never be able to watch him or listen to his music. But slowly I am able to do that again. There are songs that kills me. There are videos that makes me shake my head (like "why?") and makes me cry. But I can do it! I believe you all are gonna be able to watch and listen to him again! And the pain... yes, its still here, in me, in you, but hopefully we will get through it! We have to!! :angel:

:group:
 
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