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Four months without Michael

*Billie Jean*

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In Heaven with Michael
Four months without you, my love. Four months full of tears, sadness and sorrow. Four months which passed very slowly like it was a whole century. Even now, I can't believe that you are not here with us any more. For four months the time stopped for me. My heart really shattered. I feel that my heart and my soul died with you. Four months. And this pain seems neverending. Words in all languages are not enough to express the sadness and the pain I've been feeling since June 25th. I've waken-up so many days wishing all was just a nightmare... wishing I could swap places with you. I miss you, my sweet Peter Pan, I miss you so much. I wish I could see you again, I wish I could give to you years of my life in order to save and bring you back. Although I know that it is impossible to happen, I keep hoping and begging God for a miracle. Last night was very hard to me. I could hardly hold tears in my eyes for the whole day and at night it reached its climax and just bursted out of me and I couldn't stop it. I was watching your shows the whole night and cried from time to time. And I thought I would go crazy from pain and loneliness. And then I opened the window. It was 3.00 am. Late dark night. And there was a bird singing over my balcony. Why would it sing at 3.00 AM? And I imagined it was you singing from Heaven to comfort me. It might sound silly but that was the only way I could connect myself with you last night. As I thought that it was God sending me this song from you through that bird I cried even harder. In fact I'm crying even now as I'm writing this. But the idea that God was finally responding my prayers about you in such a way was rather good to believe.
Michael, I do not have any dreams now.. I don't know what to dream of. All of the dreams I had were about you, but now they're gone, gone with you... I think of you every second of every minute of every day of every week....Can't think of much else! But I promisse, I will try to think of those who are suffering now. Kids who don't know that there is anyone who loves them, broken people and people who are ill. I will pray for them... In a world full of rancor and negativity, you were a bright light. Oh God! My heart's really hurting... My only comfort is knowing that you are in Heaven finally getting the peace of mind you deserves. I love you with all my soul. I wish you can see me tears flowing from my eyes, heart beating fast, trembling fingers wanting to touch your lonely face and kiss your hands to let you know how I love you. My love for you can never be replaced nor will it ever fade! I love you endlessly and forever. I can't live without you, my baby. I need you. I need you more than I need the air to breathe. Michael, please come back or take me with you. :cry:
 
4 months today, and that knife cut feeling in my chest still hurts the same. Winter just came in, but I don't understand why it is snowing.. We can't have snow in June. Then I remember we're not in June anymore, I remember that the rest of the world still lives, have appointments, go out to dinner and laugh with friends, all those things I almost forgot how to do now. The world continues to turn, but it does without me, I'm still stuck in that day, that day when I stopped breathing new oxygen, that day when I stopped having hopes and dreams. That day when all the magic in life became boring.

Yesterday was all about you, all the planet danced for you at the same time, did you watch us Michael? I hope we made you proud. I did it for you Mike.

I Love you Mike.
 
OMG :( I can't believe it. I didn't even think of the date yesterday. And it was the date that marked four months since Michael left us.
:cry:
 
This hurts, but christmas will hurt even more.
Christmas day, Michael will be gone for exactly half a year.....:(
 
wow i didnt even think about the date eather. and to think that come christmas michael will be gone for half a year. thats just beyond hurtful. Everyday i think about him and miss him even more as each day passes. this world feels so empty without him. i cant keep from crying whenever i see him on tv or being talked about. seeing the movie this week i just know i will cry through out the whole thing. god i miss him!! :cry: :cry: :cry:
 
mjlovergurl003 said:
wow i didnt even think about the date eather. and to think that come christmas michael will be gone for half a year. thats just beyond hurtful. Everyday i think about him and miss him even more as each day passes. this world feels so empty without him. i cant keep from crying whenever i see him on tv or being talked about. seeing the movie this week i just know i will cry through out the whole thing. god i miss him!! :cry: :cry: :cry:
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I know how you feel. Its the same for me. Especially today where all I've been doing is crying and missing Michael terribly. And I don't even want to think how I am going to be on Christmas Day. When I know I am going to be getting MJ items. Mainly that Opus book. Christmas is just going to be so horrible this year. Especially since this going to be my first Christmas without my grandfather and Michael in it. I still can't believe I lost both of them in the same year. My grandfather had died on Paris Jackson's birthday. Even though he had wanted to die. And he had died the way he had wanted to. At home in his sleep. He was 89 when he had died. But thankfully I had really stopped celebrating Christmas 8 years ago. When I had lost my favorite aunt about a week or so before Christmas of 2001. She was the same age as Michael when she had died from Ovarian Cancer.
 
Still hurts.
I kept a journal that I began writing in the day Michael died. I wrote down all of my thoughts, emotions, etc. because I had so much going through my head over the past 4 months. I write in it quite often. I went through it yesterday and read all of my enteries I wrote and I was in full on tears. That pain began to come back and it felt like I was reliving those moments again. I hadn't cried in a while and I have been really emotional these past 3 days.
I didn't even realize that Christmas will mark Michael's 6th month since he's passed on. I can't imagine how painful that day will be for his children and family. I will certainly have Michael in my thoughts and prayers that day. I will say a small prayer for him to myself at dinner. :(

I love you, Michael.
 
i love you so much michael im a die hard fan im a 28 year old woman who worships michael. 4 months of toture to me without michael. im watching this is it at 9pm tonight
 
*Billie Jean* said:
Four months without you, my love. Four months full of tears, sadness and sorrow. Four months which passed very slowly like it was a whole century. Even now, I can't believe that you are not here with us any more. For four months the time stopped for me. My heart really shattered. I feel that my heart and my soul died with you. Four months. And this pain seems neverending. Words in all languages are not enough to express the sadness and the pain I've been feeling since June 25th. I've waken-up so many days wishing all was just a nightmare... wishing I could swap places with you. I miss you, my sweet Peter Pan, I miss you so much. I wish I could see you again, I wish I could give to you years of my life in order to save and bring you back. Although I know that it is impossible to happen, I keep hoping and begging God for a miracle. Last night was very hard to me. I could hardly hold tears in my eyes for the whole day and at night it reached its climax and just bursted out of me and I couldn't stop it. I was watching your shows the whole night and cried from time to time. And I thought I would go crazy from pain and loneliness. And then I opened the window. It was 3.00 am. Late dark night. And there was a bird singing over my balcony. Why would it sing at 3.00 AM? And I imagined it was you singing from Heaven to comfort me. It might sound silly but that was the only way I could connect myself with you last night. As I thought that it was God sending me this song from you through that bird I cried even harder. In fact I'm crying even now as I'm writing this. But the idea that God was finally responding my prayers about you in such a way was rather good to believe.
Michael, I do not have any dreams now.. I don't know what to dream of. All of the dreams I had were about you, but now they're gone, gone with you... I think of you every second of every minute of every day of every week....Can't think of much else! But I promisse, I will try to think of those who are suffering now. Kids who don't know that there is anyone who loves them, broken people and people who are ill. I will pray for them... In a world full of rancor and negativity, you were a bright light. Oh God! My heart's really hurting... My only comfort is knowing that you are in Heaven finally getting the peace of mind you deserves. I love you with all my soul. I wish you can see me tears flowing from my eyes, heart beating fast, trembling fingers wanting to touch your lonely face and kiss your hands to let you know how I love you. My love for you can never be replaced nor will it ever fade! I love you endlessly and forever. I can't live without you, my baby. I need you. I need you more than I need the air to breathe. Michael, please come back or take me with you. :cry:
Click to expand...

You are not alone!
I feel just the same.
big hug
 
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