Well unfortunately I can not go and get help. I really wish I could but can't. Since I have no one to take me to that specialist. I don't have any friends where I live. And my MJ hating family could really careless about how I've been feeling ever since what had happen to Michael. And my life now is to play video and computer games. Thanks to that evil nameless monster I have become a game addict. Since I can no longer be the MJ fan that I use to be. Even though I am no longer suicidal. But I still feel that Paris had the right idea about wanting to kill herself. I so totally look forward to when that day comes for me. Thankfully as a believer in the bible and as a Christian girl. I will hopefully be rapture and be in Heaven soon with my beloved Michael. If they are right about what they say about the 4 Blood Moons. But even still God is not ending the world soon enough.