I’m glad I’ve „rediscovered” MJJC, being part of the community has helped me a lot. Like Linda said, it’s pretty hard to face everyone every day, non-fans asking you all sorts of silly questions or making remarks that make no sense. Here at least, we share the same grief. Just like a true family.
Sorry to hear you’ll be „hibernating” again, but I wish you the best of luck with your activities and relationships. And I hope that, in time, the pain will be easier for you to take. We all need that, actually.
The memorial was incredibly beautiful, I didn’t expect it to turn out so wonderful. And as you’ve probably already guessed, the highlight was the lovely lady Paris. Words fail to describe her strength and love, or the emotions she made me feel. She was flawless.
Now with the homicide suspicions, it feels worse than ever. For nothing in the world will I EVER understand why and how this happened. It still seems unreal.
Oh, and the media are more disgusting than ever. They’re not humans anymore, just beasts.
Well, with Michael, things are more or less better. Better only in the sense that I do my best no to think too much about it, cause when I do, I inevitably start crying. Recently, I’ve been having dreams about him too, so I literally wake up with him in my mind.
But I have managed to start listening to his music again; for more than a week, I was unable to do that. At the same time, I couldn’t listen to any other music either; so it was either him, or nothing. And I knew that if he managed to heal my wounds in the past, only he could heal this one as well. (who am I kidding? It will never heal)
I’m sure you and your ex will remain friends no matter what. You didn’t break up in fights, or because of cheating or other similar reasons, it was in an effort to do what you thought was best for yourselves. I understand why you feel uncomfortable knowing he still has health issues, I know I would feel awful as well (I’m a kind of person who feels guilty even when it’s not the case, lol). But I’m glad that you’re aware it wasn’t your fault, and it was his decision. You are still by his side, and I’m sure you are doing your best.
There are cases and cases. Take Chichi for example – a wonderful father (from what I’ve read), yet not straight. And you said the guy mentioned having a boy, but not that he has a wife too, right? So anything is possible. I dunno what to say, lol.
What I do know is this – if something does happen between the two of you in the future, you’re gonna have to thank that elevator and whoever gave you that office, lol.
Oh damn, I was gonna reply precisely today! Sorry it’s been so long, I have to sing up for Uni and I’ve had some issues with some documents. It’s been crazy, and all the things that have come to surface recently (regarding Michael) haven’t made it any easier.
*giggle* Lol, the story with you and this guy begins to sound like a highschool soap opera. You know, when you’re a kid and you wonder: „Does he like me or just sees me as a friend?” Some things never change indeed, lol.
Well, I can see why you’re so confused. He may be bi, or just realizing he’s not...fully straight (if I can put it like that). I could come up with a lot of scenarios, but I’d rather not assume too much, lol.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not even in the mood for interacting with people these days. I just want to mourn in peace. But I can’t just abandon everything and everyone around me. And it feels weird, having to socialize, laugh at various comments and other stuff, and once everything is over, to remember – Michael has left.
It’s amazing how much a person can affect your life. Especially a person you’ve never met personally. That alone shows what a big man he was. And still is.
He kinda hinted getting back together, but I didn’t answer back. It’s better this way, and I’m happy to have gained a new friend. And what was between us will always remain a dear memory to me.
Oh, to make things even weirder, it was also yesterday that I found out how much he admires Michael That was a bit of a shock, lol. I even told him: „Why did you have to make me consider you even cuter? >.< ” He felt pretty happy to hear that, lol.
Again, your species will forever be a mistery to me, lol.
Speaking of former boyfriends (this is somehow funny, lol; an „ex” talk, lol), I went out with mine yesterday; he’ll be moving to England in autumn and I wanted to clear some things. He was kinda surprised cause he thought I hated him after what happened, lol. He went on to say that he regreted everything and he was an idiot to give up on me. I didn’t put his words to heart though, cause, in time, I came to realise he’s the kind of person who says A LOT of things, but means few of them; not in the sense that he’s lying, but more like he’s very impulsive and isn’t sure of what he feels either. I don’t have a doubt that he genuinely cares about me, but he just can’t make up his mind whether he wants me as a friend or as a girlfriend.
Well, that smile-to-smile game sure sounds cute. And it looks like that elevator is gonna carry a lot of memories too, lol.
I don’t think it’s just your imagination, from the way you describe it; though until you get to know the guy better, you can’t be sure what those smiles are supposed to mean.
Like I said earlier – it’s good that you know how you feel now, and if you’ll ever want more, you’ll know what to do then; for now, just enjoy the friendship that might come along
I forgot to ask – how is your ex’s illness these days? Getting any better? I do hope he’ll be able to heal one day.
I also hope that his funeral will be organized in a respectful manner, and that the family will be allowed to deal with everything in privacy (I know, wishful thinking on my behalf). I’m not sure though how I’ll be able to watch...cause once he’s burried it will truly hit me – he isn’t coming back. Until then, as you put it, I can still hope for a miracle. Dammit, I’d be capable of thinking that he’ll come back to give us a 100% authentic Thriller!
I miss him......I really do.
I started this reply last night, but didn’t get to finish it. MTV broadcast the 1992 concert from Bucharest (can’t believe that actually happened) and, although at first I thought I wouldn’t have the strength to watch it, in the end I couldn’t help myself. As painful as it may be, I can’t live without his magic. And his smile will never cease to warm my heart, as much as it tears me apart to know he’ll never smile again...
On another channel they had „The Wiz”. Never thought I’d ever see that on TV either. I’m glad he is receiving so much love (just like you, I didn’t think Romania would show so much respect and appreciation; guess our countries can sometimes be nice as well), but I also feel bitter knowing he could have received it a long time ago.
Sorry to not have replied yet, but the recent events (doctor, his "dad", those wonderful photos and now this exhibition madness) kinda got to me and I just couldn't bring myself to reply. Not to mention that I'm still not done with exams.
I will write a proper reply soon though, sorry it's taking so long.
I just would like him to have a proper burial and people to respect and give him peacefulness. Leave his children alone.
Michael's death (Still can't consume the d word too) just blankly odd. I am agnostic nowadays but God sure messes up and failed miserably this time.
To tell you the truth, I'm still hoping for a miracle everyday. A sudden press conference with a doctor announcing that Michael suddenly awake from his coma/death. Sounds ridiculous but I don't know, when it comes to Michael, anything seems possible.
You'll know when the time is right to move on, when you are ready. If you think there's a slight chance things might work out with this guy you noticed, just let everything develop naturally, and eventually you'll know what you want.
Do those at your workplace know about you? Or maybe he is just taking a guess, like you are about him.
Whatever the outcome is, I hope it makes you happy
Yes, the circumstances are more than disturbing...like I was telling a friend earlier, I've never felt so angry in my whole life. And you put it perfectly; I feel like going to God and asking Him what the hell He was thinking. At this point, I feel like anything is possible. If this was possible, anything is.
I just want it to end now...I want all the frenzy to be over, so that the family, especially his children, can find a bit of peace. It is the least God can offer them now.
I know how you feel. Today I am a little better than yesterday, when I thought I'd go mad.
I don't wanna talk to everyone either, especially since they're all telling me to cheer up, that I have to accept it etc. As if it were that easy to just forget such pain and misery. In fact, I don't want to forget it.Michael has done so much for me that I'd have to be an awful person to just pretend nothing happened or that it's not affecting me.No, I want to keep him in my thoughts, for he is, in a way,the best friend I've ever had.He has changed my life forever.
I'm sorry to hear that, after all, it ended. I'm glad that you're still there for each other though. It's good to have someone you can trust.And I know what you mean by being confused;my boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago and now he's nicer to me than he ever was, lol. I don't understand guys,and I gave up trying too, lol.
Take care, JJ. I'm glad I'm part of this wonderful community,I'd be lost right now without u guys.