I Need Some Serious Help...

xosweetseducingsighsxo

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Okay, I'm coming to you guys with this because I honestly do feel like you guys are the only ones who won't deem me as being 'over dramatic' or as being a drama queen. And I'm not trying to be either, honestly. Just, this situation I'm in is killing me and I don't know what to do.

So, I've been going through rough patch since February 2012, and to make that long story short, I found out something bad happened to my mom, and she was cutting herself, running away..all that sad stuff. She's 'okay' now, but it's put a huge HOLE in my parent's marriage. It seems like they drift apart more and more each day, and it kills me to see it. I feel like my dad doesn't love my mom anymore, and he just wants to stay married for me and my siblings, while my mom is trying to make things work. To say she loves my dad is a frickin understatement. This recent situation (Saturday) caused the rift to get even bigger, and for the past two days he's been ignoring her, and she's been walking around the house, crying and upset over it. It's even gotten to the point my dad sleeps downstairs now. Like ugh.. :cry:

Christmas is coming up, and my 15th birthday is the day after, but I feel like it's ruined and I don't want to live and stick around for more drama. I've tried to get them to see that what they're doing is ruining me, but it feels as if they don't even get the message. Sorry if I'm getting a bit too personal..I just really need someone to talk to. I'm dying inside literally. It feels like my heart was ripped into a thousand pieces.
 

NeeChee

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Sweetseducings! I had no idea you were only 14. You seem much more mature in your posts! I was just browsing around and saw your post, and I just felt really sorry for your situation. You're at an age when a lot parents split up - theyve probably been together around 20 or so years right? My husband and I split up when my kids were that age - but now we are the best of friends. I just want you to know you are in the VERY THICK of it at THIS VERY MOMENT - that's why you're feeling so overwhelmed at the moment. Just remember that after a few years, THIS WILL ALL BE IN THE PAST. There's nothing you can do to change the thoughts and feelings of your parents - all you can do is love and support both of them. That is all you need to do.

I don't want to live and stick around for more drama.

I hope you don't mean this. Stick around here for a while.
 

tangerinelib

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Hey Xosweetseducingsighsxo, I kind of understand how you are feeling right now. The truth is you might not get a direct answer to your problem right now and it might take a while for their relationship to heal, unfortunately.My situation was quite similar to yours, but it was my mom who was mad at my dad for a while. He was cheating on her with someone else and it really made her lose trust in him for a long time. I thought that they were really closed to getting a divorce because my mom was really bitter no matter how hard she was trying to forgive him. Even I resented him and I thought that it would have been better for them to get a divorce rather than trying to save their relationship for the sake of their kids.

I know that you are trying to show them how you are feeling right now, but you have to understand that they are not in their right minds at this moment. They are so wrapped up in their own problems right now, it could be difficult for them to snap out of it. Your dad and mom are certainly having a hard time coping with all of this chaos right now since grown-ups like them can't have absolute answers to everything. Sorry if this sounds cheesy, but humans are very fragile and we can't just put on that protective and strong mask all the time. Sometimes, we can do nothing but to let our guards down. This is just my own thoughts and it is fine if you don't agree with me because I can sound way off in my sentences. I don't think that it might help you much, but I just want to let you know that no matter what happens, you have to stay strong. I don't know exactly what happened to your mom, but you should be there for her and support her as much as you can. As much as I want to say that it was your dad's fault that he is only digging a deeper hole in this relationship, I wouldn't really blame it on him, though. I guess that he is just exhausted of what happened to her and how it has impacted him. The situation might be more complicated than just a loss of interest in love. But then again, these are just my own opinions and i can't guarantee that it is 100 percent right. I'm not really an expert in marriage and I'm currently committed to living a celibate life, so I might not a damn clue about love and marriage. I apologize if this sounds more like a rant to you.
 

Daryll748

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First let me say that I think it's brave to open your heart here and hope you find strength in the words we try to write here for you!

My folks are still together but that doesn't mean they don't quarrel and I know it must hit you harder if you're only almost 15. :blush: I close the door and go home, Duh!

The only soothing words I can express is... Stand your own ground. Don't let their behaviour 'ruin' your life! YOU tell them how YOU feel and that's all you can do really.

Find a spot in the house, your own room I hope where you can relax and feel save. Talking about it HELPS a lot too! NEVER keep what's bothering all to yourself cause it eats you alive really it does!

Indeed, grown ups can be wrapped up into their own misery but believe me, they really love you though they don't always show it.

I really hope your mum gets the HELP she deserves and I hope that 2014 will bring a solution to this mayhem now. :angel:

It's okay, to reach out. That's the first brave step. WELL DONE! :D
 

Lark

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I agree with Daz, it's very important to stand your ground. I don't know what you are going through exactly, but I went through something similar when I was a teenager. My parents were fighting really badly after years of no fighting at all, and also no affection at all. I had to live like that in their house for two years and it was very difficult. What I regret the most is that I let them take advantage of me. They both used me to get back at the other, and would force me to communicate for them. "Tell your mother this" and "Tell your father that".

It is important to know that their problems are not about you, and you do not have to be caught in the middle. You are yourself, and nobody can take that away! It's hard to deal with, but you can always talk if you need to here.

Lark
 

HazelOfNeverland

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How are you doing? I'm sorry about what's happening and I wish the best for you and your family. All I can say is just stay strong and try to not get worked up over things that you have no control over.
I don't know what you believe in, but I believe that the world has a plan for us all. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. I know it's probably all a big confusing mess right now, but I promise it won't last forever. Eventually things will become clear and sort themself out in time. But in the end, it's between your parents and it sucks that you had to be caught up in all of this. Best wishes, and you can message me if you ever need someone to talk to :heart: I hope you had a nice christmas and birthday despite all of this!
 

soulmum

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It must be a very stressful stuation for you sweetseducing but you have to remember you are in no way to blame for what is going on between your parents. I guess things like this happen a lot more often than we think. Sometimes 'adults' don't always see how their behaviour and actions impact on others within the home because their emotions take over rational thought. Might it be an idea to put down all you are feeling in a long letter letting your parents know how this is making you feel, maybe better than a face on confrontation. Let them know you are not taking sides and that you love them both but something needs to be done to make living together more comfortable. You are never going to be able to sort out their problems, that is between them but maybe you can make them realise that their situation is making life intolerable for others. Sometimes they can't even see that and need to be told. I feel so much for you, it's never easy at any age but when you are a younger person it must be devestating. Talking about how you feel can be a big help and I guess we are part of a big extended family so it's good that you can share with us. Really hope things get a lot better for you and remember 'this too shall pass'.
 

PurdyYungThang84

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You're at a weird age now, that has nothing to do with you personally, but you're at the age where we start to see our parents less as "mom and dad", and more as individual people sorting out there individual lives as human beings. It can be jarring and disorienting, your family that once looked so familiar can start to morph before your eyes.

I'm sure that you've heard it before, but whatever is going on with your parents is NOT YOUR FAULT. They are two adults trying to sort through their adult relationship; and I know that it hurts being caught in the middle having to witness it, but never take any blame for their relationship issues on to yourself dear, you are and never will be to blame in any way. Ever.

The best thing you can do is to continually let them know how much you love both of them. They are having adult problems in their adult relationship; it's not for you to figure out how to fix things, they're the ones that have to do the fixing because it's their marriage. Don't take that work onto yourself beloved, because it's not your work to do, it's theirs.

Sometimes the "fix" is a separation, which no one ever wants to see, but may be the best course of action for them to each be healthier as people. When they are healthier as individual people, they're in a clearer mental space to be better parents to you. Should it come to that, remember that you'll always be a family, even if your family has to change shape to make things work better. They will always be your parents and always love you. Should they decide to work things through together, try your best to be patient with both of them. It's hard work to mend an injured relationship and I know that the toll that that may take on you as their child hurts them as well. Remember that your love for them, and their love for you will see you through this difficult time.

I know that you're hurting deeply, and I know they're hurting too. Be open with them about how you're feeling, and voice how much you love them. Let them know that you need their support as your parents, because you feel left alone being caught in the middle of their struggle. I know staying strong is easier said than done, especially when it feels like your world is falling to pieces. But we are all so much stronger than we think we are, you and your parents WILL get through this storm, it's just a question of when.

Love and prayers to you and your family dear.
 

xosweetseducingsighsxo

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Sorry I haven't been on this thread awhile y'all (life is crazy for me.) I just wanna say thank you for your advice, because it really helps. ^_^ and the update is that my pastor got my parents (and I don't know how, because it wasn't working when I was trying it.) to try and make their marriage work. I guess it must've worked some wonders because now they're all lovey dovey and kissing each other every five doggone minutes *barfs* eww..I like the fact they're happy, cause I'm happy and my siblings are happy. But PDA is gross..they're 34 years old..lol. But yes, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to all of you! You guys really are the best second family ever! :wub: :heart:
 

tangerinelib

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Same here. I don't really enjoy witnessing my parents kissing each other, either. However, it is still way better than seeing them fighting. I used to have a really bad panic attack whenever I detected a bad vibe between them. I'm really glad that it worked out for your family and stay strong, girl.:punk::clap:
 
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