Sorry...I have to open up

Mariajoaosilva

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Thank you all so much for your love,support and care.

The reason why i haven't updated this thread is because unffortunately i don 't have news yet,a part from the fact that my mom is not doing better.
She has been doing exams because her blood pressure is ou of control,no matter how many medicins she takes to control it.
If everything goes well,we will go to Lisbon in 2 weeks so the doctor can make exams to see if the aneurysm is stable or not.

As soon as i have news,i'll update you all.

Again,thank you so so much for all your care.
 

souldreamer7

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I send out Love Comfort & Blessing to you, your mother & family. :angel:
:hug:

:wub:
souldreamer7
 

Ashtanga

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In the heart of Michael... FOREVER!!!
Thank you all so much for your love,support and care.

The reason why i haven't updated this thread is because unffortunately i don 't have news yet,a part from the fact that my mom is not doing better.
She has been doing exams because her blood pressure is ou of control,no matter how many medicins she takes to control it.
If everything goes well,we will go to Lisbon in 2 weeks so the doctor can make exams to see if the aneurysm is stable or not.

As soon as i have news,i'll update you all.

Again,thank you so so much for all your care.

:(


Hey >>> :hug:


More prayers for your mother... :angel: :pray:
 

Carol

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.......*ups it* Any updates? Hope its going better now?:D
 

Daryll748

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OMJ... I just 'bumped' onto this thread...

:better:to you MariaJS and still you remain such a 'lovely' and 'kind' lady to talk to...
I HOPE your mum is 'stable' now and all YOU can do is get her the BEST care and make sure, she's NOT ALONE...
I know caring for someone is so EXHAUSTING but for every PROBLEM there is a 'solution' right...

HOW do you cope? Just take each day as it comes and enjoy each moment you're given with your loved one...
but PLEASE take care of yourself too, Hun.

The MOST important thing is knowing you're LOVED :love:
 

Mariajoaosilva

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First of all i want to thank each of you for your constant love,support and prayers.I really believe that if i can deal with it they way i am dealing,it's because i have all of you in my life.
Reason why i haven't updated this thread is because i am tired of having always bad news.
Since past december,my mom's health has been getting worst slowly,and my doctor keeps telling me to be ready for the worst.
My mom's blood pressure are incredible high almost everyday,and without having them at leadt a bit controled,no doctor does any exam,because it is too risky for the brain aneurism.
In the mean time,more complications keep coming....She is loosing vision of one eye,she is getting more and more confused,forgeting things all the time,and worst of all,because her blood pressure is always so high,her heart is having damadges as well.
I keep going on and off of the hospital when the blood pressure is extremely high,and all this is much more scary,because we keep postponing exams she needs to do,so we can know how the aneurism is.
About 2 weeks ago i was told something i refuse to believe,but after some reading online,i fear it is true,and i have no idea how to handle or deal with this at all.
I was told that if my mom's blood pressure stays as high as it has been,(the max at 18 or 19 and sometimes even 20,and the min,at 10),that my mom might only have 3 to 6 months to live.
As you all can imagine,this seems like a never ending nightmare,and i trully believe that you,my Mjfam,are the ones helping me,and i really can't thank you enough.

Carol...thank you so much for always wondering and care...it means so much!...hope you are doing well.love you.HUGS

Daryll...Sweetie...thank you so much for your lovely words.you want to know how do i cope?by talking with people like you...so sweet and beautiful.thank you for everything sweetie.love you.HUGS.
 

Desired.

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I'm so sorry about your mother. :( I really hope that somehow things get better.
 

Daryll748

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Well MariaJS :better:
Its YOU that gives me 'strength' too as I see my 'probs' are far more 'inferior' than the 'battle' you're in...
Please, STAY STRONG and know that you are loved here ;)
 

Mariajoaosilva

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Daryll...there's no such thing as more serious batlles as you say.
Problems are problems my dear.And what to you can be a big thing,to someone else might not be a problem at all.
Still,i want to thank you for your kind words.I have no idea how i can help you,but i am glad i do.
You know how to reach me if you need to talk,right?love you.

Same goes for everybody of my MJfamily.i'm here to help,even it means only to listen.
God bless you all.
 

Mariajoaosilva

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People please excuse me for what i am about to say but if i don't do it,i'll explode in seconds!
So my Mother has her blood pressure incredible high(20/10!)!and refuses to go to the hospital!Blood pressure like this is extremely dangerous to anyone,even worst to someone with a brain aneurysm!
I'm about to explode any minute even because the only worry my mom has in mind,is my youngger brother,that is studying 4 hours away from us,and needs money for the week!
I'm so tired of my life!
I'm not even the owner of my own money!I have to keep loaning money to her all the time,i feel sufocated,and noone cares!
For my family all i have to do,is take care of my mom no matter at what cost,and i'm so near reaching my limit!
I miss having a life,and everybody forces me to isolate myself!i swear that if this goes on much more i'll end up with my life,because i am tired of having no life,of not having any rights just duties!
Please my friends bare with me and pray so i can have strengh and patience because i really am reaching my limit!
 

Joyce

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I believe your feelings are very normal. You are the main caregiver for you Mother, whom you love very much. But, your other sibling(s) aren't helping at all. You can't make them even tho they should. It's normal for a caregiver such as yourself to feel anger since month after month, your life is right there with your Mother and you feel you don't have much of a life. At one point in time, I was a caregiver for my mother too and my emotions would swing from compassion to frustration to exhaustion to anger and then guilt. It can be depressing. I must say tho that you are doing what I believe is the right thing, and down the road, after she dies, you will be glad for everything you gave and did. You may not get pats on the back now, but one day you will. I know you are trying to prepare yourself for her death and the loss and I urge you to do that. It's hard to take care of yourself when you are a primary caregiver. If you are like me, I was terrified that I would wake up one morning and find my mother dead. That is a scary thought. I didn't want that to happen. It would have been hard for me to deal with. Even if you can find a neighbor to sit with your mother for one hour and you sit outside or somewhere by yourself, that would help. Take any assistance you can get from your friends, her friends, the church if you attend one, etc. Be as good to yourself as you can considering the circumstances. My prayers are with you. Your mother is lucky to have you.
 

Mariajoaosilva

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Joyce...thank you for the support.Yes i guess i am like you in the sence that there's not one day,that i am not terrified with the idea that my mom dies while i am asleep,or when i am out to do something.
I know i will feel "well" when my mom dies...but at the same time i feel all the feelings you mentioned,because this is happening for almost 6 years.
I would ask for help if it was worth it.The truth is noone cares,(not just the family),and i am completly alone,like it or not.
What has been my salvation is my Mj family.It's with all of you that i open up,and its with all of you that i get my strengh back.
 

Mariajoaosilva

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Sigh...Why does this keeps happening??
How can i force my mom to GET HELP???
Today was a day to forget...The only few money i had with me,i had to loan to my mom,because she,again,lost money!I never know what i say,but things keep happening,and if she listened to me,things would be so much easier!
I mean...there i am...a 38 year old woman,with no life,and now...no money!How great can this be?
As if this was not enough,mom's blood pressure is extremely high again, (19.7/10),and she refuses any help!
If this goes on like this,i fear the worst can happen anytime and if it does,and i didn't do anything to avoid it,i will never forgive myself.But then again,i'm only one person and i can't force her to get help.
I feel i am going crazy here.
Please excuse me for the post and the bad news,but if i don't share what i feel and think,i explode.
Thank you all for listening,and God Bless.
 

MIST

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:hug:You have tried to do everything for your mother and if something happens to her it´s not your fault.
It´s possible she dies a time when you are asleep,but I think it´s more important you are there for her when she lives.
 

Mariajoaosilva

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Mist,HUGS...My biggest fear is exactly what you said.Mom dying while i am sleeping...the thought of it comes so often to my mind.
Guess that's why i have so many troubles slepping,and when i go help mom to go to bed,i always make sure i tell her how much i love her,although i do that all the time during the day as well.
It would kill me if she died,and my last words to her were not friendly or love words,or if we had an unsloved argument.
Depending on me,my mom will live forever,even if i know that it's not possible.
Thank you for your support.It means a lot.Bless you dear.
 

Desired.

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Mariajoaosilva, since your siblings are not helping, is there anybody else you could get to help you care for your mother? A friend, neighbor, hired help, etc? I'm sorry you have to take care of her on your own. That's not right. The family members that won't help you are being incredibly selfish. However, I think you're doing the right thing by helping your mother, and you seem like a very loving and caring daughter.

As for your mother refusing help, I think you should sit down with her and tell her how it would make you feel if you ever lost her. It seems like she has a very stubborn personality, but if she knew just how important it is to you for her to get help, maybe she will change her mind.

By the way, don't ever apologize for venting or letting off a little steam. It's only natural.
 

Mariajoaosilva

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Desired,see the reason why i don't have help,besides the fact that the family dosen't cares,is because to hire someone it would be very expensive,and i can't afford it.My neighboors are all very old,in need of help,and our friends were not as friendly as we thought they were,because when things got difficult,they left us.
I try to be as caring as i can,but i must say i used to be much more.Without wanting to seem like it is an excuse,i feel extremely tired,and i do think that it is starting to affect on my work,because i have less patience,and i pray everyday to gain it back,but for some reason,it's not working.
You are very right when you say that my mom seems stubborn,because that's exactly how she is and always has been.
What you suggested me to do,i already did lots of times,and my young brother did too.
Her answer was that she is tired of life,and even more tired of giving me work.Honestly i think that what is keeping my mom alive,is the thought of seeing again my middle brother that is living in Brazil since last September.
But i do want to thank you,from my heart,for your advice.

PS:the reason why i appolize,is because the last thing i want is to upset anyone.We all have a life,we all have problems,and i'm noone to think that i deserve more attention than anyone.
When i first started this thread,i never imagined having so many people answering me.In fact,when i started this thread,my only thought in mind was to open up...if it would be read,if it would have answers,was never on my mind.But when i noticed how much love i was getting from everybody,when i saw how worried people were,i kept updating this thread.
But lately i feel i am reaching my limit,and if i don't share this,than i dont know how to handle it.All this to say that although it means a lot to me that i'm listened here,the very last thing i want,is to upset anyone.

God Bless you all.
 

CarleyMJ

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Hey Maria, Just saw this thread and been reading your updates. Sorry to hear of what you and your mum are going through, my Prayers and thoughts are with you and your mum.
 

Mariajoaosilva

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CarleyMJ,thank you so much for your prayers.It means a lot more than you can imagine.HUGS
 

Mariajoaosilva

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Oh My...please pray for my Mom...we are just waiting for an ambulance to go to Lisbon,to the hospital,because she needs special care,and in my town,the hospital dosen't have it.
All i know so far,is that she will be monitored for 24 hours,and make an MRI to see if the aneurism grew.
Don't know when i will be back to my town.Hopefully i will be home late Sunday or early Monday...but all depends on how Mom spends the night,and the result of the exam she will make.
Thank you so much for listening and caring.I'll update when i'm home.
God Bless you all
 

xthunderx2

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Hey Maria,,,sorry to hear about your mom again...you know my thoughts and prayers are with you. please keep us updated on her progress..
 

Mariajoaosilva

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It is with my heart heavy,that i have to say that the results of the exams my mom made this past week end,reveal that she needs urgent heart surgery.
we will go this friday to the hospital again,because my mom will make a more complete exam to her heart,and on monday the 26th,we will return to know the result of the exams,and schedulle the surgery.
I just arrived,some hours ago,and both me and my mom are very tired,emotionally speaking.
I can't thank you enough for all the love and prayers.
Please let me know if i am boring anyone.
God bless you all my MJ familly.

TheSilentOne,Thank you so much for your love and prayers.It means a lot more than words can say.
xthunderx2, Oh my dear friend,unffortunately my mom health has lots of ups and downs all the time.I am so tired my sweetie...Thank you so much for everything.

Ashtanga...You don't know how happy i am to see you back in our forum dear.thank you for your love and prayers.HUGS

MIST... thank you sweetheart.HUGS
 
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