Just really makes me very sick and angry. That on Wednesday would have been my 37th birthday. If I was still celebrating it. But for me it is just going to be another really horrible and very miserable Michaelless birthday. I would have thought after all this time had pass. I would have gotten used to it by now. And I still can't get used to it. Sure I still have Shahrukh khan and he has been my Michael replacement. But it is just not the same. :boohoo Maybe my birthday wish will finally come true. And that is to hear about mother fcking ahole's death. I have been making that same wish ever since my 30th birthday. And it still has yet to come true for me.
I seriously have my work cut out for me. Of finding the right Bollywood songs to replaced every single one of Michael's songs with. I already found several. But the thought of finally doing that to all of them. Does hurt like beyond hell for me. But I finally realized that my MJ fandom is always going to remained on life support. There is absolutely nothing to look forward to as an MJ fan. What there is what is the point of it. When Michael is not here anymore to give it's actual approval. With Bollywood there is always something to look forward to. Especially with my Michael replacement Shahrukh Khan. It is all thanks to that mother fcking ahole that this is the way it is going have to be for now on for me. Becoming a MJ fan was truly the most biggest mistake I ever made in my life. I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I became an MJ fan. It is a mistake I am forced to live with now.:boohoo
Ivan, my bird (aka: the littlest MJ fan) still says "Hee Hee". It seems to evolved into a greeting when I come home. At least 4 rounds does it. Except when he saw my daughter again after a long while, it went on for a good 15 rounds.
So do I. But thanks to my severe depression and my anxiety attacks that I have now. All brought on by what that fcking nameless ahole did. Ordering MJ related items have become a thing of the past for me. And I still so badly miss that. As well as hearing and reading the latest entertainment news stories about him. All these entertainment news shows that are on here in the States. And without Michael none of them are worth watching. Thankfully I can still hear or read the most latest news story about my Michael replacement Shahrukh Khan. But it is still not the same. It is like I always said before in the MJ fandom world there is absolutely nothing to look forward to anymore.:boohoo
RT: I am still so very thankful that my obsession for Bollywood and video and computer games. Is finally at the same level obsession that I once had for Michael. Back when we still had him. It is going to take a long time to find the right Bollywood songs to replaced every single one of Michael's songs with. Who needs Michael when I have my Bollywood and video and computer games to replaced him with. At least there is always something to look forward to with them.
When are these vivid MJ nightmares are going to stop for me. I still can't stop thinking about the one I had a few hours ago. Well there is no way I am going to sleep for the rest of the night. It's a good thing I have my video games and Bollywood to help keep me awake.
After just having another one of my vivid MJ nightmares. I am definitely up for the rest of the night. Which I usually am after having one. And it is only 1:39 am here. Thank God I have my Bollywood music blasting in my ears to help keep me awake. And then I am going back to my Zelda Twilight Princess game for the rest of the night.
Okay this snow needs to stop now..seriously. The branches on the fir trees out side of my building are breaking off from the weight of the snow and not little branches either. Another snow storm coming tomorrow. *Sigh*