I'm ok. I try hard to do what I feel MJ would do, or want. That has helped me cope.
Other than that, just depends on what's going on, what ppl are talking about or what I'm talking about. I catch myself in mid sentence just as fine and can be then unable to finish the sentence without crying wretched and bitter tears.
I thank my God above that I had no place to go for the last two days. I would have been completely unfunctional.
I feel better after sponsoring a child from Chile. I did what Michael would love us to do and the acceptance of his death came into my heart. I grieve but the healing proecess already started. I started eating, I smile and feel in peace between cries. I so much in the given situation
Well i've been crying on and off and for the past few nights i have had drinks just to put me to sleep. And today i have listened to some of his music but it's so hard because i start to think of how he was when he died and it rips me apart.
I heard about it on Friday morning on the radio. I had to check the internet to make sure, and then I couldn't stop crying. But I had to go to work, and was constantly on the verge of tears. Every radio station was playing Michael Jackson all day. When I was home again I broke down crying and watching the news.
I feel better now, though I still can't believe it. Sometimes I believe there's a way to turn back time, that's when I feel ok. But then reality hits me again.
I constantly listen to his music, now more than ever.
My grief has just changed shape: instead of constant crying I feel numb with a heavy heavy heart that weighs me down. I haven't been able to listen to his music, cannot watch the programmes about him, daren't look at the news. I feel so low. Only time in my life when I have felt similar was when my first love broke up with me. I loved him so much and knew that he loved me but circumstances were difficult. Still I would not have given up. I think I cried every day for 8 months. That 4.00 am waking, feeling like part of your soul has died, that is the same.
The difference though is that I had hope then that things might change - we could get back together or I might eventually meet someone else. Please don't think this sounds like a trivial comparison because it was really the worst time in my life until now and I am 26 and this was when I was 17. But with Michael, nothing is going to change, he will never be alive again. We will never see pictures or hear him walking along singing 'Smile'. I find this hard to cope with. I'm not going to commit suicide or anything like that because I could not do it to my family, but in a way I look forward to death because then I will meet him and I will understand everything. I know that life is precious but really it is just not the same knowing he no longer walks this earth with us. My heart aches for the children as well - their unimaginable pain. The eldest ones are old enough to understand so they will really feel every second. It is so, so sad. I can't find any relief other than when am with friends and I might forget what has happened for a few seconds.
If anyone has found any comfort please share. Love all xx
Although it is all still surreal to me, I am doing ok. I am listening to his music and when I saw what went on in the philippenes and in london, the dances, the spontanious moonwalks in the street, I couldn't help but smile.
For once the streets aren't dominated by negativity, but are coloured by fans all over the world who celebrate the legacy of the man who has been a part of so many lives for so long. I gives me strenght and I feel blessed to have been a part of what can only be decribed as a magical experience.
The one thing that does throw me off my feet are all these messages of fans taking their own lives. I cannot bare the thought of Michael and his family feeling responsible for the loss of these lives.
Hang in there guys. If you have ever lost anyone close to you, try to remember how you got through it. Trust me, you can do it and if you feel like you can't please go and talk to someone. I know we all thought of michael as being invincible but inside he was still a mortal man just like the rest of us. We are all truly fragile beings and this world is but a temporary home for all of us. If anyone needs to talk please pm me.
I don't know.
I feel calm and I'm over the first shock, I think. But I don't think about it very much either. I don't know am I deniying the truth? I just don't think about it, and when I do - it feels so strange. I have this empty feeling in my stomach.
I listened to Michael's music yesterday and I just didn't feel anything. Not sadness but not very much joy either.
I think I'm getting better but I'm not totally used to this feeling yet. Feeling of living without Michael.
ps. Especially thinking of his children, TII and the last rehearsals makes tears come to my eyes.
i know how you feel, i'm 19, such a long time to go before seeing him again. But you know what, we have many years in which to spread michael's love and help heal the world. I only became a fan 2 years ago - the best 2 years of my life, once you've been touched by michael's love, you've been be blessed for life.