*Billie Jean*
Proud Member
I am really having a hard time. Worse than the beginning, I was in shock. Worse than 6 months when I thought I'd gone nuts. I can't stop crying... not just crying, sobbing out of control. I miss Michael even more intensely now. And I hate the knowledge that there is not one earthly thing that can fill the hole and sooth the pain - except him, and obviously that is never going to happen. I can't believe it is coming up to a year... it seems like yesterday, and then it seems like a hundred years ago. There is so much pain. I just wanna be with him. I feel totally hopeless and overwhelmed, like I will never be happy again. I am fallen apart, I feel totally broken, heartsick, I miss him so much it is a physical pain. People tell me it takes time, but I hate having to pass time, I hate waking up each day wondering what I should do with myself. I just want to lay down and never get up. I just want to see my love. Nothing seems to matter anymore. :weeping: