Latest on MJJC

I've never felt so miserable

Tipareth said:
For me it's bad too... I cannot listen to his beautiful music without crying... I cry during the day, I cry in sleep... there are days I am not crying but my heart hurts even more. I find crying actually to be soothing...
Click to expand...

I feel exactly the same..

hugs to *Billie Jean* and all of you.
 
I feel the same n i couldve written ur post. Life hasnt been the same since june 25th 2009. Life can be very dark and depressing. Every day i think crazy thoughts - its a nightmare. I can barely watch listen or sometimes even read about him now. But i have to soldier on because i have a wonderful young son. We only have one life and we are all in it together. You are still here for a reason. love xx
 
Hugs to you all. It is comforting, yet sad, to know others are experiencing similar feelings. It is just so hard to believe that almost a whole year has gone by without Michael. I cry more now than I did right after he died. I miss him so much. He was the love of my life. I just want him to come back. I thought I had finally accepted that he wasn't going to come back and now, all I want is for him to come back. I've learned one big thing in the past year... I CAN live without him... but I really don't want to. :weeping:
 
*Sigh*

I know just how you all feel. I still can't believe MJ is gone. Most of the time I try not to think about him being gone, but reality is starting to kick in once again now that the 25th is soon approaching.

The worst part is feeling so helpless. Nothing can be done to bring him back and that is what really hurts.

Gosh, I miss that man! :sad:
 
I wish I knew what to say to make it better, but I really don't. I'm up and down in emotion myself. I'm 'fine' one moment, then I'm really sad the next moment. I'm still crying from time to time, I did just before I came to this thread actually. When I'm 'fine' I'm mostly just putting a brave face on and 'going through the motions', I think of him every day.

Most of the time I'm just numb.. I really am. I know that's a sign of depression, along with other behaviours and feelings I have. You know.. I've been clinging onto an impossibility that seemed slightly possible..(I think you know what I mean).. as time goes on, it becomes less and less likely. Initially I thought I wasn't in denial, just 'investigating', I wasn't in denial at the beginning, but the more I read/watched and got into the mindset.. the more I wanted to believe. It turned to 'want'. I want him to still be here. I want to wake up one morning and find this was all a very bad dream. I want to wake up and have the TV News tell me this was all a hoax. Anything. I just want him back so everything can be normal again, because right now everything feels so wrong and I actually feel like I'm waiting for him to come back. I feel like there is something wrong with me. I want to take a pill and make this all go away. I've never felt the way I've felt since June 25th ever before.

:cry:

I really didn't have anything useful to say to you did I, sorry for 'jackin your thread hun. :huggy:
 
Last edited:
Rockin, I wish I could be there to give you a hug in person. I am so sorry you are having a rough time. :hug: It is just so hard. They say time helps but it doesn't feel like that. Time just puts you further away from them. I keep hoping that MORE time will help, but I don't know. The one year mark is approaching and I am feeling more sad with each passing day. How did this all happen? How do I find the strength to just keep continuing on without Michael? I just really miss him so, so much. :weeping:
 
*Billie Jean* said:
Hope you are all doing better than I. :weeping:
Click to expand...

Same here. Though I think I am doing alright now. But yesterday I had really cried over Michael twice. But the one thing that really seems to really set me off is every single time I see or hear a past date. I just end up start crying over Michael all over again. Because we still had Michael on that date. And it just makes me wish it was that date again. Back when I actually felt happy because my only source of happiness was somewhere in the world doing something on that date. And that always made me happy knowing that is what Michael was doing at that time. But now thanks to what that evil murdering monster did. He forever ripped the happiness I once felt out of me. And forever cause me to live in a state of sadness, misery, and depression. And before that horrible June day I almost never had reason to feel that way. But now I am feeling this way constantly ever since that horrible June day of last year. And I am just so sick and tired of always feeling this way. But what choice do I have now. Since happiness and other happy type feelings is something I can no longer really feel anymore. :sad: :boohoo:
 
Thanks *Billie Jean* :huggy:

Awh guys.

'Time just puts you further away from them.'

Yes, I feel that.

*sigh*

:sigh:

Today is another day..

There is a court appearance.

Ugh.
 
I am crying so hard right now. It has been almost one year since I lost the love of my life. I miss him more and more each day. I just want to see his face, or hear his voice, or kiss him... I want him to hold me and make all of this go away... and it hurts because I know he can't. :weeping: I miss him so deeply words cannot even express it. Sometimes, most of the time actually, I feel like all I am doing is waiting to die. I am just passing the time until I leave this earth. Everything I do... is all just to pass the time until I die. I just try to occupy my time so it goes by as fast as possible. If I could sleep my life away I would.
 
If I could only have you back.....

rare2428sbl.jpg


:weeping:
 
mehdiblanket said:
Welcome to my club ,l hate life.
Click to expand...

Wow. your signature photo is....i don't know what to say :( gosh. I think I know how you feel because I, too, feel like I died that day...but the tombstone is so real...

I hope you're doing a little better?
 
Ugh. I was ok today.. but then I read the 20/20 thread in N&H (don't read it guys :no:). It's hit me again. It's real again. :cry:
 
Rockin. said:
Ugh. I was ok today.. but then I read the 20/20 thread in N&H (don't read it guys :no:). It's hit me again. It's real again. :cry:
Click to expand...

:hug: There is nothing I can say that will help, I am just sending you hugs and love ... and wishing I could take the hurt away. I am sitting here crying over Michael now. I am just so emotional lately. I miss my baby every second of every day. Life just seems so damn miserably long these days. The thought of years ahead without my soulmate, best friend and my love is so painful. I hate my life, or I should say, my existence, because I am not living a life anymore. I am just existing and looking forward to the day I die. :weeping:
 
michaeljacksonkingofpop said:
Oh, Billie, how are you now?
Click to expand...

I can see I am "better" in some ways if there is such thing, pain is still very very strong but different from the pain at first. I am getting more used to waking up into this horrid reality of life now and trying to make some plans for the future. I still cry alot but I am better at not doing it as often in front of people, then people see me smile and think I am fine... This is hard. It takes a long time. One year isn't a long time. :depressed:
I had a dream a few nights ago with him in it for a second.. I just asked for a hug at the end. I woke up in tears.. it felt so real. I just need a hug from him. :boohoo:
 
I so wish I could say that I am doing better but I am not. Though I had found lately that I don't cry over Michael as much as I was. But I am such an easy crier now that I can really no longer handle of wanting to watch a video or listen to him without wanting to really cry over him. And I really do miss watching him so much now. For some reason Who Is It has been the only song of Michael's that I can really handle listening to any more. Thank God for the several different versions of that song that I have. And believe me I really do miss listening to his other songs. Sadness and misery has been the only 2 things I have been feeling every single day since that horrible June day of last year. I still have yet to feel the one thing I have not felt since before I had heard the worst news ever. And that is happiness. Sadness and misery just forever took over where my happiness should be. I still do laugh and smile at things that I find funny. But that only lasts for so long until I am back to being sad and miserable again. My depression over Michael is still very bad. And no matter what I see, do, or get thinking that this may be the cure I need for my depression. It really isn't. I realized that the only way my depression can be 100% cured is for me to be where my Michael is. So until that wonderful day comes for me. Cause I am not going to attempt suicide for a 4th time. I am just going have to get used to living with my depression. And me just spending the rest of my life in mourning for him. :sad: :boohoo:
 
MJsBollywoodGirl7 said:
I so wish I could say that I am doing better but I am not. Though I had found lately that I don't cry over Michael as much as I was. But I am such an easy crier now that I can really no longer handle of wanting to watch a video or listen to him without wanting to really cry over him. And I really do miss watching him so much now. For some reason Who Is It has been the only song of Michael's that I can really handle listening to any more. Thank God for the several different versions of that song that I have. And believe me I really do miss listening to his other songs. Sadness and misery has been the only 2 things I have been feeling every single day since that horrible June day of last year. I still have yet to feel the one thing I have not felt since before I had heard the worst news ever. And that is happiness. Sadness and misery just forever took over where my happiness should be. I still do laugh and smile at things that I find funny. But that only lasts for so long until I am back to being sad and miserable again. My depression over Michael is still very bad. And no matter what I see, do, or get thinking that this may be the cure I need for my depression. It really isn't. I realized that the only way my depression can be 100% cured is for me to be where my Michael is. So until that wonderful day comes for me. Cause I am not going to attempt suicide for a 4th time. I am just going have to get used to living with my depression. And me just spending the rest of my life in mourning for him. :sad: :boohoo:
Click to expand...

I understand how you feel. I feel the same.
Through all these years there were times when I was afraid for Michael and I thought to myself.." what if something happens to him...."
But emotions I am still going through are so much worse I have ever imagined...:(.
The pain just doesn"t go away. And shock. And denial. All together.
There are no words to describe how much I miss him. I can not imagine this world without him. But I am living in it. It is so hard.
I guess the pain proves how much we love him.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top