BollywoodGirl, can I just say that I thank you for your honesty and bravery? It may sound corny, but I truly appreciate your courage. There are many forms of courage in this world and the bravery to admit unease is one of them. Most people only notice the most common type of courage, that by which people try to hide their sorrows. So, thank you....really thank you for your honesty. I know holidays, especially Christmas, Easter and birthdays can be terribly difficult times for many who struggle to make sense of sorrow and find genuine joy and serenity.
It may sound repetitive, but I'm truly sorry for the way things have turned out for you. I know Michael's loss has caused a lot of havoc and terrible damage to many people and some, like yourself, have taken it even worse than others. In less specific terms now, I also realize that some people find comfort in hearing about the troubles of others, but somehow I don't think that is your case. I don't think anything I could say about my own experiences with grief could prove to be remotely useful to you. I won't sit here and tell you that I understand what you are going through because I cannot claim that. I can't say I have much, if any affection for computer games. I could never get into Tetris back in the day, let alone complex strategy stuff like you and so many others like to play. Don't know if it counts, but I can play the earliest version of Zombies and Plants lol.
Also, my connection to Michael's music is quite different from yours. In an almost paradoxical way his songs have become much more important to me
after 2009. Before that, I was much more preoccupied with what I considered the most important elements of his life (other than the children of course) - his struggles and the messages of goodwill he was trying to send into the world; those were the things that concerned me most. But since he's been gone some of his songs have become essential for me. So you see, there isn't much I can relate to from your experience.
What I can relate to though are the not-so-merry Christmases starting with 2009, but I must say it didn't have anything to do with Michael's death. If it helps you to know, 2013 and 2014 were downright brutal. Unfortunately, I cannot blame one Conrad Murray for that. Would you believe me if I told you that I do not really know who and how exactly I must blame for so much of my misery? At the end of the day/year/whatever it doesn't even matter anymore. Beyond all my uncertainties, my faith calls me to the duty of forgiveness. I realize how difficult a call that is to put in practice and I still struggle with it occasionally. With the risk of sounding hypocritical, I will have to say that although I understand the motivation behind your harsh words about silver platters and such, the better spirits in me which deny revenge force me to remind you that. I'm sure you have no joy whatsoever in feeling this kind of urge. Many probably have already told you that the resentment you feel for that person ends up causing more pain to you than it ever will to the target of your discontent, but you probably can't help but have these strong feelings of animosity.
I can't believe how much I've rambled, so I better trrry and wrap this useless stuff up, but before I do that I want to send you my very best wishes and hopes for a brighter future. And who knows, maybe one day you will even get some of your old joys back, including Michael's music. And if that won't be the case, then maybe you will find new happiness in surprising ways. You know what the Scripture says –
what is impossible to men is possible to God.
I hope God will bless you with what and/or whom you need to renew your zest for life and I hope His blessings won't need any disguises or any "worms"
I chose the image above in the hope you would find it slightly funny, but I know that my sense of humor isn't always shared by others, so I might as well warn ya lol.
And may God's blessings extend to everyone, whether they know Him or not, obey His laws or not, find joy in the holidays or not. There is much pain and much darkness in our world and within many souls. I hope His light and His mercy will shine more brightly in every heart. After all, this is what Christmas is all about and not just for a day/year.
[video=youtube;ACiwhQO08QI]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACiwhQO08QI[/video]
Sarà Natale vero
non solo per un’ ora:
Natale per un anno intero