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Prayers For Maria João Silva Mother ..... Send Her Family A Major L.O.V.E Hug <3 March 20th, 2012

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Yes, Maria, I've been thinking of you as well. We all have been thinking of you. Hope that you're well and we L.O.V.E. You, Maria. :group: :give_flowers: :heart:
 
Mist...Its for sure story,and lovely comparation you made.
Luckily for some horses,they are loved,and someone cares for them,
With humans,it should be just as easy,but unfortunately,they make all more painful than it is.
Thanks for sharing...it is good to know that sometimes here are happy ends.HUGS
 
Mist,Daryll,Soul...family...
Please excuse me for not being here as often as i would like,but a lot of things happened since the last time i was here,and none of them was good.
On Christmas eve and day,i lived the worst nightmare ever.Not only my mom was not with me,my father and my brother,decided that we should stay home and not going anywhere,so we wouldn't ruin anyone's Christmas.
We spent 2 days looking at each others like if we were all nuts,doing absolutely nothing.I was counting the time so that the time to go to bed arrived.But it seemed like an eternity.
Again on New years eve,but a bit worst,as my brother decides,when it was almost dinner time,that he wouldn't celebrate new year eve with us,so he left me and my father in a very weird position.As it is known,me my father,never had any father/daughter relationship,and for me,to be with him more than a few hours causes me panic,Sad to say,i know,but true.
1st January 2014...I thought that in that day,we would go to be with family after we had lunch,but again i was wrong.It was just a never ending boring day spent at home,doing nothing,except that i was going crazy and i had to do something to change that.
Feeling pressured by everybody,having my father asking me to stop the drama,drove me so crazy,that on January 7th,after a very troubled day,i decided to put an end to my life.
I said my goodbyes on Facebook cause it is the faster way to reach everybody,and after that,i took a bunch of pills with wine,and went offline.
Then the last thing i remember,is me wanting to get up of the sofa to go to my room,and pass out.
When i wake up,I'm in hospital,being transferred to the psychiatric area.it took me sometime to remember what happened,but when i did,i started to cry like crazy and asking why did it fail...that's when my brother told me that when he arrived home,he saw me on the floor,with a bottle of wine and pills near me,so he called 112,and they came very fast,and saved me.
I spent 24 hours in observation,and was sent home,with a bunch a pills,to take,but those pills were always hided from me.My brother gives them to me when it is time to take them..
I also came home with an emergency letter to a psychiatrist,but it took a whole month to be called,so my therapy only started on February 4th .
The doctor says i have a nervous breakdown,and a major depression,he changed my medicines to stronger ones,and each 10 days,i will be reavaluated to see if the medicines are doing what they are supposed to do.He wants to take my time,try to be active,but with no pressure.He said i can call him anytime,if i think i need to see him,and my next session with him,if all goes well,will be on April 7th.

So here you have my latest news....
Again,excuse me for being away too long,and know that i am eternaly grateful to you all,for everything you do and did for me.Love you,my MJ family!TIGHT HUGS
 
:hello: Maria

Thanks for you post(s) Keep.... Keeping The Faith! :heart:

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Mariajoaosilva;3962072 said:
on January 7th,after a very troubled day,i decided to put an end to my life.
I said my goodbyes on Facebook cause it is the faster way to reach everybody,and after that,i took a bunch of pills with wine,and went offline.
Then the last thing i remember,is me wanting to get up of the sofa to go to my room,and pass out.
When i wake up,I'm in hospital,being transferred to the psychiatric area.it took me sometime to remember what happened,but when i did,i started to cry like crazy and asking why did it fail...that's when my brother told me that when he arrived home,he saw me on the floor,with a bottle of wine and pills near me,so he called 112,and they came very fast,and saved me.
I spent 24 hours in observation,and was sent home,with a bunch a pills,to take,but those pills were always hided from me.My brother gives them to me when it is time to take them..
I also came home with an emergency letter to a psychiatrist,but it took a whole month to be called,so my therapy only started on February 4th .
The doctor says i have a nervous breakdown,and a major depression,he changed my medicines to stronger ones,and each 10 days,i will be reavaluated to see if the medicines are doing what they are supposed to do.He wants to take my time,try to be active,but with no pressure.He said i can call him anytime,if i think i need to see him,and my next session with him,if all goes well,will be on April 7th.

So here you have my latest news....
Again,excuse me for being away too long,and know that i am eternaly grateful to you all,for everything you do and did for me.Love you,my MJ family!TIGHT HUGS
Click to expand...


:no:


Do not over think these things. I wish you are better now. Think of positive things and move on. Why life goes on and you have much to do yet. ;) :give_heart: I pray that God will continue looking at you carefully.... :pray: :angel: :heart:
 
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Maria,
I acknowledge the loss of your precious Mom, Maria
I was deeply saddened to hear the news about the death of you Mom.
My deepest sympathy goes out to you.
My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. We are all in a state of shock, knowing that you are going through this, I want you to know I love you and that I'm here for you.
I'm sure she had many special qualities. I just know that your Mom was such a beautiful person inside and out. I'm sure she was brightness in your life. I know that you miss seeing her.
I know that you will treasure her memory, and remember all the special moments with her.
I know you will miss you Mother greatly. During this difficult time, I know you will draw upon your own strength and the strength of loved ones & friends, (MJJC) that hold you in their thoughts.
You have my deepest sympathy. I will be in touch to see if you need help with anything that I'm able to help with, as I'm here.
Remember you family, friends and us the MJFam is filled with people who care about you and are thinking about you in this difficult time of sorrow.
You Are Not Alone.
Love You, Maria. :angel: :pray: :heart: :group:
Sincerely,
Tamara
souldreamer7
MJJC

Maria, Perhaps you could write a letter to your Mother in your journal & 'talk' to her. :angel: :heart:
 
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Last Sunday,February 23rd,my mom would have turned 70 years old if she alive.
As you all can imagine it was a very painful day.
Still i was able to make her a "tribute",that i hope she loved.
Here are some pictures for you My MJ family.

Please excuse me all for staying so long without news.I have been going to therapy,and the medicines i am taking,take all my strengths away.
Thank you all so much for all the love and prayers.

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[IMG]http://i57.tinypic.com/1687hqd.jpg[
 
My dearest MJ family,sorry for being away for so long.

How are you all?excited with the new album,i bet.
Me?i don't know how i am.In a way it is so good to hear new Michael songs,but on the other,it just makes me miss him even more.
I guess i was expecting too much of Michael...he saved my life once,and somehow i was hoping it would happen again...but it didn't.Sorry my sweetheart if i was asking too much of you!I love you and i miss you so much!

I'm living a never ending nightmare,and despite having professional help,reading all the posts and videos you share with me,i don't feel any better.
I know i have to go on living,and everyday i fight with myself just to do the daily things...but i am tired of fighting for nothing.My life has no meaning,and i can't find one.My mom was/is,the person i love the most in this world,and i can't wait to be with her again...but 5 months and 2 weeks later,i'm still here,and it hurts so much!

Thank you all,from the bottom of my heart,for all the love,all the prayers and support.If it wasn't my Mj family,i would be completely alone.
 


My dearest Maria , this pain I know is unbearable and each day I know feels so hard , remember love is always here for you and we are here to support you xxx God Bless You Sweetheart xx
 
Hold on Maria, just keep holding on.

Prayers going out to you.
 
Dear Maria
I´ve heard the first year after you lost one is the hardest.
Maybe you feel this way now

[video=youtube_share;n1zBG2TEjn4]http://youtu.be/n1zBG2TEjn4[/video]

but remember the sun will shine again

[video=youtube_share;zR5vd6iacaI]http://youtu.be/zR5vd6iacaI[/video]

The Sun Will Shine Again
from Beyond The Notes
lyrics: Sam Brown
sung by Frida

Inside my mind
The world is watching over
My every move,
Still I am here alone
Uncried tears
They will only fuel my fears
Now, it seems they’re falling
And I feel release … an inner peace
And realize
The sun will shine again.

Though this time
Feels like its never ending
Time will help and heal
These moments will pass
So raise your head, and take up your heart
Hold it closely to you
And the tears and pain will fall away
Like blossom snow
You will know
That you can be your own best friend
The sun will shine again.

Only you can know
How unravelled you’d become
Hold on tight
And let it go……..
The sun will shine again
 
I'm always thinking of you Maria :( Please be sure that we love you and don't want to see you hurt yourself again :no:
 
Lis...Yes it does get worst everyday,and i have no idea why,as i am on therapy since February,so i should be able to feel better,right?
Thank you for your love and support. XXXX


Exotic Princess...Holding on and surviving an hour at time,is what i have be been doing for the past 6 months dear.I'm just so tired of fighting against myself.Thank you so much for your prayers.XXX

Mist...Thank you so much for sharing the lovely song you did.
I sure hope you are right,and after 1 year this torture that kills me a little bit more everyday,goes away.Living like this,has been a torture,that i don't know for how long i will be able to handle.hugs

Thrillerchild...my dear friend,so good to hear from you...hope you are doing well.I know i am loved here...i know you love me,and believe me if it wasn't the love i have from here,i wouldn't be alive in a while now.love you.
 
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Again my lovely MJ family,i want to exuse for not coming here as i should.
My health is not getting any better,despite all the medicines and therapy i am doing.
As i have been sharing since the beginning of everything what has been happening,and what i have been doing,i will share with you the tribute i did to my mom today,because it was not possible to do sooner due to lots of reasons.
My mom didn't have her name written in the gravestone,so i did one personalized,that i think it turn out very lovely.

IMG]http://i61.tinypic.com/cm8wi.jpg[/IMG]

The poem says:

"If i could talk to God,
2 things i would ask Him.
One your love,
the other to have you here with me".

God bless you all my lovely family!tight hugs.
 
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:pray: Hello My Maria Angel,

I know you have not heard from me in awhile and I am truly sorry for my absence ! I know it is not easy to reach out when you are holding yourself through the pain and the aching goes so deep words are useless in it :sad:

I was going about my day of being so busy, so lost in the vortex of my work that I often forget who I really am, what day of the week it is and least of all taking care of myself is last on the list of important things to do !

Like lightening cutting through the darkest clouds, I heard Michael clearly ask me how you and the Queen were doing ? :(

It hurt my soul to find I had no answer for him or myself :pray: I decided to check up on you today and I am so glad I did :better: and devastated all in the same moment for your tremendous loss of your mother :sad:

I began this Thread for you so long ago with all the love I could send to you and her as often as I could :sad:

It hurts me so badly to know that she knew me because I wanted to give her unconditional love for her and her daughter that she loved so much :bow: She was so kind and sweet to reply to me and to see the love we all shared for her to see right here in this Thread anytime, any day, anyway without end :pray:

I am gutted to know she never heard me tell her one more time how much love I had and that we all had in our hearts for her ! When I lost my mother, my baby and Michael all in the same month, I was wordless and numb, I am not the kind of person to shut down and willingly be anywhere else but here in hell without them :pray:

I realized that at the time of a heart breaking into a million pieces inside you that all the LOVE that was locked forever inside it now spread through every cell and fiber of my being...Your heart is wide open inside you and it is doing all it can in that state to heal you...your heart is being expanded from the inside out !! That is how God makes a heart grow from inside so that it seeks out the purest, the truest and most sincerest hearts like yourself to fortify it, to make it strong again, to heal and to one day share that LOVE you were created with for others that will need you as your heart needs in this transition for others who will suffer the darkness as we are !

There are no words that will take it away, but just a little bit of LOVE everyday will surely keep the darkness at bay until you see your path with your heart again one day!
No it won't be today, it may not be tomorrow, or even in a year but to move any faster then you were meant to in your healing is CRUCIAL !! Yes it will be unbearable, you will feel breakable, you will feel like anything is better then the pain everyday from which there is no cure ever that will make it go away or disappear, believe me I know oh to well !

Queen Elisa, you are the very reason God invented LOVE :heart: You were such a perfect creation, designed to sparkle with every ray and reflection of your smiles ! You did your job well little angel Elisa and did it like nothing anyone has ever seen or done on this earth!!

WOMAN: THE BLUE PRINT . . . . . . . . .

When God created woman he was working late on the 6th day.......
An angel came by and asked." Why spend so much time on her ?".
.
The lord answered. " Have you seen all the specifications I have to meet to shape her?".....

she must function on all kinds of foods, ...
she must be able to embrace several kids at the same time,
give a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart ,
she must do all this with only two hands,.."
She cures herself when sick and can work 18 hours a day".... ...
THE ANGEL was impressed. .." Just two hands.....impossible !" ..
And this is the standard model ? ! ...."
The Angel came closer and touched the woman"...... ..
." But you have made her so soft, Lord".....
." She is soft", said the Lord,
" But I have made her strong. You can't imagine what she can endure and overcome "...
."Can she think?" The Angel asked...
The Lord answered. " Not only can she think, she can reason and negotiate" ...
.
The Angel touched her cheeks.....
" Lord, it seems this creation is leaking ! You have put too many burdens on her. " ...
."She is not leaking...it is a tear" The Lord corrected the Angel...
" What's it for?" Asked the Angel..... .
.
The Lord said. " Tears are her way of expressing
her grief,
her doubts,
her love,
her loneliness,
her suffering and
her pride."...
THIS made a big impression on the Angel,
" Lord, you are genius.
You thought of everything.
A woman is indeed marvellous !".... ...
.
Lord said." Indeed she is.
She has strength that amazes a man.
She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens.
She holds happiness, love and opinions.
She smiles when she feels like screaming.
She sings when she feels like crying,
cries when happy and
laughs when afraid.
She fights for what she believes in.
Her love is unconditional.
Her heart is broken when a next-of-kin or a friend dies
but she finds strength to get on with life." ..
The Angel asked : So she is a perfect ?
The lord replied : No. She has just one drawback
" She often forgets what she is worth".

I love you more my Queen Elisa every day in all ways and always, please hold Michael really tight for us :heart: :group::heart:
 
Mist my dear,unfortunately i haven't been very well.It's being extremely dificult to me to deal with the loss of my mom,and because of it,i have a major depression,that so far all the treatments i made,didn't work as it was supoosed to.Now i am doing 2 different types of treatments,and i truly hope it works,because feeling in agony all the time,and with the a heart pain,that makes your heart beat like if it is going to explode any minute,it's not good at all.Thank you so much for caring.Love you.hugs
 
MJ TinkerBell ...please dear,there's absolutely no need toexcuse for anything.You were busy living your life,just lije everybody has to do.It's also important that you findtime for yourself an car for you,otherwise you will end up sick,and he most precious gift someone can have,is our health,eventhough we only realise it,when we lost it somehow.

My mom knew about you,about this thread,and she loves you,and everyone in this forum,that i love as my family...my MJ family,that does much more than my real one.
There's no need to be sad for not saying a word for sometime dear.Mom always knew who loves her,and who was just pretending.I would always update her on the prayers,the love,the strengh,and when she was still able to talk,she would always want to answer.
But when she stoped being able to talk,i could see and read in her eyes what she thought and how she felt.Believe me she always smiled so sweet.And when i would tell her that you call her queen,she always thought it so funny.

I wish i knew before you were going through so much my friend.I would have loved to be here for you.Please know that i will always be here if you need to open up.
Yes the pain is unberable,and so far,all my attempts to move foward,failled.I was diagnosed with major depression,i have been doing all kind of treatments,and so far none did what was supposed to do,so recently i started 2 different types of treatment,to see if this constant agony and pain in my chest,ends forever.
One thing i learned,is that we shouldn't avoid the grieve,or try to make it faster,because in the end,the consequences are not good.Believe me...i been there.To my family,9 months is a long time,to me,9 months was yesterday,and eventhough i tell myself i need to move on,my body blocks me somehow.I am always tired,always in pain for no specific reason,and doctors tell me to take my time because not grieving proparly is the worst we can do.
"Queen Elisa, you are the very reason God invented LOVE :heart: You were such a perfect creation, designed to sparkle with every ray and reflection of your smiles ! You did your job well little angel Elisa and did it like nothing anyone has ever seen or done on this earth!!"

You made me cry now...i bet my mom,reading this from Heaven,is doing the same,as she always saw herself as regular normal person.Of course to me,she was the most amazing Mom someone could ask for,but to realise that someone that never saw her,can see how lovely she was,touches me and her deeply.Thank you so much for those lovely words,sweetie.

"WOMAN: THE BLUE PRINT . . . . . . . . .

When God created woman he was working late on the 6th day.......
An angel came by and asked." Why spend so much time on her ?".
.
The lord answered. " Have you seen all the specifications I have to meet to shape her?".....

she must function on all kinds of foods, ...
she must be able to embrace several kids at the same time,
give a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart ,
she must do all this with only two hands,.."
She cures herself when sick and can work 18 hours a day".... ...
THE ANGEL was impressed. .." Just two hands.....impossible !" ..
And this is the standard model ? ! ...."
The Angel came closer and touched the woman"...... ..
." But you have made her so soft, Lord".....
." She is soft", said the Lord,
" But I have made her strong. You can't imagine what she can endure and overcome "...
."Can she think?" The Angel asked...
The Lord answered. " Not only can she think, she can reason and negotiate" ...
.
The Angel touched her cheeks.....
" Lord, it seems this creation is leaking ! You have put too many burdens on her. " ...
."She is not leaking...it is a tear" The Lord corrected the Angel...
" What's it for?" Asked the Angel..... .
.
The Lord said. " Tears are her way of expressing
her grief,
her doubts,
her love,
her loneliness,
her suffering and
her pride."...
THIS made a big impression on the Angel,
" Lord, you are genius.
You thought of everything.
A woman is indeed marvellous !".... ...
.
Lord said." Indeed she is.
She has strength that amazes a man.
She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens.
She holds happiness, love and opinions.
She smiles when she feels like screaming.
She sings when she feels like crying,
cries when happy and
laughs when afraid.
She fights for what she believes in.
Her love is unconditional.
Her heart is broken when a next-of-kin or a friend dies
but she finds strength to get on with life." ..
The Angel asked : So she is a perfect ?
The lord replied : No. She has just one drawback
" She often forgets what she is worth".

wow...i'm speechless...what a touching,deep,and true poem.Thank you once again,for everything.For sharing treasures like this.
"Queen" Elisa as you call her,is feeling loved,is as emotional as her daughter,and for sure is taking care of our Michael,because i give her no other choice. ;)
God Bless you my sweet friend!Tight hugs from me and Elisa.
 
To all my MJ family:

I want to appologize for taking lots of time to update on me.I know you are all worried,but i want you all to know,that even if i am not here as often as i wish,i have all of you in my heart,in my prayers,and i thank God everyday for the joy to belong to this family,that has been much more than words can say.
I'm going through hell right now,but i want you all to know,that i am aware of what happens with Michael,(and i will share something that happened to me last week,that i believe only you,my MJ family,can understandand believe),and i am also aware,of all tthe troubles going on in the communnity,and it makes me very sad,that problems like this happen,when we should all be honnoring the one we love,and go on with his legacy.

Here is the experience i had last week,that only a Mj fan can understand and believe:

"Today i felt the need to go to the beach...i needed to hear the sound of waves so bad...it was night,it was calm...i started to look into the moon and the stars,and a feeling i can't describe,took me compeletly,and when i noticed,i was listening to Michael,and asking him questions while looking to the moon.Had the most peaceful feeling,when not only i felt,but i was able to see the signs he was sending me,saying that he could hear me,and he wouldn't leave me alone.Then i made the same test calling my granny.In a matter of seconds,i heard her voice saying "i'm here baby girl"...so i decided to try to reach mummy,through both,and for the very first time since she died,i heard her answering my questions.I asked her to excuse me for not being able to go the cemitery this week,for the fake flowers she has there,because i know how much she hates plastic flowersFor not being the daughter she wished i was,and i remembered that last year,when i was in Oeiras,my main concern was to make sure she didn't miss me,or think i abandoned her,and for that i will never thank enough times to Ana Silva,who every single day went to go see my mom,so she could hear me and one time she even was able to speak!Today mummy told me that she always knew,and she never doubts,that i will never abadon her.I heard her so clear,that i screamed for her saying how much i love and miss her.Than i called Michael...and he did the most amazing thing....he told me that he is taking care of her,and loving the chance to get to know her.Now most of you will think this was a dream i had,others will think i am crazy,others will also think all of the above plus that decided to make up a story...i tell you my MJ family,believe what you want,think whatever,because believing or not,this really just happened,and i loved ever single second of it.Thank Michael,for helping me find a moment of real Peace.I can't remember when was the ast time i felt that.Love you so my Angel!"
 
"Today i felt the need to go to the beach...i needed to hear the sound of waves so bad...it was night,it was calm...i started to look into the moon and the stars,and a feeling i can't describe,took me compeletly,and when i noticed,i was listening to Michael,and asking him questions while looking to the moon.Had the most peaceful feeling,when not only i felt,but i was able to see the signs he was sending me,saying that he could hear me,and he wouldn't leave me alone.Then i made the same test calling my granny.In a matter of seconds,i heard her voice saying "i'm here baby girl"...so i decided to try to reach mummy,through both,and for the very first time since she died,i heard her answering my questions.I asked her to excuse me for not being able to go the cemitery this week,for the fake flowers she has there,because i know how much she hates plastic flowersFor not being the daughter she wished i was,and i remembered that last year,when i was in Oeiras,my main concern was to make sure she didn't miss me,or think i abandoned her,and for that i will never thank enough times to Ana Silva,who every single day went to go see my mom,so she could hear me and one time she even was able to speak!Today mummy told me that she always knew,and she never doubts,that i will never abadon her.I heard her so clear,that i screamed for her saying how much i love and miss her.Than i called Michael...and he did the most amazing thing....he told me that he is taking care of her,and loving the chance to get to know her.Now most of you will think this was a dream i had,others will think i am crazy,others will also think all of the above plus that decided to make up a story...i tell you my MJ family,believe what you want,think whatever,because believing or not,this really just happened,and i loved ever single second of it.Thank Michael,for helping me find a moment of real Peace.I can't remember when was the ast time i felt that.Love you so my Angel!"
Click to expand...

It must have been a wonderful experience.
It makes me think of this

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

I have had other things on my mind lately but last night I thought about you and now you have been here.
By the way do you use to join Major Love Prayer?
Maybe I see you there
 
My lovely Family...

First of all,i want to thank all the love and support i have for this place that i call home.
I know i don't come here often,and i keep saying i will do so,but believe me..the way i have been doing and feeling,i wouldn't be good for anyone.
To give you all an idea ofwhat i mean,i will share with you,how this day (11th Novemeber),was in 2013,and how was the 12th,as today (12th),it makes 1 year my mom died,and the pain and agony i feel,is exactly the same as if it was just happening.
Thank you so much for taking your time,for love and patience and to read 2 articles,that i wish i never had to write,but i guess i have no choice,as death will always happen sooner or later,right?

Monday,11th November,2013...Day OFF,because in the town i work its a holiday.

I'm very happy,because i will get to spend the all day with my Mother....
We had a great day....mummy was very reactive,smiling a lot,kissing and cudling like we always did...it felt so good!!!
Everyday when i went to see her at the hospital,i would go to her bed,and be in her arms,and all the problems i had,disapeared back then.
She always had,the power to recharge me.
We were always 1.Extremely close yes,but i wouldn't trade that bond and closeness for nothing in this world.
Thanhks to her i became the woman i am today.She believed in me like no one ever did;she stood by my side in every step of the way,and even when she was very sick already,she always tried to take work away from me.
I remember that on friday 8th November 2013,it was a very hard day at the hospital,because 2 old people died with the diference of 1 hour,and 2 other,became critical and ended up dying on sunday the 10th November.
Nurses were taking hours to come to my mother,so i ended up feeding my mom,and when i was told what happened,i said to mom "mummy...don't do this to me,ok?i can't live without you,i'm studying to take better care of you,and then it will be just the 2 of us again".Mummy smiled,and threw me a kiss.
I always made sure i tell her how much i love her,that i would never leave her,i never left the hospital saying goodbye or good night.I Always said "be right back mummy.be well,and may God be with you,my angel".Then i would "blessed" her,and leave.
It was always very hard to leave her.
Returning home,and seeing her bed empty,was always very hard to deal with,but what kept me going,was knowing that Mom was having proper care,and that the hours i stood away from her,were the ones that i had no choice,but to do so.
In That Monday,(11th November,2013),i left the hospital late at night as always,i told her what i was made sure she knew,and i came home with a smile on face,because mummy seemed more reactive than ever.(If only i knew that in some hours she would be gone)...There was no way i could imagine she would die within hours.She was stable,and so reactive.

Tuesday,12th November,2013...


I wake up sunddendly at 8 am.It was my father that was crying and saying "you have to be very strong...you have to be very strong..."and because it never crossed my mind that mom had died,i asked him.."why? what is wrong?"( i thought that an Auntie i have with Alzeimer's,very sick and old,had died).But then dad tells me "mom left us today."
At first i was not able to understand what he was saying,and because i had no reaction,he said "mom died today".At that moment my heart stoped.I frozed compeletly.
It seemed all very surreal...it seemed like i was having a nightmare,i was sleeping,having a bad dream,...but the truth was,i was awake,and it was very real.
After saying the news to my brother,i stoped being human and became a machine that started to take care of everything that was needed,and of course,making sure all mom wishes would be done and respected.
It was me who chose the clothes she wore,it was me who dressed her,it was me that said how everything would be done,No news about her passing in newspaper,and no photo anywhere,
At the services,she wanted the priest that she used to confess to,but he was out of town,and he said he would make sure he would make the 7th day mass.So he did,and what a lovely mass,as the ones he always does.
My world colapsed with the death of my Mother.
I knew it would happen one day,i knew it would be very hard,i had no idea,that phisically speaking,it would hurt as bad as it did.I felt trouble breathing,my heart was beating like if was coming out through my mouth,all my body hurt,i just wanted the agony i was in,to go away.
That's when i went to my family doctor,that made sure i would feel a bit better.
As hours were passing,my family was coming,but i was not well...it was not just them i wanted or needed.
I needed my 2 best friends so bad...
I knew Ana was working,so she wouldn't answer the phone,so i called Delfim,and told him what happened.
His reaction was exactly what i wanted the most.He asked me " do you want me to go to you?" of course i did.of course i do.
Delfim came on purpose from Lisbon to Porto,to support me,and being with him,and later with with Ana too,i felt loved and supported,in a way my family never did,because they have no idea how it feels like to have real friends,that do anything,when it's really needed,because they want to do it,and not because it is an obligation imposed by society,i guess.
As news were spreading,i could feel the love coming from my MJ family,and i can live 1000 years,i will never forget what all of you did for me,and for sure,i will be eternally thankful.
Time went by...
1 month,2 months,3 months...and today it makes 1 year that all this nightmare started.
Part of me died with my mom.
A lot happened since last December till today,but the pain,the emptyness,the agony is still very real.
I'm having professional help,not only because of what i tried to do,but because i need to reborn again,this time alone,having my own projects and dreams,but so far all i do is survive day by day,or hour by hour when i feel that a day is too long.
I keep being said,that it takes time,that the pain will never go away,but that it will become more berable with time.
It's making a 1 year today,and i feel like if it was happening all again just now.
I had theraphy today,and Doctor told me that it is normal.It comes in waves,and in certain days,it's normal that it feels like this.He told me that eventhough i can't see it,i am strongger than i think.( yeah right...)....
I just want to thank To all My MJ family,(the Portuguese and the MJJC one) for all the love and support.
But i would be very unfair,if i didn't thank in a very special way,to 2 friends,that know me since late 90's,and with whom,i lived some of the most wonderful,incredible,funny,and even crazy moments of my life,that meant the world to me.
To Ana Silva....gosh for so many reasons,i would never end this post...but for sure for being her,for being my friend,for doing what she did for me,that i will never forget.(Ana went for a whole week to see my mom,so i could go on holidays for a week,and talk to my mom,so she wouldn't miss me).This is something i will never thank enough,or do enough.This shows how a person is.How Ana is,and i love her so much.
To Delfim Miranda...Again i would never end this post,if i had to thank him for everything,But for sure i am eternally thankful for his attitude.He came on purpose from Lisbon to Porto,just to be with me.
He stood by my side all the time,and he dosen't do more,because there's a journey i need to do alone,and it will only end when i know who i really am,what are my goals and dreams,or as my Doctor says,when a New Maria is born.
Mummy...I love you so much!!! I miss you so bad!
Rest In Peace my Joy!
Didn't say goodbye to you a year ago,will not say today.I will just say,what i always did "Be right back mummy.Be well,and may God Bless you"




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Hello MJFam angel
I wanted to drop in to let you know that I've been thinking of you as well as praying, and that it's wonderful to hear back from you again. PLease keep in contact, we are a Family here, The MJFam and you are apart of that, we cherish our MJJC Family and will help you & stand by you through thick & thin.
With all the L.O.V.E. :heart:
Blessing :angel:
Souldreamer

This song makes me happy & I definetly want you to be happy, If you're ever down give it a play and know we are here for you!

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Hello .
I'm new in this forum but i'm a old fan of Michael .
As i start reading the forum , i found this Thread. I'm a old friend of Maria Joao and haven't talk to her for a lot of years . I'm very sad to find out that her mom past away . Does anyone knows how she's going? If somebody has contact with her , please tell her that her old friend LUIS hopes she's fine and gives her a big kiss.
Thanks
 
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