Tortured Soul Now at Rest

awoods2

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Its a dark time for all of us and I have recently joined the forum, despite being a non contributing viewer for many years. I like many am feeling anguish, pain, anger and a deep sadness that i pray will go away. Based on my own opinions of Michael and from what i have interpreted of comments from his true friends I wanted to share with you my feelings about Michaels life, especially over the last decade. Maybe its my way of dealing with grief and I hope none of it offends anyone because it really isn't meant that way.

Michael Jackson was and is still the most famous person on the planet. During the 80's and early 90's everyone wanted to be him, people idolised him, wanted to look like him, dance like him, sing like him. He hit that high that the very select few (Elvis, Beatles etc) could ever dream of achieving. This is a situation that is never sustainable. While he is selling papers the media were on his side aided by some of the more fun stories his P.R people leaked in order to create some mysticism. I think the media turned against him as Michael would not make himself readily available for interviews. They wanted him to tow the normal celebrity line but Michael away from his stage persona can be shy and i think he was worried that his quiet and shy manner would disapoint the public after watching his sexy, confident and grand shows. The media therefore turned against him and everything would now be portrayed in a negative light. Michaels actions were no longer reported as quirky, it became nasty and Michael has had to put up with this ever since.

The other issue is that Michael is different from most of the public. He has lived a life and upbringing that automatically makes him different. Being in the public eye from the age of 5, his loss of childhood, abuse from his father and his attempts to unravel all of this gave him a sense of innocence and naiveity that we have all come to love. He was a beautiful soul that saw the world differently but the media portrayed this difference as something sinister and weird where as it really came from a good place. No wonder he was unwilling to give interviews. Everytime he did they would be distorted. He could not understand why the world picked his words apart and twisted them where as the rest of mankind was comitting genocide, war and causing poverty. I think it is only now in his death that people (non fans) will realise that Michaels differences should be celebrated. They were good intentioned and we all contributed into making him the man that he is today as he grew up under our watchful eye.

I have been listening to his friends comments about Michael being a perfectionist and that he would not tolerate mediocrity in his work. Can you imagine the pressure that he has been under to better Off the Wall, Bad and Thriller? Even with the TII concerts he will have wanted to have made them bigger and better than anything he has ever done before. Everyone ages and I can imagine he must have been worried that at the age of 50 how does he raise the bar of his performances from his early years? It must have been an immense pressure as the slightest falter in a performance and the media would have jumped on it saying that 'Michael has lost it' etc. They were waiting from him to fail. Its only because Michael has set the bar so high that he has this cross to bare. His performances have always been about energy and maybe he thought we expected too much. The true fans would have been happy just to hear him do an unplugged set with very little dancing. I hope he knew this.

The most difficult part for me to write is about his appearance. This isnt an attack on Michael as i think he is beautiful, but I have heard reports from friends that during the late 90's to date Michael had some work done which he wasnt happy with and because he didnt feel that he looked good this made him more of a recluse. Of course the constant comments in the press about it would not have helped either. When I dont feel that I look good I dont want to go outside but can you imagine how he must have felt, being subconcious about his appearance and then everytime you step otside being surrounded by cameras. Maybe thats part of the reason he wore masks so much in his later life. The above is only speculation I know but its what I believe and I truelly feel for him.

In summary and going back to the title of this thread I think Michael was a tortured soul who hit the peak which was so high that he could only ever come down from it (in the publics eye, not true fans). When I say 'tortured soul' I mean that he was under pressure and stress from all areas of his life. His own perfectional standards, the media, the false accusations, lawsuits, those around him who were there to drain from him rather than help. Despite what he has said in the past I think he did care about what people think of him, after living in the public eye all his life how could he not care. I think the 2 main accusations against him probably drained more from his than we will ever know. Maybe taking the prescription drugs were a way of dealing with it all. To help numb some of the pain he has been through both physically and mentally.

My heart goes out to his family and children for their loss and I have my own grief to deal with, but if there is any glimpse of positivity in this then it is that the pressure has now gone. Michael fulfilled his dream, he achieved what no one else will achieve, he left a mark on this world like no other and there are no longer any expectations for him to live up to. Wherever he is I hope he can sit back and enjoy his legacy as the plaudits and out pouring of love comes rolling in from across the globe which will last the rest of time. How many of us can say we left such an inprint on this world?
 
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