How did everyone overcome grief?

[ghc921]

I am struggling to overcome grief over MJ's death as I have only recently became his fan. My heart aches so much. How did everyone overcome grief and went back to their "normal life?"

 

[anniina81]

I am struggling to overcome grief over MJ's death as I have only recently became his fan. My heart aches so much. How did everyone overcome grief and went back to their "normal life?"

I am been his fan over 39 years so we are grief his death almost 16 years and still it's feels like it's happened like yesterday. Never get over his death. About "normal life", well i don't know, MJ is been always big part of my life. So, i can say to you, You are not alone.

 

[Michaels Lover]

Loosing MJ was like loosing a loved one, the grief process was the same. I never really get over it, I just live with it. Of course it gets easier as time goes by, but I think about the loved ones I've lost every single day, and that includes MJ. As for going back to "normal life", it just happens...you just get to that point. It's hard to explain...I just go by what happens automatically. And at some point it just gets easier

 

[WolfMJJ]

I am struggling to overcome grief over MJ's death as I have only recently became his fan. My heart aches so much. How did everyone overcome grief and went back to their "normal life?"

“If you enter this world knowing you are loved, and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.” - Michael Jackson​

 

[jasmine.uddin]

Having been a fan since the mid 90s, I can go through long periods of time where I think I am fine, life tends to be a good distraction. And then suddenly I will see a video or a clip of him and I feel I am plunged back to that initial pang of loss I felt on June 25th 2009, and that's often followed by anger at having lost him the way we did. It's probably not very helpful, but I'm not sure grief is something that can be overcome, I think it's too much of a seismic shift within ones heart/soul.

But I can share some things that I feel have helped me. Listening to stories about MJ from people who knew him has been priceless, I highly recommended Taryll, TJ and Taj's episodes on the MJCast podcast, they also have many great episodes, would also recommend Talitha's episode. I'm pretty sure they do an episode for June 25th every year too. Participating on this forum and connecting with other fans has helped me feel less alone, knowing that he meant to others what he meant to me has made me feel less isolated in my grief. Reading books about him is fascinating. Listening to his music helps remind me why I became a fan in the first place. Watching funny bloopers on YouTube, and a reel of his laugh and giggles always brightens up my day!

These things make me smile, although I never saw him live or had the fortune to meet him, although I was never able to tell him how much he meant to me, I take deep comfort in knowing his loving, mesmerising, brilliant presence graced the planet within my own time frame.

Try and enjoy all the memories he left us, I think that's all any of us ever truly leave each other.

 

[ghc921]

I am been his fan over 39 years so we are grief his death almost 16 years and still it's feels like it's happened like yesterday. Never get over his death. About "normal life", well i don't know, MJ is been always big part of my life. So, i can say to you, You are not alone.

I miss him so so much. I just wish that I knew him and became fan a lot earlier...

 

[ghc921]

Loosing MJ was like loosing a loved one, the grief process was the same. I never really get over it, I just live with it. Of course it gets easier as time goes by, but I think about the loved ones I've lost every single day, and that includes MJ. As for going back to "normal life", it just happens...you just get to that point. It's hard to explain...I just go by what happens automatically. And at some point it just gets easier

So... the time will heal...
Yes, it really feels like losing a loved one. My heart literally is in pain and I get teary when I listen to his music or watch his videos. It doesn't seem like real that it's been 16 years since his death...

 

[ghc921]

“If you enter this world knowing you are loved, and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.” - Michael Jackson​

I love Michael so so so much...

 

[Michaels Lover]

So... the time will heal...
Yes, it really feels like losing a loved one. My heart literally is in pain and I get teary when I listen to his music or watch his videos. It doesn't seem like real that it's been 16 years since his death...

Yes time will heal...since it's still new to you being a fan and grieving his death, it will probably take a while before you get to that point where it gets easier...sorry to say it

 

[ghc921]

Yes time will heal...since it's still new to you being a fan and grieving his death, it will probably take a while before you get to that point where it gets easier...sorry to say it

Thank you for your comfort... I just really really really miss him.....

 

[wendijane]

We don't .....we.....just learn to live with it ..some leave .... alot have left , taking their memories with them. Others stay ... @bluemoon7 and @MacMandy90 @Michaels Lover have stayed ... @Lorraine @summer @Moonstreet pops in on occasion. and @aazzaabb has returned to us. I for one, am thoroughly at a lost end when it comes to June. You can see the depletion in my mood across this board throughout the years when we lost M . So many of us were devastated so much so, that a part of us died too.

 

[ghc921]

We don't .....we.....just learn to live with it ..some leave .... alot have left , taking their memories with them. Others stay ... @bluemoon7 and @MacMandy90 @Michaels Lover have stayed ... @Lorraine @summer @Moonstreet pops in on occasion. and @aazzaabb has returned to us. I for one, am thoroughly at a lost end when it comes to June. You can see the depletion in my mood across this board throughout the years when we lost M . So many of us were devastated so much so, that a part of us died too.

The more I listen to his songs and watch his videos, the more I cannot believe his death. I even read 50 something pages of his autopsy report, but still can't believe that it's been 16 years without him.... I just wish that he was still here so I could tell him I love him because I never had a chance to when he was alive. I owe him a sincere apology, too, as I had been brainwashed by the press and media back then and had a terrible misconception about him... I just miss him so so much... and the way you explained your experience is heartbreaking...

 

[wendijane]

The more I listen to his songs and watch his videos, the more I cannot believe his death.

Many years now and I think truthfully it doesn't get any better, We are just left with memories

I even read 50 something pages of his autopsy report, but still can't believe that it's been 16 years without him.... I just wish that he was still here so I could tell him I love him because I never had a chance to when he was alive. I owe him a sincere apology, too, as I had been brainwashed by the press and media back then and had a terrible misconception about him... I just miss him so so much... and the way you explained your experience is heartbreaking...

The main thing is you are here now though which is good because his army gets stronger each day. The media and those bad lies didn't win cause you are here and you made that decision to finally be here, and that in fact m was quite a decent chap after all .

Your change of mind is rather a breakthrough to be honest ..,so do try to think of it like that ....and it's not your fault that the press did that to you btw.....

Here's something for you ..if you haven't seen it already that is, @ghc921 [it goes up till..Victory 1984 ] and welcome to the family.

 

[Moonie]

The more I listen to his songs and watch his videos, the more I cannot believe his death. I even read 50 something pages of his autopsy report, but still can't believe that it's been 16 years without him.... I just wish that he was still here so I could tell him I love him because I never had a chance to when he was alive. I owe him a sincere apology, too, as I had been brainwashed by the press and media back then and had a terrible misconception about him... I just miss him so so much... and the way you explained your experience is heartbreaking...

As a new fan myself, I totally understand you. I am a hypersensitive and empathetic person so his death also hurt me. I remember hearing the news of his death while I was in the car with my mother. It simply surprised me, but I wasn't sad because I didn't know anything about MJ. He was just someone famous, and I was completely unaware of all his accomplishments and kindness. When I learned about him a few months ago, guilt gripped me for a while, and sadness too. I mourned his death and cried, even though I had never cared about him before. You will learn to overcome guilt, I'm sure of it!

 

[ghc921]

Many years now and I think truthfully it doesn't get any better, We are just left with memories

The main thing is you are here now though which is good because his army gets stronger each day. The media and those bad lies didn't win cause you are here and you made that decision to finally be here, and that in fact m was quite a decent chap after all .

Your change of mind is rather a breakthrough to be honest ..,so do try to think of it like that ....and it's not your fault that the press did that to you btw.....

Here's something for you ..if you haven't seen it already that is, @ghc921 [it goes up till..Victory 1984 ] and welcome to the family.

Wow... thank you so much... I cried as I was reading this reply post. I am proud to be a part of MJ's army/ family. I am so glad I got to know him better- just wish that I did it sooner though.

I am angry at the press and media. They killed an innocent, loving, kind, caring, merciful, gracious, pure man.

 

[ghc921]

As a new fan myself, I totally understand you. I am a hypersensitive and empathetic person so his death also hurt me. I remember hearing the news of his death while I was in the car with my mother. It simply surprised me, but I wasn't sad because I didn't know anything about MJ. He was just someone famous, and I was completely unaware of all his accomplishments and kindness. When I learned about him a few months ago, guilt gripped me for a while, and sadness too. I mourned his death and cried, even though I had never cared about him before. You will learn to overcome guilt, I'm sure of it!

As a new fan myself, I totally understand you. I am a hypersensitive and empathetic person so his death also hurt me. I remember hearing the news of his death while I was in the car with my mother. It simply surprised me, but I wasn't sad because I didn't know anything about MJ. He was just someone famous, and I was completely unaware of all his accomplishments and kindness. When I learned about him a few months ago, guilt gripped me for a while, and sadness too. I mourned his death and cried, even though I had never cared about him before. You will learn to overcome guilt, I'm sure of it!

Yes, I went through exactly the same thing! The sense of guilt would eventually fade as time goes by, but I know it won't be totally gone. Somewhere deep in my heart, I will always feel guilty and sorry...

Today, I listened to 'Childhood' and was totally broken-hearted by thinking about what Michael had to go through during his time here on earth. For someone who was always loving and caring, this world was too cruel and harsh on him...

 

[ghc921]

As a new fan myself, I totally understand you. I am a hypersensitive and empathetic person so his death also hurt me. I remember hearing the news of his death while I was in the car with my mother. It simply surprised me, but I wasn't sad because I didn't know anything about MJ. He was just someone famous, and I was completely unaware of all his accomplishments and kindness. When I learned about him a few months ago, guilt gripped me for a while, and sadness too. I mourned his death and cried, even though I had never cared about him before. You will learn to overcome guilt, I'm sure of it!

Someone wrote on their facebook: "Half of people here screaming Michael is innocent probably were condemning him and believing all accusations".... This struck me so hard and the sense of guilt came back so strong....

 

[MacMandy90]

Even after 16 years without Michael, this month can be hard to bear. His vindication on the 13th of June, 20 years ago today, was a win for him and all of us in this ever-growing community. It felt like it happened yesterday, remembering where I was when he passed, I was praying it wasn't real, I fell to my knees and wept. A part of me died that day, as we all felt as well. In dealing with grief, from all walks of life, it can be tough, but when we have all experienced a loss, regardless of how big or small, we all fight to overcome and adapt. Michael is still with us all in spirit and watching over all of us.

Since I work within public safety and public health, especially with death investigations, I never would have thought to go into a field where there are so many questions, yet with very few answers. Even going through the rabbit hole of curiosity, reading Michael's reports not only broke my heart, but he was still a human being, a man who gave so much joy, talent, and beyond. With empathy, respect, dignity, and compassion, we are all supposed to come together to care for one another and improve the future. It saddens me how even after his death, he is still disrespected and ridiculed, yet his legacy is still going strong, and I sure am damn proud to be in this army/family.

 

[ghc921]

Even after 16 years without Michael, this month can be hard to bear. His vindication on the 13th of June, 20 years ago today, was a win for him and all of us in this ever-growing community. It felt like it happened yesterday, remembering where I was when he passed, I was praying it wasn't real, I fell to my knees and wept. A part of me died that day, as we all felt as well. In dealing with grief, from all walks of life, it can be tough, but when we have all experienced a loss, regardless of how big or small, we all fight to overcome and adapt. Michael is still with us all in spirit and watching over all of us.

Since I work within public safety and public health, especially with death investigations, I never would have thought to go into a field where there are so many questions, yet with very few answers. Even going through the rabbit hole of curiosity, reading Michael's reports not only broke my heart, but he was still a human being, a man who gave so much joy, talent, and beyond. With empathy, respect, dignity, and compassion, we are all supposed to come together to care for one another and improve the future. It saddens me how even after his death, he is still disrespected and ridiculed, yet his legacy is still going strong, and I sure am damn proud to be in this army/family.

Yes, it really saddens me to see and hear people still mocking him to this day. He does not deserve such thing. How I wish he was still alive and see with his eyes how big his army/ family is now...

 

[KOPV]

I am struggling to overcome grief over MJ's death as I have only recently became his fan. My heart aches so much. How did everyone overcome grief and went back to their "normal life?"

Grief isn't something to overcome but to come through.. There is another side where you find joy, new appreciation, and love the 'now', but you never 'get 'over' to overcome.

 

[SolAura]

Someone wrote on their facebook: "Half of people here screaming Michael is innocent probably were condemning him and believing all accusations".... This struck me so hard and the sense of guilt came back so strong....

If it helps, MJ was/is a very forgiving spirit. I highly doubt he would want you drowning in guilt. That you finally saw the light is what’s most important and I’m pretty sure he’d appreciate that.

 

[@mjfanatic777]

I became a fan 3 years ago and really before that, I've never experienced grief. yes a few family members have passed away but the ones that have are ones whom I've met when I was REALLY young or just don't know. I'm 15 btw so this may alter the way I process grief for M. I was sad. I actually remember when I was 12 I cried on June 1. (which is like so annoying when I look back because my birthday is May 31 and I'm like 'the frick I was crying on the first day of being 12' but whatever) obviously I am still sad about it and probably will be forever when June rolls around. (but I don't cry anymore) so, to answer your question, the way I overcame grief is by living. let me explain. I love ballet, horseback riding, surfing, hiking, reading (and my bf) basically I just do things I love. basically I just fill my life with happiness and things that bring me joy that I almost don't grief. To be fair, he passed before I was born so to me he's always been that one dead guy I really really really love. like I already knew he was dead. but I getcha it's still sad. so I the way I do it is that I just continue living. obviously everybody has their own way on processing grief and my ways may not work for you and that's ok. ok on to the normal life part. now I don't mean to sound harsh but you know you are never going to see Mike again. so why waste your emotional well-being on something that will never happen. also, im sure mike would rather have you feel joy in your life than be sad about him. because one of his many goals in life was to bring people joy with his music, not have them grieve over his death. hopefully this helps you I'M SO FRIGGIN SORRY IT'S LONG I LOVE TO RANT ON THE INTERWEBS

 

[Michael4MyLife]

The first reaction was denial. I went deep-down into the "hoax" rabbit hole. Videos came up where he was allegedly spotted live. Some of us remember that reflection on the car hood that looked like his ghost. Some believed he would return 25th of June 2010. Or he would release an album as a surprise from another part of the world. Off course neither of this happened, and we all knew deep down that he was gone forever. Yes, it hurts to say that, but back then I couldn't say that. I pretended he was still alive. I could not say that he was dead. Then comes acceptance and that's a beautiful thing.

 

[ghc921]

If it helps, MJ was/is a very forgiving spirit. I highly doubt he would want you drowning in guilt. That you finally saw the light is what’s most important and I’m pretty sure he’d appreciate that.

I'm hoping he would. I'm just so grateful that he was and is a very forgiving and loving person. It's something I want to learn and adapt. He's now my role model.

 

[ghc921]

The first reaction was denial. I went deep-down into the "hoax" rabbit hole. Videos came up where he was allegedly spotted live. Some of us remember that reflection on the car hood that looked like his ghost. Some believed he would return 25th of June 2010. Or he would release an album as a surprise from another part of the world. Off course neither of this happened, and we all knew deep down that he was gone forever. Yes, it hurts to say that, but back then I couldn't say that. I pretended he was still alive. I could not say that he was dead. Then comes acceptance and that's a beautiful thing.

I have been able to accept his death slowly. I am sort of glad that he's now somewhere with no sadness or frustration. I believe that he is resting well, singing and dancing, and enjoying running outside and playing in the water like he did before he had vitiligo. Imagining him enjoying a total freedom makes me feel relieved.

 

[ghc921]

I became a fan 3 years ago and really before that, I've never experienced grief. yes a few family members have passed away but the ones that have are ones whom I've met when I was REALLY young or just don't know. I'm 15 btw so this may alter the way I process grief for M. I was sad. I actually remember when I was 12 I cried on June 1. (which is like so annoying when I look back because my birthday is May 31 and I'm like 'the frick I was crying on the first day of being 12' but whatever) obviously I am still sad about it and probably will be forever when June rolls around. (but I don't cry anymore) so, to answer your question, the way I overcame grief is by living. let me explain. I love ballet, horseback riding, surfing, hiking, reading (and my bf) basically I just do things I love. basically I just fill my life with happiness and things that bring me joy that I almost don't grief. To be fair, he passed before I was born so to me he's always been that one dead guy I really really really love. like I already knew he was dead. but I getcha it's still sad. so I the way I do it is that I just continue living. obviously everybody has their own way on processing grief and my ways may not work for you and that's ok. ok on to the normal life part. now I don't mean to sound harsh but you know you are never going to see Mike again. so why waste your emotional well-being on something that will never happen. also, im sure mike would rather have you feel joy in your life than be sad about him. because one of his many goals in life was to bring people joy with his music, not have them grieve over his death. hopefully this helps you I'M SO FRIGGIN SORRY IT'S LONG I LOVE TO RANT ON THE INTERWEBS

It's really sad and heart breaking, but at the same time I'm glad that he doesn't have to suffer anymore. I believe he's having a great time up there in heaven.

 

[Graynbow]

(I don't know how to answer without telling a story so, if you wanna skip to the last paragraph before the lyrics, go for it. )

I only joined this online community recently, but I was a major fan of his when I was about 10 years old (3 of my family members passed in the same year) and then he was gone 3 years later when I thought I might actually have a chance to see him in concert before he never does a concert again. I've never fully gotten over it (not the concert, IDGAF about the later tours knowing what I know now, but him just... being gone).

My bio dad (I'd compare his personality to Evan Ch. honestly from what I've read/learned about him) always hated how much I was drawn to and loved Michael even though I had never met him (and knowing everything I know now, I'm torn about being regretful but also glad I didn't because I'm guessing if I had, my bio dad would have at least seriously considered joining the smear campaign with the way he talked about him), but I watched every single video, not just music videos, not just films he produced or was in (Captain EO *in* Epcot, The Wiz, and others).
I watched every video that I could find on youtube, his public responses, his interviews (the good, the bad, and the ugly, before and after 1993), his speeches, the documentaries at the time (I didn't feel good about watching many of the more recent ones), anything, because I was a love-starved child who turned out to be late-diagnosed ADHD/Autistic and everything he did/made made me feel a little less pain and a little less alone.

I thought (and still do) that he must be one of the kindest and misunderstood people ever (I related to what I thought of him, being deemed a social "weirdo" myself for various reasons). My bio dad said some awful outlandish things about him to me that were flat-out racist and petty.

I do not attribute my sense of self or my sense of kindness or compassion to either of my parents, both were and are very self-centered and I cannot mentally afford to keep my dad in my life due to the way he chooses to live in hate, but I do attribute both my sense of compassion toward others AND my radicalization of understanding even a semblence of systemic racism (and gender and disability -isms) before I ever took a college course on any of it to develop a more thorough vocabulary.

I know I never personally knew him, and never will, but his legacy provided a loving father-like figure for me (as I'm sure he did to *many* children of the world and probably will continue to for the kids who are into looking at the oldest "music videos" and deep-dive as much as I was). I cry for him on occasion the same way if not more than I do for my family memebers, knowing that he never really got to have any real sense of long-standing privacy and was always looked at with so much suspicion/greed from so many people ever since 1993.

Also after he passed, I started to not be able to listen to his music or really anything about him because it felt too haunting and heart-wrenching at the time. So the despicable "doc" didn't cross my radar until a while later and it kinda caught me off guard. It was retraumatizing to watch because it reminded me of my *actual* childhood trauma, but once again, it was hard to share anything about that with others or even enjoy his music outside of my own privacy because everyone was always so convinced already that it was seen as if we all were "excusing" stuff or simply speaking the truth about what really went down and is well-documented because many of us actually cared to find out like he pleaded with the public to do. The world didn't "deserve" his kindness after all that, and even then he was still kind, I think it is right to be kind and know everyone has their own journey and perspectives until they get a more whole picture.

(thank you for patiently reading all of this and being kind)

Given all the context...
I just watched a video of a young Michael singing One Day In Your Life and I feel like many of the things he created/sang eventually came true and it makes me depressed sometimes if I let myself linger on it too much.

The lyrics for reference:
One day in your life,
You'll remember the place
Someone touching your face
You'll come back and you'll look around you.

One day in your life,
You'll remember the love you found here.

You'll remember me somehow,
Though you don't need me now,
I will stay in your heart
And when things fall apart,
you'll remember one day...

One day in your life,
When you find that you're always waiting
For the love we used to share
Just call my name,
and I'll be there.

You'll remember me somehow
Though you don't need me now,
I will stay in your heart
And when things fall apart,
You'll remember one day...

One day in your life,
You will find that you're always longing,
For the love we used to share
Just call my name,
And I'll be there.

 

[MJ TinkerBell]

I can honestly tell you that back in 2009 I did not think I would ever see 2010 when Michael returned back to Heaven!
I was so broken I was so lost I could not stop breaking down every 5mins, I cried unexpectedly in public when I shouldn't have and did not cry when I was alone like I should have!
I have to give all the credit where the credit is surely due to GAZ & MJJC & MJ FANS here for helping me survive back then and right now on the 16th Anniversary you guys continue to help me keep going even if I am missing him like every single day is still so painful and never go away for as long as my heart beats!
I wish to thank GAZ and every single one of you MJJCommunity Members (Old & New), the MJ Fan-Mily & MJ Friends who held space for my pain so that I can be here stronger today, tomorrow and forever to LOVE HIM MORE with everythng I do to protect his Legacy of L.O.V.E!!
I somehow survived the UNTHINKABLE, the UNREAL, the UNBELIEVEABLE and I will never ever forget how your love for Michael literally saved my life!!

 

[jasmine.uddin]

I agree, despite the bickering and the occasional derailing of threads, this site is such a valuable resource for fans missing MJ, it's comforting to share a space with others who are equally obsessed with MJ. Although it doesn't always feel like it at times, we are all on the same team.

Not to take anything away from later fans, but I do think his loss takes on a different meaning for those of us who were equally obsessed with him when he was alive. 16 years later, I still find myself asking how on Earth did we just lose him like that?

I often find myself caught in a vicious cycle where I miss him, so I watch a song video, then I miss him even more because memories of him from the time come flooding back. I cannot seem to separate my memories of him from my own memories of my past. For some reason I find it easier to listen to him, or see photos, but videos of him can still send me reeling.

But I remember that it took me a year or two to voluntarily listen/watch anything MJ related after he passed because it hurt so much at the time.

 

[PoP]

The summer was awful during my grieving, while I was going thru it, I started bing buying magazines on Michael, after the summer was over, watching the very first trailer of “This Is It” I started recuperating, then “I started watching “Penguins Of Madagascar” (Nickelodeon animation) and that show progressed my recovery.