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How I wish...

ghc921

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When Michael Jackson was still alive, I was just a teenager. The internet or the social media was not as active as it is now, so all I knew about Michael was whatever I saw on the news headlines and what others around me told me about him. Not even bothering to learn more about Michael, I made my decision to not like him. Strangely, I liked his music and listened to his music. I couldn't possibly like this man, whom everyone was treating as a "weirdo" or even a "criminal".

It's been 15 years since Michael leaving this world, but only now, I have come to realise that I had made a terrible decision with misjudgement. I realise how amazing this man was and still is. He wasn't just a genius artist, but was someone who knew how to share love and spread positive vibe, giving hope to others. I have become a huge fan of him now, and I love him with all my heart.

I am, however, in agony every single day. How I wish he was still alive, so I could somehow ask him for his forgiveness for my misjudgement in the past and let him know that I love him and support him in all possible ways. The fact that I can not send my sincere apology to him makes me feel so so so devastated.

Michael did not deserve all the things he had to go through- as a child and as the King of pop, and just as a person, as a pure-hearted, kind-hearted, loving person. I don't love him just because he was a legend in the music industry, I love him because he is just an amazing loving, caring person, despite all the traumatic experiences he had to go through since young.

If it is possible, I hope Michael can forgive me.
 
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ghc921 said:
I hate myself for taking way too long to know who Michael really is...
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The important thing is that you do understand now, most people never will. You took the effort to find out who he really is, that is what matters.

And like @Michaels Lover already wrote, he would totally forgive you, so you shouldn't hate yourself dor it. That doesn't change anything and Michael definitely wouldn't want that 🫶
 
And adding to everyone here, all the beautiful people here including yourself - you know what I think he might say , he might say "meet the family ghc921" and welcome you with open arms.
 
someplace_else said:
The important thing is that you do understand now, most people never will. You took the effort to find out who he really is, that is what matters.

And like @Michaels Lover already wrote, he would totally forgive you, so you shouldn't hate yourself dor it. That doesn't change anything and Michael definitely wouldn't want that 🫶
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Michael was such a loving person. You're right, he wouldnt like to see me having myself for that. But I can't help myself from being so heartbroken and sad and sorry for the past... I cry so much.
 
wendijane said:
And adding to everyone here, all the beautiful people here including yourself - you know what I think he might say , he might say "meet the family ghc921" and welcome you with open arms.
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Oh how I wish he was still here... just imagining him saying this and welcoming me in his open arms brings me tears in my eyes...
 
Ghc921 it sounds like you are torturing yourself, but the process you went through is all part of growing up.
That quote from Alice in Wonderland is so true
'Its no use going back to yesterday, I was a different person then'.
Don't feel bad, you were the victim of a relentless media campaign, but like someplace_else said, you did the work to get out from that spell, and the best you can do is support him going forwards.

Being an MJ is never easy, irrespective of whether you become a fan during his lifetime or not. Don't make it worse by being hard on yourself.

The last 10 years of MJs life were truly tragic, but sometimes as fans we forget that he had great times along the way too. He achieved so many of his dreams throughout his life, and met/worked with so many of his own heroes. It was quite a life!

Thanks for sharing your story, its refreshing to hear from someone who thought they didn't like MJ, but still couldn't resist the allure of his music.
He was indeed special, and I find it comforting that you came to that same realisation despite the media brainwashing.

Grieving MJ is a long process too, go easy on yourself, x
 
ghc921 said:
Michael was such a loving person. You're right, he wouldnt like to see me having myself for that. But I can't help myself from being so heartbroken and sad and sorry for the past... I cry so much.
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It's okay to cry, but you also have to think about why. Often there is a deeper feeling behind all of it or experiences you made in the past are connected and it could be possible that you have to work on these things to get better. But hating yourself is never the solution. There are always reasons why we act how we act, be kind to yourself.
 
jasmine.uddin said:
Ghc921 it sounds like you are torturing yourself, but the process you went through is all part of growing up.
That quote from Alice in Wonderland is so true
'Its no use going back to yesterday, I was a different person then'.
Don't feel bad, you were the victim of a relentless media campaign, but like someplace_else said, you did the work to get out from that spell, and the best you can do is support him going forwards.

Being an MJ is never easy, irrespective of whether you become a fan during his lifetime or not. Don't make it worse by being hard on yourself.

The last 10 years of MJs life were truly tragic, but sometimes as fans we forget that he had great times along the way too. He achieved so many of his dreams throughout his life, and met/worked with so many of his own heroes. It was quite a life!

Thanks for sharing your story, its refreshing to hear from someone who thought they didn't like MJ, but still couldn't resist the allure of his music.
He was indeed special, and I find it comforting that you came to that same realisation despite the media brainwashing.

Grieving MJ is a long process too, go easy on yourself, x
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Thank you, I’ve been carrying so much guilt because I feel like I missed my chance to truly support and love Michael while he was here. Thanks for reminding me that MJ had some great moments in his life, too. I wished that his later life was as smooth and beautiful as it was before all the accusations and brainwashing od the media began. Poor soul. I think I am going through the grieving process that most of MJ'S fans went through 16 years ago. I miss him so so so much and just wished that he was here. I will try my best to not hate myself anymore, rather, I will try to comfort myself and let myself know that it is good of me to come to realise who MJ truly is now.
 
someplace_else said:
It's okay to cry, but you also have to think about why. Often there is a deeper feeling behind all of it or experiences you made in the past are connected and it could be possible that you have to work on these things to get better. But hating yourself is never the solution. There are always reasons why we act how we act, be kind to yourself.
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I think I am in the grieving process. I just miss him so so so so much after taking a long 16 years to truly know what kind of person he was. I just miss him... watching his videos makes me cry because I miss him and it just took me way too long...
 
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