DJs_Doodles
Daryl Joel 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
Hello MJJCommunity!
If you're an MJJCommunity veteran or have been very active on this website around early to late 2023, chances are that you may remember me. My name is Daryl Joel, or DJ. I am an 18-year-old Michael Jackson superfan from Wisconsin, USA. My old account went by the name of @DarylJoel_B. Although I still remember the account's password, my reasons for creating a new account rather than just logging back in to my old one are rather personal.
During the time I was an MJJCommunity member on that account, I was going through one of the worst periods of my life. My profile posts definitely reflect the difficult feelings that I was battling from the day I first joined to the day I planned to leave for good. The reason why I joined this site at all was also brought about by some difficult circumstances involving my relationship with my mother.
For some extra context, I am a transgender man who is also openly gay. I've been socially transitioning from female to male since I was 14 years old. While most of the people in my life are accepting of my gender identity, my mother is not accepting. She never has been, and probably never will.
From the ages of 14-16, I had several Michael Jackson fan pages on Instagram, participated in several Michael Jackson fan spaces online, and found a place where I could be myself and express my interests without my mother's backlash. Unfortunately, however, my mother then discovered the truth. She discovered that I was very active on social media and very open about my queer identity. As I expected, she did not approve. She also lectured me one day, holding my phone in her hand, about how my supportive friends were a "bad influence", that I was "brainwashed" into "defying" her. Throughout the years, she has also repeatedly tried to gaslight me into believing that I wasn't trans, saying things like, "You're too young to know if you're trans, you're just seeking attention", etc.
Using the app Google Family Link, she then put several restrictions on my phone for two whole years. She told the app that I was 13 (even though I was 16 when this started) so she could go through with it successfully. These restrictions prevented me from downloading "inappropriate" apps, to browse the Internet, or even watch YouTube. Even if I were to download an "acceptable" app, I always had to get her permission before downloading it. She also made a new Google account for me that had my deadname (my birth name) in it, and I was not allowed to change it to my preferred name. The rule was that I would be put under these restrictions until I turned 18 years old.
She claimed these restrictions were put in place to "protect" me, but I never felt protected. She violated my privacy, forced me to come out her when I didn't feel ready, and I always knew deep down that it was only her attempt to silence me in the hopes that I would detransition somehow when I was away from "bad influences." Only, of course, that's not how being transgender works! Nobody has ever "influenced" me to be trans, and you can't "influence" anyone to be trans. It's just who I am. And thus, of course, I continued to identify as trans during this period. And because my supportive spaces (apart from school) were severely limited, my gender dysphoria actually worsened. I felt a lot more depressed and isolated. I passed the time watching YouTube on my school computer and eventually created my first MJJCommunity account, where I was open about my identity again (safely) for the first time in a while. However, additional troubles with my mental health made me quit the website in August 2023, with me only logging in occasionally to view old memories.
From September 2023 to now, I began mentally rebuilding myself. I got into my first adult relationship, gained my access to my old Instagram pages back, and even made TikTok videos. However, I am now taking a hiatus from both of those spaces and have since broken up with my now ex-boyfriend. Things have been hectic lately, but I still want to rebuild myself, how I present myself online, how I interact with others, and how I express my love for Michael Jackson, my idol. I also want to bring more of my creative ideas to fruition.
I never thought I would return to this site again, but here I am. It feels absolutely euphoric to be back again and to feel ready to start all over. After reading old messages I've received here, this is an MJ fan space I don't think I'll ever totally abandon. And from now on, this will be my one and only active MJJCommunity account from now on. @DarylJoel_B is simply an archive account now.
Despite the difficulties I encountered, I loved it here. I still do. Hopefully, everyone who sent me supportive messages and my friend from my old account are doing well now. Some are not active on the site anymore, but I wish them well. I also wish the same for all current MJJCommunity members.
~ DJ
If you're an MJJCommunity veteran or have been very active on this website around early to late 2023, chances are that you may remember me. My name is Daryl Joel, or DJ. I am an 18-year-old Michael Jackson superfan from Wisconsin, USA. My old account went by the name of @DarylJoel_B. Although I still remember the account's password, my reasons for creating a new account rather than just logging back in to my old one are rather personal.
During the time I was an MJJCommunity member on that account, I was going through one of the worst periods of my life. My profile posts definitely reflect the difficult feelings that I was battling from the day I first joined to the day I planned to leave for good. The reason why I joined this site at all was also brought about by some difficult circumstances involving my relationship with my mother.
For some extra context, I am a transgender man who is also openly gay. I've been socially transitioning from female to male since I was 14 years old. While most of the people in my life are accepting of my gender identity, my mother is not accepting. She never has been, and probably never will.
From the ages of 14-16, I had several Michael Jackson fan pages on Instagram, participated in several Michael Jackson fan spaces online, and found a place where I could be myself and express my interests without my mother's backlash. Unfortunately, however, my mother then discovered the truth. She discovered that I was very active on social media and very open about my queer identity. As I expected, she did not approve. She also lectured me one day, holding my phone in her hand, about how my supportive friends were a "bad influence", that I was "brainwashed" into "defying" her. Throughout the years, she has also repeatedly tried to gaslight me into believing that I wasn't trans, saying things like, "You're too young to know if you're trans, you're just seeking attention", etc.
Using the app Google Family Link, she then put several restrictions on my phone for two whole years. She told the app that I was 13 (even though I was 16 when this started) so she could go through with it successfully. These restrictions prevented me from downloading "inappropriate" apps, to browse the Internet, or even watch YouTube. Even if I were to download an "acceptable" app, I always had to get her permission before downloading it. She also made a new Google account for me that had my deadname (my birth name) in it, and I was not allowed to change it to my preferred name. The rule was that I would be put under these restrictions until I turned 18 years old.
She claimed these restrictions were put in place to "protect" me, but I never felt protected. She violated my privacy, forced me to come out her when I didn't feel ready, and I always knew deep down that it was only her attempt to silence me in the hopes that I would detransition somehow when I was away from "bad influences." Only, of course, that's not how being transgender works! Nobody has ever "influenced" me to be trans, and you can't "influence" anyone to be trans. It's just who I am. And thus, of course, I continued to identify as trans during this period. And because my supportive spaces (apart from school) were severely limited, my gender dysphoria actually worsened. I felt a lot more depressed and isolated. I passed the time watching YouTube on my school computer and eventually created my first MJJCommunity account, where I was open about my identity again (safely) for the first time in a while. However, additional troubles with my mental health made me quit the website in August 2023, with me only logging in occasionally to view old memories.
From September 2023 to now, I began mentally rebuilding myself. I got into my first adult relationship, gained my access to my old Instagram pages back, and even made TikTok videos. However, I am now taking a hiatus from both of those spaces and have since broken up with my now ex-boyfriend. Things have been hectic lately, but I still want to rebuild myself, how I present myself online, how I interact with others, and how I express my love for Michael Jackson, my idol. I also want to bring more of my creative ideas to fruition.
I never thought I would return to this site again, but here I am. It feels absolutely euphoric to be back again and to feel ready to start all over. After reading old messages I've received here, this is an MJ fan space I don't think I'll ever totally abandon. And from now on, this will be my one and only active MJJCommunity account from now on. @DarylJoel_B is simply an archive account now.
Despite the difficulties I encountered, I loved it here. I still do. Hopefully, everyone who sent me supportive messages and my friend from my old account are doing well now. Some are not active on the site anymore, but I wish them well. I also wish the same for all current MJJCommunity members.
~ DJ
