Like how many years did you love him that much?
ok, I'll try to express how does it feel.
well i was five years old when i first saw his video "do you remember the time?!"
and my first thought was: " he is the most beautiful human i have ever seen."
and since that day I began dreaming about him.
I imagined him as my lover and future husband.
of course that was all childish, i was only five...
years passed, and I kinda forget about him,
there were new boys around, i liked someone, than other one,
and Michael was not that actual for me.
it came back as real love when i was 13 years old.
the same thing happened, i just was watching TV, and i saw his video _ Scream.
and i was like OMG this is Michael Jackson, he is so beautiful,
i have never seen someone like him,
he is something not like anything in this world.
and i felt he was Ideal man for me.
his love somehow came in me, and i felt him.
I knew him, can't explain how i knew what a person he was,
later when i was reading some stories about him, i was like:
"OMG he's just like the person I imagined !"
I began listening his songs not because i liked his songs, but because i wanted to hear his voice.
his voice was for me important, not his songs and talent.
I listened his songs because i loved him as a person, as a man.
and i went totally crazy,
for five years i just jump in to the big see of love and totally gave myself to it.
there was nothing and no one except this love,
i imagine i was Juliet and i was ready to die for him.:wub:
I swear if this tragedy had happened then, i would have gone with Michael.
i know I would just have killed myself without a doubt, i know this for sure.
than through years when i was about 19 this love calm down,
became quieter,
and i began observing other people around me.
of course i loved Michael , but now this was not only him, now there were other people too.
I understand there were other people, in the world besides Michael,
like my parents, who needed me and who I needed.
but when this tragedy happened i was devastated.
I couldn't kill myself, because i realized my parents pain, but i wanted to die.
i with all my heat wished to die,
if someone would have come then and killed me i would have been very thankful.
life became pain for me, i hated life. and i was no longer afraid of death,
because death was what i wanted most.
and even now if Michael will come and tell me, i'm in heaven or i'm in hell and come with me, i will go with him.
( to be honest i don't very much believe in heaven and hell, i just want to show how much i want to be with him, and that i would do everything to be with him.
and i want you to know the reason i love Michael.
this is not because of Michael, this is because of me.
I'm kinda different, not like others.
so no one can understand me, and i feel very lonely.
and Michael in many things was just like me,
so i know he could understand me totally, if i were with him, i wouldn't feel lonely.
just to say we were the same kind persons.
without him I feel i'm all alone on this damn planet, because he's the one who can understand me, that's why i'm ready to go anywhere with him.
