Butterflies

[Indelible_MJ]

Hey everyone. So I originally wrote this story back around 2009/2010 and posted it on an old MJ forum that no longer exists and recently came across it in one of my documents on an old laptop. After re-reading it, I became inspired to update it, adding 9 new chapters to the original 21. Thought I'd post it here because I don't know what else to do with it. Do people still read/write fanfiction? Anyway, Butterflies tells the story of a young girl with a dream who meets Michael and over the years he helps her realize that dream. Both of them get more than they bargained for. Much more.

I may just post 4 chapters at a time to avoid spamming. So sit back, relax, read and comment. Hope you all like it.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 1
"First Meeting"
Neverland Ranch, 1998.

Thirteen-year-old Torian couldn't believe it. She was finally going to meet her idol Michael Jackson for the very first time. She had been a fan of his since the Dangerous era, when she was just 6 years old. She discovered she wanted to be a dancer when she saw him perform at Super Bowl XXVII. Since then, she'd been a faithful fan, making her parents buy every album she did not know about beforehand and attended Michael's HIStory World Tour, which was her first in 1997. Now barely a year later, she was finally going to meet the man himself. She could hardly contain her excitement or her nervousness. That fluttering feeling in her stomach just wouldn't go away.

"We're here!" Tori's dad announced from behind the wheel of the car as the sprawling Santa Barbara ranch came into view. A birthday at Neverland Ranch was all Tori had talked about in the months leading up to her birthday and she finally got her wish when her father, a wealthy businessman, pulled some strings and somehow got Michael to host her party at his ranch. A small party was agreed upon and other than Tori, her parents, and her older brother, only a few of her friends from school were invited. The lucky few would arrive at the ranch about an hour after she did. Tori tried to garner patience as their car went through a security clearance at the gate before being allowed on the property. When they were finally able to go through and drive up to the mansion, Tori squealed.

"There's Michael! There's Michael!"

Her idol stood on the front steps waiting to greet them along with members of his staff. He was dressed in a pair of black slacks, with a red long-sleeved shirt, and those famous penny loafers of his. Being that it was July, she thought it was a little warm out for his style of dress but didn't dwell on it. This was Michael Jackson!

"Try to not to act like some rabid fan girl and scream him into profound deafness when you greet him." Jaiden, Tori's fifteen-year-old brother, snickered. But he was excited to meet Michael Jackson too, just not to the extent that his little sister was.

Torian barely heard him as she was already opening her car door, not giving one of Michael's staff members the chance to do it for her. But she did wait for the rest of her family to get out before she approached Michael.

"Hello, Velasquez family and welcome to Neverland Ranch." Michael spoke in that same soft voice Tori had heard countless times in past interviews. "And Happy Birthday to the birthday girl. I presume that's you." He nodded his head to Tori. She almost did not answer him after realizing he was speaking to her.

"That's me." She said shyly as she walked forward toward him. He met her halfway and gave her a hug. She caught a faint whiff of his cologne but did not recognize the scent. Whatever it was, it smelled wonderful.

When he pulled back, he gave her a once over. He was told beforehand that the family coming to his home was of Afro-Latin descent. Torian was a clear representation of both. She was slim but athletic, with very distinct facial features such as high cheekbones, slim nose, a lone dimple in her left cheek, and very prominent cupid's bow lips. Her green eyes stood out in contrast to her caramel skin and black curly hair. She was the spitting image of her mother so he knew she would grow to be as beautiful as her as an adult.

"You are a very pretty young lady, Torian. And tall too." He chuckled. She smiled. At 13, Tori was going on 5'8" and it was predicted that she would grow a few more inches before she reached eighteen. Her height came from the fact that she had two tall parents with her mother and father standing at 5'9" and 6'2" respectively.

"Thank you, Mr. Jackson."

"Please, we're all friends here. Call me Michael or Mike or MJ. Whichever you fancy."

"Okay, Michael, it is." And that is what she would call him from then on. After Michael had greeted the rest of the family, they all went inside to wait for the arrival of Tori's friends so that the party could begin. He gave them all a tour of the mansion and stayed by Tori's side the entire time as he pointed out things to her like the eight Grammys he won for the Thriller album and other awards and plaques he had collected over the years. She was also introduced to his wife Debbie, son Prince, and three-month-old daughter Paris very briefly before they retreated to another wing of the mansion. They would not be present during her party. Torian couldn't believe how nice and humble Michael really was. He was sweet even as he hooked his elbow around hers as he showed them his home.

"I wish I lived here. You have a Ferris wheel, a pool, animals, I mean everything. I would never want to leave!" She exclaimed after the tour was over.

"Well, you are welcome to visit anytime you'd like. There's always someone here and there's always something to do. I adore children and want them to have a good time whenever they come to Neverland." Michael smiled down at her. "Are you having a good time?"

"Oh, yes! Yes, of course! And I am so glad I got the chance to meet you. It's been a dream of mine for a long time. When I get older, I want to be just like you, an entertainer. I want to sing, write music, and dance. Dancing is my favorite."

"Oh, really? You any good?" Mike teased. Tori's dad spoke up for his daughter.

"Mike, my baby girl can dance! You should see her do your Billie Jean moves. The moonwalk is tricky for her but give her some time, she'll get it right."

"Dad!" Tori exasperated. "Don't embarrass me like that. It's not like I wanted him to know I can't moonwalk."

Michael was clearly amused by the brief exchange between father and daughter. Tori seemed to be mortified that it was revealed to him that she couldn't do that particular move as if it were the easiest thing to do. Michael knew from personal experience that it took a lot of practice to perfect and do it right, something he elaborated to Torian.

"Hey, it was hard for me at one time, too. Takes a lot of practice but I am sure you will get better at it and soon be doing it effortlessly." He assured her as he patted her shoulder. "It's not an overnight thing, just keep practicing."

"Thanks, Michael." Tori smiled at him again. She has such a pretty smile, Michael thought. He also wondered if she really was any good at singing or dancing. He had an eye for talent and if she was really good and was serious about it, he would help her attain her goals. Although he wouldn't wish his kind of fame on anyone, he felt that people with tremendous talent should be given the opportunity to shine.
"After the party, I'll put some music on and you can show me those dance moves of yours and sing for me, 'kay?"

Tori could only nod her head.

Soon all her friends arrived and the party was well underway. It was held outside in the backyard. There was plenty of food, music, and joyous laughter. They viewed and fed the animals. Tori even got to ride the roller coaster with Michael sitting next to her. He was having just as much fun as she and her friends were, almost like a big kid. But that was the beauty of it. Everyone was having a good time. When the cake was brought out, Michael sung a special rendition of Happy Birthday to her and then told her to make a wish before blowing out the candles. She did what he asked. After eating, Tori was led to a table that held gifts from her guests. In addition to her parents' gift of a party at Neverland, they got their daughter a camera because she liked taking pictures. There were also random gifts her friends got her but she turned her attention to Michael when he stepped forward with a small, narrow gift wrapped box
.
"For the birthday girl from me and my family." He held it out to her. Tori knew from past experience that only things like jewelry came in boxes that small. However, she didn't know what it was and the only way to find out was to open it. She took the box and carefully tore the wrapping. Once she had the wrapping completely off, she opened the velvet lined box. Inside laid a beautiful necklace with the name TORIAN spelled out in diamonds. Her mouth, as well as the mouths of her mother and friends hung open as she lifted the necklace out of the box.

"Oh, Michael, you did not have to get such an expensive gift!" Tori's mother exclaimed. "Tori, give it back to him. You can't take that."

Tori looked at her mother as if she was out of her mind and held the necklace protectively. Michael Jackson gave her this. She'd be stupid to give it back.

"No, it's really no trouble, Mrs. Velasquez. I want her to have it." Michael said quickly.

"But, Micha-"

"Really, it's my birthday gift to her. I recently had a daughter whom I adore as I know you adore yours. Little girls are special. They are like diamonds, precious. Priceless. Your daughter should know that she is. Besides, my friend Elizabeth Taylor says diamonds are a girl's best friend." He chuckled softly then looked over at Torian. "Keep it."

"That is so sweet of you, Michael." Her mom finally said, agreeing to let her keep the necklace. "It's beautiful."

"Will you put it on for me?" Tori asked Michael. He nodded and moved to put the necklace around her neck. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," He patted her back. "Now let me see those dance moves. You may just be my little protégé yet."

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 2
"Changes"
You Rock My World Video Set, 2001.

"Tori, I want you to dance in the spotlight, right in this spot. The light will shine on you but no one will be able to see your face. They'll just see you dance. You will mimic Mike's moves as he walks by you. Make sure you guys move in time with the beat together. Got that? Oh, and Tori, right before you do that little spin, unbutton the blazer so that it falls loose."

"Okay, I got you." Tori said as the director Paul Hunter walked back to his chair. They were filming the extended version of Michael's song You Rock My World. And she had a small solo stint in the video as a dancer. She also had a few dance scenes with Michael and Chris Tucker during chorus parts. She initially wanted to play the love interest of Michael's character but the casting director thought she was too young to play the part. What she got was better than nothing though, and she did not complain. She was now sixteen years old and was getting paying jobs in the entertainment business. She had Mike to thank for that. He was blown away by the talent she displayed to him at her 13th birthday party three years ago and true to his word, he helped her pursue her dream of becoming a singer/dancer. He put her on but waited until she was a little older than 13 when he asked her to be in the video for the first single off his new Invincible album. Before that, he thought his young protégé should have the chance to be as normal of a teenager as possible and didn't want to get her started on the road to stardom too early.

"Your childhood, your teenage years, these are important years you can never get back if you don't find the time to enjoy them. The industry will still be there, for now just enjoy these years while they last." Michael would say. She definitely understood his reasoning but couldn't wait start electrifying the crowds with her dance moves and unique voice.

Short of begging, she persuaded Mike to let her be a part of the upcoming 30th Anniversary Michael Jackson Special that he would be taping soon. School was starting in September close to the time of the taping and her parents only agreed to let her go to the two day taping as long as she was flown back home immediately afterwards. Torian, as well as her parents, had come to know Michael very well and they didn't mind her going places with him that had to do with their line of work as long as Michael's children's nanny became her chaperone. Outside of that, Tori enjoyed spending regular quality time with her mentor. He was like a big brother sometimes, and others he was like a best friend whom she could laugh and share secrets with late at night on the phone. But she knew Michael was constantly changing and going through things. The media hunted him and said vile things about his looks and way of doing things. And it seemed Michael was never happy with himself, being the perfectionist that he was. There was always something he felt needed changing. She didn't like having those types of conversations with him because he would become extra critical of himself. Even when she would tell him those things he thought about himself were simply not true, he would get quiet on her or change the subject altogether.

It saddened her that he thought that way sometimes but she remained supportive of her friend and mentor. Of course she loved him when he was his happiest, greeting fans or spending time with his children. That was the Michael she knew well, not this new, constantly stressed one. If she had an invisible cloak of love to shield him from the all the ridicule she would give it to him. In a heartbeat, my heartbeat. She thought as she watched the stylist finish prepping Michael across the room. When he turned, he saw her watching him. He waved to her. The fluttering feeling she was so familiar with began in the pit of her stomach. That always seemed to happen when he acknowledged her. She never knew why, maybe she was nervous about her first scene in a music video and didn't want to disappoint him by messing up. She waved back as the director signaled that they were about to start.

Be cool. Tori told herself. Own the stage like MJ showed you. Dance like no one's watching, especially not him.

In a few seconds, the director yelled action and she began to dance alone in the shadowed spotlight with everyone watching, before Michael came into view to do his little dance-walk past her. As she moved in time with the beat she felt Michael come behind her and place a hand on her waist. This part was choreographed and they moved together in time to the music, before he let go of her waist and continued his walk off screen. Tori kept dancing as she was supposed to. She was focused on doing her little spin without falling since she was wearing high heels.

Michael stood to the side watching her dance. He saw so much of himself in her as far as dancing went. She moved with ferocious grace, was a perfectionist herself, and maintained her balance. She even taught him some new things. If he didn't know any better he would swear he was grooming the next great pop star. Maybe he was. Part of him became sad for her because if that was in the cards for her she would be subjected to the devils in the media who seemed to have personal vendettas and would like nothing more than to destroy careers and lives. He didn't want that for her, ever. But who was he to destroy her dream? He promised her and he would keep his word.

"And cut!" The director yelled. "That's it for today. We'll pick back up here for the gangster standoff and dance scene same time tomorrow. Tori, you did good, honey. Take a load off."

Michael watched her as one of the helpers on the set brought her a bottle of water to drink. She took a swig of the water and then made her way over to him.

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself." He replied back. "You did great. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, that means a lot. Hey, I'm starving, you wanna go get something to eat?"

"Actually, I'd rather not." Michael said quietly.

"Oh…wh-, oh never mind." She almost asked why. Of course she knew why. Michael rarely if at all ate at any public places. That was one luxury he couldn't afford. Not with the way paparazzi were in this day and age.

"But we could go back to the hotel and order room service. I have a couple of business conference calls I need to make when we get back but after that we can definitely order in and watch kiddie movies with Prince and Paris." He watched her face light up like a Christmas tree. She loved the kids and they loved her.

"Sure, we can do that. I need to check in with my family first anyway so I can do that while you make your calls. I'll get something to snack on while I wait for dinner." She moved away to head to the dressing area to change into regular clothes. "See you at the hotel. I love you, Michael." She placed her right hand over her heart before walking off.

"I love you, more." His voice was low as he called after her. Even so he had to smile. She had definitely gotten that hand over the heart thing from him. He was also touched that she always told him she loved him whenever she was leaving his presence. Her reason behind that was her belief that you should never forget to tell someone you care about that you love them just in case you or they died tomorrow. That was one of the things he liked about her. She was a loving person. Nonjudgmental. Would definitely defend him with her life if he asked. Sometimes that scared him. Michael was not a dumb man. He recognized that his protégé was developing more than a great respect for him. He tried to tell himself that it was just a little crush like all the girls had. He was used to that. He found it cute even. But their relationship was supposed to be mentor and mentee with a friendship aspect. Anything beyond that was just wrong. Not only wrong but strictly forbidden. He knew he'd have to lay down the law soon or it would only get worse as she got older.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 3
"Teasing"
Waldorf Astoria, 2001.

After watching Disney movies with the kids, and munching on pizza, which Michael didn't eat much of, Michael and Torian were sitting at the dining room table inside his suite talking and laughing while trying not to wake Prince and Paris who were asleep in the bedroom. They ordered a box of candy to binge on knowing they were going to have to work extra hard to work off all the extra calories the next morning. But they had a good time.

"So that's the funniest thing to happen to you on tour?" Tori laughed. Michael was telling her about the time his zipper was down on stage, and he didn't notice it until the fans called attention to it.

"Well, one of the funniest things. In my lifetime as an entertainer, I've had some crazy onstage moments what with women either trying to run up on stage or snatch me into the audience when I reach out to them. Even had some panties and phone numbers thrown at me."

"Did you call any of those numbers or keep any of those panties?" Tori teased.

"No, I never kept the panties. Kinda gross. But a few numbers I have called just to have a conversation with a fan and make their day."

'That's so sweet of you. I don't know if you can get any sweeter. I don't know of any celebs who are half as generous and loving as you are with your fans. They love you and they know you love them." Tori sighed. "Not many out there like you."

"No, not many at all." Michael laughed.

"Waiiiit, do I detect a hint of cockiness in that statement?" She hit him playfully on the arm.

"Just telling the truth." He smiled.

"I always knew you had a way with women. The media thinks you don't. But I know the truth."

Clearly amused, Michael leaned in closer to Tori. "Do tell, my dear. I'd like to know the truth myself."

"You're not slick. I've seen you in action before. You're a flirt, but a respectful one. I think that's what draws women to you. You are easily lovable, sensitive to your own feelings and those of others. As women, that's what we like. Sometimes I used to wonder if that is who you really are or if it's all an act to fool the public and the women in your life. I don't wonder that anymore. But I do know that there is definitely more than one aspect of your personality. More than one side of you that the public doesn't see."

Michael sat back in his seat and quietly took in the things she said. She had him figured out. Nothing she said was a lie. Michael Jackson was a multifaceted entity. He'd been in the public eye so long and dealt with so many different people that he had learned how to turn certain things on or off. He had never lied about who he was though. There were just many parts that made up who he was. Uncomfortable with his silence, Torian made a slight change in subject.

"You know, you've been divorced for about two years now. I'm sure you must get lonely sometimes. Why don't you date?"

"I've never had the time to devote to dating. I'm always so busy. Besides, would anyone really love me for me and not because I am Michael Jackson?" He frowned.

"Well, like it or not, that's who you are. Other than death, that's one thing we cannot escape in this life, being who we are. We are who we are for a reason. Who you are just makes it that much harder to realize, if that makes sense. I do understand your point though, and I say that you have to trust your heart to show you the way and you must trust theirs to be true. But anyway, we're not talking about love. We are talking about casual dating. You should try it sometimes."

Tori watched as Michael just stared at her for a minute without answering. There goes that loud silence again.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing." He finally said. "It's just hard to believe you are sixteen sometimes. You seem way older than that when we talk. How'd you get all this wisdom so young?"

"Mi abuela. Mi Madre. And life, I guess. I mean I haven't been in any serious relationships or anything, but I am very observant. I see things in my family and learn from it. I see things in general, period."

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" He asked. He was almost a hundred percent sure what her answer would be.

"Elementary and middle school crushes don't count, so no, I haven't. What with trying to keep up with school and extracurricular activities such as being a dancer for you, I really haven't tried to get with anyone."

"But I am sure you get asked out all the time as pretty as you are."

"I do, but a lot of guys are stuck on stupid at my age. They're too busy trying to be gangster or jocks and they try to pressure you into things you know you aren't ready for. I don't like being pressured. It doesn't matter anyway though. I am focused right now, and it isn't on boys. I don't want to settle." She looked down.

"And you shouldn't." Michael reached over and lifted her chin with his fingers. "You have all the time in the world. Don't rush it. I don't even know why I'm telling you this because you seem to already have your head on straight. Just stay that way for me, okay?"

For a moment they sat like that with Michael's hand on her chin. The touch was innocent enough, but he was thoroughly surprised when she took his hand and kissed his fingers. Yeah, fans he'd met at concerts had done it before, but this wasn't some fan at a concert. This was his little protege, and it wasn't some fan kiss, it was almost sensual-like. He immediately jerked his hand away. Tori, surprised by the move, looked up at him to gauge his reaction. The look on his face was of shock and she knew she must have crossed an invisible line with him. Horrified, she immediately stood up, apologized, and hurried toward the door to make a quick exit for her room.

"Torian, wait!" Michael stood up quickly and called after her before she opened the door. "Wait, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to jerk my hand back like that. I just-you just caught me off guard. Don't run away. We need to talk."

He watched as she slowly turned around but did not look at him. He knew she was embarrassed by what happened. He had to soften the blow a little, so that she didn't feel too guilty.

"Come, sit down." He motioned to the chair she was just sitting in. She did what he asked. "Now, let me talk to you. I should have had this talk with you a while ago, but I put it off, thinking you would get over it. I don't exactly know how to say this without making you feel bad, but you are 16 and I am about to be forty-three in a few weeks. Whatever you're thinking, it can't happen. You're just a kid and I respect you too much to take advantage of you in any way. You know that whatever you want I would give it you, just not that, okay?"

"I'm sorry, Michael. I didn't mean to. It just happened. I won't do it again, I promise. Can you forgive me?" She finally looked up at him, her green eyes wide with fear. Michael's stance softened. Forgive her? How could he not with eyes like those?

"There's nothing to forgive. You're just going to have to be cool from now on. You're young and may be confused about what you're feeling at that age, but I promise you it will pass. Just stay focused on being the best dancer you can be. Remember I said all of that other stuff will come later for you…with someone else."

She nodded her head when he finished talking to convey that she understood. No longer wanting to be in his presence for the simple fact that she had embarrassed herself and revolted him she quietly bid him good night and went to her own room.

When she was gone, Michael sat back down on at the table and put his head in his hands. She didn't tell him she loved him before going to bed as she normally did. He understood why though. He just hoped this little incident would not ruin their working relationship or their friendship. He prayed that it didn't.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 4
"Celebration of Love"
Orpheum Theatre, 2003.

Michael looked out over the crowd from the balcony as the celebration for his 45th birthday was going on. His actual birthday had been the day before and he spent that private time with close friends and family. However, this day was for the fans. He smiled and waved as chants of 'Michael! Michael! Michael!' filled the air.

"I love you all!" He shouted out as more cheers erupted from down below. He really did love his fans. They were the ones who kept him going and this open invitation birthday celebration was a way of giving back to them.

"We love you, Michael!" Someone called out. He barely heard it because the screams were so deafening.

"I love you, more." He said and waved down at the crowd once more. His eyes started scanning the crowd. He was looking for someone. When he spotted Tori he decided it was time to make his way down the stairs but for the moment he just wanted to look at her. She sat in a chair quietly taking in everything going on around her. It reminded him of her calling herself observant a few years ago. He turned and descended the stairs greeting people along the way. Tori stood up when she saw him coming her way. She had grown even taller since they'd met. They were pretty much the same height now. He gave her a once over as he walked toward her. She was dressed in a sparkling silver, strapless dress that fit her like a second skin. She wore silver stilettos on her feet. Michael didn't particularly know the designers of women's shoes, but he figured Tori was wearing Manolo's since that was her favorite brand. She was slim, but curvy, and had toned dancer's legs that went on forever. Her black hair was in loose waves that cascaded down her back. Her makeup, flawless. Sometimes he couldn't believe that the cute and bubbly kid he met in 1998 and the beautiful woman he was now seeing were the same person. But it was her alright. The now eighteen-year-old had blossomed into a gorgeous woman, not that she wasn't before. He was just starting to notice it more now.

"Hello, Torian." He said as he came to a stop in front of her.

"Hey, Michael!" She threw her arms around him. "Sorry, I wasn't able to make your private party last night. You know I was out of town but I'm here now."

"You know I understand." He said as he pulled out of the embrace. "You had a gig. That's your job. I'm glad you came tonight. Wow, you look great."

"Thanks, so do you, in true MJ fashion. All sparkles and rhinestones." She laughed. "I didn't know what to get the man who has everything, but I got you something. It's back at the hotel and I made sure to place it on your bed where you can see it when you get back."

"You didn't have to get me anything, really. Just your presence is enough."

Tori started to say something but Steve Harvey, who was emceeing the event called for Michael to take the stage and make his speech.

"Well, they're calling you. You'd better go."

"Yeah, come with me. I want to introduce you to everyone." He grabbed her hand and led her through the crowd as she protested along the way. When they got to the front of the room and Michael was handed the microphone, Tori moved to the side out of the way. This was Michael's night, and she didn't want to draw attention to herself. She stood in the background as he began to speak.

"What a performance. This is amazing, don't you think?" He asked the crowd as they cheered their agreement.

"I would like to thank my wonderful fans so very much for this event. I cannot believe what enormous effort you have put into this. Thank you for putting together this fabulous party and for traveling from over 30 countries. I am deeply moved and touched by your love."

Cheers of "We love you, Michael!" filled the room.

"I love you more." He called out as he put a hand over his heart. "I want you to know that I appreciate my fans not just on occasions like this - but every day of my life. It is your presence, your faith and your loyalty that has given me great strength during difficult times, and it was you who inspired me to work hard and deliver; I owe you. Over the years we became a family. You are all my family. My children are your children, and all children of the world are our children and our responsibility."

The crowd let loose a round of applause and screams.

"This is a time when a person reflects on the child that will always live inside him, but more importantly, the grown man that continues to emerge intellectually, but never lost his child-like innocence. A lot of what you'll be seeing from me in the future will celebrate the youthful imagination—"

"Of me and you, Mike!" Someone called out. Michael stopped talking, laughed, covered his face with his hands, and then turned his back to the crowd for a few seconds as they let loose another round of whistles, catcalls and cheers. Tori laughed and clapped along. Mike was so shy and truly humbled by the love he received from his fans. She looked out at the crowd and gauged their reactions. This was power, she thought. She had never seen anyone in her lifetime command an audience whether onstage or in person the way this man did and the fact that he was so humbled by it all truly blew her mind.

"…That has always been a part of who I am, but also the adult perspective of a father and artist and member of our community." Michael finished the sentence he was making. "My birthday wish is that you, my fans, will join me in some new undertakings and that we all travel into a bright future together. I feel young enough to look into the future with great optimism: I have assembled a fresh team of good-hearted, loyal and competent people from quite different backgrounds. They are working in great harmony and with a true team spirit. And they have you, the fans, on the top of their list. "

He paused for a second and then looked at Tori who stood to the side. "This is Torian. I like to call her Michael, junior." He laughed and the crowd laughed with him. Tori shook her head and suddenly grew shy because Michael had basically called her a mini-him. "I've known her since she was young and have recognized the enormous talent she has in her command of the stage and her dancing and singing. I've mentored her and I look forward to introducing her to the rest of the world via music. I hope you all will embrace her and support her journey into entertainment soon."

The crowd applauded and showed as much love to her as they did Michael. She could do nothing but smile and wave at them as he would do. Michael continued his speech and told the crowd about his upcoming projects and business ventures, one of which was a project called Go for Your Dreams. After Michael ended his speech, he asked everyone to join him in a rendition of We Are the World. Tori sang along with him. Finally at the end of the event Michael cut the enormous cake they brought out for him. When they left the Orpheum Theatre, they headed to the Hyatt Regency for the after the show party. The Hyatt was also where they were staying for the night. Michael had a two-bedroom penthouse suite booked for them. Having flown in directly from her dancing gig in London and to the Orpheum Theatre, Tori told Michael that she was gonna sit out the after party and call it a night. They said their "I love yous'' and bid each other good night. After taking a shower, Tori went to her bedroom and lay down. She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

She woke up a few hours later feeling thirsty. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed she glanced at the clock on the nightstand. The time read 2:04 AM. She put a robe on over her silk Victoria's Secret nightie and headed for the kitchen. Passing Michael's room, she saw light coming from underneath the door. She stopped. He must still be up, she thought. Curious, she knocked on the door.

"Michael?"

She heard shuffling noises but no verbal answer. She knocked again. "Michael? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, go back to bed," Came the almost inaudible answer. He didn't sound fine. From personal experience, she knew Michael sometimes had trouble sleeping and would be up all hours of the night due to stress. Most times she never bothered him when he was up, but this time was different. She was older now and felt she could help. She twisted the doorknob surprised that he hadn't locked it as he usually would.

"I'm coming in." She announced. When she opened the door, she discovered that Michael was still fully dressed in the same clothes from the party. He was sitting on the bed; shoulders slumped like a defeated man. His face was wet, as if he'd been crying. She immediately went to his side. He turned his face from her view when she sat next to him. "Michael, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just thinking."

"About what?"

He sat silently, still not looking at her. Tori grew impatient.

"Stop, Michael look at me, look at me." She grabbed his face and turned him to face her. "Tell me what's the matter?"

"My life. It's hard. People judge me before they even know me. I was thinking about Martin Bashir and how he used the documentary as an open-ended attack against me. Just betrayed me. That's what many I let in my life do. Betray me. Mottola and Sony. I hate having to constantly defend myself. I've been painted as this creepy, crazy person and that's not me at all. I'm just tired."

"I know you are, honey. I've been with you for five years. I've grown to know the real you or at least the you that you let me see. It's nothing like that picture they've painted of you in the media. But you do not have to constantly defend yourself, people are gonna say what they're gonna say regardless. If Jesus came back tomorrow, they'd talk mess about him too. Think he'd care? I doubt he would defend himself because he knew who he was and didn't dare let anyone tell him different. You gotta get that kind of attitude about it." She stroked the side of his face. "Many may not see you, but I see you, Michael, and I know you."

"How can you?"

"Because when I was young you gave me the chance to see you through a child's eyes. I think most children are pretty good judges of character." She smiled, which brought a small smile to Michael's lips.

"Thanks." He finally said.

"You are beautiful, Michael. Inside and out. I know sometimes you look at yourself and don't see that, but I do, and so do your fans. We love you. And your inner beauty makes us love you even more. You've got to stop hiding from people and most of all; you've got to stop hiding from me."

Michael looked up and into her eyes. She was staring at him intently, waiting for his reaction or action. He knew what she meant with the last part of her statement but didn't know if he would go there or if he should. A large part of him had been trying to ignore the fact that Torian was indeed growing up. And he hadn't wanted to think about what that meant. Still, the very male part of him definitely noticed. It upset him to think about her like that, but it was the truth. If he was going to be honest with himself about something, it was going to be that.

"I don't want to hide from you," he admitted. "But…"

"But what? Michael, I am grown now. You do not have to be embarrassed about anything. I won't think of you any less for being what you are, human…and male." She took his hand and placed it on her stomach and held both of her hands over his. "Feel this, that's what you do to me. That's what you always have done to me."

Michael sat still and through his hand he could feel the spot tense to his touch.

"You give me butterflies…inside." She said quoting the lyrics from one of his songs. "And I love you for it." Without warning she leaned in and kissed him. Just like that. Probably had been a long time coming but still blew him away. His rational mind told him this was wrong on every level but the other part of him couldn't spell rational. They were competing for dominance, which will win? He didn't have time to battle with himself because Torian stood up and was untying the robe she had on to reveal a silk night gown. He quickly turned his head, suddenly shy. Torian knew this was probably the most skin he'd ever seen of her and probably was a little embarrassed to see her like that. "Don't be afraid to look at me." She said softly. When he turned his head around, she pulled the straps down her shoulders and let the flimsy material fall to the floor. She stood before him clad only in a pair of red boy shorts. She stood like that for a moment and allowed Michael to take her in. She was also taking a minute to reflect on the moment. She was a virgin and if they went there, she would be losing her virginity to him. She wouldn't have had it any other way. She loved this man. Had for a while now.

"You are beautiful." Torian heard him say.

"So are you." She stepped forward and pulled Michael to his feet. He stood easily, without another word. She began to undress him. To her surprise he helped. Maybe he was getting over his unease, she thought. It was about time. It was at this point that she noticed that her birthday gift to him was sitting on the nightstand, opened. It was a three-piece suit. She had it custom made for him by his favorite tailor. He hadn't said anything about it but she knew he probably liked it. When he was finally undressed, Tori gave him a once over. He was exactly like she imagined him to be…slim and toned. After all, he had been a dancer for over 30 years. "I love your body. You look great at 45." She smiled.

"Thanks." He said softly. This time he kissed her in a take charge kind of way. She wrapped her arms around him and ran her fingers up his spine. The move made his spine tense in a good way. She broke the kiss by turning her back to him and wrapping his arms around her waist. She tilted her head to the side, and he kissed her shoulder and left a trail of kisses up her neck. She moaned. He felt his body respond to the sensual sound of it. He grabbed the sides of her hip and pulled the shorts down slowly. They slid on down her legs and she stepped out of them. She turned around to face him then. When she looked down at him, she smiled at the fact that he was wide awake. He did not turn away this time and pulled her toward the bed, she went willingly. Her back hit the soft material of the sheets, and her head touched the soft downy pillows. Michael lay on top of her, kissing her, caressing her. When he looked into her eyes, he saw that she was ready for him. He knew she was a virgin, and he wanted to take it slow. He didn't ever want to hurt her, never wanted to cause her pain. But a brief thought popped into his head. He didn't have anything to protect them with.

"Tori," He started but she shushed him.

"I'm protected." She answered his unspoken concern. "We…are protected." She looked at him, her voice strong and clear. "Just love me."

He didn't know if there would be any consequences for doing what they were about to do. He just knew they'd hit a turning point in their relationship and there would be no going back to simpler times after this. But she wanted him to love her. And he wanted to love her…so he did.

TBC...

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 5
“The Morning After”
The Hyatt Regency, 2003.

Early morning light filtered through the curtains in Michael's bedroom in his hotel suite. The air is still, heavy with everything that happened hours earlier. Michael lies awake, staring at the ceiling before turning to look at Torian. Her body warm against his, her breathing soft and steady. She's still. Peaceful. Her hair spills across the pillow like ink on parchment. He watches her chest rise and fall, slow and rhythmic, like a song he hadn't yet written.

For a moment, Torian didn't move. Just listened to the rhythm of his breathing, steady but distant. He was awake just as she was. However, she didn't move to let him know just yet. Just wanted to feel their shared warmth before breaking it with words.
Michael replayed the scenes of last night over in his mind. Remembering.

He remembers her voice-"Just love me."

He remembers her body-warm, trembling, open.

He remembers her eyes-steady, unafraid, asking him to see her. And he did.

Not just her body. Her soul. Her choice. Her trust.

But now, in the quiet aftermath, he felt the weight of it.

Not regret.

Responsibility.

He brushed a strand of hair from her face. She stirs.

"Good morning, you're staring."

"Good morning," He replied to her. "I'm remembering."

"Something good or something bad?" She smiled back at him.

"Something beautiful. Terrifying. Unforgettable."

Torian sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest. "Are you okay?"

Michael nodded, as he laid back, eyes fixed on the ceiling. "Just...thinking." She studied his face. The same face she'd kissed hours ago. The same man whose hands had held her like she was something precious. But now, he looked far away. Like he'd already left.

"Do you regret it?" She asked.

His eyes flicked to hers, startled. "No. Never."

"Then what?"

Michael sat up slowly, rubbing his hands through his hair. "I just don't know what this means. For you. For me. For us." Torian reached for his hand.

"It means I chose you."

He looked at her then, really looked. "And I let you. That's the part that scares me." She didn't respond then, just held his hand tighter, as if she could anchor him to the moment. "I want to do this right." He finally said again after a few moments of silence.

She squinted her eyes. "What's 'right' to you?"

"I'm not sure. But I need to slow down. We need to slow down. This is precious, sacred. I don't want to ruin it, and I don't want you to get hurt. I need to think about what we did and how we can proceed forward because we can never go back, you understand?"

Slowly nodding her head she replied "I understand..." She moved to break the contact between their naked bodies under the sheets and quickly moved around the bed to gather her discarded clothing. "I think...I need to go back to my room now."

"Tori, you don't have to-" But she quickly cut him off.

"Yes, I do. My flight leaves in a couple of hours. I'm still on tour with Justin and Christina. We literally have a show tonight." Cradling her clothes, she hurried for the door. "I need to shower, pack and all that." Torian stopped and turned to face him with a small, sad smile. "Happy Birthday, M.J."

XXXXXX​

It was a few hours after Torian had left and Michael was alone with his thoughts. He replayed her departure over again in his head. After his bodyguard called up to let him know that her car was there to take her to the airport, Michael knocked on her door to tell her. They hadn't said much to each other after talking that morning and he at least wanted to tell her goodbye before she left.

"Call me or I'll call you or whatever." She said, barely looking at him as she gave him a brief hug and moved away. Her hug felt very hollow to him.

"Tori, wait..." He called after as she rolled her suitcase toward the door. She stopped and turned to face him but didn't say a word. He moved and closed the few feet of distance between them. "Can I kiss you?"

Initially startled by his request, she quickly recovered to respond to him. "You never have to ask." Her green eyes softened, hope filling within them. Michael leaned in and kissed her softly. It wasn't a quick peck. It was a longing, for her, for more but fear had a way of stopping things in their tracks. "Goodbye, Michael." She sighed and turned to open the door and quietly let it close behind her.

"Goodbye...Torian." Michael said back to the closed door and the silence that permeated his now too small suite.

XXXXXX​

Not wanting to be alone with this thoughts, he called his friend Chris Tucker over. Chris was a funny man, a real comedian but he had a good heart and Michael knew he could trust him with certain things. A knock at the hotel door announced his arrival. Michael opened the door and Chris walked in carrying two bags of takeout.

"Yo, Mike! I brought food. Thai and a bucket of KFC. You still like this stuff, right? Or did you switch to vegan air again?"

Michael smiled. " Yes, of course."

Chris places the bags on the table in the living room and flops down on the couch. "Good, 'cause I ain't drive across town for tofu and sadness." Then noticing Michael's distant expression. "Okay, what's up? You look like you just saw a ghost or worse-your daddy."

Michael sat down next to Chris and spoke softly and quietly. "I slept with her."

"With who?!" Chris sat up in his spot on the couch. They were friends but Chris and Michael had never talked about things like their sex lives.

"Torian. I slept with Torian." Michael's voice was barely above whisper.

Chris blinked and then leaned in quietly. "Wait...what? Like...slept slept?"

"Yes."

Chris leaned back, eyes big, hands in the air. "Damn, Mike! How you gonna drop that on me like it's a weather report. Cloudy with a hundred percent chance of emotional entanglement with a PYT no less!" Chris was being hilarious but Michael found the topic too serious to laugh about.

"It wasn't planned. It just...happened."

"Man, you've been dancing around that girl for years. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. But hold up, how old is she again?"

"EIGHTEEN." Even saying her age out loud made him feel all wrong. She was eighteen, EIGH-TEEN. A teen. He was forty-five. Heaven help him.

Chris paused. His demeanor turning serious.
"Okay, so she's grown. But you're forty-five."

"Yes, I know," Michael spoke with his head down. "That's why I feel conflicted."

"Feeling guilty?"

"Kind of. She wanted it. She chose it. I just...let it happen. But I keep wondering if I should've stopped it. If I should have protected her from me. I feel like I crossed a line I shouldn't have last night."

"Mike, listen." Chris leaned forward again and tapped his chest. "She's mature. She made a choice. You're not some predator. You're a man who's been through hell and finally found someone that sees you. That's rare. You didn't manipulate her or pressure her into it. I bet it was her first time too, Mike. Mannnnn that's heavy as shit. But if you're gonna to be with her, you gotta be with her. No half stepping. No hiding behind guilt."

"I don't want to hurt her. I don't want my fame to hurt her." Michael finally looked up at Chris again.

"Then don't. Don't let it. She chose you. Now you just gotta choose her back. Whatever that means to you."

"You're right, Chris." Michael agreed.

"Of course, I'm right. I'm always right. Except when I'm wrong which is never!"

They both laugh and the tension breaks.

"Where she at, anyway?" Chris looked around the suite.

"She left."

"And you let her?!" Chris got loud again. "Man, if you don't call that girl!"

"Chris, she's on a flight right now. I can't call her."

"Well call her when she lands. Tell her you love her or at least that you're not going to ghost her like a bad date."

"I will call her." Michael appreciated Chris's advice. "Thanks, Christmas."

"Anytime, man! Now come on and eat this chicken and Pad Thai before I throw it at you. And when you and that girl get married one day, just don't name the kid 'Butterfly' or some crazy shit like that. I'm drawing the line right there, man!"

XXXXXX​

Later that evening...

Michael was pacing the floor with the phone in his hand debating whether to call Torian.

"Just call her, man! You already slept with her. The hard part's done." Chris said in the background.

Michael turned, glaring at him. "That's not helpful, Chris!"

Chris threw his hands up. "I'm just saying. Okay, just be sensitive. Say something like 'Last night was a symphony of stars and regret.'"

"I'm not saying that."

"Fine," Chris shook his head. "Just don't be too casual about the whole thing. That's how you get blocked."

"I got this." Michael dialed Torian's number. She picks up after the first ring. Chris mimes ''breathe'' dramatically in the background.

"Hello."

"Hey, it's me." Michael said softly and calmly. However his heart was pounding a mile a minute.

"I know."

"I just wanted to check in and make sure you got to Indianapolis safely...and I wanted to say I'm sorry. Not for what happened, but for how I left it. I should have talked to you more. I really didn't want you to leave." He admitted. He heard her sigh over the phone.

"I didn't really want to leave either. But I felt like you didn't give me much of a choice. I know last night was a big turning point for you...for us, so I get that you need space to process that so here's me giving you that. I don't regret last night though, just so you know."

"I feel the same." Mostly. "But I'm scared. Of you getting hurt. Of being around me being too much for you."

"Then let's take it slow. We're not defining anything right now. But don't shut me out. I'm not fragile, Michael. Nor am I some porcelain doll that you need to keep on the shelf to avoid breaking. I'm a real person. I might bend, but I promise you won't break me." Michael heard her loud and clear.

You say that now...

"Alright, well I'm glad to hear you say that, Tori. I know you're not a doll, but you are precious to me." Chris was in the background making kissing noises and mouthing 'Tell her you love her.' He waved Chris away. "I'd like for us to spend more time together if that's okay with you."

He could hear the smile in her voice as she responded. "I'd like that very much, Michael. I only have a few more days left on this tour."

"Good, meet me at Neverland when you're done."

"Okay. I'll be there. I love you." It was what she always said to him when they parted. However, the words had way too much meaning now after last night. Was she just saying their usual lines...or what it deeper than that now?

"I love you more." He finally responded. Ending the call, Michael sat down in his chair and sighed deeply. Chris sat near him waiting for him to speak.

"Well?" He nudged Michael. "Don't leave me hanging."

"Well, she doesn't hate me...yet."

"Man, don't be stupid. That girl will never hate you. Unless you ghost her. DO NOT GHOST HER, you hear me, Mike? Especially after she gave her virginity to you. That would be the worst thing you could do. Well, that and wearing that gold leotard with the thong you wore on stage during the Dangerous tour. Don't ever do that again either, hear?"

Michael laughed out loud. The laughter was definitely needed after the heaviness of that phone call. " Shut up, Chris!"

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 6
“One More Chance”
Las Vegas, 2003.

The set was glowing. Michael stood center stage, rehearsing lines and dance moves for his single "One More Chance". Tori watched from the wings, headphones around her neck, smiling softly at his focus.

Suddenly, Stuart Backerman, Michael's spokesman, rushed in, face pale. "Michael, we need to talk. Now."

Michael stops. Stepping down, confused. Tori follows. Stuart looks at her and back to Michael not wanting to speak in front of her. "She stays. What's going on?" Steve hands him a phone.

Michael watches a news clipping, face draining of color. He spoke quietly so that only Stuart and Tori could hear. "They raided Neverland?"

"This morning. Seventy officers. They drilled in your safe. Took computers, tapes, everything." Stuart spoke, his brow furrowed. Tori's hand flies to her mouth.

"Oh my God..." She said softly.

"There's a warrant coming. For your arrest." Stuart spoke again. Michael stares at the floor, frozen.

"I wasn't even there. I was here. Working."

"Doesn't matter. They're building a case. The Arvizo family. It's happening."

Michael turns away, pacing. Tori steps forward, placing a hand on his back. "What do you need?"

He turned to look at her, eyes wide with fear, not just for himself, but for what this could do to everything he built. "They're going to twist everything. Every photo. Every moment. You shouldn't be near me right now."

Torian frowned. "Don't say that."

"I mean it. This is going to get ugly. You don't deserve to be dragged into this."

"I'm not leaving you, Michael." He nods, barely. The weight of the moment settling between them.

"We need to get ahead of this. Press conference. Legal team's already assembling. But we're going to want to get out to Santa Barbara as soon as possible." Stuart spoke breaking through their thoughts.

"Yes, of course." Michael nodded.

"I'll get that flight and car arranged." Stuart walked away, speaking loudly to the various people milling about. "We're going to have to cut this video shoot short, everybody. Pack it in." He put his phone up to his ear walking away to arrange transport. Stagehands started leaving. When they were gone, Michael and Tori sat down on the edge of the theater's stage in their own thoughts.

"I feel hollow. Like they reached inside me and took something I can't name." He finally said after a few minutes of silence had passed between them.

"Your home. Your sanctuary."

"It wasn't just a place. It was where I could breathe. Where I could just...be. And now they've turned it into evidence." He exhaled, voice cracking. "They're going to say things. Horrible things. And people will believe them. Because it's easier than believing the truth." Tori reaches for his hands, holding them gently.

"I know who you are. I've seen you with children, with fans, with strangers. You give more than anyone I've ever met. That doesn't disappear just because someone wants to destroy it. We've got this. You've got this. Whatever this is we will face it...together."

Michael doesn't respond. Just quietly nods as quiet soon surrounded them again. Both lost in their own thoughts as the storm in the outside world gathers.

XXXXXX​

The cabin hums softly. Michael, Torian, Stuart, the kids and the bodyguards are all enroute back to California via private jet. Paris was curled up beside Blanket, drawing on a sketchpad. Prince was listening to music on his iPod. Tori sat across from them, glancing occasionally at Michael who was sitting alone near a window. He had been quiet the whole flight, sunglasses on, fingers steepled. Outside, the clouds blur past. Tori decided to get up and walk over to him. Kneeling beside him she spoke in hushed tones. "Just checking on you."

He nodded and then looked over at his children. "They don't know. About the raid. About the warrant. I don't want them to hear it from the news."

"They shouldn't have to."

Michael nods again and then leans closer, voice low. "When we land, I need you to take them to Hayvenhurst. Keep them close. Keep them safe."

"And you?"

"I'll go with the lawyers. Straight to the station. I need to face this before it becomes something worse." Tori's jaw tightens. She wants to argue, but senses his resolve.

"You shouldn't be alone."

"I won't be. But I need you with them. You're the only one I trust to hold them through this." He glances at the kids. Still laughing. Still unaware. "They deserve to keep their childhood a little while longer."

"I'll take care of them. And we'll be waiting for you when you come home."

"What even is home? Do I have one anymore?"

"You do. With us." She squeezes his hand.

The plane dips slightly, preparing for descent. Outside, Santa Barbara awaits, preparing to become the epicenter of a storm.

XXXXXX​

Later...

Tori steps inside Hayvenhurst with Prince, Paris and Blanket trailing behind her. The house smelled like lemon polish and old memories. Michael's mother Katherine was already waiting for them in the foyer, arms open.

"Come in babies. Come in." Paris runs to hug ger. Prince follows. Blanket stayed put in Torian's arms.

"Thank you for letting us come on such short notice, Mother Katherine." Tori spoke as the gentle woman gave her a hug and patted Blanket's head.

"Nonsense. You, Michael and the kids are always welcome here. You're family."

Tori nods, grateful but tense. Her phone buzzed in her pocket. It had been buzzing off and on since news broke. She wasn't planning to answer any calls unless it was Michael or Stuart. Balancing Blanket on one hip, she freed her hand to take her phone out to make sure it wasn't one of them calling. Seeing that it wasn't she silenced it and returned it back to her pocket.

"They don't know yet, do they?" Katherine asked quietly.

"No, Michael wanted them to stay in the light a little longer."

"Good, then we'll keep it light. Let them be children. No tv. No phone. No internet."

Before Torian could reply, her phone buzzed again. She checks it. It's Stuart Backerman. "I've got to take this. It's Michael's spokesman." She handed Blanket off to Katherine so that she could take the call. "Stuart," She answered. "Is he okay?" She listens, face unreadable. Then she nods. "Tell him I'm still with the kids and that we're safe and that I'm not going anywhere. We'll be here when he comes home." Hanging up, she turned to Katherine. "He'll be home in a few hours. They can't keep him. His lawyer is making sure of that."

"Good, some of the family is meeting here soon. Janet's flying in. His brothers are on the way. He's going to need all the love and support we can give him." Katherine spoke.

"Yes, he definitely will."

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 7
“Trials and Tribulations”
Hayvenhurst, 2004.

The room is dim. A single lamp glows beside stacks of legal documents, news clippings, and photos of the kids. Michael sat at the piano, not playing, just staring at the keys. His phone buzzes. A message from Usher:

"It's set. She's got a spot. I'll take care of her for you, Mike."

Michael exhales, then deletes the message. Ever since the news broke last year about the allegations, Torian had been at his side caring for the children, caring for him. She hadn't taken any touring gigs in all that time. Michael didn't like that. She deserved peace and to live her life outside of the bubble of infamy he was currently drowning in. He didn't want her to drown too. Thankfully, the media hadn't much focused on her yet. But he sensed that could change soon as they got closer and closer to the upcoming trial.

They'll twist everything about her. About us. Whatever ''us'' means. They'll ruin her because of me. I won't let them. I have to put some distance between us. She'll hate me for it. But hopefully she will ultimately understand that I made this choice for her.

Sighing deeply, Michael walked out of the piano room to join his family and his legal team to strategize.

XXXXXX​

Torian couldn't believe it. How could this happen? And again, at that? She sat in a corner silently as she absentmindedly watched all of the activity going on around the room. She had to tune them out. Didn't want to hear what they were discussing. Allegations. A trial. It was 1993 all over again, only this time it was much worse. She replayed everything that happened last year in her mind:

The Las Vegas video shoot.

Stuart Backerman - who resigned or was fired in December 2003 depending on who you ask, breaking the news that Neverland had been raided and there was a warrant out for Michael's arrest.

Flying back to Santa Barbara so that Michael could turn himself in. He'd been booked, fingerprinted, had his mugshot taken and subsequently released to the public. All before bonding out on a 3 million dollar bond and returning to live at the Jackson family compound instead of going back to Neverland. "I'm never going back there again." He had declared. The place was tainted to him forever.

Now there was to be a criminal trial in February of 2005. Just a few months away. Things had not been going so well at all. Michael hadn't been acting like the same Michael who had held her so close and lovingly that one night. He wasn't acting like the same man whose brilliant smile had brightened many a day for her. No, this was someone else. This Michael was visibly stressed out, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep and was losing weight fast. She had to force him to eat something at times. And he was firing members of his staff left and right. Not everyone, just the ones he felt he couldn't trust.

"I'm having some background work done on the Arvizo family as we speak. Apparently, they have a history of extortion schemes. We can definitely use that to discredit them."

Torian started to come back to the conversation as Michael's new lawyer Thomas Mesereau started speaking. He was a replacement for that awful Mark Geragos who couldn't give Michael the undivided attention he needed if he was going to win this case. Torian's mother, who worked as a lawyer herself, had made the suggestion of hiring Mr. Mesereau after she asked for some recommendations. He seemed caring and actually knew his stuff. Michael was happy with him for the time being. Today they were having a legal strategy meeting. Torian was there because the Jacksons knew and trusted her. And because Michael trusted her. His brothers considered her Michael's girlfriend even though she nor Michael had ever confirmed such.

"Good!" Jermaine's angry voice pierced through Torian's thoughts. "The jury and the public need to know that that damn boy is lying through his teeth. Michael would never do the shit they accused him of!"

"Jermaine, language please." Katherine reprimanded.

"Sorry, Mother! But this mess makes me so angry. They're trying to set him up to get money like those other folks did in '93. I mean who are these people anyway?"

"The accuser Gavin is a cancer patient that Michael supported." Tori spoke up. "He's been to Neverland several times. I've seen him. Interacted with his whole family. They're suspect if you ask me. I was around on several occasions when Michael had contact with him. I could for sure testify about what I've seen. Also, I've been around Michael for six years. I can testify about my time with him."

"No."

Everyone looked in the direction of Michael who had been quietly observing the conversation that was about him.

"What?" Tori asked.

"I don't want you testifying for me." Michael folded his arms across his chest, trying to will her to drop the subject.

"Why not? She could be a good witness for the defense." Jermaine spoke. The others echoed his statement.

"They're right, I could." Tori stated.

"I mean it, I don't want you testifying and that's final." He said it in that voice of his. No, not the high pitched one. The other one with the bass in it. The one that let you know he meant what he said. Upon saying this, Michael exited the room. Janet stood up to go after him, but Tori held up her hand.

"No, Janet, let me." She walked out of the room. She knew there was only one place Michael could've gone and that was his old bedroom. She found him sitting on the built in bench underneath the window staring out of it. She went in, quietly closed the door behind her and went to stand behind him. "What are you thinking?"

"About how funny life is. Sometimes you think you're so blessed and then it hits you that you're really cursed. Life builds you up to knock you down hard." He said as he continued staring out the window.

"You've been knocked down before. You just have to get back up again, that's all."

"I don't know if I can get back up. Especially when they continue to beat you once you're down. How do you get back up from that?"

"You fight back, Michael. You fight hard, you fight long. You just fight back. No one can keep you down if you fight to get back up again. You're strong. I know this and you know this. It's really very simple." She came closer, wrapped her arms around his neck, kissed the back of his head and then placed her head on his shoulder.

"I don't know," Michael sighed. "Things are less simple now."

"Could this have anything to do with the reason you don't want me to testify?"

Upon hearing that, Michael moved away from her embrace and turned to look at her. "You can't testify because I don't want anything happening to you."

"Nothing's going to happen to me. This is about you, not me. We're trying to keep something from happening to you."

"I'm not worried about me. Well, I am, but I am worried about what the media will do to you if anything about us came out during the trial. I don't want them prying into your...our private life. I don't want them hounding you about me."

"I don't care about all that. Let them!" Tori's voice rose.

"No matter what you say, you and I both know how important it is to maintain some kind of privacy and to just be normal." Michael spoke matter-of-factly.

"I'd be giving all that up anyway following in your footsteps to become an entertainer. So what's the difference?" Tori tried hard to understand Michael's logic but it wasn't clicking for her. Maybe because she didn't want it to. Didn't want him to make any kind of sense.

"Not on this scale." Michael shook his head. "Say they put you on the stand and ask questions about you, an underage girl at the time, being around so close and so often. Yes, I am and was your mentor and you can tell them that. What if they ask you any sexual questions about us? Do you really want to tell them that we had sex when you were just eighteen years old?"

"Micha-" Tori protested but he cut her off.

"Yes, you were legal by law but in the public's eyes you will be just a child. If that were to come out, that would be a bigger story than the trial itself and just add more fuel to the fire." Michael watched her become silent. He knew that meant she was thinking about how to respond. The furrow in her brow told him she wasn't thinking anything good, and he tried to mentally prepare himself to deal with what could come next.

"Is that what you think of me? A child?"

"I didn't say that."

"Yeah, but I'm asking you. Do you think I'm a child? Do you regret what happened? Does it make you feel bad about yourself? Is this somehow my fault?"

Michael swallowed hard. "No, no, no and no. Tori, you're not listening to me." He sighed. He knew this was going to be a difficult conversation to have. He just didn't know how much.

"You know, you've never been that good of a liar, MJ." Tori smiled. It was too bitter to be genuine. "Don't try to spare my feelings. Tell me the truth."

"No, I don't think you are a child. Young, yes, but not a child. I don't regret what happened, just the circumstances, a weak moment for me. I felt bad about it for awhile but then I saw how much it meant to you. I couldn't regret something like that."

"It meant nothing to you though."

"It meant everything to me. You mean everything to me. That's why I have to do this." Tori stood so still when she heard him say that. She definitely did not like where this was headed.

"Wait a minute," She frowned. "Do what? Michael, what are you saying?"

"I can't do this with you. This, you, me, whatever our relationship is. I have to let you go. For your own sake." For a brief second Michael thought she looked like she wanted to slap him. He even waited for it but the slap never came. She must still be in shock, he thought. He had played this particular scenario over and over in his mind about what her reaction would be but he was surprised by her still, calm demeanor.

"So I guess that's it. I know you can be very stubborn when it comes to things so I will accept it. I was afraid you'd give me my walking papers like the others. Just didn't realize how soon they would come."

"I'm not giving you any walking papers. I just…I just think you should stay away for a while. I don't want you anywhere near this mess of a trial while it's going on. I spoke to Usher. He's got the Truth Tour going on this year. He's auditioning dancers. He knows you though, and said the job is yours if you want it." Michael spoke low. This was hard. Very hard.

"I'll do it. If that's what you want. I'll go away and do this tour. I'll need something to keep me busy after having to hear that." She spoke. Michael knew she was trying to keep her voice even, but he heard it cracking. He moved to embrace her; to his surprise she let him.

"Tori, I'm sorry. I just don't know what else to do. I'm not telling you to stay away forever, just for now. When this blows over, we can get started on that album of yours for real if it will make you happy. Just don't start hating me please. Out of all the things that have been hurled at me, I wouldn't be able to take that."

"No, I won't hate you," She untangled herself from his embrace to take a step back. "I'm upset, yes. But I won't hate you. Time is needed, I understand that. I'll leave. Tell the kids I love them and will see them again soon."

"What are you thinking?" He asked. Soon as he said it he knew it was a stupid question.

"Something you said once," She said, her voice no longer cracking but even. "I thought people always told you don't go around breaking young girls' hearts."

Michael just stood there. She used a line from one of his songs. It was simple enough when he wrote it. Now it just had so much more meaning to it. A meaning that at this time, standing in this room with her, hit him like a brick and knocked the wind out of him. She left after that, no doubt going to pack and leave. In a perfect world he would've went after her, told her-no, begged her to stay. In a perfect world, his life would've been normal enough for them to exist in it together. But his world wasn't perfect. And right now his world consisted of an uncertain future, a dim and dusky room, an open door, and the pieces of someone's broken heart withering in his hands.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 8
“Guilt and Innocence”
Santa Barbara County Superior Court, 2005.

Verdict Day...but his mind wasn't on that. It was on her. Ever since the day she left, Michael carried silent guilt. He hadn't talked to her since. Afraid to. Afraid she wouldn't want to hear from him. He'd kept tabs on her of course. Usher would text every blue moon to let him know how she was doing on the tour.

"She's good. She dances and goes home, man. That's it. During our downtime, the dancers and I have been watching coverage of the trial but she doesn't." Usher had told him.

"Good. She's focused. That's best." Over and over he'd replayed their last conversation in his head.

I broke her heart and then sent her into the world with it shattered. Can't say I blame her if she wants no parts of anything involving me.

The SUV pulled up to the steps of the courthouse. The crowd outside was electric. Reporters shouted into cameras. Fans chanted. Protesters waved signs. The air was thick with anticipation and sweat. Stepping out of the SUV, Michael waved at the crowd. His bodyguards flanked him as his family members walked next to him into the courthouse. Everyone that mattered was there to support him.

Everyone except her.

Sitting at the defense table, hands folded, jaws tight, he waited quietly for the jury to walk in. Shortly, they file in one by one. Their expressions unreadable. Michael couldn't tell one way or another which way they were leaning. He knew, however, no matter what the verdict was his life was going to change.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" Judge Melville asked.

Michael held his breath.

"We have, your Honor," stated the jury foreman. "On the count of Conspiracy...we, the ladies and gentlemen of the Jury find the defendant, Michael Joseph Jackson..."

Michael closed his eyes.

"...not guilty."

The courtroom erupts. Cheers. Tears. A sob from someone in the back. With each 'not guilty' verdict handed down those sounds grew louder. Michael couldn't move. Not yet. He opened his eyes. Not guilty on all counts. He was free.

Victory. Relief. But not joy.

He turned to his family. They're crying, hugging. He hugged his lawyer and then his mother. Outside there was a thunderous sound. The verdict had been broadcast outside to the waiting crowd. They were cheering so loudly that it could be heard within the courtroom walls. Michael closed his eyes and thought of her. Is she watching?

XXXXXX​

The tv flickers in the dark room. The CNN anchor announces the verdict. "Michael Jackson has been acquitted of all charges."

Tori sat on the edge of the bed, hand over her mouth. Her eyes start to water. Not from sadness but because she knew. She believed. And now the world knows too. "You did it, baby." She whispers to herself. She hadn't watched a drop of trial coverage all year but she tuned in for the verdict. Her phone is on the nightstand. She stared at it. Should I call him? She imagines his voice. Imagines him saying her name. Imagines him saying come back. But she doesn't move.

He probably doesn't want to hear from me. He did tell me to go away in the first place.

Tori turned the tv off and decided to go take a shower.

Just knowing he was free was enough for her.

XXXXXX​

Back on the courthouse steps, Michael waves to the crowd. Cameras flash. A section of fans broke out into one of his songs. His bodyguards move him to the waiting SUV. Once inside the vehicle, he pulls out his phone. He thought about calling Torian. He thought about hearing her voice. About saying, "I told you to stay away. but I needed you here more than ever." But he doesn't. He did not want to add more to her pain than he already had.

She probably doesn't want to hear from me, anyway. Not after what I said to her.

Michael shook his head and placed the phone back in his pocket.

Just knowing she was somewhere safe was enough for him.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 9
"Thriller/We Meet Again"
World Music Awards, 2006.

Michael was led backstage to the waiting area as he prepared to accept the Diamond Award for selling over 100 million albums. He had sold that much for Thriller alone. But his actual record sales combined was over 750 million. He was happy that night. This was his first public appearance since being acquitted on all charges from last year's trial and a lot of fans came out to show him love and support. It was great to know that there were people who still believed in him.

"Mr. Jackson, you can watch the performance on the monitor in this area or if you'd like to view it live, there is a place you can stand on the stage level down below." A backstage helper spoke to him.

"I'd like to view it live, please." He said. That new artist Chris Brown was tapped to perform Thriller as a tribute to him. He had heard that Chris had been touted as the second coming of Michael Jackson, and he wanted to see for himself.

"Right this way, please."

He followed the stagehand down the stairs to the lower level. At the last second he caught a glimpse of Torian walking onto the stage as the performance was starting. She was dressed in denim capris, a denim jacket, and blue pumps. He figured she was playing the part Ola Ray played nearly twenty-five years ago. This, he had to see.

On stage, Tori stood off to the side in front of millions of screaming fans and celebrities as the music started to play and Chris Brown came onto the stage. By now, Tori had a little fame buzz going on since she was rumored to be dating Chris and was the one-time protégé of Michael Jackson. She was also a highly sought after dancer and had toured with several big celebrity names as well as performed in music videos and live performances. She didn't like the Chris rumors that much and knew this performance wasn't helping matters much. Yeah, they were kind of together, but she wasn't nearly into him as he was into her. Her focus had been singular since Michael had given her the boot. Dancing only. She stuck to that most of the time, but Chris was a great placeholder whenever she was lonely. And here she was, doing a Thriller tribute to the first man she ever loved. Other than her daddy, of course. He was watching no doubt, but she put the thought of him out of her mind and got on with it.

"It's close to midnight…and something evil's lurking in the dark. Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart…"

Alright, don't ruin it Chris. Tori thought as she danced along to the music as Chris came closer to her.

"You try to scream…but terror takes the sound before you make it. You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes. You're paralyzed…"

Ugh. Tori cringed at hearing Chris try to sing it like Michael. This boy can't sing for shit and definitely not like Michael. All the while she kept moving to the beat of the music and smiled as if she were not thinking those thoughts or smiled because she was. She wondered what Michael was thinking as he watched. Probably nothing. He wasn't one to talk bad about people and would just be humbled that Chris even tried.

"Cause this is thriller, thriller night and no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike. You know it's thriller, thriller night. You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight!"

Tori was so glad when the zombies came onstage and ran her off. When she ran backstage, she nearly ran smack into someone standing right behind the curtains on the edge of the stage. "Sorry, I didn't see you," She said. When she looked up, she stopped speaking. Michael stood in front of her holding her steady.

"Hello, Torian." He spoke softly. Immediately the butterfly feeling in her stomach came back. Not this again. She had not personally seen or spoken this man in over two years. She should have been immune by now. But damn if he didn't still make her stomach do flip flops whenever he was near or touched her.

"Hi." She said and took a few steps back, letting his arms fall back to his side.

"Please, we should talk." He said. "After the show."

"Sure, if you want." She said in a voice that could only be described as unfeeling. He nodded as she walked past him and disappeared down the hall. He turned and walked back to the stairs to prepare to walk onstage behind Beyonce as Chris Brown's performance ended. When he was gone, Tori came back out to stand by the curtains to watch Michael's acceptance speech as the announcer began to speak.

"Introducing the Diamond Award for the one and only King of Pop himself, Michael Jackson, is the Queen of Pop herself, Beyonce Knowles!" Tori looked up as Beyonce came to the stage to a round of applause that was probably more for Michael than it was for her.

"Hello!" Beyonce spoke into the microphone. "Tonight we are celebrating 25 years of Thriller. Give it up ya'll!"

The crowd screamed and applauded in response.

"Thriller is the biggest selling album of all time. Over 104 million records worldwide sold. Michael Jackson has sold over 750 million records during his lifetime. He has also given over 300 million dollars to charity in his lifetime. This is exactly why we call Michael Jackson the King of Pop. If it wasn't for Michael Jackson I would have never, have ever performed. He's been such a big influence on my life and every performer's life. Michael Jackson, I love you! We all love you!" She said as she stared out at the crowd.

"I want you to give it up to the King of Pop, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael Jackson!"

Tori watched as the crowd stood to their feet and gave the most deafening, thunderous applause she'd heard in a long time. Michael came to the stage and the applause grew tenfold. He stood at the podium as the crowd gave him a 5 minute standing ovation. Tori had to smile watching it.

He deserves this.

She knew he was overwhelmed by the show of love he was receiving after such a dark time as last year's trial. This was truly a statement to his longevity and perseverance in the face of adversity. Throughout it all, the people still loved him and probably always would.

"Hey, I thought you would have changed by now." Tori turned at the sound of Chris's voice as he came to stand by her.

"I was getting ready to watch Michael's speech. I'm very excited for him. This is huge."

"Me, too!" Chris said with that big goofy smile plastered on his face. "I can't wait to meet him when he comes backstage. I want to know what he thought of the performance. I hope he loved it."

"I'm sure he does, Chris. Michael's not one to trash anybody." She said, annoyed that he was taking her attention away from Michael's speech. She turned back around in time to hear him thank his family and fans.

"I love all the fans from the bottom of my heart." Michael said as the crowd cheered. After that, they brought out some guy from the Guinness World Records to present Michael with a plaque for having the biggest selling album of all time for Thriller. Then, they showed a video montage spanning his impressive career. He exited the stage as the show went into commercial break. Tori quickly went back to her dressing room to change, knowing Michael would probably look for her when he came downstairs. She only came back out when she was sure he was back onstage. He performed We Are The World with a group of children and Chris ran out onstage at the end of the performance to meet Michael. He had tried to coax her into coming back onstage but she stayed behind, sitting on a backstage couch. She waited for Chris or MJ to approach her. She couldn't say she was surprised when both of them did.

"Hey, Tori, look, it's your mentor!" Chris yelled over the noise as he came over with his arm over Michael's shoulder.

"I see him." She stood up and gave Michael a hug as if it was their first time meeting in a long time. "It's so good to see you, Mike. You were wonderful onstage."

Michael squinted his eyes in slight confusion and then correctly figured she was putting on airs in front of Chris. He wondered why. Okay, Tori, I'll play along. "Thanks. You were great out there yourself. I thought you would've been one of the zombies though, knowing how you really like to get out there and dance your tail off."

"Yeah, well I thought she was better off showcasing her beauty and that model walk of hers as Ola Ray." Chris butted in. Tori wanted to roll her eyes but flashed a smile instead. Chris was really starting to work her nerves.

"Ay, Chris, come here!" Someone called out. She was relieved when he walked off to go talk to that person. Michael wasted no time inquiring about it.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing," She quickly answered while shaking her head. "Just nothing."

"So are we still on to have that conversation?" He asked.

"I don't know. Maybe, if I can get away from Chris for a minute." She gazed in his direction.

"Get away from him?"

"Yes, he likes to keep me within his sight."

"Oh, you two are dating?" Michael asked. He didn't know if he would be glad if she wasn't or sad if she was.

"Chris and I have a very complicated thing. Not a relationship, just a thing. He's a great friend and I love him dearly for being that friend for me."

"Oh, well, where are you staying?"

"La Meridien."

"I can come there, if you want."

"No, I'll come to you. Chris will be going to after parties for the rest of the night. I'll tell him I'm not going. I still have a degree of anonymity. I'll just catch a cab to where you're staying."

"Okay, that works." He responded, his eyes lighting up. "I'm at the Hyatt Regency."

"Give me an hour and I'll meet you there."

Michael nodded, gave her his room info and walked off flanked by bodyguards.

XXXXXX​

An hour later, Tori was knocking on his hotel suite door. There were no guards around. Tori knew Michael had dismissed them for the night. Getting away from Chris had been no easy task and she questioned her reasons for even going to see Michael. Being at the Hyatt brought back memories of being at another Hyatt in Los Angeles with him. She wanted to forget that ever happened. She understood now about the weak moment Michael spoke about. She'd had one of her own when she ended up sleeping with Chris one night in a bid to forget about Michael and move on with her life. Clearly that was easier said than done. She couldn't help it. She missed that man. She could no more deny that than her own name. When he opened the door, she rushed forward and kissed him, grabbing at his clothes the whole while. He was startled but did not push her away.

"Tori," He said between her short, rushed kisses. "What?"

"We'll talk later." She said as she successfully got him out of the buttoned up white dress shirt he was wearing. She kicked off her heels and moved him toward the Victorian style chaise lounge near the fireplace. They laid on it. Well, he did. Tori went to her knees on the floor to unbutton his pants and pull them off. Then she undressed herself. Michael was quietly taking everything in. The last time Tori had let him take charge and followed his lead. This time she was clearly the one in charge. She was nothing like the nervous virgin she was previously and it was turn on for him. He took her hands and pulled her up onto the chaise with him. She pushed him backwards, straddling him. He wrapped his arms around her waist, fully giving her permission to proceed without saying a word.

XXXXXX​

When it was all over, they lay together on the chaise watching the fire crackle in front of them. They'd been silent for minutes on end but it was a comfortable silence, basking in the after sex glow.

"You ready to talk, now?" Torian said, breaking their silence. She lay next to him, both naked as the day they were born, with her head on his chest.

"What is there to say now? Really? I think what happened here said it all. We missed each other."

"I missed you so much." She admitted. "I was upset with you for a while but I didn't hate you. I just couldn't understand why. Why, when I know you needed me, did you turn me away?"

"Tori-"

"No, shhh." She put a finger to his lips. "I don't want to know now. I did at the time but I'd rather not revisit that. Let's move on. How are the children? I miss them so much."

"They're getting bigger ever day. They ask about you a lot. They miss you, especially Blanket."

"Really? But he was so young when I left. I didn't think he would remember me." She said incredulous.

"He does. They all do. When you get back to the States you should come and see them."

"They're back in the States now? You've moved back?"

"Yes. The kids are with Mother right now but when I get back, we'll be living in Las Vegas for some time. Going to get back into recording and writing. I've got some things lined up and I also want to keep my promise to you and help you with your album, if you're ready to switch to headlining tours instead of backing them up."

"I'd love that but I am seriously booked as far as tours go. I've got Chris's UCP tour this winter and the Beyonce Experience tour next year. I will be doing all five legs of her world tour which ends in December...of next year."

"Booked and busy, I love it!" Michael chuckled. "Looks like that album of yours will have to wait until 2008, huh?

"Yes, unfortunately. But if you're still willing by then, it's a go. We can do a demo, shop for a label home, then the album. The works."

"Cool. I'll be there." He said.

Five more minutes of silence passed before another word was spoken.

"Michael,"

"Hmm?" He didn't look at her, but kept his gaze toward the fire that was burning.

"Do you ever wonder if, in another time and place, we could've stood a chance?" She looked up at him.

"All the time." He answered truthfully while rubbing her bare back.

"Me too." She lowered her head, kissing his chest before laying her head back down on him. Michael kissed the top of her head and held her closer than he ever had. A silent understanding has passed between them. They both understood that they might never have that chance and for the first time in a long time, they were both okay with that.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 10
"No Air"
American Music Awards, 2007.

It was November 2007, and Tori had recently flown home from Taiwan after doing the second to last show of Beyonce's tour. The last one was going to be held in Vegas in December and she was glad that it was almost over. Sometimes she loved touring and seeing the world. Other times she would rather be chilling in her condo in Los Angeles. She hadn't been home a week yet before Chris called her and asked her to accompany him to the American Music Awards. She wanted to turn him down but knew he wouldn't take no for an answer so she agreed. They were more or less a couple in the eyes of the public but it didn't bother her much this time around. After being with Michael that night after last year's World Music Awards, she had come to the conclusion that she had to move on from him and decided to commit herself to dating Chris. Besides, Michael was living in Las Vegas now and she hadn't seen him since that last time. Plus, she had been on tour all year. There were the occasional phone calls and emails but that was about it. She had spoken to the kids over the phone but still hadn't seen them. She was going to have to make a better effort to visit them when she had time. Inside the black stretch Hummer they were riding in Chris put his arm around Tori's shoulder and caught a glimpse of their reflection in mirrors that were fitted all inside the interior.

Damn, we really do make a good looking couple.

He smiled and rubbed her exposed knee. Tori, who had been absentmindedly staring out the window, turned to look at him. Seeing the smile on his face she smiled back and then turned again to stare out the window. Chris frowned. He hoped she wasn't going to be in this mood of hers all night. This was a night to celebrate. He wanted her to be happy but it seemed she never was these days. It was like nothing he did pleased her. But damn if he wasn't infatuated with her. She was fine in all her green eyed, exotic faced glory. Plus, the woman could dance circles around a lot of the dancers in the game today. He knew he was lucky to even have her now before she got real big in the game and left him for a bigger name than his. For now, he'd put up with her high maintenance as long as she kept coming back to him.

"You ready?" Chris looked over at her. The limo had pulled up to the curb in front of the Nokia Theatre where the award show was to take place.

"Yeah, I guess." She said.

One of the bodyguards got out of the front passenger seat and opened the door on the curbside. Chris got out first smiling and waving for the cameras, then turned and held out his hand for her. She scooted over to the door, grabbed his hand and stepped a long leg out of the car and then another. Standing up, she was hit with a thousand camera flashes. Nearly blinded, she looked away as Chris walked forward away from the limo bringing her along with him. They were bombarded with question after question as they made their way to the posing area. Tori tried to stay silent while Chris handled questions from the reporters but they kept trying to drag her into it.

"I am definitely looking forward to performing on stage tonight." Chris told one reporter. "It's gonna be T-Pain and me. It's definitely gonna be hot."

"Torian, are you going to be dancing during his performance?" The reporter asked her.

"No, I will be in the audience this time." She answered with a smile.

"She just got back from doing Beyonce's tour so it's her time to take a break." Chris laughed.

"It has been rumored that you will be working on a debut album due out some time next year. Is there any truth to that rumor? If not are there any musical projects you are working on?" The reporter asked Torian.

"For now I have nothing planned as far as an album goes. I'm not even with any labels. But I am doing a lot of writing and composing music for others. I'm writing for Jordin Sparks debut album right now so that's coming next year. I hope everyone goes out and cops that album. It's going to be good."

After that, the bodyguard shooed the reporter away as they walked into the posing area. Tori and Chris took shots together and separately. Tori did a couple of cute poses for the camera. She knew she was looking great. Her hair was in a wavy style cascading down her back. Her makeup was flawless as usual and her smoky eye makeup highlighted her green eyes. She wore a green silk floor length gown that boasted a thigh high split on the side and thin straps that crisscrossed the top of her back. The dress was backless for the most part and dipped dangerously low. It was not skin tight but it fit her well enough to show off her curvy, toned physique. She could tell by the looks on the faces of various male celebrities nearby that she was looking great tonight. She also knew that for that moment in time, all of them envied Chris Brown.

The show was a long and boring one. She would've rather stayed home to read a book, have a quiet dinner, and call it a night. Or she would've rather visited her big brother, Jaiden. He was now a married father of a three year old boy that she adored. Torian made a mental note to go see her nephew when she had the time. When the show was finally over, she immediately went back to her place to change and attend the after party with Chris. Her after party outfit was simple enough; a red graphic tee, black skinny jeans, and red Manolos. Loud music, food and drinks, and beautiful people greeted them when they came through the door. They headed straight for the dance floor and got nice. Half way through the night Tori was ready to go home but Chris wanted to keep partying into the wee hours of the morning. While contemplating calling a cab to take her home she spotted Chris on the dance floor with that non-singing island chick Rihanna. There had been rumors that Rihanna and Chris had been getting together on the low since their joint performance at the MTV video music awards a few months earlier. Tori initially did not pay the rumors any mind, especially since Chris told her it wasn't true. It wasn't that she actually believed him, but for the sake of getting over Michael and moving on, she was trying to make it work between them. Chris just made it so hard to do sometimes.

She stood up and walked outside, pulling her cell out with the intent to call a cab to take her home. Chris showed up next to her just as she had located a cab service on her iPhone.

"What's up? Why you hanging out here? You ready to go or something?" He asked.

"Yes, Chris, I'm ready to go. I'm tired. I was just about to call a cab."

"You ain't gotta do all that. I'll take you home. C'mon." He grabbed her hand and started walking down the block to where his rented Lamborghini was parked. They got into the car and Chris drove her home like he said but he apparently had other things in mind when they walked into her condo.

"Chris, stop." She said as he planted kisses on her neck. "I'm tired."

"Quit acting like you don't like it," He murmured against her ear as he nibbled on her earlobe. "I missed you since you've been on tour."

Torian explored her options for a minute. She could let him get some and with any luck it would be over quick so that she could go to sleep. Or she could deny him and send him on his way pissed off at her. Decisions, decisions.

"Okay," She decided. "C'mon, boy." She pulled him into her room. A few hours later she lay in bed wide awake. Chris had long gone, claiming he had to fly out early the next morning to promote his recently released Exclusive album. Try as she might, she couldn't sleep. It was just one of those nights. She sat up in bed and turned the nightlight on. Since she couldn't get to sleep she figured she would get to work. She had an unfinished song to do for Chris and Jordin Sparks. The song was to be a duet between them and she had only done the first verse.
"Only a few days to get this done and I've been slacking off. Ugh!" She said out loud. But she had a slight case of writer's block and didn't know where to go from there.

Calling Michael came to her mind. He was a brilliant songwriter and knew how to handle writer's block. He could definitely show her how to unlock her mind to get this song right. Should she call him or not was the question at hand. She picked up her cell phone and stared at it. It was 3 am in both Los Angeles and Las Vegas. He was probably asleep. But Michael was known to stay up very late, she reminded herself. She stared at the phone for five minutes before she actually punched the number in. He answered after about four rings.

"Hello?" He said in his normal speaking voice.

"Hey, Mike. Did I wake you?"

"No, I was just up thinking. I saw you on television at the awards earlier. They showed you on the red carpet and in the audience a couple of times when Chris Brown performed. You looked nice. What are you doing up so late anyway?"

"Dude, you're gonna up and think your life away." She giggled. "I'm up working late as usual. I need some help. I was commissioned to write a song for Jordin Sparks and Chris. I'm having a little writer's block over here so I was wondering if you could tell me any techniques to use to beat it."

"Sure, I can. What type of song are you writing?" He said.

"A love song. It's supposed to be sung in two part harmony. I've only got like part of the first verse down that I want to split into two for them to sing together. I've got the music and vocal arrangements all in my head, just not all the words." She said as she looked down at what was written on paper which wasn't much.

"Let's hear it." He said.

"If I should die before I wake…" She spoke but Michael interrupted her.

"No, sing it to me. Sing it to me how you hear it in your head."

"Okay…I'll put the phone on speaker so you can hear me better, " She let out the breath she was holding and started singing in a low, even tone. "If I should die before I wake, it's 'cause you took my breath away. Losing you is like living in a world with no air…"

"I'm here alone, didn't want to leave. My heart won't move, it's incomplete. Wish there was a way that I can make you understand…" She heard Michael singing in that beautiful voice of his.

"Michael?" Tori questioned but he hushed her.

"Just sing. Whatever you're feeling, let it come out. We'll play off each other. Don't worry about how it sounds coming out, just let it out. No holding back, tell me how you feel." His voice demanded on the other end. "Wish there was a way that I can make you understand.." He then repeated the lyrics he made up on the spot.

"But how," She sang, her voice coming alive. "Do you expect me, to live alone with just me? 'Cause my world revolves around you, it's so hard for me to breathe. Tell me how I'm supposed to breath with no air…"

"Can't live, can't breathe with no air…" he sang.

"It's how I feel whenever you ain't there." She sang directly to him.

"It's no air, no air." He sang back to her.

"Got me out here in the water so deep,"

"Tell me how you gone be without me?"

"If you ain't here, I just can't breathe." She sang, matching his voice expertly.

"It's no air, no air." They both sang in unison.

"I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew right off the ground to float to you. There's no gravity to hold me down for real…" Michael sang, going right into what would be the first part of the two part second verse. He was a pro at this, Tori knew. She followed his lead, her voice going higher to reach a few notes.

"But somehow I'm still alive inside. You took my breath but I survived. I don't know how, but I don't even…care!"

"So, how," He sang what had become a chorus, "Do you expect me…" Tori joined in with him and they sang in perfect pitch harmony. "To live alone with just me? 'Cause my world revolves around you, it's so hard for me to breathe!"

They blew through the rest of the song, adding a new chorus, and a break, all while keeping their perfect harmony. Tori sang as if she were in the studio recording the song herself. She was so glad that she lived where the next door neighbors were yards away and wouldn't be awakened by her shrill, powerful voice. She enjoyed doing this with Michael. This was a first, but it was time to finish the song.

"Got me out in here in the water so deep…" She sang as she was winding down. Michael matched her.

"Tell me how you gone be with me…"

"If you ain't here, I just can't breathe…it's no air, no air."

"No, air, air." Michael's voice dropped to a whisper.

"No air, air." Tori mimicked.

"No air, air..." He sang for the final time and Tori joined him for the final note. "No air."

For a second they were both silent then Tori spoke.

"I guess we know what to call the song. No air." She laughed. She heard him laughing on his end too. "Wait a minute, did we just co-write a song together? Oh, my God!"

"Yeah, we did didn't we?" Michael chuckled in that low deep voice of his. "You are good at this."

"I think we should keep this one and release it on your next album or mine or whatever." Tori said.

"Nah, you said it was for Chris and Jordin. You have to give it to them."

"Oh, man. You're right, I do. They'd never be able to sing it from the heart like we just did though." She admitted.

"Maybe not. But give them a chance."

"I'll give you the writing credit for your part though, okay?"

"Sure, just credit it to Dr. Heat and not Michael Jackson." He burst into a fit of giggles on the other line. Tori had to laugh. Dr. Heat was the alias he used during the Invincible era. It was also the name he used when getting credit for writing other people's songs.

"I'll do that. By the way, you were loud when singing. Did you wake up the kids?" She asked.

"No, I'm downstairs in the studio. It's soundproof. They're still in bed sound asleep." He answered. "Speaking of asleep, I need to be asleep myself. I'll write the whole song down and email it you in the morning though. That's cool?"

"That's cool. Good night, Michael. I love you." She said.

"I love you more." The line went dead after that. For a minute she just sat there and a thought came to her. No Air was something she and Michael came up with together. The lyrics were telling. She knew what she had sung to him was how she had felt about him. Maybe what he sang was how he felt about her too. Michael had never come out and clearly stated how he felt about her, maybe this was his way of doing so.
If anything, that gave her peace. She placed her phone back on the dresser and put her song book back in the drawer. Turning off the light, she settled back under the covers with closed eyes and a smile on her face. And when she dreamt, she dreamt of a future of making beautiful music and more with her mentor.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 11
"A Mother Knows"
Hayvenhurst, 2008.

Michael entered through the iron gates in front of the family compound sitting in the back of a black SUV with his children. They had flown into the LAX from Las Vegas and took the twenty-five minute drive to Encino to visit his mother. She was already standing outside when they pulled up in front of the house.

"Grandma, Grandma!"

The children shot out of the car as soon as the back door was open. They ran to her almost knocking her down when they got to her. They didn't see their grandmother too often but were always happy to see her when they did.

"Hey, Prince!" Katherine exclaimed. "Blanket, my, you've gotten so big! And Paris, you're just gorgeous as ever!"

"Are Jaafar and Jermajesty here?" Prince asked of his cousins. They were all close in age so Jermaine's youngest children were playmates for Michael's.

"They're inside." Katherine smile. "Go on in." She watched after them as Michael came up to her.

"Hello, Mother."

"Hello, son." She turned and wrapped him in an embrace. Michael blissfully sighed. No matter what was going on in his world, his mother's arms were the safest, most friendliest place he knew. And Hayvenhurst was home. "How are you doing, Michael?" She asked when he stepped back.

"I'm doing great, Mother." He answered.

"Care to take a walk?"

"Now?" Michael asked.

"When you're as old as I am, son, now is all you've got." Katherine chuckled. She hooked an arm around Michael's and started walking. Michael nodded to his bodyguard and driver to let them know that they could leave. When he was home he wanted to be himself. Just Michael. Not Michael Jackson the superstar with the need for bodyguards and chauffeurs. He walked with his mother on a little path that led around the back of the mansion.

"What are you talking about old? You're still a PYT and you know it." He smiled which made his mom laugh.

"Hush, chile. You don't know what you talking about." Pause. "So how are you really, Michael?" She had known him all his life and knew when something was troubling him. She knew it when he phoned to tell her he was coming to visit with the kids.

"I'm fine, Mother. Just really tired. Having trouble sleeping most nights. I go to sleep and then end up waking up a short time later. Sometimes I don't sleep at all."

"Well, that's not good. How are you handling this? Are you seeing a doctor?"

"Yeah. I've been prescribed some medication to help me sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Feels like I need something stronger."

"Now, you listen, Mikey," Katherine was stern, using his childhood nickname. "Don't go playing around with those pills like that. You don't need nothing stronger than Tylenol PM. Maybe you should try natural methods to help you sleep and quit bothering with the pills."

"I've tried everything, believe me. Natural methods don't work. Pills do help, though, when they work."

"Just be careful, Mikey." She said. "You know I worry about you. You're my baby boy."

"I thought Randy was your baby boy?" Michael grinned.

"He is the baby boy, but you're my baby boy. And you always will be. Don't forget that."

"I won't, Mother."

They walked into a little section of the backyard where Katherine had a garden of multicolored flowers planted. She didn't necessarily have a green thumb, but she loved flowers and hired a gardener to plant and tend to them for her. They came upon a stone bench between the rows of flowers and she and Michael sat down on it.

"And how is Torian these days?" Katherine had first met her when Michael brought her along to a family barbecue they had years ago. Torian was fourteen at the time and very shy around the rest of the Jacksons. She only opened up around them when Katherine had told her to make herself at home, that she was amongst family. She had gotten to know Torian very well over the years and liked her, especially after she saw how attached the children had gotten to her.

"She is doing well as far as I know. To be honest, I have not personally seen her since late 2006, but we have kept in touch by email and telephone."

"It's 2008. How'd you let over a year go by without seeing each other?" Katherine raised an eyebrow.

"Conflicting schedules, Mother. I've been all over Europe and she's been on tour all last year. And she has been writing music for people, so at this point in time she has been a lot busier than I have."

"Oh, I see." Another pause. "The next time you speak to her, tell her I said she needs to come visit me."

"I will." Michael sat silently for a brief moment before speaking. "Mother…what do you think of Torian?"

Katherine stared at him with raised eyebrows. "What do you mean what do I think?"

"I mean do you like her? What do you think of her?" He said while reaching down to pluck a flower from a bush.

"She's a nice girl, son. Obviously gorgeous, and very well mannered. I think it's wonderful what you are doing with her."

Michael turned to look at her. "What I'm doing with her?" He questioned.

"Yes, mentoring. Helping her develop her talent. I'm glad that you encouraged her to get her education first before pursuing a singing career. I think that's important. I do recall you telling me that she was working on a college degree at one time. Did she get it?"

"Yeah, she got it last year. I don't know how she did it with all that touring that was going on. But she took online courses and carried her laptop and books everywhere with her. Talk about being focused on a goal." Michael smiled. He was very proud of her. She was able to accomplish something he always wanted to do but never did.

"That's wonderful. So what's next?"

"A record deal, an album…" Michael started.

"A marriage, some children." Katherine finished.

"Huh?" Michael looked at his mother like a startled deer.

"You ain't getting any younger, boy. I say get on with it."

"What?"

"You and Torian. You think I don't know how that girl feels about you? It's obvious that she loves you. I know that you know it too."

"What else do you know?" He asked. He'd gotten over his initial shock and was ready to talk about it. It had been one of the things that kept him up at night. Finally talking about it with someone other than himself might help him feel better about it.

"That you love her too. I see it in your eyes. It's something that you struggle with."

"She's young…" Michael started.

"She's grown." His mother corrected. "I think it matters not what she used to be. Although, I see why you have struggled with it. She was a little girl and you were a grown man when you met. If I can be honest with you, I can tell you that I saw this coming years ago."

"How could you?"

"A mother knows. I remember the day you first brought her around here. Jaimy and Jeremy both had crushes on her but she never paid them any mind. She only had eyes for their Uncle Michael." Katherine smiled. "I knew her crush on you was no doubt going to evolve into something different the older she got. A blind man could see that."

"Mother…" Michael's voice trailed. He did not finish what he was going to say.

"The day I realized that you loved her too was the day you flat out told her no when she wanted to testify on your behalf. I know you and I know what kind of person you are. You did that to protect her. Lord knows what kind of drama that would've been if any feelings she had for you were exposed during that time. She's been around you for years, but she hasn't had to endure what you have and I know that if you had anything to say about it she never would. She's been fiercely loyal to you and you've been fiercely protective of her all this time. But times change, son, you can't always protect her. Especially now with her new line of work."

"I know, Mother. I knew it was going to happen one day. I live in a bubble, a huge fish bowl. I know Torian and I know she would never want to live like that. She's more of a free spirit than I've ever had the pleasure of being."

Michael had been absentmindedly plucking the petals off the flower in his hand and hadn't realized it until there were no more petals to pluck off. He stared at the naked stem before throwing it on the ground.

"Well, honey, did you ever think to ask her? Did you ever think that maybe she would be willing to sacrifice to be with you?"

"I couldn't let her do that, Mother. Ask her to sacrifice her life for me? No way, I wouldn't let her."

"I don't think that's up to you, Michael." Katherine cast a stern glance over at him. "But, you are grown. She's grown. I won't get involved in any of your affairs. I just want to see you happy, baby. I just want you to do the right thing."

"What's the right thing?"

"I can't answer that. That's something only you and Torian know. That's a long overdue talk you're going to have to have with her."

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 12
"All Falls Down"
New York City, 2008.

New York City is beautiful in the spring. The temperature isn't too hot or too cold. The hustle and bustle of everyday city life was getting back to normal after such a cold winter. More people than ever were now milling about on the streets going wherever they needed to go to. There were plenty of places to eat, places to shop, and things to do. One thing though, NYC isn't exactly a Spring Break destination. But that's exactly where Torian decided to take her family for a weekend shopping and sightseeing excursion. Due to work commitments neither of her parents was able to make the trip, but her brother, his wife and son came along.

After a long, exhausting (for her) and exciting (for her nephew) afternoon at Central Park Zoo, Tori was glad that little Joaquin had finally tired himself out and fallen asleep. She loved kids but sometimes they were a handful. Joaquin wanted to visit every animal in the zoo, play with dogs, go out on the lake in a boat, get balloons, eat cotton candy, everything. And like a good aunt she gave him whatever he wanted. When he took his first yawn she almost jumped for joy. He fell asleep on the cab ride back to the hotel. She hoped that her brother and his wife Jasmine would be there when she got there. Thankfully they were.

"Oh, thank you Jesus!" Tori said when Jasmine opened the door for her.

Jasmine laughed quietly so as not to wake up Joaquin when Tori passed him off to her. "He wore you out didn't he?"

"Girl, that's an understatement." Tori walked into the suite and shut the door behind her. "I've been around young children before but they haven't been nearly as hyperactive as this kid."

"Now you understand my pain." Jasmine grinned. "I don't know what I was thinking letting your brother convince me to have a baby. Joaquin is a handful, just like his daddy."

"You didn't complain when we were making him." Jaiden walked into the living room from one of the bedrooms with laughter twinkling in his eyes. Both women rolled their eyes at him and Jasmine walked off into one of the rooms to put Joaquin down for his nap.

"You're gross, Jai." Tori walked toward him and sat down with him on the couch.

"Nothing gross about that, sis. You do know that's how babies are made right?" He laughed. Tori punched him in the arm.

"Yes, Jai, I know how babies are made." Sarcasm was thick in her voice.

"Speaking of, when are you going to have some of your own? Sometimes you look unhappy to me. Maybe you need some children to bring some joy to your life."

"Jaiden, I'm going to be 23 years old in a few months and I'm unmarried. Babies are the last thing on my mind right now. Anyway, I gotta go." She stood up.

"Where you going? You just got back." Jaiden looked up at her as she walked toward the door.

"I'm going to visit Chris. He's here. Actually been here all week."

A smile appeared on Jaiden's face. "Ah, so that's why you took this impromptu trip to New York. To see your man and get yourself a booty call. I ain't mad at you sis, just make sure you use some rubbers. You don't want any babies, remember?"

Tori picked up a throw pillow that was in the chair by the door and threw it at him.

"Ay!" Jaiden ducked. "I'm just saying!" He called after her as she turned to make an exit. Tori loved her brother to death but one day she was going to strangle him.

Once outside the hotel she waited for a cab. She didn't have to wait long before one pulled up to the curb and the doorman escorted her to it.
"Thanks." She told him as he opened the cab door for her.

"No problem, Miss." He smiled and shut the door.

"The Plaza, please." She told the driver.

Chris did not actually know that she was on her way to see him or that she would even be in NYC for the weekend. When he spoke to her earlier that week he said he was in town to do an appearance on The Today Show to perform his hit song Forever and promote the re-release of his Exclusive album titled the Forever Edition. She didn't tell him that she had decided to make the trip there because she wanted to surprise him. Things hadn't been going well for them lately; her fault and she wanted to correct it.

When the cabby reached the Plaza Hotel she paid him and then went inside to the front desk.

"Maurice Davis's room, please." She said to the desk clerk when he asked her if he could help her. She'd been with Chris enough times to know that when he checked into hotels he always used the alias Maurice Davis which was his middle name combined with his manager's last name.

"Is he expecting you?" The clerk asked as he looked up the information on the computer.

"Not exactly."

The clerk tossed a raised eyebrow at her over the computer.

"Would you like for me to dial the room for you, ma'am?" He asked.

"No, he's not expecting me because I came here to surprise him. So if you could just give me his room number," She placed a twenty dollar bill on the desk in front of him. "And an access key," a second twenty caught the clerk's eye. "I'd really appreciate it."

She knew very well the policies that hotels had as far as the privacy of their guests went. She also knew that this clerk knew that Maurice Davis was Chris Brown and probably thought she was just a groupie trying to slip into his room but she didn't want to waste time correcting him or convincing him. Money spoke louder than words anyway. She stared at him waiting to see what he would do. The clerk looked around before slipping the money into his jacket pocket and then handed her an access key.

"Tenth floor. The room number is on the card."

"Thank you." She smiled and took the key card from him.

"You're welcome."

On the elevator ride up, she thought about how she would surprise Chris. Should she knock on the door and wait for him to answer or should she just use the key card and let herself in? Would he be mad that she caught him off guard like this? Maybe he would, she thought. But he'd get over it the moment he saw her naked. When the elevator opened she stepped out and walked until she found his room. Sliding the key card through the lock, the red light turned green and she turned the handle as the door opened with a slight grunt. Slipping inside, she shut the door quietly and looked around. She didn't see anybody in the suite's living room but peculiar sounds coming from a room she assumed was a bedroom caught her attention.

Tori wasn't a dumb woman. She walked over to the bedroom door and opened it. Her mind went blank and she did not see Chris scramble to cover himself. Nor did she see Rihanna scoot off the side of the bed with the bed sheet wrapped around her. She stood in the doorway still as stone until she blinked and saw it all. Her eyes narrowed.

"Tori, what are you doing here!" Chris exclaimed.

He did not just ask that.

"Catching you with your pants down it looks like." She snapped, staring hard at him. She took a step forward and looked at Rihanna. "If you value that pretty face of yours, you'll leave right now." She didn't even care that the girl wasn't even dressed, she just wanted her out. Tori had never been the type to fight a chick over a guy. But the Latina in her certainly wasn't above smashing a chick's face in just because. And since it was Rihanna she was itching to do just that.

"Chris?" Rihanna glanced over at him. He wouldn't even look at her.

"Just go. I need to talk to Torian."

"Look, Chris. You need to just tell her it's over, that you'd rather be with me. Tell her that's where you've been all this time." Rihanna said nonchalantly as she put her clothes on. Tori's right eye twitched.

She would slaughter this ho.

"RiRi just leave, PLEASE." Chris pleaded with her.

She's 'RiRi' now? Ain't that 'bout a bitch?

Tori kept her eyes on her as she dressed and walked toward the door. Both she and Rihanna kept their glares on each other. If looks could kill, one of them would be dead right about now. The final straw was when Rihanna passed her with a smug look on her face.

Ball game.

Neither Rihanna nor Chris saw the right hook that came next. The punch knocked her head into the paneling on the side of the door and she hit the ground.

"Oh, shit!" Chris said out loud. He ran to jump between Tori and Rihanna as she got back up swinging.

"Move, Chris! I'll kill that bitch, I swear!" Rihanna screamed. Chris body blocked her from reaching Tori as he tried to push her out of the bedroom doorway. She had a slight bruise on her forehead from hitting it against the door and a small trickle of blood running from her cut lip.

"You brought that on yourself. Should've left when you had the chance!" Tori yelled back at her. Part of her was hoping Chris would let her go so she could have an excuse to whoop her ass. It wasn't even about fighting her over him. She just didn't like the total disrespect Rihanna had shown towards her in the five minutes she'd been in the room. Chris did his best to calm Rihanna down and was finally able to get her out of the suite. He stood in the center of the living room clad in only his boxers and with Tori staring at him in disgust.

"Tori—"

"I do not want to hear any excuses you come up with, Chris. No lies. Just tell me the truth. Do you love her?"

"I, I don't know. This was a mistake."

"One I'm sure you enjoyed until I walked in."

"Look, I'm a man. I wasn't using my head."

"You were, but not the one attached to your neck." She spat out icily.

"I don't know why you're standing here with your eyes accusing me." Chris said, finally getting angry. "With the way you've been acting towards me lately, you were probably cheating too."

"Maybe I was, but you were the one who got caught." That shut him up for a minute. But only a minute.

"Look, we both haven't been happy for a long time. I don't even know if we even had a real relationship. You were always so distant when you were with me. I couldn't tell if you were into me or not. You never let me know how you felt, about me or in general. That's not fair to me, Torian. I have feelings and I need to be told, shown that I'm wanted, needed. Loved even. I didn't get that from you."

The icy glare Tori had fixed on him softened. Chris was right. She hadn't been very fair to him at all. She couldn't make a relationship work with him. Her heart just wasn't in it. That made her realize that she had no right to be mad at Chris at all. It was her fault anyway.

"You're right. I'm sorry." All the ice had chipped off her voice and she was now a bit more remorseful and sympathetic. "I haven't been very fair to you at all. I'm not very good with relationships, Chris. I don't know how they're supposed to work. Love is an iffy thing. You can't force your heart to love who it doesn't want to love. And truth be told, I don't love you. I never will and staying with you pretending like it's gonna happen is only going to make us both miserable in the long run."

Her words crushed him, she knew. But she couldn't live a lie. She knew he would ultimately understand.

"So, where does that leave us now?" He asked.

"I'm going home. Back to Los Angeles. You go be with Rihanna, if that's what makes you happy." She walked over to him and placed a gentle kiss on his temple before heading for the door.

"Tori,"

She turned to look at him as she opened the door.

"Yeah?"

"I hope you find someone who really makes you happy one day, if I couldn't."

This was their final goodbye. Their relationship had been a great weight on both of their shoulders and that weight had finally been lifted. Both were glad that they were ending things on a friendly note. She wished him all the happiness in the world and he wanted her to find it for herself.

Little did he know though.

"I already did, Chris. Long before I met you."

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 13
“New Beginning”
Las Vegas, 2008.

"Michael, it's so good to see you!"

Michael stood in front of his Las Vegas home with outstretched arms as Tori filled them. He finally got around to asking her to come visit him in Las Vegas. He had his reasons for doing so. The children kept asking for her and he was taking his mother's advice to have a face to face talk with her. This was his way of killing two birds with one stone so to speak.

"Good to see you, too. The kids are inside. They can't wait to see you." He ushered her on into the house. He didn't want to take the chance that some paparazzi had followed her to the house to snap photos.

"Tori!"

Paris was the first to run and hug her. Michael smiled. Out of all the children, Paris was probably the closest to her. In Paris's own words, being the only girl sucked most of the time and she liked it when Torian was around to even the odds a bit."Paris, my God, look at you! You are so beautiful!" Tori hugged her tight. Prince was the next one to approach. "And Prince, you've gotten so handsome. The girls will be after you soon, no doubt." She giggled.

"We missed you. Don't ever leave us like that again." He said with a frown on his face.

Tori looked up at Michael who looked away. He felt guilty because he was the reason she had stayed away for so long. She shrugged then turned back to look at Prince.

"I promise I won't ever leave you guys again, if I can help it."

"I'm holding you to that." Paris added. She still had a hold on Tori's waist. Six year old Blanket stood silently by himself watching the whole scene with quiet eyes. Tori approached and knelt down in front of him.

"Hi, Blanket. Do you know who I am?"

He nodded his head. "Mommy."

Blanket's words surprised no one in the room but Tori. Michael certainly wasn't surprised. When Blanket was born, Tori was very maternal towards him. She helped Michael feed, clothe, and bathe him. She often read to him and the other kids at bedtime or sang them to sleep. The kids had a nanny in Grace but they were more attached to Torian than they were to her. Although Michael had tried to explain to Blanket the best way he could that Torian was not his mother, that did not stop him from referring to her as such.

"Oh, Blanket." Tori was truly touched by his words. Grabbing him into a hug was the only thing she could do not to cry. The moment got to Michael too. He had to leave the room for a minute to compose himself. He went into the kitchen and sat down at the table with a thousand thoughts swimming in his head. It was definitely time he and Tori had a talk. He just didn't know yet what he would say. He had to get his words together because he did not want to revisit that day he told her to stay away ever again. He didn't want her to look at him the way she did when she used Billie Jean against him. They'd used words to hurt each other that day and he didn't want that to happen again.

"Hey."

He looked up and saw Tori standing in the doorway eying him. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. I was just—"

"Thinking. I know." She walked forward.

"I'm surprised the children let you out of their sights." He saw a smile appear on her face.

"I told them I'd just be a minute. Wanted to check on you. Do we need to talk?"

"No. I mean yeah. Just not now. Later. For now let's just have fun spending time with them." He nodded toward the living room.

"Okay, c'mon." She grabbed him by the hand and pulled him out of the kitchen.

Having fun with the kids was an understatement. They had a blast. They had an arts & crafts store ironically called Michael's shut down to buy materials to decorate the inside of the house with. They painted, drew, colored, and built. Pretty soon the living room was looking like the inside of a kindergarten classroom. By three o'clock that afternoon, they'd all tired themselves out and took a nap on the living room couch. All five of them. Michael lay with his head back with Tori and Paris on either side of him with their heads on his shoulders. Prince lay with his head on Tori's shoulder and Blanket slept peacefully across their laps with his head in Tori's lap. Grace, the nanny, thought the scene was so cute that she snapped a picture of them with one of Michael's cameras. It would definitely make for a beautiful Christmas card to Michael's mother, she thought.

When they woke up from their nap it was dinner time. Grace was asked to join them and everyone sat around the dinner table having multiple conversations at once. There was laughter, giggles, and shared smiles. And Michael felt more relaxed and at home than he had in a long time. He actually felt like this was something he could get used to. After dinner was over and Grace put the children to sleep and left for the night, Michael and Tori went out in the backyard to watch the stars.

"Wow, check out the view." Tori went over and sat on a hammock that had been put up between two trees in the backyard. "You can definitely see the stars lying down here."

'Yeah, the children like swinging in that thing and looking up at the sky. It is a great view." Michael answered, speaking more about watching her swing than any stars in the sky.

"Aren't you going to come over here and swing with me?" Michael saw her smile in the dark. He loved it when she had a smile on her face. It had the tendency to light up the darkness. He walked over and sat next to her on the hammock.

"Can I ask you something, Tori?"

"Go ahead."

"What do you want for your life? I mean, how do you envision it?"

"Honestly? I never really thought about what I wanted. I mean I did but only to a certain extent. Like with music, I don't want to be some big superstar, really. I just want to be able to do what I love. I want to use the gift of song and dance to bring smiles to other people's faces. It's like when I sing to your kids when they go to sleep; you see how they go to bed smiling? That is like the best thing in the world to me. And on tour, when I'm onstage I just come alive. The people may not be there to see me but I know they see what I'm doing and they love it. I live for that. If I could have that without fame I would."

Michael was glad it was dark and that Tori could not see the look of sadness that passed over his face when she said that.

"They say you can't have it all. Going into a business like that you've gotta have a thick skin. I'm definitely glad I have one, because I know I'd be very quick to tell the media to **** off if they got in my business. I do not play when it comes to my privacy." She laughed. The sound of it was musical. Then she got serious. "Michael, I can't really say exactly how I envision my life because it ultimately depends on what path I take. It could go either way. But I do know I envision you in it."

"Why me?" He asked as if he were not worthy.

"Because in my eyes, you are perfect—perfectly human. Before I met you, my view of you was of this ethereal entity. This person who had the ability to command the attention of the entire world just by opening your mouth and singing or just standing still. The way you moved was unlike any other. I honestly, didn't know what you were. I just knew you couldn't be human. Then I met you, I grew up with you, spent the vast majority of my formative years around you. I saw you in the best times and the worst and for all I ever thought of you beforehand, I discovered that you were telling the truth in Will You Be There when you told the world you were only human. And I said yes. Yes, I'll be there."

Michael looked at her then. Really looked at her. It seemed like only a blink of an eye had passed and he was in love. They'd spent so much time together. Had watched so many movies. Had laughed way deep down and long in their souls. Had hugged each other close so many times, the feel of their bodies being so close made him weak in the knees…and a lot of things he tried real hard not to be. Was this fate? Was somebody testing him? If he gave in and surrendered to love would she laugh in his face and tell him psyche? He wanted to believe this was real. No, he knew it was real but his life was real crazy. He loved her too much to bring her deeper into his crazy life and if he was honest with himself, he loved her too much to keep her out of it. This was messed up on so many levels. Life, as they say, was indeed a bitch. Life brought him love and had the nerve to make her 27 years younger. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if he was just now meeting her. But the fact that she was a kid when he met her stayed messing with his mind. He obviously couldn't be with her until he got over that and who knew how long that would take.

"Remember that night in the hotel room when you were sixteen and we had that awkward moment?" He finally spoke.

"I remember." She said quietly. "I was definitely embarrassed."

"Remember when I told you that whatever you want I would give it to you, just not that thing?"

"Yeah."

Her tone told him she was becoming wary of his questions now. "That still holds true."

"Michael,"

"Yes?"

"The past,"

"Huh?"

"Get over it."

Silence.

"I'm trying."

"Try harder."

"You're so damn pushy."

"You're not pushy enough."

Michael laughed. He loved this crazy, off the hook woman.

"So…"

"So, I like you. Do you like me? Yes? No? Maybe? Please check one already."

"You took it back to elementary school days." Michael laughed again.

"Shut up and check a box, dude."

Michael used an invisible pen to check an imaginary box on an imaginary piece of paper in the palm of his hand and held his hand out to her.

"Mike, stop playing. I can't read invisible hand writing."

"Well, that's too bad. If you could see what I see then you'd already know the answer." He smirked. "Yes, I like you. A lot. You gonna ask if I want to go with you now?"

"Do I have to play crazy and pretend I can read the invisible answer in the palm of your hand?"

"No, you don't have to," Michael laughed, bringing her in for a soft kiss. "The answer is yes."

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 14
“The Quiet Yes”
Las Vegas, 2008.

The stars had long settled into their places overhead, but neither of them looked up anymore. They didn't need to. The sky had already given them its answer.

Michael stood beside her in the backyard, their fingers still loosely intertwined from the hammock. No rush. No urgency. Just the soft rhythm of two people who had finally stopped running.

From each other.

He led her inside—not with words, but with a gentle tug of her hand. The house was quiet. Grace had gone. The children were asleep. The world, for once, wasn't watching.

Upstairs, his bedroom was dimly lit by the moon spilling through the curtains. He didn't ask her to stay. She didn't ask if she could. They simply walked in together, like they'd done it a thousand times before.

He peeled back the covers slowly, like he didn't want to disturb the moment. The sheets were cool at first, then warmed quickly beneath their bodies. She curled into him, her cheek resting against the rise and fall of his chest. His heartbeat was slow, deliberate—like it had finally found its rhythm.

Her fingers traced the edge of his wrist, memorizing the shape of him. He exhaled, and the breath brushed her forehead like a promise.

His hand found hers again, and this time, it didn't let go.

No words. No explanations. Just breath. Just warmth. Just the quiet hum of two hearts finally aligned.

Outside, the wind whispered through the trees. Inside, time folded in on itself.

They didn't speak. They didn't need to.

They just were.

And when morning came, they were still there—wrapped in each other, sleeping in peace. The finality wasn't loud. It was soft. It was sacred.

She chose him.

And Michael had finally chosen her back.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 15
“Michael Jackson’s Coming To Dinner”
Hancock Park, 2008.

When Michael and Torian started officially dating, Tori announced that it was time to let her parents know about them. Michael was a little bit uneasy about that. He and Tori's parents had been friendly with each other over the years, but he didn't know how they'd take the news. Michael and Tori's dad were the same age for Heaven's sake! Tori had to coax him into going to their home for dinner one Saturday night to lay the news on them. When that day finally came, he was a bundle of nerves. He was silent when he and Tori drove onto the driveway in front of a large two-story stucco home in the affluent neighborhood of Hancock Park. The way the landscaping and the house was set up, the driveway went off to the side and around to the back of the house and ended in a circular pattern.

"Looks like Jaiden is home for dinner," Tori said as she pulled up behind his truck. "This should be interesting."

"I have to deal with the brother too?" Michael asked. The way he said it made Tori laugh.

"Relax, Jaiden likes you. He won't have a problem with you, trust me. If anything, he'll be on your side. I can just hear him now, 'Michael Jackson is dating my sister? Welcome to the family!'" She giggled. Michael found the situation to be too serious to laugh. "Michael, come on. There's nothing to be afraid of." She was clearly amused that this grown man was afraid of something so natural; having dinner with his girlfriend's parents. "They're gonna love you. Hell, they already love you. When Mami heard that you were coming to dinner she went all out talking about she was gonna get out the good China and whip up a meal that'll have you begging for more."

"Really?"

"Yes, there's really nothing to be afraid of. C'mon, let's go in." She got out of the driver's seat and went around to the passenger side as Michael was getting out of it. Taking his hand, she led him up the pathway to the doors in the back. Stepping inside, they came into a hallway that Michael guessed led to the foyer. "Anybody home?" Tori called out.

They heard noises and the sound of running feet and soon Tori's nephew came barreling down the hallway and into Tori's arms.

"Tia, Tia!" Joaquin screeched as he grabbed her neck into a bear hug.

"Tia?" Michael whispered behind her ear.

"It's Spanish for auntie." Tori explained to him. "Joaquin! My sugar bear!" She kissed him all over which made the little boy burst into a fit of giggles. They entered the living room where Tori's father, brother and his wife were sitting watching television. "Hey, everybody!" She announced.

"Sis! I see you made it." Jaiden stood up and went to hug and kiss his sister. Michael smiled at this. Tori and Jaiden reminded him of him and Janet. There was nothing but love between them and their bond was something that couldn't be broken. "What's up, man. It's good to see you, again." Jaiden was acknowledging him. Michael stuck out his hand in greeting but was pleasantly surprised when Jaiden gave him a hug and a pat on the back. "We all family here, mi gente es su gente, tu sabes? Come meet my wife, Jasmine!"

Michael was terrible with languages other than English, but he got the gist of what Jaiden just said and nodded his head in agreement. "How are you, Jasmine? It's nice to meet you." He turned toward the woman who was sitting on the couch next to where Jaiden had been sitting.

"Nice to meet you!" Jasmine stood up and nervously put her hand out for Michael to shake.

"Michael, come on over here and watch the game with me. Dinner will be a minute." Tori's dad Javier spoke from his lazy boy in the corner of the room.

"I'm gonna go see what Mami is doing in the kitchen. Make yourself at home, Michael." Torian passed Joaquin over to Jasmine and walked off. Michael went to sit across from Javier and the two discussed a wide range of topics barely paying attention to the game they were supposed to be watching. They were discussing the upcoming election when Tori's mother Taryn walked into the living room to announce that dinner was ready.

"Michael, it's good of you to come join us for dinner. I hope you brought your appetite because there's a lot of food to be eaten." Taryn greeted Michael with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"You know I did." Michael smiled at her as she hooked an arm around his and escorted him into the dining room followed by the others. Tori was already in there setting places and putting food on the table. The food smelled heavenly. Michael wasn't normally a big eater, but he ended up polishing off the first plate of hot food Taryn placed in front of him and asked for seconds. It was that good. Chatter at the dinner table was very lively. Mostly because of Jaiden. He was the comic relief of the family Michael soon learned. He kept the laughs coming and everybody talking. They were a very close-knit family and he couldn't remember the last time his own family got together like this for dinner. That's not to say the Jacksons weren't close, but that they rarely found the time to do things together that they all took for granted, like sharing a laugh over a good meal. He missed things like that in his family. And Taryn was a great hostess; she always filled his glass or fixed his plate even though he would beg off. When she offered to fix him dessert, Javier spoke up.

"So, Mike, you done single handedly walked into my home and got my wife running around here like she got a schoolgirl crush on you. She doesn't even fill my glass or offer me dessert. If she offers you the lazy boy, I'm moving out." He grinned. Michael blushed and looked down. He was clearly embarrassed by Javier's joke.

"Papi, stop!" Tori cracked a smile. "Mami only has eyes for you. Besides, you're embarrassing Michael."

"I didn't mean to." Javier looked over at Michael and grinned. "I just admire the fact that you have a way with women without even trying. Must be nice. Wish I had that back in the day."

Michael watched as Taryn playfully swatted the back of Javier's head. Dessert was finally brought out and Michael was too full to eat all of his so Taryn wrapped his portion in a plate to take back with them. Dinner was pretty much over with after that. Jasmine and Tori helped her mother clean up while the guys went back into the living room to catch some late-night highlights on ESPN. Joaquin, who was to spend the night with his grandparents, had been put to bed upstairs. The women joined the men in the living room sometime after.

"Good, now that we're all here, I have something I'd like to say." Tori said, coming to stand by Michael who still sat in his place.

"Go ahead, Babygirl." Javier said.

"You all know how Michael's been grooming me for the past ten years now to sort of follow in his footsteps. We've been hinting around for some time now about when I'll make an album. Well, we've decided the time is now. We've been playing around in the studio in Las Vegas cutting a demo to shop around at some major labels. Michael believes I can probably just get a deal on the spot by auditioning but I think I want to explore my options and get my sound out there so people can hear it first. I want to see what kind of offers I'll get."

"Well, that's wonderful, mija!" Taryn exclaimed. "That's been your dream for so long. I'm glad you are getting close to realizing it. Very happy for you."

"Yeah, we support anything you do one hundred percent." Javier added.

Michael and Tori shared glances. He knew exactly what she was going to say next.

Here it comes…

"Well…it's funny you should say that Papi. Because what I'm about to say next, I could really use everyone's support behind." She reached for Michael's hand for support. Michael stood up next to her. Her father and Jaiden looked at them with raised eyebrows. Taryn stared with wide eyes.

"Ay Dios Mio, you're pregnant!" Her mother blurted out.

Both Michael's and Tori's mouths dropped open and both scrambled to correct her. Javier shook his head and Jaiden tried hard to contain the obvious laughter that was building in him. Jasmine smacked his arm to get him to stop.

"No! No, Mami, I'm not. What I was going to say was that I love Michael and that we're dating."

The room was quiet except for Taryn's gasp. That was probably a bigger shocker to her than pregnancy news. Her young daughter was dating a man twice her age.

"You're what?" Javier asked.

"I said we're dating. Michael…and I…are dating."

"Like hell you are!" Javier stood up. He looked at Michael, the friendliness that was in his tone earlier was now gone. "No offense to you or anything, Michael, but she's a baby compared to you."

"Papi!" Tori's voice rose in horror, but Michael stood his ground for once.

"With all due respect, Torian's not a baby anymore. She made her own decision as an adult. Trust me, this isn't something I forced her into. This isn't something I planned. It's something that just happened. We like each other a lot and really want to see where this could go. We're not asking for your permission. We're asking for your support.

"He's right, Dad." Jaiden spoke up to Tori and Michael's surprise. "Tori's an adult. Not a little girl. And Michael's a good dude. He wouldn't do anything to hurt her. You've known him for ten years, so you know it too. You wouldn't have let him near her all these years if you thought otherwise." Tori mouthed a silent thank you to Jaiden who stood up to go stand by them. Jasmine watched everything play out in front of her without a word. This wasn't her place to speak so she remained quietly in her seat.

"That's beside the point— " Javier started but Tori interrupted.

"The point is, Papi, on this, you have no authority. I'm going to be with Michael whether you like it or not. Either deal with it or consider yourself daughterless." She loved her father but if he was going to try to come between them, she could definitely do without. "Mami, do you feel the same way Papi does?" She looked at her mother who hadn't said a word since her father's outburst.

"I…I think you should do whatever makes you happy, mija. That's how I feel. As long as you're okay, and safe. And healthy and happy. That's how I feel. Javier," She looked at her husband. "Let it go. On this one, you aren't going to win. Look at her eyes. She's in love."

"Fine." Javier finally said. "I know when I'm beaten. I won't comment on this relationship, as wrong as it is. I just hope for our daughter's sake she knows what she's getting herself into. This isn't just some older guy she's dating. It's Michael Jackson." He glanced over at his daughter then. "I hope you understand what that means."

He walked out of the room then. No one went after him. Tori decided it was time to go home. She was emotionally exhausted and just wanted to sleep. Michael felt the same way she did. What had started out as a fun family dinner had ended on a sour note. He did not mean to come between father and daughter. He knew Tori was a daddy's girl and being at odds with him had to be hurting her. If ever there was a time to start doubting if he made the right decision…

"Let's go, Michael." She took hold of his hand. "Good night, Mami, Jai, Jas, kiss the baby for me. Sorry for ruining dinner, Mami."

"Don't worry about it, honey. You two be careful on your way home." Taryn kissed and hugged both. They walked out of the house after that. Just as they reached the car Jaiden came out telling them to wait a minute.

"Don't worry about Dad, sis, and Mike. He'll come around. He's just jealous that another man has taken his baby's affection from him and doesn't know how to handle it." He smiled as a way of letting them know that he had their back.

"What if he doesn't?" Michael asked.

"You'll still have each other, man. Nothing's more important than that."

XXXXXX​

The room is dimly lit. Taryn stands at the vanity, removing her earrings. Javier sits on the edge of the bed, unbuttoning his shirt slowly, his movements heavy with thought. Tonight's dinner had ended on a rough note, and she wanted to smooth things over.

"That was an interesting dinner." Taryn spoke to her husband.

"Yes. It was." Javier responded, still in his brooding mood.

Taryn glances at him in the mirror, then turns to face him. "You walked out on our daughter; you know that right?"

"She blindsided me, Taryn. You saw it. One minute she's talking about a demo, the next she's dating Michael Jackson. What was I supposed to say? "Pass the rice"?

"No. But maybe not "like hell you are," either."

Javier sighs, rubbing his face with both hands.

"She's my baby. I know she's grown, I know she's smart. But that man's been in her life since she was a kid. It feels…off. Like something I should've seen coming but didn't. I can't let her do this to herself.

"She's not asking for your permission. She's asking for you to respect who she loves." Taryn walked over and sat on the bed next to Javier.

He looked at his wife in disbelief. "How are you already okay with this? He's like twice her age. He's famous. He's complicated. That's not love—it's chaos."

"Because it's her chaos to choose, mi amor." Taryn responded while placing a gentle hand on his knee. "I saw the way she looked at him. The way she held his hand and the fire that she defended him against you with. That was love. Real, messy, inconvenient love."

"It's inconvenient, alright." Javier shook his head.

"You don't have to like it. But you do have to decide, do you want to be part of our daughter's life while she figures this out, or do you want to be the reason she shuts you out?

Javier doesn't respond right away. His jaw tightens. Then softens. "I just wanted her to have a normal life. College. A boyfriend her age. Someone who doesn't come with a legacy and paparazzi and a million complications."

"Normal was never in the cards for our child. Not with that voice. Not with that fire. We raised a lioness, Javi. We raised her to roam freely. We don't get to cage her now."

He looks at her, eyes glistening. "I miss when she needed me."

"She still does." Taryn reassured him. "Just differently. She's not a little girl anymore. She chose this. Chose him. Her first love. We don't get to choose who that is for her. We just have to be by her side. Their side. If it fails, we'll be there to pick up the pieces. If it flourishes, we'll be there for that, too." She leans her head on his shoulder. He wraps an arm around her, finally letting out a long breath.

"I'm not okay with this right now, but I'll try to learn to be. For her."

"That's all she wants."

They sat in silence, the weight of the evening settling between them, but no longer dividing them.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 16
“Wounded Lover”
Las Vegas, 2008.

When Torian really thought about it, things weren't so bad after all. Michael had been worrying for nothing. They'd been dating for three whole months now and they managed to keep the public out of their business. No one with the exception of their families knew they were together. It was actually easy to fool people when they went out in plain sight, especially now that the press had gotten wind of her supposedly secretly working on an album with Michael. If paparazzi took pictures of them, it was usually when they were going in and out of a Las Vegas or Los Angeles studio. Those times were few and far between though, as they spent a lot of the time in Las Vegas inside a wrought iron gated community. She still had her condo back home but was practically living with Michael and the kids full time. She also hadn't seen or talked to her father since that ill-fated family dinner months ago. Tori hated being estranged from her father but held fast to her position that she wouldn't speak to him until he learned to accept her being with Michael. Her father was a stubborn man, though, and Tori wasn't going to hold her breath. In any case, Michael had been acting weird since that dinner. At times he was very withdrawn and others he was bouncing off the walls. At first she didn't notice it much because Michael tended to get quiet like that and go off in his own little world. Now, it kind of worried her. She hoped he wasn't stressing over her current family situation because it definitely was not his fault.

"Michael, I'm home!" Tori called out as she entered the house. After being gone on a dance assignment for a week she was glad to get back to her man and the kids she had grown attached to. She stopped just inside the doorway and looked around. The house was dark. There was no light coming from anywhere. Highly unusual. "Michael?" She called out. No answer. She dropped her bags by the door and felt around until she found a switch and turned it on. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary as she looked around. Maybe everyone had gone out and would return soon. She walked into the kitchen to get a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and found a note stuck on the door with a magnet. It was from the nanny Grace. It read:

Torian, Michael sent the kids to stay with Katherine for the weekend while he worked. He also gave me the weekend off. I'm leaving you this note, just in case Michael forgets to tell you. We'll be back in effect on Monday. You two kids have fun. Grace.

Tori smiled. Michael sent everyone away the weekend he knew she was coming back to Vegas. He must've been planning a quiet weekend for just the two of them.

"Oh, that little dirty church boy." She chuckled. It was a good thing she remembered to go shopping while she was away. Her bag of Victoria's Secret goodies was just the thing to start their weekend off right. She went back to the living room to fetch her bag and then headed upstairs to Michael's bedroom with a smile on her face thinking he was in there waiting for her. Upon entering the room she was plunged into darkness. Adjusting her eyes to be able to see, she moved toward the center of the room where she knew the bed was. The soft snoring coming from it told her that Michael was there and that he was asleep. She smiled to herself.

Guess he had to knock out some sleep first.

The smile on Tori's face quickly dissolved when she reached the bedside and turned on the lamp. Michael was asleep, but he looked a mess. His normally neatly styled hair was wild and uncombed. He appeared to have dark circles under his eyes and his skin was a whole lot paler than it was the last time she'd seen him. But what caught her eye the most was the various bottles on the nightstand, some of them empty.

"Michael." She said. "Michael!"

She dropped her bag on the floor and sat down at his side on the bed trying to rouse him. She lightly slapped the sides of his face. A moan escaped his lips and his eyes opened slightly but then closed when the bright light from the lamp entered them.

"Michael, wake up!" She slapped again.

He mumbled something she could not understand. At this point she knew he was really out of it.

"Damn it, Michael!" She said after he wouldn't open his eyes again. She glanced over at the dresser at the bottles. It was then that she decided to take action. She stood up, grabbed the bottles and ran into the room's private bathroom with them. Opening all the bottles, she dumped their contents in the toilet and flushed. Not satisfied with this, she went back into the bedroom and opened the drawers. Glancing over at Michael, she saw that he still hadn't woken up. It made her angry and more determined. She sifted through the contents of the drawer finding more bottles. She threw them in the waste basket by the bed, then went around to the other side just in case there was anything in them she needed to throw out. Finding nothing in them didn't satisfy her. She went around the entire room like someone with a search warrant looking for any hidden substances. Satisfied when she found nothing else she went back to the bathroom with the basket and performed the prior action of flushing the contents down the toilet. Opening the medicine cabinet she spotted nothing unusual in them. Just the basic over the counter stuff like Tylenol and a few sleep aids. She dumped them into the toilet too, just in case.

Finished, she went back downstairs to get started on making dinner. She wasn't going to bother him and would just wait for him to wake up. It was a long time before he did. She was sitting in the living room watching television by the time he made it downstairs. Dinner had come and gone and leftovers were wrapped up and placed in the refrigerator. He stood in the doorway staring at her. She stared back.

"Tori…what did you do with my medication?" He said in a cool, even voice.

"You mean this?" She held up the one bottle that she saved. He eyed the bottle and then looked at her.

"Give it back."

"No."

"Tori, please."

"No, Michael." She said sternly.

"I need it. I haven't been feeling good lately."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Pain."

She looked at the label on the bottle. "This isn't for that."

"I have insomnia too."

"You don't need this, then." She stood up. Michael kept his eyes on the bottle in her hand. "How long has this been going on?"

"Tori, please." He pleaded, not wanting to explain.

"No, this is why you've been so out of it lately. Michael, I'm worried about you. This isn't just one bottle I found. There were others. Michael, some of them were empty!" She walked up to him and got in his face. "What are you trying to do? Kill yourself? I'll kill you first!" She said with tears in her eyes as she flung the bottle against the wall. It did not burst and rolled by the entertainment center.

"I'm sorry. I, I don't know what to do." He said, his voice choking up. "I'm so sorry, Torian. Please forgive me."

"Michael, I love you, but I'm scared. You've gotta stop doing this to yourself. The kids and I need you here with us."

"I will. I promise I'll get help." He was bawling like a baby now. He went down on his knees and clung to her waist, placing his head against her stomach. "Just don't leave me. I need you to be here with me, too." His admission turned the invisible faucet in her eyes on and the tears started flowing from her. He sounded like a broken man desperately crying out for help. Leave him? The hell would she do that for?

"I'm not going anywhere, Michael. I told you that I'll be there and I meant every word with all my heart. We've got to fight this thing together. You and I." She stroked his hair softly as she wiped the tears from her eyes. Just seeing him like this was breaking her heart. He looked so, so wounded. And just like that words formed in her mind to create a song just for him. Music was always the best medicine, at least for her and Michael. She let the words flow out of her in a soulful wail.

Wounded lover, I've missed you—would never leave you. 'Cause you're my wounded lover…I can never be the one to hurt you. I know you've been hurt. Your pain, I can't imagine. Baby, it's okay, I know you've fought the good fight. Baby please listen, I just wanna make it all right. You've been wounded baby, let me heal my wounded lover tonight.

The wail of agony she released in that clear soprano of hers sent shivers all through Michael. She let him feel it. Let him know that she accepted him with all his faults. He knew he could never cross the line to break her heart again. She loved him. What could he do with this off the hook woman, but love her back? She was such a gift and he'd almost thrown it away. Never again. He stood up to face her. His hands trembled as he held her face as if it were made of glass.

"Let me heal my wounded lover tonight." She whispered, rubbing her palms over his until they burned. "I've got a better medicine for you." She took his hand and led him back upstairs. She healed him that night, made him go through a wide range of emotions. Made him feel a high he couldn't have gotten anywhere else. And when she was done she cradled a peacefully sleeping Michael in her arms. Sitting up wide awake while stroking his hair, she was adding lyrics to the song she had made for him in her mind.

And wounded lover, I've cried and prayed and pleaded for this love to hold its ground. Hope was all we needed. Pain is all we found.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 17
"A New Year"
Los Angeles, 2009.

2009 started off as if it were going to be a great year. True to his word, Michael sought help and had been going to a doctor to wean him off the pills. He seemed to be doing a whole lot better than he was a few months ago. He also seemed to be in better spirits because he was finally getting his hands dirty. After much hassle and haggle, he and Tori decided they would take the offer that Epic Records put on the table for her debut album. Under the contract she would do two albums for them and it would be up for renegotiation after the second album. Frank DiLeo, Michael's one time manager, was rehired to manage both Michael and Torian. Michael was also in deep negotiations with a company called AEG Live to do a comeback concert later that year. He had also moved his home base back to Los Angeles to be closer to the lady in his life.

Yes, 2009 was definitely going to be a great year.

"Michaaaaeeeeel!"

He lifted his head at the sound of Torian calling his name. He had been downstairs in the den with the kids inside the sprawling Holmby Hills mansion they were staying in. Tori still lived at her home in Ladera Heights but as usual she was always with them.

"Yessssss?" He called out in response.

"Come up here, please." She called out next.

"Coming!" He stood up from playing chess with Prince. "Paris, take over for me. I'll be back in a minute."

"Sure, Daddy." She said.

Michael went up the stairs and into his bedroom. He didn't see Torian but the walk-in closet door was open and the light was on. Curiosity brought him to take a peek inside.
"Look what I found while cleaning out the closet." Torian turned around and held up a pair of pants he hadn't seen in a long time.

"Oh my God, you didn't." Michael started laughing. Tori was holding up the golden pants he wore during the HIStory tour well over a decade ago. Most of his old tour outfits were on display somewhere, but he kept a few items that had sentimental value. The gold pants were wildly popular with women back in the day and were probably one of the most talked-about articles of clothing he ever wore (other than the Thriller jacket). Truth be told, he had worn them for that reason. Ladies loved eye candy, and he definitely gave them what they loved to see.

"Yes, I did." She giggled. "Believe me, this was a big part of my childhood in 1997. Going to the HIStory concert in Munich was the highlight of my year. Onstage, your dancing was magic as usual but my eyes were definitely going toward the magic of your crotch area."

"Dirty little mind you had back then, huh?" he teased.

"I hit puberty and boys were becoming interesting to me at the time. Sue me." She shrugged with a naughty smile on her face and then held the pants out to him. "Put them on."

"Right now?"

"Yeah, for old time's sake."

"Um…how about no." He pushed them back towards her.

"How 'bout yes." She pushed them back towards him.

"No." They were going back and forth.

"Yes." She said, laughing the whole time.

"No."

"What did I say?" She gave him a look that was serious but in a playful way.

"Oh, God, no. Keep it in the closet." He laughed, playing off the title of one of his songs.

"Michael."

"Fine." He took the pants from her. "Can I get some privacy please?"

"For what?"

"I don't want you peeking at my goodies." He cracked up.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Whatever, Michael. It's not like I haven't already seen them. But I'll step outside the closet if it'll make you feel better." She exited the space. Five minutes later he came out to show her how he looked.

"What do you think?" He stood in front of the doorway wearing the pants and his white button up shirt unbuttoned for the extra effect. Surprisingly the pants still fit him. Actually, they fit him better than they did in 1997. Torian was sitting on the bed across the room. He watched her reaction. Her mouth dropped open slightly as her eyes dropped to stare at his feet and work their way up his legs slowly. He walked slowly toward her having fun with the whole thing.

"I think you'd better stay on your side of the room. That's what I think."

"Not bad for a 50-year-old, huh?" He turned around, giving her the full back view. "Now that you've seen them, I'm going to put them away."

"If you don't bring your little cute butt over here…"

Like an obedient puppy he went to her with a smile and she pulled him down on the bed with a kiss.

"Should I take these off?" He asked.

"No, keep them on." She grinned. "First time for everything."

They were interrupted by a sharp knock on the bedroom door. Michael got off the bed buttoning up the shirt and Tori giggled at how fast he was trying to do that like they were teenagers getting caught in the act.

"Relax, MJ. Neither of our parents is here to catch us." She got off the bed and stood next to him.

"Yeah, well, anyway." He said to her. "Come in." He yelled toward the door. A housekeeper poked her head inside the door.

"Mr. Jackson, Miss. Velasquez, you have a visitor."

"Who?" He asked.

"A Javier Velasquez, sir."

Tori and Michael looked at each other. Tori's father was here? What could he possibly want?

"Thanks, that'll be all." He dismissed the housekeeper and turned to look at Tori. "Our parents aren't here to catch us, huh?" He walked off toward the door. The way he said it made Torian laugh out loud.

"How could I have possibly known?" She asked innocently as she followed him out of the room. They were told that her father was waiting in the den and they entered to find him at the table showing Paris, Prince, and Blanket chess moves. He looked up when they came in.

"Hey, mija, Michael." He acknowledged both of them.

"Hi, Papi." Tori said feeling a little uncomfortable. The last time they were all together no friendly words were spoken.

"Hello, Javier. This is a surprise." Michael said. "Come to see Torian?"

"Actually, Michael, I came to see you. Is there somewhere we can talk?"

Tori and Michael shared looks again. The look Tori gave him held hope in it. Michael wasn't one to jump to conclusions so he remained cool about the whole thing and decided to wait to hear what the man had to say before he would jump for joy.

"Sure, let's take a walk." He showed Javier outside to the back of the house. There was a path outside that led through the beautifully landscaped backyard. He had chosen the house for that reason. It was peaceful out there. The two of them were silent as they walked. Michael did not say a word as he waited for Javier to get to the reason for his visit.

"You have some great kids." Javier said at last. "Very intelligent. Prince is actually really good with chess and Paris is a quick learner. Blanket was very quiet though."

"Thanks." Michael replied. "Blanket gets shy and quiet around strangers."

"Well, I hope I won't be considered a stranger for long."

Michael looked at him and nodded but said nothing.

"Look, Michael. You and I are men; I feel we can have this kind of talk so I'll be frank. Torian is my baby girl, my only daughter. You have a daughter so I know you can understand how and why I've been so protective of mine."

"Yes, I know."

"She's been pretty sheltered all her life but I imagine she's seen a lot what with being around you and all. In the past year, I've seen my daughter's pictures plastered on the internet and on television a few times. Mostly when she's with you and the kids. People say things. Some good, some bad. It makes me sad. It makes me angry even. But then I look at her in those photos and I see how she's always smiling, always laughing. She looks happy. And suddenly all that extra stuff doesn't matter." Javier stopped walking which made Michael stop too. They looked at each other. "It made me realize that my baby girl has grown up. She doesn't need me to protect her anymore. She has you for that."

"Just because she's an adult now doesn't mean that you as a parent can't protect her anymore. A parent's job is for life. You don't have to stop just because she is with me." Michael responded.

"I know, but suddenly I don't mind you taking over for a while." Javier chuckled. "And if she's going to go into the music business, I'd rather have no one but you looking after her."

Standing alone in the garden, the men came to a quiet truce. Michael was happy that the most direct opposition to their relationship was dissolving. It had been very hard for Tori and he knew she missed her daddy.

"Tori will be glad to know you said that. Believe me, she has wanted to call you but her stubbornness always took over."

"Ain't she stubborn, though?" The two men laughed. "Sounds like someone I know."

"Javier—"

"No, I admit it. I can be very stubborn. Torian got that from me. I was definitely stubborn these past few months and she did what she had to do, which was shut me out. I've learned my lesson and I came here to get my baby girl back and to extend an olive branch to you. I know you are a good man. I just didn't know how to let her go. I realize I have to now; but you're right, a parent's job is for life, so don't ever expect me to not worry about her."

"I won't."

"C'mon here, man." Javier did something he probably never did. He gave another grown man a hug. "You're a good man. You've got a good heart. Welcome to our family."

"Thanks." Michael said, hugging him back.

"By the way," Javier said as he pulled back from the hug. "What's with the gold pants?"

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 18
"Happily Ever After"
Los Angeles, 2009.

It was mid-afternoon. The house was still. The kids were off somewhere in the house with their tutors. Torian had left for a few days on a gig. Michael sat alone in his home studio, the soft hum of analog equipment filling the silence. He stared at the piano keys, fingers resting gently but unmoving. His mind wasn't on music. It was on her.

He thought about the way she laughed with Paris, how Blanket clung to her like she was gravity, how Prince always asked when she was coming back. How his mother's eyes lit up whenever Torian visited Hayvenhurst, and how her brother Jaiden once told him, "I can't imagine my sister with anyone else."

He thought about how he felt when she left to go out on a gig and how he felt when she finally returned.

She had become woven into the fabric of his life, quietly, steadily, without fanfare. And now, he wanted to make her place permanent. Not just in his home, but in his legacy. In his heart. He'd been thinking about it for weeks now. Even bought a ring. What he hadn't figured out is how to ask.
He picked up his phone and dialed his friend Chris Tucker.

"Yo, Mike!" Chris answered, voice full of energy. "You finally ready to drop that album or what?"

Michael chuckled. "Not an album. A question."

Chris paused. "Wait...the question?"

"I want to marry her."

Chris let out a whoop. "Man, I knew it! So, what's the plan? You gonna moonwalk into the proposal? You gotta go all out. Torian sang your soul back into your body. You gotta give her an experience."

Michael laughed again. "You think I should go big?"

"Big? Bro, you made Thriller. You are big. You gotta do something that says, "I see you. I honor you. I'm ready to build a life with you." You know how she loves music? Write her a song. Rent out a ballroom. Candlelight, strings, the whole nine. Make her feel like she's starring in the greatest love story never told. And when she says yes, which she will, you better thank God every day for that woman."

Michael smiled, heart lighter. "I already do. Thanks, Chris."

"Anytime, man. I'm glad you're trusting me with this type of stuff. Means a lot. Just don't forget, I want front row at the wedding. And I'm doing the toast. You know I got jokes."

XXXXXX​

The next day...

Michael sat at his writing desk, a soft version of Happily Ever After by Case played in the background, but he wasn't focused on the music. He was sketching a plan to ask Torian to be his wife. On the notebook page in front of him things began to take shape. White roses, her favorite. He wanted her to look like a queen, so he wrote down "hair, dress, shoes...makeup."

He began jotting down lyrics, not new ones, but fragments from his own catalog. Each line was chosen with care, for meaning. These were verses that had mirrored their journey, the ones that had quietly spoken their truth long before either of them admitted it aloud.

Each lyric would be printed on thick, cream-colored cardstock, embossed in gold. He called his assistant and gave instructions for coordinating with stylists, designers, and the hotel staff. Every stop had to be perfect. Every detail had to whisper, "I see you. I love you. I choose you."

He was feeling excitement mixed with nervousness. He wanted to pop the question when she returned from her dancing gig which meant he only had a few days to pull all of this off. Everything had to go as planned.

A few hours later his assistant called back to let him know everything was good to go and he was able to breathe a sigh of relief. NDAs had been signed. Ballroom was booked. He pulled out the ring and looked at it. The sunlight creeping through the curtains caught the edges of the diamond and made it shine brightly. Sparkling.

I'm ready for happily ever after.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 19
"Scavenger Hunt"
Los Angeles, 2009.

After Torian came back from her gig, she went back to her condo first instead of going straight to Holmby Hills. She had told Michael on the phone earlier that she wanted to check on her place and maybe gather a few things. Michael told her to take her time and he would see her later. Tori knew that at some point she was going to have to cancel her lease and move out since she was hardly ever there between spending time with Michael and the kids in Holmby Hills and working. No sense in paying for what had essentially become a large storage unit for her. Michael hadn't actually asked her to move in with him yet but she felt that would come soon. Their relationship was getting pretty serious. He wanted her around all the time now. She happily obliged.

Tori hadn't been at home very long when her sister-in-law Jasmine called to see if she had made it in and asked if they could hang out. It was a pleasant surprise as Tori was naturally a loner and didn't really hang out with other women. She agreed. Jasmine picked her up and the two went shopping at The Grove. They actually had fun. They fussed (in a good way) over designer shoes and clothes, caught a movie, and had a nice lunch. The two giggled like school girls when they were approached by various men trying to pick them up and politely begged off saying they weren't available. After lunch, the two made their last couple of rounds in the department stores and were getting ready to leave.

"I had a really nice time today. I didn't know how much fun it could be hanging with a girlfriend." Tori admitted. "Glad you called me."

"Girl, I'm glad you came. I love my two men but sometimes I gotta get away from them. Shopping is the best therapy for me."

"Ain't that the truth?"

They laughed.

"Really though, I haven't ever seen you with any friends. Why is that, if you don't mind my asking?"

"I like being by myself most of the time. I know girls from high school that I run into and chat with from time to time. We're cool, but I don't see us hitting the clubs or anything. So far the only females I've really hung out with were the girls I danced on tour with."

"You keep in touch with them?"

"From time to time, we talk about dance stuff basically. In light of who I'm dating, I don't talk about him around them or bring them around him. You can't really trust too many people to keep their mouths shut these days. Less is more when it comes to who knows, you know?"

"I understand." Jasmine nodded. "It must be hard though, being with him. You can't really go anywhere without cameras following or someone making a big deal out of it. "

"I deal. I've been all over the world with him by now and they don't bother us much because they don't know anything other than I'm his protégé and I am close to the children. They're more interested in trying to see what the kids look like than trying to see if anything is going on between him and me." Tori giggled.

"Still, it must suck; being in love and not being able to shout it to the world. I wouldn't be able to contain my happiness with Jaiden. I don't know how you do it with Michael."

"To tell you the truth, me either." Tori admitted. "But I realize his private life is important to him. He's the most famous person in the world and has shared himself with everyone for over 40 years. I can understand why he would want to keep something to himself, something that's just his, just ours."

"I think it's great that he has you. I've only been around him that one time he came to dinner but the way he stood up to your father like that, that was something. I could tell he really cared about you. That man loves you to pieces."

"Yeah…"

"Well, enough about that. We've pretty much cleaned out every store in The Grove and I've got to get home to start dinner for my men, we should go. You're welcome to come to dinner if you want."

"You can just drop me off at home. I'm kind of tired and wouldn't be much fun. Lord help me if I were to run into Joaquin over there and I'm not well rested. He'll have me playing every game he owns for hours at a time."

"I know that's right. On second thought, maybe I should just crash at your house until he falls asleep. You think I could do that?"

The two women laughed.

XXXXXX

After Jasmine dropped Torian off at her home she was well prepared to call it a night at approximately six o' clock that evening. But upon walking into the kitchen she spotted a vase of white roses, her favorite, on the counter that hadn't been there before. Upon further inspection she found a large cream colored card with gold lettering attached to it. The card had 'You Are My Life' written in bold, elegant script on the front. She flipped the card over and read.

You are the sun, you make me shine. Or more like the stars that twinkle at night. You are the moon that glows in my heart. You are my daytime, my nighttime, my world. You are my life. You gave me strength when I wasn't strong. You gave me hope when all hope was lost. You opened my eyes when I couldn't see…love was always here waiting for me.

You are my life and because you are, tonight is going to be all about YOU. In thirty minutes a limo will pick you up. Don't bother changing. This is one of those come as you are things. Love, Michael.

"Limo in 30 minutes? Don't change? What is he up to now?" She smiled and placed the card back on the counter. She thought about calling him to thank him and ask what was going on but decided against it. She wanted to change because she was dressed rather casually, t-shirt, jeans, and Air Jordans but since the card told her not to change she wouldn't.

Thirty minutes later, Tori heard honking coming from outside. She peeked out the window to see a black stretch limousine at the curb near her driveway. The driver got out and went to stand by the back door and waited for her.

"Michael must be waiting out there." She said out loud to herself. She grabbed her purse and the card off the counter and went outside to the limo. The driver smiled at her and bowed slightly as he opened the back door for her.

"I am Andrew and I will be your chauffeur for the evening. Your carriage awaits, Miss. Velasquez."

"Thank you, Andrew." She said as she slipped inside. She was surprised to see that Michael was nowhere to be found in the limo. Andrew got back in the driver's seat and was pulling off when Tori pressed a button to let the partition down. "Andrew."

"Yes, Miss. Velasquez?" He answered in a pleasant accent.

"Where are we going?"

"I cannot say, Miss." He said with a smile. "I am under strict orders not to give any details out."

"Oh, okay." She said as she rolled the partition back up. She couldn't help wondering what was going on. But she knew she couldn't and shouldn't worry about it. If Michael was in charge then everything was fine. She would just sit this one out.

After about twenty-five minutes of driving the limo stopped, jolting Tori out of the trance-like deep thought she was in. She looked out of the window. They were in front of Louis Michael's, a very prestigious hair salon in Beverly Hills. It was very hard to get in there and was by appointment only, and even then you weren't guaranteed a chair.

"Miss?"

Andrew was holding the door open for her. She stepped out of the limo and walked into the building. Lance Christopher, the top stylist at Louis Michael's was waiting for her inside. Oddly, enough he was the only one there.

"Are y'all closed or something?" She asked looking around.

"To everyone but you, my dear." Lance smiled. "Follow me." He led her to his stylist chair where there was a card pretty much like the one Michael had left for her at home. She picked it up. The front had the words 'Wings Of My Love' on it. She flipped the card over and read.

We've got rainbows yet to find…and we'll find them all in time. Girl, you know someday we'll even touch the sky…Just climb on the wings of my love.

Get your hair done, baby. I told Lance just how I want it. Don't worry, he's an excellent stylist so he won't damage your beautiful hair. Trust me, Michael.

Again, she smiled. What kind of game was he playing she wondered? She sat quietly as Lance worked his magic on her hair. Since she had worn her hair straight that particular day, Lance took a large barrel curling iron and created large curls. He ran his hands through them to loosen the curls up a bit when he was done. When they were loose enough, he created an elegant high chignon near the top of her head, leaving several strands free at the nape of her neck, next to her ears, and the front of her face.

"With styles like this, it is important to accessorize." Lance was very cheerful. He brought out a small box. "Mr. Jackson requests you wear these." He opened the box and Torian gasped. Inside were two small diamond butterfly hair clips. The inside of the velvet box was etched with the words 'Wings Of My Love'.

"Are these real?" Was the first question out of her mouth.

"Yes," Lance answered. "And they'll go beautifully with your hairstyle." He took them out of the box and placed them in her hair. Tori looked in the mirror. Her hairstyle was so elegant. Too elegant for the clothes she had on.

"I'm not dressed for this."

"Don't worry. I think you soon will be." Lance smiled at her.

Andrew was waiting for her when she stepped outside the salon.

"Where are we going now, Andrew?" She asked warily.

Andrew smiled as he made the my-lips-are-sealed move and opened the door for her. She shook her head and got inside. They drove on. Tori was really anxious to find out what was going on. She once again had to stop herself from calling Michael. She wanted to know what was up, but the kid in her loved this kind of thing. She imagined that by the end of the night she was going to meet up with Michael at the airport and he was going to whisk her off to some exotic location to enjoy themselves. Now that would've been worth waiting for.

Their next stop was Roberto Cavalli's store. Tori was impressed. Michael was definitely going all out. This time she wasn't surprised when Mr. Cavalli himself greeted her upon entering the vacant store. He handed her a card that she was pretty sure was from Michael. The front read 'Happy'. By now she was catching on. This card and the ones before it each held excerpts from some of his songs. This card read:

Happy, that's you. You made my life brand new. Lost as a little lamb was I 'till you came in. My life began when Happy smiled. Sweet, like candy to a child. Stay here and love me just a while. Let Sadness see what Happy does. Let Happy be where Sadness was.

You've made me very happy so now I have to do what I know makes you happy. You love to play dress up. I've got the perfect dress for you. You can thank me later. Michael.

When she looked up, Mr. Cavalli was pointing to a dress he had on a mannequin. It was floor length with what appeared to be a slight train in the back. The halter dress was sequined (only Michael) with black, silver, and gold stripes and had a silk middle with a silver brooch attached. It hugged the curves of the mannequin so she knew it would definitely hug hers. Mr. Cavalli took it off the mannequin and handed it to her. She took it to the dressing room and put it on, careful not to disturb her hair. Yup, it definitely hugged her curves. She came out of the dressing room and Mr. Cavalli smiled at her.

"Mr. Jackson has good taste." He said appreciatively.

"In women or the dress?" Tori grinned.

"Both." He laughed.

Torian left his store wearing the dress and holding her clothes in a bag. She was still wearing tennis shoes under the dress and felt awkward.

I sure hope he has some shoes to match this dress.

As it turned out, he actually did. Their next stop was designer Michael Kors's store at The Grove. Again she was not surprised when the store's owner greeted her. She had come to expect it now. He handed her a box of shoes with one of Michael's cards on top of it. This card was titled 'Cinderella Stay Awhile'. She smiled and started reading.

Cinderella, I just know that the magic slipper's gonna fit. Cinderella, do not go. You're my princess, I'm sure of it.

Put your slippers on, Cinderella. You're getting closer and closer to your destination. But you'd better hurry before the clock strikes twelve. The magic only lasts till midnight. Love, Michael.

She looked at the clock on the wall. It was only a little after nine. She had plenty of time before midnight...didn't she? How many more stops were they going to make? She opened the shoe box and inside were some really expensive looking shoes but they were beautiful. He got them just how she liked them—strappy and tall. She was already a tall woman, but she would never give up her six inch heels.

After they left Michael Kors's store, Andrew drove over to Nordstrom. She wondered what they could possibly get in there. There was only one way to find out. She went inside and was greeted by two women. They led her over to a makeup counter. Neither of them handed her a card which was what she was expecting. They got to work on her face. One was doing her foundation and the other was doing her eyes and lips. They even arched her eyebrows just right and when they were done they pulled out a mirror in front of her. She looked in it.

Perfect.

"Thank you both. You guys did a lovely job, better than I could've ever done." She said to the women.

"You're welcome," They both said. The older of the two pulled out a card from behind the counter and handed it to her. Unlike the others it had no title. She flipped it over and read.

So listen to my heart, lay your body close to mine. Let me fill you with my dreams. I can make you feel alright. And baby, through the years, gonna love you more each day. So I promise you tonight that you'll always be…The Lady In My Life.

MEET ME IN PARADISE, GIRL.

Now she knew that her little scavenger hunt had pretty much come to an end. Back in the limo, she practically shuddered with anticipation for the finale. She just knew they were headed to the airport but was surprised when they pulled up in front of the Regent Beverly Wilshire, one of the most expensive places in the world. Andrew held the door open for her and she got out, still in a state of shock.

"Miss. Velasquez, your host instructed that you go directly to the ballroom upon entering. Someone inside will show you where that is. You can leave your bags here. I promise they are safe with me." He smiled. Tori nodded and did what he asked. Having never been there, she entered the hotel in a state of awe. It was magnificently designed, as if Michelangelo had been the architect. A bellhop came up to her as she was looking around.

"Miss. Velasquez?" He questioned.

"Yes?"

"Follow me."

They rode up to the top floor and the bellhop escorted her to a set of double doors.

"Here you are, ma'am. Enjoy your evening." He smiled and walked off. Tori opened the doors and went inside. She gasped for what felt like the fiftieth time that night. The ballroom looked like a paradise. It was filled with all types of exotic plants and even had vines on the walls. It looked like what she imagined the Garden of Eden would have looked. It was well lit and very huge. She looked around but she did not see Michael anywhere. She did see a table with candles on it. She went over to it. Two places were set ready for food to be served. A bottle of Perrier -Jouet was chilling in a cart next to it. A card sat atop a plate that she guessed was for her. Like the one before it, it had no title. She flipped it over.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

She turned suddenly to see Michael standing behind her and nearly had a heart attack. How the hell did he get behind her without her hearing him? It was like he appeared out of thin air.

"That's very thriller of you." She said with a smile on her face.

"Did you have fun?" He asked.

"Oh, yes!" She touched one of the butterfly clips in her hair. "Michael, this is really beautiful. I mean, the whole thing."

"You are very beautiful." He responded. It was then she noticed what he was wearing. Dapper as always he was dressed in an outfit much like the one he wore onstage at the World Music Awards in 2006 but without the sequins. She loved this man in black. It was sexy.

"So are you." And she meant it. "But Michael, what's this all about? Not that I'm complaining or anything but the whole scavenger hunt, the clips, the dress, are we going somewhere?"

Michael laughed. "You mean, you still don't know? Let me see if I can explain it." He started singing in that gorgeous voice of his.

You are the promised kiss of springtime that makes the lonely winter seem long. You are the breathless hush of evening that trembles on the brink of a lovely song. You are the angel glow that lights a star, the dearest things I know are what you are. Someday my happy arms will hold you and some day I'll know that moment divine…when all the things you are, are mine.

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small black velvet box and opened it.

"Michael?" she whispered. Oh, my God.

Part of her needed to back away from him just to take it all in. This was so not happening. Yes, it was! Right in front of her!

"Marry me."

She did not answer him, just looked at him. She knew she must've been looking stupid but she was in shock. Marriage was something they had never discussed. Never discussed what could happen if they decided to take that step. It never even crossed her mind but apparently it crossed his. He was standing in front of her with a brilliantly cut platinum diamond ring. The hell was she waiting on?

"But what about—"

"I'm not worried about the media, the public, any of that right now. My focus is you and whether you're willing to take that step with me. I thought long and hard about it and I've come to the conclusion that for me, it isn't going to get any better than this. Than you. You've been my rock, you held me together, you picked me up, you loved me, unconditionally, all of this when I couldn't do it for myself. You made me realize who I really was. You took me places I've never…not even having all the success that I've had ever felt like this."

"You give me way too much credit."

"Maybe so, but I would have never found out what was locked inside of me without you. Marry me."

By the time he was finished, she had tears in her eyes. Speechless, all she could do was nod. He put the ring on her finger and they shared a hungry kiss.

"We were supposed to have dinner." Michael said when he pulled back to look at her. "Suddenly, I'm not hungry anymore."

"Me either." She smiled. "But...don't you have someone coming up here with dinner?"

"I do, but I can just call and tell them I'm skipping dinner and going straight for dessert." He grinned.

"In here?"

"Yeah, why not? I've got the whole floor booked. No one will be coming up here anytime soon." He laughed.

"You can do that?" She asked as she turned around to let him unzip her dress.

"I'm Michael Jackson, baby." He said, as he pulled the straps of her dress down and kissed her exposed shoulders. "I can do anything."

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 20
"This Is It"
O2 Arena, 2009.

Michael was giddy. Things seemed to be going very well. He finally had some joy in his private life. He had his children and a good woman by his side. He was getting married, a fact that was going to be kept private after much debate. Only his family and Tori's knew about the engagement and of course his good friend Chris Tucker. All were supportive and pledged to keep the upcoming nuptials a secret. Even Joe. Tori wanted to do a rush wedding and get married in the few weeks after he proposed but Michael talked her out of it. He wanted to give her a dream wedding, didn't want it to be rushed. She said she didn't need a big wedding. They talked about it a lot before finally deciding to get married in a small private ceremony at Hayvenhurst in July right before the big comeback concerts. Speaking of the concerts, he had a lot of support behind him. This was his big comeback. Ten London concerts at the O2 Arena. It was going to be major.

He was happy that Tori would be joining him on the tour. She had recently released her first single "When You Call" to get a buzz going and it was doing well on the charts. She was actually going to shoot a video for it that weekend. "When You Call" was an electrifying dance tune that put you in the mind of Britney Spears's "Slave 4 U''. And the choreography definitely reminded you of something out of his own "Smooth Criminal"…at least that's what the critics were saying. She would be joining the tour as an opening act which suited him just fine. They'd be married by then and they'd like nothing better than to be electrifying the crowds on stage during their honeymoon.

"Mr. Jackson, one minute." A stagehand called out. Michael nodded. He was getting ready to announce the concerts and at that moment they were showing a video montage of some of his past performances on screen. Damn right, he was giddy. The noise level on the other side of the curtain was pumping him up. When they announced him, he came out smiling and waving before stepping up to the podium to speak.

"Thank you…." He said. "This is it. I just want to say that these will be my final shows, my performances in London. This will be it. When I say this is it, it really is it…because…"

He didn't finish his statement and took a step back from the podium with a smile, building up momentum and suspense. He really wanted his fans to understand that after this, he was officially retiring as a performer. It was time to pass the torch to a new generation, to someone else, his wife.

"I'll be performing the songs my fans want to hear. This it is. This is really it. This is final. The final curtain call. I'll see you all in July. And…I love you. I really do. You have to know that I love you so much. Really. From the bottom of my heart. This is it and I'll see you in July." After standing on stage for a few seconds gesturing to the crowd he exited the stage.

He left the arena after that heading back to the tour bus that would take him to his hotel. He was going to be in London for a few more days before heading back home and knew he would be missing Torian and the kids like crazy. He decided to call them even though it was early morning in Los Angeles. Torian answered on the first ring.

"Hello?"

"You must've been waiting by the phone or something." Michael smiled.

"Well, you know I keep my phone attached to my hip, when I saw it was it you calling I just snatched it up. I miss you already and you just left yesterday."

"I miss you and the kids too. That's why I'm calling. Are they anywhere around?"

"Yeah, we were just finishing breakfast. Let me get them. I'll put you on speakerphone. Hold on." Michael heard shuffling in the background and then he heard the voice of his daughter.

"Daddy, I miss you!" was the first thing out of Paris's mouth.

"I miss you too, baby." He smiled. Paris was such a daddy's girl. "Have you all been on your best behavior?"

"Yes, we have." He heard Prince in the background. "We had fun when you left yesterday. Uncle Jaiden's over here. He is really funny, Dad."

"I bet he is. Tell him I said hey."

"Que pasa, mi amigo!" He heard Jaiden call out in the background.

"Que pasa!" Michael quipped.

"When are you coming back, Daddy?" He heard Blanket ask.

"Monday. And I'll have gifts for all of you when I get back."

"What about me, man? I know I'm not one of your kids and we're not getting married or anything, but don't I get a gift too?" Jaiden was laughing in the background. "We family."

Michael laughed. "Yeah, I'll find something for you, too." Jaiden was a trip. "All right guys, put Torian back on the phone. I need to speak to her before I get off this phone."

"Talk to you later, Dad." Prince said.

"Bye, Daddy." Blanket said.

"I love you, Daddy. Can't wait for you to come back." That was Paris speaking.

"I love you more, baby. Blanket, Prince I love you guys too. Be good."

Torian came back on the phone after that.

"Am I off speakerphone?" He asked.

"Yes, you are. I'm walking upstairs to the bedroom now. How was your announcement thingy?" She asked.

"It was good. A lot of fans came out. It was really good. I was a little hyper, you know, psyched to be back in front of the fans. It's been so long."

"I know how you feel honey, and I'm glad you are so happy. I'm actually really giddy about these concerts too. I mean not only are you going back on tour for the first time in 12 years but it'll also be my first time on my own and not dancing in the background. I'm kind of nervous. What if they don't like me?"

"Nothing to be nervous about. I know my fans will love you and that they'll become your fans too. They love good music, you make it. They love a great entertainer, you are one. Pssh, you'll be fine."

"Thanks for those encouraging words. I was sitting up thinking last night and it came to me that everything is happening so fast. Your tour, my album, our wedding. They are all happening in the same month."

"You're not having second thoughts about getting married are you?"

"Hell, no. Never. I was just wondering….can we pull it all off?"

"We can, and we will." He assured her.

"I'm glad you think so." Michael heard her pause. "How are you doing? How's your back? Are you feeling okay? You're eating well? You sound a little…off."

"I'm fine, Tori. Just been wired all day. It was the excitement of the day that got to me. I just made it back to my hotel and I'm going to take a long nap in a few. You shouldn't worry about me. I'm doing good. I have my doctor here and he's taking care of me."

"Oh, you mean, Dr. Chopra?"

"Actually…" Michael started. "His name is Dr. Murray." Tori became silent. "Tori?"

"Who is Dr. Murray? I thought you had that other doctor? Who is this guy?"

"AEG hired him to accompany me on this trip and during the residency at the O2 Arena because the other doctor was not able to commit to staying in London indefinitely. Don't worry. They say he's a pretty capable doctor and that I'm in good hands."

"Do you think you're in good hands?"

"Yes, I believe so. He's been pretty good so far. I feel better for the most part. You can thank him for that."

"If you say so, MJ. As long as you are feeling better." Michael knew that tone anywhere.

"You sound suspicious." He stated.

"No, I'm just surprised that's all. You were doing really well with the other doctor and this new one came out of nowhere. We don't know anything about him. When were you going to tell me about him?"

"That's called suspicion."

"Okay, fine. Call it whatever you want. I'm suspicious. Not of you, of him. Of AEG. They're hiring doctors now? I mean, they've got doctors on their payrolls now? I have never known concert promoters to do that. But if you say he's legit…I'll believe you."

"I'm glad I have you to worry about me." He laughed. "I feel loved."

"Please don't laugh, Michael. I was serious. Take care of yourself out there and when you get home I'd like to meet this Dr. Murray. Tell him he'd better take care of you or he'll have me to answer to." She said. He knew she was serious.

"I'll make sure I pass along the message. I'm going to sleep now. You have a wonderful day, sweetheart."

"You have a good night, Michael. Call me when you do wake up, no matter what time it is here or there. I love you, baby."

"I love you more." Michael hung up the phone.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 21
“Trouble”
New York City/Los Angeles, 2009.

Tori was in New York City to promote her single "When You Call". She was on The Today Show outdoors set performing the song and video choreography with a live band and dancers. She went hard in her effort to put on a great show that would have everyone talking. Torian was an 80's baby so she paid homage to her favorite Latin icon from that time Selena, by wearing something she would've worn. Dressed in a form fitting, silver and black halter catsuit with a diamond shaped cutout showing off her navel and part of her abs, wearing silver pumps, and showcasing a banging body, she knew she must've looked like a comic book superhero. She initially didn't want to wear it for her first live performance but MJ convinced her to wear it to "give the people something memorable to talk about''.

When you call, baby I can't say no. When you call, I just gotta let go. Wanna feel your arms around me, Oh! And when your eyes burn into me…I flash fire instantly. Just call me baby, and I'll be there. When you call, I don't care. Just call me, anytime, anywhere.

The song oozed sex appeal and she displayed it on that stage with her sexy dance moves without being too slutty. A flexible backbend had the women envious. A lithe catwalk had the men hypnotized by the sway of her hips. A sexy belly roll brought people to their feet. A proper five-spin in heels reminded everyone of Michael Jackson.

In the dark, when you do what you do to me baby, I can't take it—your love's got me going crazy. My mind's all hazy, passion—I'm on fire, ready to give you what I know your body desires.

A fine sheen of perspiration covered her by the time she had finished the performance. She was greeted with a thunderous round of applause. She bowed and thanked the crowd as The Today Show hosts Kathie Lee and Hoda appeared on the stage congratulating her.

"That was a great show, Torian!" Kathie Lee said as the crowd died down to listen to what would become a short interview.

"Thank you." Tori smiled.

"You used to be a backup dancer right? How does it feel to be up front and on your own now?" Hoda asked.

"It feels wonderful. Everyone I've worked with in the past has been so supportive of me in the past few months. They've been pushing me to get out there and do my own thing for a while now so it's been a long time coming."

"Can you tell everyone the name of your album and what it's about? Who did you work with on it?" Hoda asked.

"The album is called "Lovers Groove" and it's basically an album of love songs but with different musical vibes to them. It's not just a pop album, or R , or Latin as much as it is all three combined. I didn't want to come out and be typecast into one genre and I wanted to have something for just about everyone. Everyone can "groove" to it. I wrote all my material except for two songs and several people did production work on the album such as Will. , Timbaland, and Akon."

"Did your mentor Michael Jackson do anything on the album?" Kathie Lee asked.

Tori knew it was only a matter of time before they brought up his name.

"He co-wrote two songs on the album and was heavily involved in the production work as well as the musical arrangements."

"What's it like to work with him?"

"It's like the ultimate experience. The man's a musical genius. When we're in the studio together it's magic. That's the only way I can describe it."

She gushed showing her excitement. She truly felt that way about being in the studio with Michael. He was definitely a perfectionist and would have her locked in the studio with him doing takes all day and night if he felt something wasn't quite right or could be better. Not that she complained about that at all.

"And this summer you're going on tour with him right?" Kathie Lee asked.

"Yeah, I'll be one of the opening acts during the This Is It shows in London starting in July. I'm very excited about that. We just started rehearsals for it and everything's coming together. His die-hard fans will be seeing the Michael Jackson they know and love, and I hope they'll love me too." She was already growing tired of the Michael Jackson questions. Every interview she did someone asked about him. Yeah, she was starting to see what Michael was talking about now.

"I'm sure they will. "When You Call" is burning up the charts and currently at number one. I have a feeling your album will become a summer blockbuster." Hoda smiled as she patted Tori's shoulder. Then she looked out at the crowd. "You all be sure to pick up "Lovers Groove" July 17th. When we come back Torian will serenade us with another song from the album. Stay tuned."

The crowd started cheering again as Tori smiled and waved to them as they went into commercial. After the commercial break Tori performed "Wounded Lover", the song she had composed for Michael that night she found him in a vulnerable state. It was a slow tempo ballad that required her to belt out some powerful Whitney Houston-type high notes and drop to a quiet whisper. She really showed off her range and sang her heart out with this song. Probably because it was so personal to her.

After she had finished promoting on The Today Show, she went back to her hotel room to wash and change and was then driven to the airport where she was to be flown home. She didn't want to stay in NYC longer than she had to and she had other things to do like planning her wedding. MJ didn't have much input on wedding matters; not because she took over, but because he told her to handle everything.

"All I plan to do is show up and say 'I Do'," He had said with a silly grin on his face. Truth be told, she would have loved to have him involved with the wedding but with rehearsing for his tour and all that came with it, he was just too damn busy. She completely understood though. She told him he didn't have to worry about the wedding and to just focus on doing his best with the tour. They both had tremendous pressure placed upon their shoulders. All the label stuff going on with her album and rehearsing and developing intricate dance moves, and music video concepts were really kicking her ass.

She was ready to turn the wedding stuff over to her mother and Mama Jackson and just show up like Michael. While on the plane back to Los Angeles she thought about everything. The tour, the album, the wedding, her and Michael's relationship and future marriage. She really didn't want to admit that she was scared. How long would they be able to keep everything a secret? Would Joe and his big mouth tip off the media to the ceremony at Hayvenhurst? Would she really be happy if they got married and had to be really low-key for the rest of their lives? She had a beautiful engagement ring and couldn't even wear it out in public because the media would ask about it. She was deathly afraid of having to call off the wedding due to a whole lot of variables.

What a bad time to become had tried to tell her. Papi tried. She wished she had listened. If she hadn't wanted to get signed and become an entertainer, she and Michael might've had a better chance. Oh, that's just pre-wedding jitters talking, she tried to tell herself. If Janet could get married and keep it a secret for a long time, surely Michael could.

But Michael's not Janet. He's a helluva lot more famous and infamous than she ever was.

By the time she had made it to Los Angeles and to Michael's Holmby Hills home she had worried herself into a really bad headache and all she wanted to do was sleep in Michael's arms. But upon arriving at the estate she found out that clearly would not be the case. Some security guards she did not recognize had accosted her at the front door and barred her entrance to the mansion.

"Excuse me?" She said in a wary tone.

"No unauthorized person is allowed inside." The big burly one said.

"Unauthorized? What the hell are you talking about?" She was about to state that she practically lived there but didn't on account of the nosy chauffeur and others standing around.

"Mr. Jackson has requested that all visitors be turned away for the duration of the day. Please leave." He stated.

"What?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Lady, are you deaf?" He stared down at her.

Excuse me? Don't make me go off on this Deebo looking motherfucker out here.

"What the hell is this?" She said. "I know Michael didn't tell you turn me away. I'm not just some random visitor. If I was, I wouldn't haven't known the gate access code to get in here." Her anger was slowly surfacing. What the hell was really good here?

"Lady, we're just following orders. Today's our first day and we don't know who you are and until we do, you're not making it inside this house. Please leave, we really don't want to have to throw you out." The other guard said.

"Fine. You tell Mr. Jackson that Torian was here and you didn't let her in. I'm sure he'll know who I am and you'll be out of a job." She turned on her heels and got back into the black SUV and told the driver to take her to home in Ladera Heights. On the way out the gate she noticed Michael's doctor's car parked. So they let the doctor in but not her? Strange indeed. She tried calling Michael but he did not answer his phone. After the fifth call she hung up and sat back in her seat fuming. She definitely was not going to let this shit pass. She wanted to know what was going on but she wasn't about to go back to the mansion and try to fight her way in. She wasn't that stupid.

Hours had passed and it was night before Michael called her back. She almost let her phone rang before deciding that she really wanted to know what that earlier mess was about. She picked up the phone and didn't give Michael a chance to say a word.

"Michael, what the hell was that shit your security guards pulled? Where the hell were you, huh? They wouldn't let me in the house and treated me like I was some outsider."

"Huh, what?" She heard him say. He seemed confused.

"Your guards…would not…let…me in." She slowly enunciated for him.

"You were here?"

"Yes, Michael, I was. They said you told them not to let any unauthorized people in and they sure as hell considered me unauthorized. You didn't even tell them about me?"

"I thought I did," He said quietly. "I'm almost sure of it."

"You thought? You're almost sure? Since when do you forget me? Wait, the better question would be why was I forgotten and your doctor got a free pass? What was he doing there?"

"He…I called him here because I was in pain again. I didn't really want to see anybody but him. I didn't want you to see me in pain but I didn't tell them to turn you away. I must've forgotten to mention you. I'm so, so sorry." He spoke so fast it was a wonder Tori was able to follow him.

"Are you okay?" She asked, worried but still angry at him.

"I'm better…I've been asleep all day. Nobody told me anything about what happened. I apologize. I'll fire them for you in the morning."

"All day?" She paused. "Michael, are you using those pills again?"

He was silent.

"Michael!" She screamed into the phone.

"Just the ones the doctor prescribed for the pain. I'm not using any illegal stuff."

"Really? What did he prescribe?" She asked sarcastically.

"Just pain meds, that's all Tori. Damn, do you trust me or don't you?" Michael was getting angry. She could tell. It kind of scared her because he had never gotten angry with her. Not her. But she also wasn't backing down.

"I don't know, Michael. I just don't like that damn doctor of yours. It's been more about you seeing him, than seeing me and it's pissing me off. He is really becoming a problem between me and you. If you're gonna fire anybody it should be him."

"I'm not firing him." Michael told her, point blank. "He hasn't done anything wrong."

"Yet, Michael. The keyword is yet."

There was silence on the line for several seconds before she heard Michael's voice in a faint whisper.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Torian. Good night."

The line went dead in her ears.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 22
“062509”
Los Angeles, 2009.

Michael and Tori had not spoken to each other in the week and a half that had passed since their argument on the phone. Michael had basically shut her out because he thought she didn't trust him. Trust was a big issue with him. If she didn't trust him, how could he trust her? He got defensive and hung up on her and refused to talk to her. The feeling was quite mutual on Tori's end. She wouldn't call him either. She had told Michael's mother as much.

Katherine Jackson thought both of them were being pigheaded but stayed with her position to not get involved in their affairs. She didn't know why they weren't talking to each other but hoped that whatever the problem was, they'd work it out. Their wedding was in less than two weeks and no one was sure there would even be a wedding. Tori purposely missed out on all the rehearsals following their argument.

As badly as she wanted to make up with Michael, she didn't want to face him. She didn't want to talk to him unless he was ready to tell her what was really going on with him. Yeah, she had known him for almost eleven years but there were still things she did not know about him. Things he kept locked deep down in his very soul that would never see the light of day unless he willed it so. He'd been through some things; some she knew about, others she probably would never know. In spite of it all, she really wanted to help but couldn't unless he reached out to her first. For now, all she could do was pray. Little did she know how much she would be doing just that.

I know sometimes it's gonna rain. But baby can we make up now 'cause I can't sleep through the pain. Girl, I don't wanna go to bed, mad at you. And I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me…

Tori was startled awake by her cell phone ringing Ne-Yo's song Mad. She glanced at the alarm clock quickly as she answered the phone. The time read 12 noon. She couldn't believe she slept that late.

"Hello?" She answered groggily, still half asleep.

"Mom."

Mom? She didn't have any kids. Wait a minute, this sounded like Prince.

"Prince?" She sat up in bed.

"Mom, something's wrong with Daddy. He's not waking up. We're scared." Prince sounded as if he were crying. Tori knew it was serious. She was wide awake now.

"Honey, what's going on? Did anyone call 911?"

"The guard just did. I don't know what's going on. The doctor found Daddy a few seconds ago. People are just running around all crazy." Tori could hear the voices in the background. She couldn't make out what they were saying but they sounded frantic.

"Is there an adult with you? Let me speak to an adult, Prince." She demanded. She heard shuffling and then a male voice she did not recognize came on the line.

"Hello?" the man said hurriedly.

"This is Torian, Michael's fiancée. What's going on?" She was running around her room throwing on clothes as she spoke.

"Michael's not breathing. Dr. Murray's giving him CPR on the bed while waiting for the paramedics. They're on their way."

"He's giving him CPR on the bed? TELL THAT DUMBASS TO GET MICHAEL ON THE FLOOR!" She screamed into the phone. What kind of doctor gives CPR on a ****** bed? "MOVE HIM NOW!" She was already out the door and getting into her car to head to Holmby Hills.

"Let's get him on the floor!" She heard the man yell orders to whoever he was talking to. Hopefully, the doctor.

"Ask the doctor if he has an AED and if he does, get it and use it on Michael. DO NOT WASTE ANOTHER SECOND!" She hung up the phone then and sped off to the mansion.

"Michael, please be okay. Oh, Lord please let him be okay. Don't let him die. Please!" She prayed out loud. "Michael, I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I should've been there. Oh, baby, please forgive me."

It was a miracle that she wasn't stopped by the cops as fast as she was speeding. When she turned on the street that Michael's house was on, she saw the red ambulance speeding out the front gate with a few cops on motorcycles behind it flashing lights. There was a crowd of bystanders on the street and police were barricading the parts that lead to the front gate. She parked on the street and ran through the barricades.

"Ma'am, you can't go in there." A cop was trying to grab onto her but she jerked out of his reach. "Ma'am, don't make me arrest you." He threatened.

"**** you!" She shouted at the cop as she pushed her way through. She didn't care if they tried to arrest her. She was getting through that gate.
When she got to the front of the gate she saw other cops and some of Michael's security guards. Ironically, the guards were the ones who tried to throw her out the last time she was there.

"Stop her!" The cop she was eluding yelled behind her. The cops in front of her were getting ready to body block her but that one burly guard intervened.

"Wait, she's supposed to be here. Let her in." He shouted to the cops. Reluctantly they moved aside to let her in. She mouthed a silent thank you to the guard and ran all the way to the house. When she walked in the first people she saw were the kids and the cook, Kai. They were sitting in a prayer circle in the middle of the hallway. When Prince saw her, he ran to her. Paris and Blanket followed suit.

"Mom!" Paris yelped. They'd been calling her that ever since Michael had told them that she was going to be their new mother. "They wouldn't let us see him." She sobbed as she buried her face into Tori's arms.

For good reason, Tori thought. It was bad enough that they were in the house and witnessed all the chaos. She had to get the kids out of the house.
"Kai," She said to the cook. "Take the kids to your car. Call Katherine and tell her you're bringing them to Hayvenhurst."

"No, we want to stay with you." Prince protested.

"No, go with Kai, sweetie. I'm going to the hospital to see your dad. I promise I'll meet up with you later." She kissed all three of them and then Kai ushered them out the house. Tori made her way outside just as Michael's brother Jermaine was pulling up in front of the door. He got out and ran to her, holding her arms tightly when he got to her.

"Tori!"

"Jermaine!" She said as he pulled her into a quick hug.

"Where's Michael? The kids called me. I don't see an ambulance anywhere." He said quickly. He looked terribly worried and his face was wet as if he had been crying on the way to the mansion.
"They left as I got here about a few minutes ago. I sent the kids with Kai. She's taking them to Hayvenhurst to be with Katherine. I think they're taking Michael to Ronald Reagan."

"Get in." Jermaine said as he hurriedly walked back toward his car. Tori followed him. They sped away from Holmby Hills just as quick as they had come. Tori's phone had been blowing up since she had arrived at Michael's place and was still ringing but she did not answer it. She couldn't talk to anybody right now. Her focus was on getting to the hospital to see about Michael. "Do you know what happened?" Jermaine asked her while keeping his eyes on the road.

"No, I don't know anything. Prince called me at noon and told me that Michael wasn't waking up and I just flew over there. I hadn't spoken to Michael in a week. We had a disagreement and weren't speaking. I should've been there this week. I should've stayed with him. If something happens to Michael now, I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

She didn't know how she knew but she felt that this was somehow her fault. Did their phone conversation and her admission that she didn't know if she could trust him push him over the edge? If he was taking pills again, she knew it and yet stubbornly stayed away when she should've been over there flushing that crap down the toilet like last time.

"Listen, do not blame yourself. We don't know what happened. Let's get to the hospital and see first. Michael's gonna be okay, I promise you." Jermaine said. Tori nodded. She knew it was best to be optimistic about the outcome. She needed to believe that Michael would be fine. That nothing bad would happen. She kept telling herself that the whole way to the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center.

When they got there, they spotted camera crews and crowds of people standing around the emergency entrance. LaToya was outside frantically trying to get inside the hospital. Cameras were snapping picture after picture of her. Tori and Jermaine looked at each other. Their faces said it all: They were disgusted. Disgusted that the media had already made a spectacle out of a family emergency. As they pulled up front, paparazzi turned their cameras onto them. Jermaine handed Tori a pair of shades to put on as they got out of the car and headed for LaToya.

"Toya!" Jermaine called out. She spotted him and ran over.

"Jermaine! Torian! I just got here. The camera crews are blocking my way into the hospital." She said.

"Tell them to get the hell out of the way!" Tori was already on the move pushing her way through as cameras snapped away at them. When they were finally able to get inside they discovered that Tito and Jackie were already there.

"They're not letting us into the emergency room. They got us out here waiting." Tito said before any of them could ask about Michael.

"Did they say anything?" Jermaine asked.

"Just that he went into cardiac arrest at home." Jackie said. He was already tearing up. "They're trying to save him now."

Tori refused to cry. Michael was going to be okay. That's what she believed. Cardiac arrest was serious though and she knew that Michael had to get medical attention immediately if he were going to survive. She hoped that damn Dr. Murray had an AED and used it on him while at home. Speaking of the doctor, she wondered where he was. She looked around the room for the man. She didn't see him but she damn sure was determined to find him. Walking up to the front desk she asked one of the women if a Dr. Murray had come in with Michael Jackson.

"Yes, he did. He spoke with the receiving doctor and then followed Mr. Jackson to the back. As far as I know, he's still back there." She responded.
So he was here. Good. He had some explaining to do. She wanted to know what had gone on in the last 24 hours that led to this. But there wasn't anything she could do at the moment but wait with the others.

"Please have him paged and sent to the private waiting room. The Jackson family would like a word with him about Michael's condition."

"I'll do that now, Miss." The woman said. Tori walked back over to the family and told them what she had done. They all moved to a vacant waiting room to get away from the prying eyes of patients who were waiting around in the main lobby.

Jermaine called his mother to make sure that the cook had taken the children home to her. When Katherine confirmed that they were indeed home, Jermaine told her to stay there and he'd called back when they knew more about Michael. As soon as he hung up the phone, Dr. Murray entered the waiting room. Tori had only met him once but he seemed to have aged a lot since then. He looked as if he were mentally exhausted. His eyes were puffy and red. She thought she saw fear when he looked at her. And guilt. Undeniable guilt.
Torian calmly walked toward him, slowly raising her hand to gather momentum behind the punch she was about to throw his way.

When it came everybody in the room was surprised. Tito jumped up and pulled Torian away from the doctor who stood holding his nose where Tori had punched him. Her fist hurt like hell but the anger in her was numbing most of the pain. She screamed at him.

"YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS! I SEE IT IN YOUR EYES, YOU GUILTY MOTHERFUCKER! YOU DID THIS TO MICHAEL, I KNOW IT!"

"Torian, calm down," Tito was saying but she wasn't listening. However she did lower her voice so as not to attract outside attention.

"No, Tito. He's the reason Michael is in here. He drugged him. I don't know how he did it, but he did."

"I assure you I did no such thing." Dr. Murray said in that thick accent of his. "I tried to save him." He pulled a cloth from his pocket and wiped the trickle of blood running from his nose.

"You tried to give him CPR on a ****** bed, you idiot!" If she were that kind of person she would've spat on him. She literally could not stand the sight of this man. It was all coming back to her. Michael had been acting weird ever since he hooked up with AEG and Dr. Murray. She knew what this was about, money. Keep him drugged so he would agree everything they said. He had only agreed to 10 shows and then magically ten turned to fifty. Michael in his right mind wouldn't have ever agreed to fifty at his age. That was more money for AEG if he did more shows so they hired this common drug pusher disguised as a doctor to keep him high. Seems like the good doctor (term used loosely) might have screwed up their plans by accidentally overdosing him. That had to be it. She narrowed her eyes and stepped back into his face.

"You had better pray Michael comes out of this alive. If he doesn't, you will be the next one on an operating table. I promise you that. Now get the hell out."

The doctor said nothing and quickly slipped out of the waiting room. It was silent in the room for a while. Tori sat down and put her head in her hands. There was nothing more she or any of them could do but wait and pray.

XXXXXX​

More than an hour had passed before a doctor came into the waiting room where they were all waiting. Everyone stood up and gathered around the doctor as he started to give them news on Michael's condition.

"As some of you may know, Mr. Jackson suffered cardiac arrest at his home this afternoon. Resuscitation attempts were started at home by his personal physician and were continued by emergency personnel as he was brought here. Due to quick action taken at his home and by the doctors here at Ronald Reagan, we were able to get his heart restarted and his pulse rate stabilized so at the moment he is alive but has fallen into a comatose state. At this point, Mr. Jackson is being closely monitored in a private room by our medical staff. There is nothing more to be done except wait for him to come out of the coma on his own."

Everyone in the room breathed a sigh of relief. Michael was alive!

"How long will the coma last? And how great is the risk of brain damage once he wakes up?" Jermaine asked. He was becoming the unofficial spokesman for the Jacksons.

"These things are tricky, Mr. Jackson. It could take anywhere from two to four weeks or longer. And we won't know anything about brain damage until tests are run and come back from the lab. At this point, you should just pray. There really is nothing more to do. I do promise that he will be carefully and closely watched in the meantime. We don't want anything to happen to Mr. Jackson either."

"When can we see him?" LaToya asked quickly. The others echoed her question.

"You all can see him now for about five minutes but then I would have to suggest you leave so he can be properly monitored without any disturbances. Follow me."

Everyone followed the doctor out of the waiting room except for Torian. Tito noticed and peeked his head back in through the door.

"Torian, are you coming?"

"No."

"No?"

"I'm glad he's alive, Tito. I just…I just don't want to see him like that. Hooked up to all those machines. I can't take seeing that. I'll just call your mother and tell her the news. But I'm not going in there. I can't."

Tito understood and closed the door behind him. Tori sat down in one of the chairs with a hard thud. She looked around the empty room, and finally, the tears she'd been holding back all day came.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 23
"Resolve"
Los Angeles, 2009.

What happened on June 25th brought the world to a screeching halt—a moment when no one knew whether Michael was going to live or die. For the Jackson and Velasquez families, everything was pure chaos. Michael was still in a coma. His near-death experience had been front-page and top-story news for over a week. Once it was revealed that prescription drugs played a role, the media went into Michael Jackson overdrive.

Some of Michael's former employees and supposed friends were speaking out about alleged drug abuse for the chance at face time and cash. It was sickening to both families, who had remained mostly silent on all things Michael. Since the day Torian showed up with Jermaine at the hospital, the media had been speculating about her closeness to Michael and his family. Eyewitnesses spoke about her actions at both Holmby Hills and Ronald Reagan. Even the person (presumably a guard) she had spoken to when she told them to move Michael to the floor had anonymously spoken to a tabloid, revealing that she was Michael's fiancée and explaining why she was so present with the Jacksons at the hospital.

As if the media didn't have enough to cover, they now turned their attention to analyzing Michael's relationship with her. At Torian's request, her label postponed the release of her album and canceled upcoming performances. She couldn't handle the chaos and focus on her music. The bosses at Epic Records understood.

In the week and a half since the incident, Torian and the Jacksons had been determined to seek justice. Michael had trusted Torian with his business papers—copies of every transaction and contract involving him. He gave them to her in a locked box, saying there might come a time when he couldn't access them. She kept them safely in her closet.

Once the spotlight turned to Michael's doctor, Torian grew increasingly curious about AEG's role. She searched the box for the first time, knowing exactly what she was looking for—and found it: a copy of the original contract stating that AEG would hire a personal doctor for Michael's London residency. He also had a copy of the concert insurance policy. She didn't know how he'd obtained it, considering it was between the promoter and the insurance company, but Michael was a shrewd businessman who kept tabs on anything involving him.

It was all potential evidence if they pursued legal action. The moment she saw the overdose clause in the policy, she knew something was wrong. She alerted her mother, a lawyer, and the Jackson family. A meeting was held with a small team from her mother's firm to discuss legal options. A full background check was done on Murray (at this point, they weren't calling him "doctor"), and many things didn't add up. Why would AEG, knowing his past, hire him anyway?

As the media exposed Murray's history, AEG claimed it was Michael—not them—who hired him. Talk about covering their tracks. On attorney advice, the Jacksons agreed to meet with AEG's lawyers to attempt a private settlement before going public. If AEG refused, they would expose them. Wait was the name of the game.

While all this unfolded, Torian stayed low at Hayvenhurst, caring for the children. They had visited their father at the hospital, but Torian had yet to go.

"Torian?"

She had been holed up in Michael's old bedroom all day, sitting on the built-in chaise under the window, staring out. She turned to see Katherine standing in the doorway.

"Mom, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at the hospital?" Torian was surprised. She thought she was alone—everyone else had gone to visit Michael.

"Why aren't you?" Katherine replied.

Silence filled the room. Torian felt guilty. She still hadn't seen Michael. Truthfully, she was afraid.

"I'm scared," she admitted.

"Of what, baby?" Katherine moved into the room and sat beside her.

"Seeing Michael like that. I'd blame myself for what happened."

"It isn't your fault. Michael apparently had an addiction. You can't blame yourself for that."

"Yeah, but I knew about it. I knew and did nothing. I had a gut feeling about that doctor and ignored it." She refused to meet Katherine's eyes, afraid she'd see the shame in her own.

"How could you have known?"

"Last year, when I was staying with him in Vegas, I came home to find him blitzed out of his mind. I flushed every medication I could find. I confronted him. He said he'd get help. I believed him—until he switched doctors. He tried to convince me Murray was taking good care of him. I wanted to believe him, but my suspicious nature took over. Michael thought I couldn't trust him and blew me off. That's why we weren't speaking, Mom. I knew the minute he got defensive that something was wrong again. Yet I did nothing. I put my pride ahead of my love and didn't storm the gates and drag him to rehab. And I should have."

Katherine gently lifted Torian's chin. "Michael can be stubborn. He's used to getting his way. He's not used to people saying no. One thing I admire about you is your fearlessness. You're not afraid to speak out when something's wrong. But Michael is a grown man. He's going to do what he's going to do, no matter what you, I, or anyone says. You backed away and gave him the chance to come to you. He didn't. And what happened, happened. That was not your fault. As far as I'm concerned, it's water under the bridge. You can only move forward. When he comes out of this coma, he'll have a second chance to make things right. And if I know him, he will."

"Everything's going to be different now. That cloak of anonymity we had is gone. The world knows. What Michael feared has happened. It's going to be tough when he wakes up. I can't even move forward with my career—every time I step outside, a microphone or camera is shoved in my face. And the madness has just begun. Michael tried to warn me. I should've listened. I never should've pushed for us to get involved," Torian admitted.

"Baby, as far as Michael is concerned, getting involved with you was one of the best things he ever did." Katherine chuckled. "In a place surrounded by a circle of enablers and yes people, you would be the one to kick his tail if he got out of line. That's what he needs. And I've never seen him as happy as he was when he was with you and the children. You made him very happy. And I know that you love him. Michael's life is and has always been crazy. You knew that when you got with him. Ultimately, if you want to leave, it is your decision to make alone."

I know. I knew what I was getting into. It's just a big shock now that it's actually happened. At what point does it end?"

"Honestly? It may never, but as long as you have him and he has you, everyone else shouldn't matter. You should just keep doing what you've done this past week and walk with your head high and your gaze straight forward. Only this time, you should do it holding Michael's hand. Wear your engagement ring, baby. Be proud. Be happy. Just be you. That's what Michael said he loved about you; your free spirit." Katherine stroked the side of her face.

"Michael said that?" Tori asked. She never knew.

"Yes, he said that." Katherine nodded. "That's the woman he knew and loved. Not this one sitting here blaming herself for something that was out of her control and wallowing in despair. This is not you, Torian. And Michael would be appalled to see you like this."

"He would, huh?" Torian tried to smile as painful as it was.

"Yes, he would."

"I guess you're right. I'm glad you came in here and said those words. You don't know how encouraging that was for me. I was seriously considering blowing this joint for about five minutes."

"I'm glad you're not going to. That definitely would've ruined all the good things I thought about you." Katherine laughed.

Torian laughed too, to keep from crying. She had been so emotional lately and was prone to random crying fits from being so overwhelmed.

"I still don't know what I will do in the grand scheme of things but at the moment I do want to be there for Michael. That's one promise I made to him that I intend to keep."

"Glad to hear it."

"Grandma! Torian!"

They looked toward the door as Jermaine's son Jaimy came running into the room.

"Jaimy, what is it?" Katherine asked. Jaimy was a little out of breath but was smiling.

"Dad just called. He said Uncle Michael's awake! He's talking and everything! Dad said we need to get to the hospital real quick. Let's go!" He ran back out of the room as Katherine and Torian shared teary eyed hugs and thanked the Lord for such a blessing.

"The Lord has indeed blessed us. My baby is awake!" Katherine said as she wiped her eyes.

"It was about time." Tori smiled. "Thank God." She was happy. Michael was awake. Her heart was so full it felt like it might burst. It had been one emotional week—grief, guilt, chaos—but now, there was light. Michael was going to be okay. That was all that mattered.

"C'mon, baby," Katherine pulled Tori to stand. "Let's go see our man."

"Yes ma'am." They started walking toward the door.

Around Tori's neck hung a delicate chain, the engagement ring Michael had given her tucked beneath her shirt like a secret prayer. She reached for it now, fingers trembling slightly, and pulled it free. The diamond caught the light—but it wasn't the sparkle that made her pause. It was the weight. Not of the stone, but of everything it carried: love, loyalty, a promise she still intended to keep.

She slid the ring back onto her finger.

 

[Indelible_MJ]

Chapter 24
"Remember The Time"
Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, 2009.

Michael was groggy. His head hurt like hell, but he was vaguely aware that his family was gathered around him. He heard their voices. He thought he might've heard Torian's—but he wasn't sure. He called for her. His voice was weak and hoarse.

There was no answer.

He opened his eyes and tried to focus them. "Torian?" he called out, his voice growing stronger. "She's not here," someone said. He wasn't sure who.

She wasn't here? Where was she? Matter of fact—where was he?

Shadows moved toward him quickly. His eyes were still too unfocused to make out what—or who—they were. But the room he was in was white.

"Michael, do you know where you are?" someone asked.

No, but I'd sure like to find out.

"Michael, can you hear me?"

Time began to slow. The voices that had grown louder were becoming faint again. Something was pulling him. Beckoning him. His eyes began to close.

"He's falling asleep again," was the last thing he heard before unconsciousness claimed him once more.

"Michael? Michael?"

He opened his eyes to find his brother Jermaine staring at him. He looked around. He was at Hayvenhurst, surrounded by family. There was a cookout going on, and he and Jermaine were sitting poolside while the kids splashed in the water.

He could've sworn this had already happened. Years ago. Maybe he was dreaming.

"What were you saying?" Michael asked.

"I was saying—when are you going to stop pretending to be just her mentor? Were you even listening the last five minutes? Did you hear anything I said at all?" Jermaine eyed him.

"Nah, I zoned out for a minute. But who are you talking about?"

Jermaine looked over Michael's head and nodded. "Her."

Michael turned and saw Torian coming out of the sliding doors that led to the backyard. She was holding a bowl of something in her hands. Michael watched her. It was definitely a younger version of Tori—had to be seventeen at least. She smiled at him as she walked past, heading toward Jackie at the grill. She handed him the bowl.

That smile made his stomach quiver.

"What about her?" he asked, turning back to Jermaine.

"You done pretending?" Jermaine asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Michael replied.

"Really, man? Well, let me see if I can explain it." Jermaine leaned in closer, like he had a secret to share. "Are you sleeping with that girl or what? If not, why aren't you?"

"Jermaine, she's seventeen," Michael said, just as appalled as he had been the day this conversation actually happened.

"She'll be eighteen soon, won't she? It's obvious something's going on between y'all." He laughed.

"I don't have any idea what you're talking about."

"Well, that's good." Jermaine sat back in his chair. "I know some nephews of yours who'd really like to get to know her better."

"Who?" Michael asked. Of course he knew. Both Jaimy and Jeremy had been running around the house like they'd been bitten by Cupid all weekend. It had been that way since he first introduced Torian to the family.

"Jaimy and Jeremy," Jermaine said with a laugh. "You've got some competition there, bro.

If you don't get off your butt, one of them may get there first."

Like hell they will. Michael's voice was firm. "There is no competition. Especially not between me and my nephews. Furthermore, there is nothing going on between me and Torian—nor will there ever be."

Yeah, he definitely ate his words a few months later when his 45th birthday rolled around.

He closed his eyes again.

When he opened them, he saw himself walking with Torian on the grounds of Neverland at 2 a.m. He remembered exactly when this was. She had just turned eighteen, and they'd had a party earlier that night. His gift to her—because she asked—was a dance to the song of her choice, which had been Dirty Diana. He definitely remembered that.

Tori was walking ahead of him with her arms outstretched, the early morning wind tossing her hair in every direction. He couldn't see her face, but he knew she was smiling. She confirmed it when she started spinning in the wind like the free spirit she was. He could do nothing but smile.

Time had a funny way of expanding and contracting. It seemed like only yesterday he'd met the fresh-faced, bubbly teenager who entered his home—and later, his heart. Only yesterday they were playing pranks on the crew on the set of You Rock My World. Only yesterday he was teaching her how to moonwalk and do toe-stands, picking her up when she stumbled. A blink of an eye had passed, and the mentor had become the mentee. She was teaching him things about life that you'd think he'd already know at his age. Only with her did he truly learn the meaning of The Best Things in Life Are Free.

"I love the feel of the wind against my face at night," she gushed. "Holding my arms out

like this in the wind just gives me the feeling of flying. It's freedom."

"Yes, it is, isn't it?" he smiled.

"I bet you feel like that when you're onstage. You're in command. In control. Complete freedom to do as you please. You don't have to answer to anyone. You can just be yourself."

"Sort of. But it's not the same thing. I can be anything I want to be and do anything I want to do—but at the end of the night, you leave the stage. That's one freedom that doesn't last forever."

"Says who?" Tori stopped and looked at him. "All of life's a metaphorical stage. And freedom is a mindset. If you think you're free, then you'll be free. It's the mental shackles you have to get rid of. Free your mind, then you'll free your soul. I live my life as if every day will get better. As if I can be who I want to be without having to worry about pleasing everyone. That's true freedom. When you leave the stage, you should keep that mindset. As much as I hate to quote that R. Kelly guy, he's right. Take it from him—tell yourself that you believe you can fly, and you will."

He watched her burst into an impromptu rendition of I Believe I Can Fly.

I used to think that I could not go on… and life was nothing but an awful song. But now I know the meaning of true love…

So do I, Michael wanted to say. But he said nothing. If he was asleep and dreaming, he didn't want to say anything that would ruin the moment. Besides, this had already happened, and he was just remembering. It was all so bizarre—like he was watching it from a remote place in his mind. The words were the same as before, but the emotions behind them, the tone… they were different now.

Bits and pieces were coming back to him from the present. He had messed up with her—big time. He didn't know how, exactly. He just had a feeling. And he wanted to make amends for whatever it was he had done wrong. He wanted to tell her right then that he was sorry, but he couldn't. It was as if the image script of the past was already rolling, and he couldn't go back and edit any scenes.

I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky, she sang. I think about it every night and day. Spread my wings and fly away…

He watched her spread her arms again as a strong gust of wind blew their way. A smile lit up her beautiful face.

Yeah, for him, it definitely wasn't going to get any better than her. This moment—right here—was when he first realized that.

She was safety. She was a shield against the world. She had been there for him, believed in him, fought for him when no one else would. If this wasn't the one, then who was?

He remembered being frustrated by all the confusing things he felt about her. As much as he had wanted her—even back then—he kept telling himself no. She had so much promise, and he wouldn't ruin it by dragging her deeper into his crazy life.

And now?

He was sorry he did.

I'm sorry, Torian! he screamed in his mind. Whatever I did wrong, I'm sorry!

"I'm sorry, too," he heard someone answer.

He looked at the Torian in his memory. She was still singing but beginning to fade to black. He reached for her, desperate to keep her from disappearing.

Torian! Don't go. Please don't leave me!

"Michael, wake up!"

Huh?

"Wake up!"

The Torian in his memory vanished. He closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he was back in that white room—the one he'd drifted from before. Present-day Torian stood leaning over him.

"You were dreaming. Out loud, it seems."

"Where am I?" he asked, trying to sit up. It hurt. Everything hurt. He looked around. She was the only one there.

"The hospital," she answered. "I'm glad you're awake. You were out for a while."

"I was? How long?"

"Almost two weeks. You were in a coma." She sighed. "You don't remember anything?"

"Not really. Everything's fuzzy. I've got a headache the size of Africa right now, so forgive me if I can't recall much. Can you tell me what happened?"

"Some things are better left unsaid." She sat down in the chair next to him and just looked at him.

"Please?"

"You overdosed. That Murray fool gave you too much of that stuff. You stopped breathing. Your heart stopped briefly. You almost died." Her tone was flat, rehearsed. Like she'd said it to herself a hundred times before.

Michael stared at her silently. He didn't remember much—just asking the doctor for something to help him sleep. He remembered taking the pills. Everything after that was black.

Now he knew what he'd done wrong. If Torian was upset, she had every right to be.

"I'm sorry," he finally said. "I know you're upset with me."

"Upset doesn't quite describe what I'm feeling right now, Michael. I'm past upset. I'm pissed off. You lied to me about what that doctor was doing for you."

"I didn't lie—"

"You didn't tell me the whole truth either."

Silence.

He knew she was right. No matter how he sliced it, he hadn't been honest.

"Do you know what you've put us through with this habit of yours? Do you know what happened the day your heart stopped? You stopped all of ours. Your son called me crying his eyes out, scared out of his mind, telling me you weren't waking up. All three of them were terrified. Your family. My family. We were scared to death. Did you ever think about what would happen to us if something happened to you? How dare you be so inconsiderate!"

What could he say? Everything she said was true.

Was getting to sleep worth dying for? Was it worth the pain he was causing?

Even he knew he was becoming addicted again. He just refused to admit it—because he thought he could control it.

"You're right. And again, I'm sorry. I never meant to cause you all any pain. I was just so… tired. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to rest."

"You almost got your wish," Torian said quietly.

The room fell silent again. It was sinking in—how close to death he'd come. No wonder she was furious.

"So what do we do now? Where do we go from here?" he asked.

"I don't know. But I do know you need help, Michael. And I can't help you. I thought I could, but…" She paused. "Some things are out of my control. This is one of them."

She looked down at her hands in her lap.

Michael saw her fiddling with her engagement ring. He'd only seen her wear it once—when he first put it on her finger.

"You're wearing your ring…"

"Yes, I am. I wore it to the hospital so I could give it back to you." Her voice was breaking. She didn't look at him.

"Why the heck would you do that?" His headache was about to get worse.

"Because I can't marry you, Michael." She looked up. Tears filled her eyes. "Not now. Not like this. Not when you need to get better. I can't. I realize now may not be the best time to spring this on you, but it may be the only time I'll have the courage to do it."

"Torian, you don't have to do all of that. Whatever's the matter, we can work it out. I promise it'll get better."

"That's just it—I don't know if or when it will get better. Believe me, Michael, I would love nothing more than to be your wife and spend the rest of my life with you. But I don't want to enter a marriage like this."

"Torian, really—what's bothering you? Is it a media thing?"

"To hell with the media. I don't want to be a widow! Okay? There—I said it. Are you happy?" She nearly shouted. "I don't want to lose you. It would hurt. It would kill me."

She was crying now. And Michael wanted to cry too.

If he weren't hooked up to machines, he would've gotten out of bed and held her. All he could do was try to reason with her. But she didn't seem very rational at all.

"Baby, I know I came so close to messing up, but I'm not going to die on you. Not anytime soon. Not until the Lord is ready for me. Don't leave me over this, please."

"I'm not leaving you, Michael." She shook her head and finally got up to sit on the bed beside him. "I'll be there for you. That's the promise I made. But I'm not going to marry you. You need help. And until you get it, I can't—and I won't—marry you. Please try to understand that."

She held the ring out for him to take back. He stared at it. Then looked up at her.

"You're right. I do need help, and I swear to you—I'm determined to get it. Just tell me what to do. I'll do it."

"I remember you used to talk about how much you loved staying in Ireland. That it was peaceful there. You had solitude. I think you should go back. There's a clinic there—I researched it. They seem to have a good reputation for helping people overcome addictions. I think it might be a good place for you. Away from Hollywood and the spotlight. You need to recuperate, and then when you're ready, come back strong. If you're willing to go, we can get the paperwork started and you can leave as soon as you're released from here."

Michael nodded. "I'll go. I just need to know you'll be with me every step of the way."

"I'll come visit, Mike, sure. I won't stay in Ireland with you though. I do have a career—"

"I know," he interrupted. "I mean, just be there. Call, write, whatever. Just don't shut me out. Can you do that?"

She nodded. She was still holding the ring in her hand. He looked down at it.

"And I'm not taking the ring back. I gave it to you as the equivalent of giving my heart to you—and it's yours to keep. I want you to keep it, so you'll remember the times that were good, and never forget that I love you." He took it from her and gently slipped it back onto her ring finger. "You don't have to marry me now. Just keep it."

"Okay," she said quietly. "I'm really sorry about this, Michael. I had the best intentions. I really did."

"It's okay." He stroked her cheek. "I know. And from the bottom of my heart—I'm sorry too."