So I've been watching alot of MJ interviews and reading alot of articles because I felt like I owned that to myself to know the truth about him after all these years of putting him down. What did I think when I was little? I remembered in grade 3 watching his molestation trial news TV and thinking he was SUCH a bad,bad man. And the fact everyone, including my parents told me the reason he had white skin, cuz he was so ashamed to be black. Well, to my surprise, all of that is wrong. I feel like I want to slap myself on the face, because I was one of the ignorant people who went along with what the media portrayed of him. I can safely say, after doing so much reasearch about him that he was a very nice, caring, and extremely talented person. It's funny. When he was alive, he was blocked out of alot of people's minds and just thought of as "being there". but now he's dead, people are saying HOW MUCH they missed him, and WHAT HE MEANT to them. I remembered a few years back when everyone cracked jokes about him. Now all these people, myself included are saying how great he is and calling themselves fans. When he's dead, people truly begin to appreciate him and finding out for themselves how talented he is. I was just going along with the crowd at first, saying all the RIP and WE'LL MISS YOU stuff...but now I find myself being a fan.
Im sorry if ppl like me all of a sudden show so much love for him, cuz I guess we didn't know what we had till he's gone...sorry for being a fake fan...
btw His music is AMAZING. My favourite song is BEN.
I've kind of wondered that about myself. I was born shortly after "Off the Wall" was released. I grew up on his music and loved it. I remember when "Billie Jean" was played endlessly on MTV. I saw him debut the Moonwalk, I saw everything. Despite all this I didn't get my first MJ album until I was 15 (HIStory), and I had always considered myself a fan. I did, however, laugh at some of the horrible tasteless jokes about him, even though I knew deep down it was wrong. I guess it was kinda just part of being a kid. Going with the crowd. Doesn't make it right, though.
I was the same age as the first boy that accused him. I remember seeing Michael give his speech defending himself on TV. I remember seeing how sad and humiliated he looked. though I didn't pay close atention to the details of the situation it just didn't wash with me. I just thought there was no way that Michael Jackson could harm a child since he spent so much time trying to help them and just assumed the boy's parents wanted money. Fast forward to 2003. Michael is once again accused. Though I still deep in my heart he was innocent, I was beginning to have my doubts. I thought, "Dear God he's being accused a SECOND time, and this time criminal charges are being filed." And that's when it started. My heart still felt Michael was innocent, but my head was on the fence. I had all these doubts. Once again, I didn't pay a ton of attention to the trial coverage. I'd just hear some things every now and then. The whole thing sounded really bad, though, especially when Neverland was raided and I heard the police said they found evidence. I made no firm judgment, though. I never ever spoke bad about him. Whenever I debated with people I found myself defending him despite my doubts and not having a totally firm stand. I did have a nagging feeling he would be convicted because it all just sounded so bad. I was actually shocked when he was acquitted. shocked and a bit relieved. After his acquittal, I just didn't really think about it anymore or how I was struggling with my feelings. It all messed with my head so badly.
Fast forward again to hearing the news of his death. It blew me away big time. I was so shocked when I first heard. I never dreamt that day would come. However, it didn't really start to hit me until the next day. That's when my shock turned to total complete sadness. I was glued to the TV. His videos were playing everywhere, his music playing everywhere. Even the country music station on XM Radio my stepfather listens to was playing his music. I'd choke back tears every now and then, but I found it easier to let go at night. That wasy nobody could mock me or call me an idiot. It hit me so hard. I didn't actually realize just how much he and his music meant to me until after hearing about his passing. It was like a part of me had died right along with him and I didn't even know it. The news unfortunately kept bringing up the allegations. Because of this, I decided to look more into both cases. I've read a lot of stuff, both in his favor and against him. The most upsetting were the Vanity Fair articles. That bitch Maureen Orth so obviously hates Michael. She's still bad-mouthing him even after his death. It's so upsetting. Overall, I'm just not convinced he ever did anything wrong. Whatever evidence they found must have been planted or coincidental or something.
It just goes to show that you don't know what you have until it's gone. I never got to see him in concert, nor did I ever have the chance to meet him in person. I'll never have a chance at either one now. If only I could shake his hand or give him a hug, tell him "thank you" for his wonderful music and for all he's done, and to say "I'm sorry."
I feel so guilty. I feel guilty for had doubting him, and for going along with the crowd with those horrible jokes. I feel like I betrayed him. I should have not let the media (and I mean mainstream media, I pay no attention to tabloids). You just don't do that to someone you admire and respect. I guess it's all coming too late now. I wish to God I would have done that reading up when he was alive, though. I should have known better not to believe everything I hear. I should have followed my heart all along.
This whole thing just totally sucks on all levels.
Sorry for the hideously long post, folks. This has just been something that has been bugging me for a while. I saw this thread and felt compelled to share my feelings. I hope I didn't say anything to offend anyone. I look forward to posting here with you guys.
Ashley
