Alisans
Proud Member
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2011
- Messages
- 24
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This will be my first post on this forum and I'm very nervous. I will be thankful for anyone who has the time to read this. This is so hard trying to put my thoughts into words. I know exactly what I would like to say, but only in my head. I'll give it a try anyway.
First, I need to admit that I actually wasn't a true Michael fan until this tragedy came and hit me. It hit me hard. Ofcourse I had always admired Michael for the music he made, but nothing else really. I do remember these tiny things from my childhood (I'm now 18), like when I got my blue MJ bed sheets and I thought they were really cool. I still have them and I'm so proud of them! But now into the point.
I was at work when my friend said that "Hey, did you already hear that Michael Jackson has died?" I was in shock and the complete day at work went with thinking about if that was really true or just a stupid rumor. When I got home, I checked it and saw the sad news. I spent the rest of the day just reading about Michael and watching hundreds of videos and pictures and listening to his music. That was the first time I had taken the time and effort to really see the real Michael and I was feeling so embarassed and sad that I had not done it before. I saw what I think everyone should see. I saw what a beautiful man he was, how everything he did, was from the heart. So pure and honest. I can honestly say that I fell in love with him that day.
I'm just so mad at myself for being so blind. Why did I have see and notice this beautiful, pure and warm hearted man only when it's in a way, too late? I would have wanted to show my love and respect for him, when he was still here seeing and feeling it. I seriously hate myself for that.
All the songs and the lyrics.. All those beautiful things he has made to help children. Just everything. I feel like he has changed the world. At least in my eyes. I see the world in a different way now. I feel like there's so much everyone can do to help each other and everyone should do their best do accomplish in helping and making this world a better place.
The more I learned about Michael, the more I cried and felt embarassed. I'm still crying. I feel like I have this huge knife going through my chest and throat and I just can't get it off and it hurts so much. I can't even enjoy the simple things that I used to, nothing makes me happy. I'm completely broken and I don't know what to do anymore. Everytime I have even a little better day going on, someone says something about Michael and sadness takes over me and there's the knife again. And the worst thing is that I have no one to talk about this. No one to share my love for Michael with. I keep these feelings inside me and they are slowly burning me down. Every night I fall asleep with tears in my eyes. That's the only time I can cry without no one hearing me, altought sometimes I wish someone would just hear and hug me.
I would love to finally get the feelings of embarrassment and anger out of me. I just have those feelings because I feel like I'm too late. I feel like every other fan will feel hate me for that and that's why I'm scared to tell anyone about my love for MJ. I should have noticed and enjoyed the greatness of him earlier. It's so frustrating, all the time, I just want to tell Michael that I'm sorry, so sorry. But what does that help? Nothing. I was hoping there would be even a one person who wouldn't judge me because of being too late and stupid. That this community would take me in and there would be even someone to share my thoughts about Michael with.
I will take my love for Michael with me to the grave, never letting it to slip away. I'll make sure if I ever get kids, they will grow up loving and listening to Michael.
I'm sure some of you might think I'm pathetic and hypocrite, but I just had to let this all out and it all came from HEART. I love Michael from the bottom of my heart and miss him just too much. I know we all do.
This felt so good to let this all out. Altough I'm like a huge waterfall again, after all these tears, but still. Just someone tell me a way to stop crying? I can't even listen a song without tearing. I would like to, but it seems impossible.
Love for Michael Jackson.
First, I need to admit that I actually wasn't a true Michael fan until this tragedy came and hit me. It hit me hard. Ofcourse I had always admired Michael for the music he made, but nothing else really. I do remember these tiny things from my childhood (I'm now 18), like when I got my blue MJ bed sheets and I thought they were really cool. I still have them and I'm so proud of them! But now into the point.
I was at work when my friend said that "Hey, did you already hear that Michael Jackson has died?" I was in shock and the complete day at work went with thinking about if that was really true or just a stupid rumor. When I got home, I checked it and saw the sad news. I spent the rest of the day just reading about Michael and watching hundreds of videos and pictures and listening to his music. That was the first time I had taken the time and effort to really see the real Michael and I was feeling so embarassed and sad that I had not done it before. I saw what I think everyone should see. I saw what a beautiful man he was, how everything he did, was from the heart. So pure and honest. I can honestly say that I fell in love with him that day.
I'm just so mad at myself for being so blind. Why did I have see and notice this beautiful, pure and warm hearted man only when it's in a way, too late? I would have wanted to show my love and respect for him, when he was still here seeing and feeling it. I seriously hate myself for that.
All the songs and the lyrics.. All those beautiful things he has made to help children. Just everything. I feel like he has changed the world. At least in my eyes. I see the world in a different way now. I feel like there's so much everyone can do to help each other and everyone should do their best do accomplish in helping and making this world a better place.
The more I learned about Michael, the more I cried and felt embarassed. I'm still crying. I feel like I have this huge knife going through my chest and throat and I just can't get it off and it hurts so much. I can't even enjoy the simple things that I used to, nothing makes me happy. I'm completely broken and I don't know what to do anymore. Everytime I have even a little better day going on, someone says something about Michael and sadness takes over me and there's the knife again. And the worst thing is that I have no one to talk about this. No one to share my love for Michael with. I keep these feelings inside me and they are slowly burning me down. Every night I fall asleep with tears in my eyes. That's the only time I can cry without no one hearing me, altought sometimes I wish someone would just hear and hug me.
I would love to finally get the feelings of embarrassment and anger out of me. I just have those feelings because I feel like I'm too late. I feel like every other fan will feel hate me for that and that's why I'm scared to tell anyone about my love for MJ. I should have noticed and enjoyed the greatness of him earlier. It's so frustrating, all the time, I just want to tell Michael that I'm sorry, so sorry. But what does that help? Nothing. I was hoping there would be even a one person who wouldn't judge me because of being too late and stupid. That this community would take me in and there would be even someone to share my thoughts about Michael with.
I will take my love for Michael with me to the grave, never letting it to slip away. I'll make sure if I ever get kids, they will grow up loving and listening to Michael.
I'm sure some of you might think I'm pathetic and hypocrite, but I just had to let this all out and it all came from HEART. I love Michael from the bottom of my heart and miss him just too much. I know we all do.
This felt so good to let this all out. Altough I'm like a huge waterfall again, after all these tears, but still. Just someone tell me a way to stop crying? I can't even listen a song without tearing. I would like to, but it seems impossible.
Love for Michael Jackson.
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