Well, this is my first June 25th as a fan and I’m very emotional. I’ve spent all week (all month really) wondering how I’d feel when today arrived, but knowing it would be hard. It feels crazy to miss someone I wasn’t even a fan of this time last year. But now I’m such a massive fan and I have such a deep love for Michael that it feels equally crazy to imagine how I went so many years without him in my life.
Being a fan of Michael has brought so much joy and goodness into my life, following a long period (decade) of sadness and struggle. I feel like he, both through his music and through his personhood, has helped heal me from things I’ve suffered with for years, and has given me a sense of hope. He has helped me reconnect with my own innocence, my creativity, my spirituality. He has made me feel more pure inside than I have felt in a long time (which will understandably shock a few people on here
). He has helped me to feel proud of things I’ve always felt were my downfall, such as being an intense empath and a highly sensitive person, being a person who feels everything too deeply and is somehow always the most excited person in a room, and often feels misunderstood for it. He has helped me find joy in life where I never really found it before - in the pure escapist bliss of consuming someone else’s art and having that, alone, be enough to make a day worthwhile. For the first time in my entire life I am starting to feel some semblance of inner peace and I know Michael has something to do with it.
Maybe all of this will sound overblown to some people, especially if you’ve been a fan a long time and don’t really get this feeling anymore from him. Or maybe if you’re just a different kind of person than me. But I’ve never had this kind of connection with an artist or really any person I haven’t known in real life. But Michael makes me feel safe, loved, happy, and hopeful. I’ve never felt as close to understanding magic as I have this year, when I think about Michael, listen to him, watch him perform, read his words, and remind myself of what he is all about. He is magical. Present tense. His magic is something so profound, so rare, and so eternal that he will never be forgotten. Ever. I truly believe that.
Not everyone understands why Michael’s fans are so committed to him and so crazy about him. I really can’t understand it either, because it’s so foreign to me. All I can think is that he is a magnet for the most loving, warm-hearted people. The “major love” he sent out is still ringing through the atmosphere, beckoning new people and generations to feel it. That kind of energy doesn’t just disappear. It permeates. It will continue to permeate.
I spent all week thinking about how I could honor Michael. I recently reconnected with drawing and visual art (another plus from loving Michael, whose own talent for art made me remember that I used to love it too!) and I’ve drawn tons of portraits of Michael. Way more than I ever posted on the drawings thread. But I decided I wanted to do something a little different to honor his passing.
I decided to draw an elephant, because Michael loved elephants, surrounded by sunflowers (Michael’s, and my own, favorite flower). I drew seven because I believe it was his favorite number.
I’m not even sure if it’s complete yet. I might work on it more tomorrow. But right now I think it’s done. I spent my entire evening, about seven hours, doing nothing but drawing this and listening to Michael. I feel like I channeled all of this love I have for him into this and so I wanted to share it with people who might appreciate it.
Idk if people normally share their feelings on this day, or what, but I hope other people will. Obviously I have a lot of them
Edit: for anyone curious, the drawing is 18 x 24 inches (approximately 46 x 60 centimeters) and it’s done in pastels!