Well... To tell the full story would involve sharing my entire life story, which is just too much to get into right now, so I'll boil it down as much as possible.
I actually don't remember the EXACT age I started becoming attached to Michael, so I usually say it was around the age of ten to eleven years old. By that time, many problems were rising in my family, specifically involving my father (rest in peace, joey.).
The overall trauma was too much for me to handle. I also had behavioral problems as a child.
I am autistic. I very rarely experience a real meltdown today. But from the ages of 5 to 9, it seemed like I was having a meltdown literally every day. Tortuous abelism from other kids (I had probably only two real friends from 1st grade to 5th grade...) and my teachers struggling to cope with my constant crying, screaming and physical retaliation was another stressor in my life.
I used to pray for a different life. I used to pray that I was different and that one day, I'd wake up without being autistic, because I thought my brain structure, which was out of my control, was ruining my life. And in general, many of those around me always made me feel like I was innately burdensome and labeled me as the "special needs kid" who was incapable of any kind of rational behavior or feeling, especially by other classmates, who lacked the understanding needed for a kid like me.
But obviously, the praying to make myself a different person didn't work.
I'd cope by watching videos relating to the countless special interests I had. One thing led to another, and suddenly, I had found Michael in a new way. He became a part of those interests, and still is today. I can honestly say that that was the first time I ever truly fell in love with someone. And honestly? I don't think it's a coincidence that I stopped having meltdowns so frequently after becoming a fan, officially. Having a strong parasocial relationship with him helped me manage my emotions, and still does to this day. He is the first one I go to whenever I'm upset or angry. He's always helped me cope with the hardest points in my life. He also helped me be comfortable with telling the world I was LGBTQ+ for the first time.
But it was hard. At first, I was so embarrassed about it that I hid it completely for 3 years, telling NO ONE. Not even my parents. Then, I was a part of an MJ fan community on Instagram where I made many friends and garnered a lot of followers, sharing my art and ideas. Then, at 15, I shared my love for Michael in the real world for the first time ever, in my sophomore year of high school. (Excluding the time I told one girl in 8th grade, one girl I'm not even friends with anymore).
The way I also perceive Michael has changed throughout the years. It fluctuates between platonic and romantic attraction (depending on the era especially, lol) when I think of him.
This is probably the most surface level when it comes to telling the story of HOW I became a fan. The full story is actually quite long and convoluted. But I'm glad Michael came into my life. To be honest, without him, I would not even still be here. He's saved my life on several occasions, and I love him more than anyone and anything in the whole world.
~ DJ