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So lonely...

M.Kingsley

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So the deal is. I have always loved Michael, but something happened like a month ago. I started mourning I think. I didn't really mourn his passing because I just had a baby at that time.

Now I can't stop. I am so sad all the time. I wake up in the morning and feel heartbroken. I cry all the time, every day. I don't really understand what's going on. I am mourning him not being here. I am mourning everything he went through and how he was treated. And it hurts!

Most of all I feel so lonely. I mean who is going to understand why I am crying all day because a celebrity passed away 12,5 years ago. I can't tell people or talk about it. I just have to carry it and it is so lonely. I feel so sad and angry. It feels like I lost my brother or father. It's just painful.

How was your experience? Has anyone else mourned like this? Am I alone? I don't know.
I am just tired and I am wondering when its going to let up. I am going around scared people are going to start talking about him in a bad way, scared I would loose it. :/

This is like the most vulnerable post ever. So be kind. šŸ’ž

I just want to do something. Protect his legacy. Give love to his children. Make everyone know who he really was.

Bless you all!
 
M.Kingsley said:
Now I can't stop. I am so sad all the time. I wake up in the morning and feel heartbroken. I cry all the time, every day. I don't really understand what's going on. I am mourning him not being here. I am mourning everything he went through and how he was treated. And it hurts!
Click to expand...

I am feeling the same way, so you are not alone. I grew up away from pop/music culture, so I was not really a fan. Some of his songs were part of my favourite collection without even knowing its Michael Jackson. When he died, it was just a news and I was busy with my own life.

Then about a month ago when I was at a really low point in my life, desperate to find some joy, I pulled out these old 'favourites' and started listening to them. (You are not alone and I just can't stop loving you). It made me feel better immediately. I got curious, looked up the songs and was surprised that it was Michael Jackson who I knew only as angry Beat It, Bad and Thriller singer (I am ashamed at my ignorance now). One thing led to another and I stumbled upon live concerts on youtube. I started dancing, feeling great!

Then sadly I looked into his life and death and that made me very sad. It makes no sense, but I also feel heartbroken, wishing he somehow survived and spent happy life in peace for last 12 years. There are times I miss him, someone I have never met, who would have not been part of my life in any way other than he is now with his music. I think I am mourning the loss of my own relationship and things that I held dear in life by "mourning" him. I see my losses are so abstract that my mind is using him as a medium to get over them. At least that's what I am telling myself.

Then there are times when my kid and I start a spontaneous dance party listening to the live concerts or my kid tries to copy his movements including the crotch grabbing, and I go "noooooo". Or we just burst out laughing and my kid says "I have never seen you laughing like that". It is these moments that make me think - that's what I should remember. Not all the back story, his life, sadness, things I don't know. But the music that has brought joy and dancing back in my life. That's probably what he wanted to do - bring joy to people through his music.

Don't know if this helps. Whenever I get sad about his life, death, injustice, I tell myself - the kind of person he was (at least based on the little I know), he would have wanted to bring joy and not sadness to people. I should focus just on the music and forget the rest.
 
Tjen
Hiker said:
I am feeling the same way, so you are not alone. I grew up away from pop/music culture, so I was not really a fan. Some of his songs were part of my favourite collection without even knowing its Michael Jackson. When he died, it was just a news and I was busy with my own life.

Then about a month ago when I was at a really low point in my life, desperate to find some joy, I pulled out these old 'favourites' and started listening to them. (You are not alone and I just can't stop loving you). It made me feel better immediately. I got curious, looked up the songs and was surprised that it was Michael Jackson who I knew only as angry Beat It, Bad and Thriller singer (I am ashamed at my ignorance now). One thing led to another and I stumbled upon live concerts on youtube. I started dancing, feeling great!

Then sadly I looked into his life and death and that made me very sad. It makes no sense, but I also feel heartbroken, wishing he somehow survived and spent happy life in peace for last 12 years. There are times I miss him, someone I have never met, who would have not been part of my life in any way other than he is now with his music. I think I am mourning the loss of my own relationship and things that I held dear in life by "mourning" him. I see my losses are so abstract that my mind is using him as a medium to get over them. At least that's what I am telling myself.

Then there are times when my kid and I start a spontaneous dance party listening to the live concerts or my kid tries to copy his movements including the crotch grabbing, and I go "noooooo". Or we just burst out laughing and my kid says "I have never seen you laughing like that". It is these moments that make me think - that's what I should remember. Not all the back story, his life, sadness, things I don't know. But the music that has brought joy and dancing back in my life. That's probably what he wanted to do - bring joy to people through his music.

Don't know if this helps. Whenever I get sad about his life, death, injustice, I tell myself - the kind of person he was (at least based on the little I know), he would have wanted to bring joy and not sadness to people. I should focus just on the music and forget the rest
Click to expand...
 
I did my mourning in 09, however the intensity of feelings towards him is something everyone irl is tired of hearing about so I am lonely also in my love for him regardless. I am not good at socializing irl so I don't really make friends easily, and I agree that when I'm in public and I hear him mentioned, most people have some kinda negative belief and I would also start raging. so I keep to myself about it at this point, and I am lonely in my feelings as well.
 
You are not lonely in your feelings. This forum is here. In the end it is important for everyone to process their feelings and move on, not forget but move on to the positive side of things. What's happened has happened. No matter how we wish, we cannot rewrite history (or his story). I tell myself that the best way to honor him is to keep the music alive and find joy in it, not sadness.
 
M.Kingsley said:
I mean who is going to understand why I am crying all day because a celebrity passed away 12,5 years ago.
Click to expand...
Because that's the problem of the others, their perception of Michael.

David-Lachapelle-American-Jesus.jpg


Michael is a messiah, a martyr.

Jacksonism is a religion, sadly others won't take it seriously.
 
Hiker said:
I am feeling the same way, so you are not alone. I grew up away from pop/music culture, so I was not really a fan. Some of his songs were part of my favourite collection without even knowing its Michael Jackson. When he died, it was just a news and I was busy with my own life.

Then about a month ago when I was at a really low point in my life, desperate to find some joy, I pulled out these old 'favourites' and started listening to them. (You are not alone and I just can't stop loving you). It made me feel better immediately. I got curious, looked up the songs and was surprised that it was Michael Jackson who I knew only as angry Beat It, Bad and Thriller singer (I am ashamed at my ignorance now). One thing led to another and I stumbled upon live concerts on youtube. I started dancing, feeling great!

Then sadly I looked into his life and death and that made me very sad. It makes no sense, but I also feel heartbroken, wishing he somehow survived and spent happy life in peace for last 12 years. There are times I miss him, someone I have never met, who would have not been part of my life in any way other than he is now with his music. I think I am mourning the loss of my own relationship and things that I held dear in life by "mourning" him. I see my losses are so abstract that my mind is using him as a medium to get over them. At least that's what I am telling myself.

Then there are times when my kid and I start a spontaneous dance party listening to the live concerts or my kid tries to copy his movements including the crotch grabbing, and I go "noooooo". Or we just burst out laughing and my kid says "I have never seen you laughing like that". It is these moments that make me think - that's what I should remember. Not all the back story, his life, sadness, things I don't know. But the music that has brought joy and dancing back in my life. That's probably what he wanted to do - bring joy to people through his music.

Don't know if this helps. Whenever I get sad about his life, death, injustice, I tell myself - the kind of person he was (at least based on the little I know), he would have wanted to bring joy and not sadness to people. I should focus just on the music and forget the rest.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your answer.

I was a big fan since my childhood but not active when I was raising my family. I think I couldn't deal with his death at the time. So maybe that's what's happening now. He is giving me so much joy also ... but I can't ignore the pain. And the anger I feel about everything he had to take.

We didn't deserve him. He is to good for this place.
Nonexistant07 said:
I did my mourning in 09, however the intensity of feelings towards him is something everyone irl is tired of hearing about so I am lonely also in my love for him regardless. I am not good at socializing irl so I don't really make friends easily, and I agree that when I'm in public and I hear him mentioned, most people have some kinda negative belief and I would also start raging. so I keep to myself about it at this point, and I am lonely in my feelings as well.
Click to expand...
Im
Nonexistant07 said:
I did my mourning in 09, however the intensity of feelings towards him is something everyone irl is tired of hearing about so I am lonely also in my love for him regardless. I am not good at socializing irl so I don't really make friends easily, and I agree that when I'm in public and I hear him mentioned, most people have some kinda negative belief and I would also start raging. so I keep to myself about it at this point, and I am lonely in my feelings as well.
Click to expand...
I'm so sorry you feel that way. It is hard though. I don't know any other fan. So who is going to understand. I don't know. Its not like you can go and talk to anyone about your love for someone you don't know.
I hear you. If you want to vent or rage.. feel free to send me a message.
 
Lord Szechenyi said:
Because that's the problem of the others, their perception of Michael.

David-Lachapelle-American-Jesus.jpg


Michael is a messiah, a martyr.

Jacksonism is a religion, sadly others won't take it seriously.
Click to expand...
Wow!! That is so beautiful! Made me cry again!
Thanks for understanding!
 
M.Kingsley said:
So the deal is. I have always loved Michael, but something happened like a month ago. I started mourning I think. I didn't really mourn his passing because I just had a baby at that time.

Now I can't stop. I am so sad all the time. I wake up in the morning and feel heartbroken. I cry all the time, every day. I don't really understand what's going on. I am mourning him not being here. I am mourning everything he went through and how he was treated. And it hurts!

Most of all I feel so lonely. I mean who is going to understand why I am crying all day because a celebrity passed away 12,5 years ago. I can't tell people or talk about it. I just have to carry it and it is so lonely. I feel so sad and angry. It feels like I lost my brother or father. It's just painful.

How was your experience? Has anyone else mourned like this? Am I alone? I don't know.
I am just tired and I am wondering when its going to let up. I am going around scared people are going to start talking about him in a bad way, scared I would loose it. :/

This is like the most vulnerable post ever. So be kind. šŸ’ž

I just want to do something. Protect his legacy. Give love to his children. Make everyone know who he really was.

Bless you all!
Click to expand...
I completely get you. I was a huge fan starting in 2001 when I was a preteenā€¦when he passed I was in college and was absolutely devastated and I remember watching the news and then the funeral just sobbing but I was also dealing with the death of a favorite dance teacher and my aunt, and boyfriend drama and college stuff, so I didnā€™t really truly deep dive into my grief about MJ until about a month ago.
Iā€™m a store manager and was talking with some of my Gen Z employees about him, and their eyes lit up and they love him so much! MJ is alive on tiktok and that made me so happy. This new generation sees his innocence and generosity and his true soul and that makes me so happy.
But yes I completely feel you. I started watching youtube videos of his performances some that were posted 10 years ago, and there are soooo many recent comments. So weā€™re not alone ā¤ļøšŸŒ»
 
Friend&Flower said:
I completely get you. I was a huge fan starting in 2001 when I was a preteenā€¦when he passed I was in college and was absolutely devastated and I remember watching the news and then the funeral just sobbing but I was also dealing with the death of a favorite dance teacher and my aunt, and boyfriend drama and college stuff, so I didnā€™t really truly deep dive into my grief about MJ until about a month ago.
Iā€™m a store manager and was talking with some of my Gen Z employees about him, and their eyes lit up and they love him so much! MJ is alive on tiktok and that made me so happy. This new generation sees his innocence and generosity and his true soul and that makes me so happy.
But yes I completely feel you. I started watching youtube videos of his performances some that were posted 10 years ago, and there are soooo many recent comments. So weā€™re not alone ā¤ļøšŸŒ»
Click to expand...
Thanks for this! ā¤.. yeah it seems like the younger generation that was kids when he passed appreciate him alot. I love that. When I see children still dancing like him that makes me happy. But ppl in my own age they mostly remember his apperence and his trials. And now when leaving neverland came out it didn't help.. šŸ˜”šŸ˜”šŸ˜”šŸ˜”šŸ˜”...
 
M.Kingsley said:
So the deal is. I have always loved Michael, but something happened like a month ago. I started mourning I think. I didn't really mourn his passing because I just had a baby at that time.

Now I can't stop. I am so sad all the time. I wake up in the morning and feel heartbroken. I cry all the time, every day. I don't really understand what's going on. I am mourning him not being here. I am mourning everything he went through and how he was treated. And it hurts!

Most of all I feel so lonely. I mean who is going to understand why I am crying all day because a celebrity passed away 12,5 years ago. I can't tell people or talk about it. I just have to carry it and it is so lonely. I feel so sad and angry. It feels like I lost my brother or father. It's just painful.

How was your experience? Has anyone else mourned like this? Am I alone? I don't know.
I am just tired and I am wondering when its going to let up. I am going around scared people are going to start talking about him in a bad way, scared I would loose it. :/

This is like the most vulnerable post ever. So be kind. šŸ’ž

I just want to do something. Protect his legacy. Give love to his children. Make everyone know who he really was.

Bless you all!
Click to expand...
but he may be still alive. there is no 100 % sure that he is dead. a lot of facts shows that he could fake his death
 
There is a whole separate thread about the 'fake death' theory.
Thanks to the internet era, his music, his performances will live on forever. That is something to feel good about.
 
Hiker said:
There is a whole separate thread about the 'fake death' theory.
Thanks to the internet era, his music, his performances will live on forever. That is something to feel good about.
Click to expand...
where
 
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