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still having a hard time coping with the losses in my life...

ForeverTheKing

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I was just listening to MJ (as usual) and I started thinking about Michael and how much I miss him..as well as my beautiful Aunt that passed not to long after Michael on July 16th...

Since June 25 my life has been turned upside it seems like. Im in a new city away from my mother and my family and im having to experience things on my own. Michael Jackson, like everyone else on this site, was a huge part of my life and my biggest influence...hell the man practically raised me! When Michael died i felt like a piece of my life, heart and soul went with him...and then to have my Aunt, who was my second mother and the most supportive person in my life die RIGHT AFTER my idol was heart breaking. What made it worse was that i tried everything i could to get to her while she was on her death bed but with me being so far away i didn't make it in time to see her while she was alive. That is something that I will never forgive myself for...NEVER. AND MJ died 5 days before my birthday! 09 has truly been a year full of life experiences...it had its highs and its lows. After my Aunt passed it sent me over the edge. i had been very depressed to the point i cried every single day and got little to no sleep. I felt like i had no one to talk to or vent to other than people on this forum as well as maxjax. No one understands me when I say that MJ's loss was a traumatic one for me and its something that to this day im still trying to deal with. I think about MJ and my Aunt all the time. I still shed tears every day for them...i just don't understand why God would take 2 out of 3 most important people to me away from me so soon and at the same time...my heart hurts and i just hope that they are okay...My aunt loved MJ (she had ticket stubs of the concerts when she went to go see the jacksons back in the 70's) her and michael were the same age when they died.

I miss them so much yall...I never got the chance to meet Michael and I never got to see my aunt before she died...I just feel so incomplete..i don't know...i just wish this nightmare im in would end...
 
ForeverTheKing said:
I was just listening to MJ (as usual) and I started thinking about Michael and how much I miss him..as well as my beautiful Aunt that passed not to long after Michael on July 16th...

Since June 25 my life has been turned upside it seems like. Im in a new city away from my mother and my family and im having to experience things on my own. Michael Jackson, like everyone else on this site, was a huge part of my life and my biggest influence...hell the man practically raised me! When Michael died i felt like a piece of my life, heart and soul went with him...and then to have my Aunt, who was my second mother and the most supportive person in my life die RIGHT AFTER my idol was heart breaking. What made it worse was that i tried everything i could to get to her while she was on her death bed but with me being so far away i didn't make it in time to see her while she was alive. That is something that I will never forgive myself for...NEVER. AND MJ died 5 days before my birthday! 09 has truly been a year full of life experiences...it had its highs and its lows. After my Aunt passed it sent me over the edge. i had been very depressed to the point i cried every single day and got little to no sleep. I felt like i had no one to talk to or vent to other than people on this forum as well as maxjax. No one understands me when I say that MJ's loss was a traumatic one for me and its something that to this day im still trying to deal with. I think about MJ and my Aunt all the time. I still shed tears every day for them...i just don't understand why God would take 2 out of 3 most important people to me away from me so soon and at the same time...my heart hurts and i just hope that they are okay...My aunt loved MJ (she had ticket stubs of the concerts when she went to go see the jacksons back in the 70's) her and michael were the same age when they died.

I miss them so much yall...I never got the chance to meet Michael and I never got to see my aunt before she died...I just feel so incomplete..i don't know...i just wish this nightmare im in would end...
Click to expand...

Reading this made my eyes water a bit. I'm so sorry for your losses. My thoughts are with you and your family. What's most important now is to not lose yourself in the emotions. Don't lose track of what needs doing. Firstly, you need to forgive yourself for not arriving in time. I know we can look back at these moments and think - 'what if?' but you can't live your life this way. The fact that you didn't arrive in time does not take away at all from the love and care you had for your Aunt. Not one bit. Don't feel guilty or get caught up in the past. She knows exactly how you feel, especially right now. So does Michael. They're watching over you. And what's important to know is that they want you to get out of this hole. You've got to change your mindset, and I know it's hard.. It's really hard - but you've got to rise up. Make them proud. And celebrate their lives without tearing yourself apart. Take a new positive attitude to life. Take the songs that Michael sung, and the times you've experienced with your Aunt and learn, reflect and adapt them to your life. From what you've said your Aunt was an Michael fan herself. I know she would want the very best for you and to live the way that Michael preached. Live with love and happiness in your life and heart.

We are all here for you. Dont hesitate to PM.

Lots of love. Let me know if you want me to expand on anything I've said.

xx Heal the world
 
ForeverTheKing I can relate to what you're saying.
My boyfriend passed away only a few days after Michael.
Well I was with him when he died. I was holding his hand and even kissing him. We got him out of hospital and home to our place knowing he would die...
So things were different and still...then again I do know these thoughts starting with what if... I find myself talking to my boyfriend now asking him to forgive me if I did anything wrong and I cry my heart out... and then there is this feeling... in the end of crying when there's no tears left anymore I feel exhausted and tired... but it feels also that the pain is demasked by the love my boyfriend and me were always connected through.
You know, it feels my boyfriend is telling me, that I've just done my best and that's more than he would have ever asked for... and if there was something not so good then that is just life and he wouldn't blame me for it ever.
I think your aunt would tell you the same. Please ask your heart, if you couldn't be there with her, then that was life and not really your fault and your aunt would probably be the last to make you a reproach. But life is this way... things happen and need to be lived with.

It is the pain that we can't be together with the person we love anymore giving us these 'crazy' thoughts starting with 'what if' or with 'I'll never forgive myself' etc etc. It's the fear of pain not to controll letting us escape in some guilt giving us the illusion the guilt is in our controll. Actually... it's not us... it's the dead person having the position this was not ok or it was ok... we do not even count if there would be anything to question about our conduct. BUT WE CANNOT ASK THEM ANYMORE still we try in torturing ourselves in questioning our own conduct... imagine would your aunt make you a reproach you weren't there? I think no without that I even know her. So honestly... yes maybe it would have been better for you also to be with her... but now it's just not possible to change anymore... so you need to live with it. Do not try to keep the pain in carrying it with you.

When I am in good spirit I know and feel the love between my boyfriend and me and he never ever gave me any feelings of guilt... never... so it's just crazy to think something like this now... but these thoughts crawl into my brain to make him answer, to keep him with me in a crazy obsessed way... to hear him one last time again telling me: 'It's all ok!'... it's the endless hurting wish to be together one last time, feel him again, hear him again... but he passed away... he's not here anymore.

I could imagine it's something similar with your aunt... it's the incredible wish in your heart you could hear her one last time telling: 'It's all ok! I do understand!'


try to listen to your heart. It is the place to find the comfort needed!
It is where your aunt has put all her love for answering you! She is with you still even if she can't be with you physically anymore. Have faith in the love connecting you two... let the pain go. Try not to be scared, let the pain go, cry, scream, write it down, dance... till you can't go on anymore, till nothing is left... and I promise you will feel the love in your heart giving you all you need. Have faith.

Same with Michael... he has given us his fans so much love... he has given us his music, his dance, really his love, his soul...


We do have all we need still with us.


We just need to have faith.


And honestly I absolutely do believe we'll all see those we love again, because it is love connecting us.
We do have all we need, we just need to keep the faith.

ForeverTheKing you're not alone.
 
Mechi I am so sorry for your loss. That is very tragic. I'm a bit speechless as to what to say. You're very strong for being able to give such great advice. It's this kind of advice that can truly make the world a better place. We are all here to support you and thank you for your strength and love.

God bless.

Remember also. You're not alone. We are here with you. All the best for the future. Stay strong and don't hesitate to PM. If I can help in anyway then let me know and I'll be there.
 
Thank you! that's very sweet of you to offer.

I got incredible many offers especially for help and comfort and everything especially here at this place... it's amazing really. So yes this place helps to keep the faith! And yes it's also this place making me feel we do have still everything we need.

*hugs* to you!!!
 
Mechi said:
Thank you! that's very sweet of you to offer.

I got incredible many offers especially for help and comfort and everything especially here at this place... it's amazing really. So yes this place helps to keep the faith! And yes it's also this place making me feel we do have still everything we need.

*hugs* to you!!!
Click to expand...

I am so happy that you have found such a comforting, lovely place like this. Who would have thought an internet forum could contain so much love and support? It's groups like these that can change and move the world, and individual world's too at that.

*hugs*

Sorry to go slightly off-topic ForevertheKing.
 
Thank you so much for your advice. I found it very comforting..sometimes I have little outburst like these...i guess its because i didnt have anyone to talk to before...Mechi im sorry to hear about your loss as well..its so hard dealing the loss of MJ as well as a family member...MJ is like family! i had a hard time sleeping last night but i eventually went to sleep around 6am...im just wishing things in my life would go back to normal so to say
 
I can't give you any advice exactly, but I'm thinking of you ForeverTheKing, and sending you warm wishes and hugs!

:hug: :heart:
 
(((((((((((ForeverTheKing:better:))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((Mechi:better:))))))))))))))))))

So sorry for your''e losses,2 lossses close on eachother,cant even imange how hard that must be:no:
 
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