What loving Michael does to you

[Maturerastan]

I think loving Michael did something to me, it went too deep. Loving Michael feels like carrying a secret ache, something so deep it becomes part of who you are. Time moves, life changes, people marry, build homes, share beds and mornings. Some of us will stand beside another man and some already do, maybe? And yet, somewhere beneath all of that, Michael remains, never really leaves our mind or heart..
What hurts the most is not that he is gone but that the love has nowhere to go. You will never touch his face, never feel his body close to yours, never wake beside him or tell him every day how much you love him. You will never feel the weight of his presence, the warmth of his skin, that warm safety of being held by the one you adore. But that life does not exist and knowing that is a grief that never fully settles! I don’t believe I will ever love a man the way I love Michael. Not because others are unworthy but because this love was never ordinary. It doesn’t ask permission, It doesn’t end, It doesn’t need justification. Call it obsession if you want but I call it devotion, I call it recognition and In some strange unexplainable way my soul knew his

 

[Sarah_MJ]

I am sorry that you feel pain. I don't want to give you advice unless you wish me to do it. Maybe just that it is always good to be open to people around you and let them in if you like or love them - because sometimes you don't see what you have if you concentrate only on what you can't have and that would be too bad.

To me, Michael has never been someone I want to be in a relationship with but rather a father figure. And even before he died he couldn't be there for me from person to person. But I believe he once said "If you want to be close to me listen to the music. The love is stored there and will not die." So he is still there and I still feel being connected to him. Over the years my fandom also changed. Whereas I idiolized Michael as a kid, I now see him more as a human being with faults and unperfections, but loveable.

I also really believe that Michael wouldn't want you to be in constant pain or grief. He would want you to live and to be free. So maybe one day you can see the love that is around you and the people you can have in your life. And that would never mean that your love for Michael is getting smaller.