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At Night is when it hurts the mors(Need someone to talk to)

MJFan4Eternity

MJFan4Eternity

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I feel like all day long I put on this big unknowing show and the reason i say unknowing is because even I don't know. It does't feel like a show but all day long I'm fine happy, smiling seeming to move forward but when the night falls. I'm back at June 25 the feeling of emptyness, I feel crazy I really in my silly mind felt he was my soulmate, and now i feel kind of lost. I've totally lost contact with my friends and alittle of my hopes and dreams.My insonmia is worst than ever since if i'm not looking at his videos listening to his music i'm thinking about him.I feel nuts!! but i also feel so lonely!!
 
aaww :( me too. I feel lonely al the time, especially at night when its silent everywhere and begin thinking how things had to be and how they turned out:cry:
 
MJFan4Eternity said:
I feel like all day long I put on this big unknowing show and the reason i say unknowing is because even I don't know. It does't feel like a show but all day long I'm fine happy, smiling seeming to move forward but when the night falls. I'm back at June 25 the feeling of emptyness, I feel crazy I really in my silly mind felt he was my soulmate, and now i feel kind of lost. I've totally lost contact with my friends and alittle of my hopes and dreams.My insonmia is worst than ever since if i'm not looking at his videos listening to his music i'm thinking about him.I feel nuts!! but i also feel so lonely!!
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I know what you mean. Ever since it happen I can't sleep like I used to. Now ever since I had that horrible nightmare about Michael. Almost a week ago I absolutely refuse to sleep at nights now. That was the 2nd nightmare I had since Michael's death. That has cause me to wake up really crying and shaking. That nightmare really scared me to death. Which is why I absolutely refuse to sleep at nights anymore. I am always listening, watching, and thinking about Michael. It is like I have to now. Even I do find hard for me to watch some kind of video of Michael. Because I am just reduce to tears just seconds after I start watching it. And I also consider Michael my soulmate. Because we had so many things in common. But the one main thing we had in common was that we both knew what it is like to have a skin disorder (I have Eczema). Which made losing him all the more worst for me. Because we both know what it was like for people to make fun of us cause of our skin disorder. Which was why I was always so very thankful that I had Michael in my life. Cause I finally had someone in my life that was like me in a way. My skin disorder is something I never like talking about. Because no one would understand it.
 
This is the place for us where non of us has to be alone! *hugs* to all of you!

It maybe is not the easiest cuz of others... but in times of grief you need to care about yourself, your very own well being first. Emotions hidden too strict or pushed under the rug... giving yourself a happy face... playing any kind of show to other ppl might save you from not being ridiculed... but in the end of the day will always hurt your soul the most.
If ppl around you don't really know you, if you're hiding... how are the ppl around you then supposed to really like you or love you. No miracle you're feeling lonely...in a way you put that on yourself.
It sometimes takes some courage to be oneself with all... but to me that's the only way to happiness... and in times of deep grief it keeps one mentally healthy easier.

You guys are the sweetest nicest ppl... please show the world who you are... don't try to look happy when you're not... don't try to look strong when you're not...please show the world who you are.
This world needs ppl like all of you!
And you'll have it easier with yourselfs also!

I'm always here to talk ok! Please pm me if you like... I'll always respond as soon as possible.
 
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