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I'm so lonely because no one understand my feelings to MJ!...

wcjan

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It was about in 1992(or 93?), i was a little girl lived in a small city in China. One day I saw a MV on Tv, I saw a man, just as beutiful as a woman in my eye, he had a very pure and clear voice. I didn't know what he was singing, but I remembered his voice and his name, Mickael Jackson.

I gradually got to know he was also a great dancer, but at that time it was not very open in China, I just got very limited information about him, until one day the newspaper and TV were full of his scandals, he seemd to be the representative of evil. I began to keep away from him although in fact i never understood him from beginning.

Many years passed, till his death. At first I had no special feelings just thought it was a sudden. Then on the website I saw some interview vidio by Oprah in 1993 by chance. It gave me a big shock----I never thought MJ was a such a gentleman. From then on I began to search all the interview vidios about him, for the first time I got the chance to try to undersdand him, his talent, his human nature, his character. I found I began to adore him, althought it was too late.

These days I experienced the huge change in my feelings. And by now I even cannot help myself to crying. It is a great regret that I did'nt love him and support him during his living. I once also called him ***** or abnormal psychology. I just want to say sorry so much.

These days I couldn't stop my grief and every time when I listened to his music I would cry. My friends couldn't understand me and my family couldn't either. Althought in china, the TV or newspaper had some high comments on him, Mickael was not the focus of our life, they have no interets in him, or they are reluctant to understand him.

But I was surrounded by the sadness. In the street, in the subway, the people are laughing, talking about their lives. I felt completely lonely.

Sorry I don't know whether it is fitful to post here,it's my first time to come here. I just want to my let feelings out.
 
i've always said the only reason why people don't love Michael, is that they don't know him...
It's impossible to know him, know what he sings, how he lives, how he feels,
how he talks, how he jokes, how much love is in him and don't love him...
it's just impossible...
 
^^Exactly. You see, in my mind, the only reason for someone not to like MJ in the first place is because they only see the facts, believe the garbage about Michael that is just not true, or they are so ignorant that they just can't face the truth.

I'm glad you know about the 'real' Michael, how loving, caring and how he is just a genuinely good guy. No matter how 'early' or 'late' you may be.

I can assure you that every member on this board feels/felt the way you feel now about what has happened. Remember you are not alone. I believe there is now a special section where you can vent your feelings to those who understand you. The fans.

Keep your head held high, be proud, try to stay positive. It's not easy at these times but in time.. who knows?
I for one know exactly how you feel, no body understands why i'm so sad over what has happened.

Hope you are well,

xx
 
Welcome! It's never too late to become a MJ fan and to get to know how unique he was/is artistically and personnaly.
He still changes lives, even now....just look at yourself!:flowers:
 
welcome to this board wcjan! You've found a wonderful place for your mourning. We try to support eachother in sharing feelings.
Take your time, find out about the board, please take a moment also and read the rules... but mainly try to feel our warm welcome!
 
God bless you, that must be so difficult for you. You are among friends here though and will get all the help and support you need. Please don't feel alone any more.
 
Welcome to the board.
People here do understand you. Come back and share your feelings/problems as often as you like.
 
Hi Wcjan!

I'm exacally same as you! I'm a bit ashamed to admit I'm a new fan! I'm only 24 now so I was very young during the time MJ dominated the music industry. But I remember my dad was a fan and he told me a lot about MJ, both good and bad rumours about him. I like quite a lot of his songs but I don't really bother much about the person. I never bought his CD although I'd won one of his album from a radio contest and have a few of his songs on my laptop. When MJ was on the news everyday due to his 2005 trail, I don't follow much so I was even let to believe he commited those crimes!

When I heard about the news on the radio that he passed away, I wasn't sad but rather shocked!! I told my work mates about it and many seems to heard about it already! Then I watched as the TV at my workplace broadcasted the news! I told one of my workmates about the news and he said "who cares, he is a child molester!" and I just keep quiet because I don't know anything! (I later explained everthing to him)

I know one of my friend in another city is a huge fan and was crying so much so I tried to comfort her by drawing anime version of MJ for her! (see below). I didn't cry at all for the first 2-3 days but I watched many tributes on him on TV and downloaded some of his songs. I started reading more and more about him. I saw how TV potray him as a King but also as a person with unusual life. I learned to sing Man in the mirror and watched many of his music video. Eventually I found myself crying in the end. Then I read up so much information about him and finally realised that he is such a kind person with so much love and was used and misundertood by so many people! I saw the video where he pleaded innocent in 1993. I saw the craziness of his 2005 trails.

Then I read up so many information about him online and I felt his pain! Since then I can't stop crying and I cried everynight watching his music videos! I can't do anything at all and I can't concertrate work because I'd been crying so much! I didn't even eat properly and because I don't felt like eating. All I do is sit infront of my computer and cry while listening to his beautiful voice!

At work, I had to put a false smile, but when I finished work and drove home, I cried all the way driving home! A few times I was close to accident because I can't concentrate on driving! The radio also keeps on playing MJ songs!

For almost 2 weeks I was in a totally miserable condition! It was among the saddest days in my life ever! I have no idea that I'd fallen in love so deeply and so suddenly for him! But on the 2nd week when I was doing groceries shopping in the city, I saw a street performer playing flute with a microphone sound system. So I gathered my courage asked him to borrowed the microphone and sang "Heal the world" in the city busies place!

I bought a MJ album too and then while browsing for MJ related magazine in the bookshop I meet a nice MJ fans and we become friends and we went to hunt down every MJ DVD, CD, magazines together! I'm glad I now have a few of MJ cd and DVDs and I truely treasure it! I'm hunting down more of them because they are sold out so quickly!

I still cry when reading sad articles and cried during the memorial although I sing a long to most of the songs to prevent myself becoming too sad! Since I live in Australia, the coverage and the tributes for the momorial starts at 11 pm till 6 30 am! So stayed up all night and go straight the work after that! I'm amazed I can still after being totally sleep deprived and crying so much!

Today I went to the music store and was happy to see so many people in the store and they all all buying MJ cds! So I chated with some of them! I still waiting for the new orders of History to arrive since it was sold out!

I'm also trying to convert workmates and housemates to MJ fans! And I tried to explain to my friends about how MJ had been misunderstood and all the story to prove he is innocent and truely a good person! I'm going to share around the Dangerous concert DVD I bought to as many people as possible!

In the end that is all I can do and I'll pray for MJ too! I know he doesn't want me to grief for him everyday and be happy for what he had done and now that he is truely free, watching us from heaven! I really hope I can find him after my time on earth is over, but I think I might have to wait a long time!

You can add me to facebook at rainbow_xtina@yahoo.com or msn at missbsbno1@hotmail.com
 
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Dear WCJan,

Both you and rainbowangel has told what i am going to tell. First shocked and okay and then laterly realize what has happened and can not help tears.

Let me tell you that you are not alone. There are too many fans just like us, can not get out of the sadness. I have been totally lost for last week. Everyday going to work with my body but my soul is always with Michael, listening to his music, seeing his pictures, reading his news. And i do not want to talk too much either. Sometimes, when i walking alone on the street, looking above the blue sky, seeing people around me laughing, talking exctiedly about their life, but I was just have Michael in my mind, thinking of his gentle smile, and then tears can just come out of my eyes even before i feel it.

Life seems so different without him with us and i have never ever had such feelings for someone that i even not see him.

I love him, not only because of his music (of course, he is the best ever for this part) but also because of him as a person. His true love to his family, kids and fans. His pure innocent heart.

I have been crying alone in bed for several nights. I was afraid of death before but thinking of that will bring me to seeing Michael. I am not that afraid now. I was not with any religion but i do believe there is a God. Michael is a gift from him to us and he is taking care of our King in the heaven.

I just miss him so much!!!!

Not sure which city you are in China but you can add me MSN: meow290@hotmail.com.

Your friend from Beijing
 
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