New Fan and Thoroughly Addicted to Everything About This Man!

[staywild23]

Whew... I have so many feelings and so much to say lol. Let me attempt to express myself...

I am a woman in my early 30s and, obviously, I have known about Michael Jackson my entire life. He's one of those few people you don't even remember not knowing about. He's that much a part of the cultural fabric. However, I came of age during the 2000s and that was a difficult time for Michael so, needless to say, my understanding of him was hardly fair. I had a best friend in high school who was obsessed with him, but never made much effort to introduce me to his music. Yet despite my lack of real understanding of him, I still remember where I was when I found out he died and how strange it made me feel to imagine a world without him in it. I wasn't a fan, but I understood it was a massive loss and shift in the universe. I didn't know anything about him and, as someone who has never been a fan of pop music, I was in no real rush to learn about him. This is where I was coming from in early January 2022...and oh how much has changed since then!

It all started when I stumbled upon a random reel on Facebook of Michael dancing. I want to say it was a brief moonwalk compilation, or clip of a Billie Jean performance. I'm not sure. I just remember being blown away. Like, legitimately thinking, how the F is Michael Jackson this amazing? (as if I should have expected anything less than mind-blowing, c'mon past self). This led to scrolling through a few more of these videos, eventually jumping over to Google and searching things like "which songs include the moonwalk" and "Michael Jackson's best performances," then a YouTube binge of Billie Jean, followed by more Billie Jean, followed by the Superbowl performance, followed by everything else I could find. I was stunned. How could I have never realized how incredible this man was? How did I never realize how incredibly cool, smooth, and swag he was? How did I get through life not knowing how sexy he was? This turned into bingeing more and more videos, more and more Google searches, discovering (unfortunately) the existence of LN and feeling concerned about it, joining the MJ subreddit and learning more (and feeling less concerned about it), more YouTube, SO MANY LIVE performances, reading Moonwalk, reading Dancing the Dream, literally dancing the dream around my house blaring his music and deafening everyone around me, buying more books about him, scouring every record shop around me to find Thriller and Bad on vinyl, building and sharing playlists, blasting him all hours, all day long, buying tickets for an April performance of MJ the Musical (yay!) and just generally growing more and more and more obsessed with him in the briefest period of time that anyone has ever grown obsessed with a person. No lie, I wonder sometimes if I'm losing my mind haha!

You all. I'm not kidding. I am ADDICTED to this man. This artist who was in the backdrop of my existence forever and who influenced everything and everyone, but who I somehow knew nothing about. I am fully and thoroughly addicted to him. I legitimately cannot stop, because I cannot get enough of him! hahah I find it hard to concentrate because I literally want to listen to him every waking moment. During breaks between teaching classes, I pump myself up by watching his performances. I am sending his videos to everyone I know, trying to get them to understand (it's worked in a few cases haha). But like...will this ever end? Because I'm 33 years old and I did not sign up to fall in love with a celebrity at this age lol. Especially because I truly am not someone who has ever obsessed over celebrities in my entire life. Seriously. This is not normal for me at all.

So that's a good question - what is it about Michael Jackson, you guys? How does he do this to a person? No musician has ever had this affect on me. My love for his dancing, which is objectively the most incredible, dynamic, and sexy dancing I've ever seen, my love for his voice, which is the most beautiful, dynamic, emotive voice I've ever heard, his PERSONALITY which is just so kind, loving, generous...his APPEARANCE -- holy shit, I had no idea. After a lifetime of media propaganda telling me this man wasn't attractive, I am stunned on a daily basis by how ridiculously hot he is. He is insanely sexy and my mind and body can't comprehend it. I could literally write 1,000 words just about how attractive he is, but I will spare you all lol.

I know he's not perfect. I'm not trying to say he is. Please understand I am in my early stages of fandom. But since I've never felt this way about anyone else, I'm genuinely just baffled by how passionately I feel about him. I have cried for him multiple times, so pained by his pain I can't stand it. So much undeserved suffering. Ugh. But on the other hand, he fills me with the most complete joy and has inspired me so much to pursue doing good in the world and embrace my creativity (which I have neglected for too long). In short, I just feel so blessed to have developed this totally unexpected obsession with him. What a talented, beautiful, sensitive, force of nature wrapped up in such a fantastically compelling and lovely human being.

I am mostly posting this just to share my feelings about him because where else can I go this crazy but a fan forum! haha But I would love to hear from other people about how you came to love Michael and if I can ever expect this obsession to fade (at the moment I don't even want it to, but y'know, I gotta live a life).

But in all seriousness, I really just want to GUSH about him and I'd love to be joined by anyone else who feels like straight up GUSHING over him too!

 

[MacMandy90]

I absolutely understand where you're coming from! I too am in my early 30's and the love for Michael still goes strong, literally everything about him just makes him beautifully unique and to stand out, his talent and everything. I grew up listening to him and as I got older I got obsessed of course lol and obviously in my teens oh boy haha! Of course, his passing hit me so hard like everyone else, it still does but I know that he still lives on in our hearts, and the inspiration for us all to be a better person.

 

[staywild23]

I absolutely understand where you're coming from! I too am in my early 30's and the love for Michael still goes strong, literally everything about him just makes him beautifully unique and to stand out, his talent and everything. I grew up listening to him and as I got older I got obsessed of course lol and obviously in my teens oh boy haha! Of course, his passing hit me so hard like everyone else, it still does but I know that he still lives on in our hearts, and the inspiration for us all to be a better person.

I so appreciate that you feel this way even after YEARS of being a fan!! I think the way you felt in your teens is how I'm feeling now. It's just funny because I thought this kind of feeling was limited to being a teenager lol. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been to watch him go through so much and then when he passed away. I'm retroactively grateful for all of his fans who've been there all along, while I was off doing whatever I was doing lol. But I also feel compassion for how painful that must have been.

You are so right about him living on in our hearts and as an inspiration. As much as I can gush about his talent and beauty, his heart and everything he stood for is so incredibly inspiring. Reading about all of his humanitarian work, it breaks my heart he got so little recognition for this in his lifetime that I didn't know anything about it until this year. But now that I know, I feel really motivated to do what I can to contribute to making the world better. I've always wanted to, of course, but his passion for improving the world and his purity is propelling me to take more action now!

Thanks for replying...it is nice to feel understood in this

 

[MacMandy90]

I so appreciate that you feel this way even after YEARS of being a fan!! I think the way you felt in your teens is how I'm feeling now. It's just funny because I thought this kind of feeling was limited to being a teenager lol. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been to watch him go through so much and then when he passed away. I'm retroactively grateful for all of his fans who've been there all along, while I was off doing whatever I was doing lol. But I also feel compassion for how painful that must have been.

You are so right about him living on in our hearts and as an inspiration. As much as I can gush about his talent and beauty, his heart and everything he stood for is so incredibly inspiring. Reading about all of his humanitarian work, it breaks my heart he got so little recognition for this in his lifetime that I didn't know anything about it until this year. But now that I know, I feel really motivated to do what I can to contribute to making the world better. I've always wanted to, of course, but his passion for improving the world and his purity is propelling me to take more action now!

Thanks for replying...it is nice to feel understood in this

It's astounding as to how much he contributed with humanitarian work, charities, etc., that some people literally take that and his time on this Earth for granted it breaks my heart. Nowadays, to me it's like a rarity to see so much contribution come from someone like him anymore it is disheartening, I wish others in the entertainment community would take pointers and lessons from him in that area. He'll always be with us, always.

 

[staywild23]

YES!!! In fairness I am very uninformed about contemporary artists, so maybe they do *some* things? But MJ was on a whole other level with his commitment to humanitarian work. The fact that he visited orphanages and hospitals while touring all over the world and bought new hospital equipment everywhere...ugh. Paid for people's surgeries, medical bills....I was watching a video on YouTube the other day where this radio host was telling some story about how when he was a kid his school in LA got shot up and MJ visited after (this was the early 90s) and paid the medical bills of everyone injured and spoke to the kids about gun violence. Like who does that?! It wasn't even publicized. He's just too good. How can one person be so many things? Incredible

 

[MacMandy90]

He still to this day makes us proud and just surprises us! But yes, I'm sure there's a few that do some good work but it does kind of go unnoticed unfortunately, I think it's more like the changing ways and views of all forms of media outlets, especially social networking, I bet Michael would be blown away by this advanced tech

 

[filmandmusic]

Maybe I am naive but I think one day he will get a fair treatment by the media, once Taj's doc drops and the biopic and it gets some traction it might set things in motion. I believe in a resurgence of Michael after LN, after all it is four hour long fake news and these things will get exposed to the wider audience one day.

Anyway as far as your addiction goes it seems to me you have a severe case of jacksonitis, the only cure is total abstinence with daily (ice) cold water hosing and this for a period of 5 years. Better make sure and see a doctor about it...
But lets be realistic here, you won't get rid of this. I'm 39 and I'm still fanboying hard over his music and performances.

Welcome btw

 

[MacMandy90]

Maybe I am naive but I think one day he will get a fair treatment by the media, once Taj's doc drops and the biopic and it gets some traction it might set things in motion. I believe in a resurgence of Michael after LN, after all it is four hour long fake news and these things will get exposed to the wider audience one day.

Anyway as far as your addiction goes it seems to me you have a severe case of jacksonitis, the only cure is total abstinence with daily (ice) cold water hosing and this for a period of 5 years. Better make sure and see a doctor about it...
But lets be realistic here, you won't get rid of this. I'm 39 and I'm still fanboying hard over his music and performances.

Welcome btw

Nah you're not naive, I agree with you on that, he truly will get fair treatment. Haha Jacksonitis yup we all have it

 

[Hiker]

Welcome to the forum. I (and some others who have posted recently) have gone through similar journey to become a fan. One day suddenly just blown away by Michael, his talent, his perfection and him! I have a while thread dedicated to asking just this question - What is it about Michael.
He came into my life at the time I was really struggling to deal with something. His music and performance is helping me get through this phase. I am still surprised at how I am able to think more clearly, able to deal with things better, and even started rediscovering things I had lost about myself, just by spending my days listening to his music. It makes no sense! Or maybe it does, because I used to love dancing, and I am dancing again which was the first step for me rediscover things I love. I am also ADDICTED to Michael, I hear his music all day, and then in my dreams! Not something you expect at this stage in your life (I am in late 30s). But this is the best kind of addiction. I can write on and on, but I have already written so much in other thread, I will shut up now
Enjoy the music!

 

[zinniabooklover]

Whew... I have so many feelings and so much to say lol. Let me attempt to express myself...

I am a woman in my early 30s and, obviously, I have known about Michael Jackson my entire life. He's one of those few people you don't even remember not knowing about. He's that much a part of the cultural fabric. However, I came of age during the 2000s and that was a difficult time for Michael so, needless to say, my understanding of him was hardly fair. I had a best friend in high school who was obsessed with him, but never made much effort to introduce me to his music. Yet despite my lack of real understanding of him, I still remember where I was when I found out he died and how strange it made me feel to imagine a world without him in it. I wasn't a fan, but I understood it was a massive loss and shift in the universe. I didn't know anything about him and, as someone who has never been a fan of pop music, I was in no real rush to learn about him. This is where I was coming from in early January 2022...and oh how much has changed since then!

It all started when I stumbled upon a random reel on Facebook of Michael dancing. I want to say it was a brief moonwalk compilation, or clip of a Billie Jean performance. I'm not sure. I just remember being blown away. Like, legitimately thinking, how the F is Michael Jackson this amazing? (as if I should have expected anything less than mind-blowing, c'mon past self). This led to scrolling through a few more of these videos, eventually jumping over to Google and searching things like "which songs include the moonwalk" and "Michael Jackson's best performances," then a YouTube binge of Billie Jean, followed by more Billie Jean, followed by the Superbowl performance, followed by everything else I could find. I was stunned. How could I have never realized how incredible this man was? How did I never realize how incredibly cool, smooth, and swag he was? How did I get through life not knowing how sexy he was? This turned into bingeing more and more videos, more and more Google searches, discovering (unfortunately) the existence of LN and feeling concerned about it, joining the MJ subreddit and learning more (and feeling less concerned about it), more YouTube, SO MANY LIVE performances, reading Moonwalk, reading Dancing the Dream, literally dancing the dream around my house blaring his music and deafening everyone around me, buying more books about him, scouring every record shop around me to find Thriller and Bad on vinyl, building and sharing playlists, blasting him all hours, all day long, buying tickets for an April performance of MJ the Musical (yay!) and just generally growing more and more and more obsessed with him in the briefest period of time that anyone has ever grown obsessed with a person. No lie, I wonder sometimes if I'm losing my mind haha!

You all. I'm not kidding. I am ADDICTED to this man. This artist who was in the backdrop of my existence forever and who influenced everything and everyone, but who I somehow knew nothing about. I am fully and thoroughly addicted to him. I legitimately cannot stop, because I cannot get enough of him! hahah I find it hard to concentrate because I literally want to listen to him every waking moment. During breaks between teaching classes, I pump myself up by watching his performances. I am sending his videos to everyone I know, trying to get them to understand (it's worked in a few cases haha). But like...will this ever end? Because I'm 33 years old and I did not sign up to fall in love with a celebrity at this age lol. Especially because I truly am not someone who has ever obsessed over celebrities in my entire life. Seriously. This is not normal for me at all.

So that's a good question - what is it about Michael Jackson, you guys? How does he do this to a person? No musician has ever had this affect on me. My love for his dancing, which is objectively the most incredible, dynamic, and sexy dancing I've ever seen, my love for his voice, which is the most beautiful, dynamic, emotive voice I've ever heard, his PERSONALITY which is just so kind, loving, generous...his APPEARANCE -- holy shit, I had no idea. After a lifetime of media propaganda telling me this man wasn't attractive, I am stunned on a daily basis by how ridiculously hot he is. He is insanely sexy and my mind and body can't comprehend it. I could literally write 1,000 words just about how attractive he is, but I will spare you all lol.

I know he's not perfect. I'm not trying to say he is. Please understand I am in my early stages of fandom. But since I've never felt this way about anyone else, I'm genuinely just baffled by how passionately I feel about him. I have cried for him multiple times, so pained by his pain I can't stand it. So much undeserved suffering. Ugh. But on the other hand, he fills me with the most complete joy and has inspired me so much to pursue doing good in the world and embrace my creativity (which I have neglected for too long). In short, I just feel so blessed to have developed this totally unexpected obsession with him. What a talented, beautiful, sensitive, force of nature wrapped up in such a fantastically compelling and lovely human being.

I am mostly posting this just to share my feelings about him because where else can I go this crazy but a fan forum! haha But I would love to hear from other people about how you came to love Michael and if I can ever expect this obsession to fade (at the moment I don't even want it to, but y'know, I gotta live a life).

But in all seriousness, I really just want to GUSH about him and I'd love to be joined by anyone else who feels like straight up GUSHING over him too!

There's a lot in your post. It was awesome. I will just respond to one point, your question about will your obsession ever fade? Well, only time will tell and only you really know because we don't know you. But I think it most likely will evolve and grow and change as you evolve and change through your life.

I'm the same age as Michael so he literally was there for almost my whole life. I've been through so many phases with him. In fact, being here on this board is a part of that. It's a part of a bigger phase which started in Dec 2020. I haven't figured it all out yet. I feel like I need to write something about it. I don't mean a book, I have zero writing skills. I just mean something for myself, some sort of journal, I guess. I thought about a blog but I don't think that would work. It'll probably have to be a little journal type thing. At the moment I am expending a lot of energy regretting the fact that, as I am NOT the diary type, I have no record of my experience of watching Michael on the Motown 25 thing. It's causing me a lot of frustration. I won't bore you with the details but it's ... just ... I mean ... my head is about ready to explode and not in a good way.

I've been looking back recently and seeing some of the different 'Michael' phases I've had in my life. A little bit of it has 'gushed' out onto this board. I've done a huge mad rant about the Motown 25 performance. I've done 2 or 3 huge mad rants about my interview fantasies - I don't have romantic or sexy fantasies about Michael, I have interview fantasies! Seriously! I am not even joking.

I always loved Michael passionately but also took him for granted. I was (still am) a rock fan, that's my first true love (me and the mosh pit - yay!). And because of that, Michael was often part of the wallpaper for me. Not meaning I didn't love him to bits or was unaware of how awesome he was but - and I've said this already - he was not front and centre for me. My taste in music is reasonably varied (I hope!) but rock music does speak to me in a different way. It's complicated, let's leave it at that.

I have no idea where I was when I found out that he had died. You're right. Something did shift.

I don't know where I'm going with this so I'll just leave this here.

Your post was great, btw. Naming your feelings is never a bad thing. And Michael will only ever inspire really strong reactions from people. Sometimes negative ones, as we know, and that is unfortunate. But look at you, you're full of joy and excitement, you're having a blast, you're dancing around the kitchen (or somewhere!), discovering loads of new exciting stuff. If you're gonna go on a crazy roller-coaster ride it may as well be with Michael. And you're right, this is a blessing. Michael is such an amazing artist. How could welcoming him into your life be anything but a blessing?

 

[ChanceToDance]

I'm in my early 20s and I've been listening to his music for most of my life, I don't know what's it about his music that makes it feel so special to me (maybe it's because he's the first singer I ever listened to), but some of his songs (We Are The World, You Are My Life, The Lost Children, etc.) makes me have this warm and nostalgic feeling from childhood that I never get from any other artist.

 

[Hiker]

I feel like I need to write something about it. I don't mean a book, I have zero writing skills. I just mean something for myself, some sort of journal, I guess.

I have been writing letters to Michael. He has such positive impact on my life at the moment, I feel like I need to tell him. Again it makes no sense. Even if he was alive and I had a chance tell him, it would not have meant anything to him, I would be one of 1000s who told him that everyday. But still I feel like I have to say. So whenever I feel overwhelmed, or blessed or calmed down by his music after a bad day, I write him a letter thanking him for everything he gave to the world. Since I am spiritual, I imagine, somewhere somehow a little message reaches his spirit in whatever form he is.

 

[zinniabooklover]

I have been writing letters to Michael. He has such positive impact on my life at the moment, I feel like I need to tell him. Again it makes no sense. Even if he was alive and I had a chance tell him, it would not have meant anything to him, I would be one of 1000s who told him that everyday. But still I feel like I have to say. So whenever I feel overwhelmed, or blessed or calmed down by his music after a bad day, I write him a letter thanking him for everything he gave to the world. Since I am spiritual, I imagine, somewhere somehow a little message reaches his spirit in whatever form he is.

Mm, interesting. Never thought of doing that. Not sure it's quite what I want. I think I definitely want something a bit more long form. That said, it could be a good place to start cos at the mo I'm all over the place. Or, different forms for different things. I think a series of letters addresses the spiritual aspect of this very well. Yeah, I can see the potential ...

I don't feel the need to tell Michael anything but, that said, I do feel the need to sort out my thoughts, to try to capture something of what he means to me. It would be a mere drop in the ocean but it just feels like I need to do it. A lot of what staywild23 said really resonated with me even though we are at different stages of our lives and I'm not having the same experiences.

I don't know what the board etiquette is re quoting someone else's comment but, here goes.

Antwort said this:

"I love Michael more than anyone can possibly understand, but I resent profoundly what the world did to him, I really do."

I agree with all of that statement but the first part is especially relevant to this thread, I think. My guess is that people on this board can understand and yet I feel that many of us will always feel that our own feelings for Michael really can't be understood by anyone else. I think it's because the feelings are so deep, so profound and the intensity is so unexpected. And because Michael just isn't like anyone else so you have no point of reference, nothing to compare it to.

I like your idea about the letters, Hiker. I'm gonna have to think about that.

 

[mysterygirl7]

he ones touched me… heehee

 

[staywild23]

Maybe I am naive but I think one day he will get a fair treatment by the media, once Taj's doc drops and the biopic and it gets some traction it might set things in motion. I believe in a resurgence of Michael after LN, after all it is four hour long fake news and these things will get exposed to the wider audience one day.

Anyway as far as your addiction goes it seems to me you have a severe case of jacksonitis, the only cure is total abstinence with daily (ice) cold water hosing and this for a period of 5 years. Better make sure and see a doctor about it...
But lets be realistic here, you won't get rid of this. I'm 39 and I'm still fanboying hard over his music and performances.

Welcome btw

Oh wow! I can't tell you how nice it is to see a fan say something like this. I am very new to this community but spend a lot of time in the subreddit for MJ. And I love it, but there is so much negativity about the biopic and the possibility of MJ's legacy being preserved. It's so nice that you are saying this. Is it naive? I have no idea. But I would rather be hopeful than bitter. I truly want to believe, also, that the truth will come out and he will be as highly regarded as he deserves to be. It won't make up for what he suffered in death, but he deserves a legacy that isn't marred by so much controversy. What worries me is that even in fan communities I see SO much disinformation about his skin even to this day. It just goes to show how deeply rooted the lies about MJ go that even in today's world with vitiligo models and whatnot, people still doubt him. Anyway, that's a different subject from the LN stuff, but it just goes to show how much he is up against. BUT, like you, I choose to remain hopeful.

I am so anticipating Taj's documentary. I also truly believe that the biopic will grow his fandom even more (ironically, LN seems to have grown it quite a bit as well). I have absolutely become fans of artists after biopics (Johnny Cash is the perfect example of this with Walk the Line). A biopic will get him a lot of new fans. But I'll also say that I think the HUGE presence of Michael Jackson on TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram is making a big difference. I teach college and my students (who are mostly 18-19) reference him all the time. So his legacy is STRONG and I can only hope will get stronger. He deserves all the respect in the world.

LOL if the only way to cure jacksonitis is to abstain then I shall never be cured!! I refuse! haha I love that you're 39 and still fanboying haha. I love that we are all experiencing this the same way. It's lovely

 

[staywild23]

Welcome to the forum. I (and some others who have posted recently) have gone through similar journey to become a fan. One day suddenly just blown away by Michael, his talent, his perfection and him! I have a while thread dedicated to asking just this question - What is it about Michael.
He came into my life at the time I was really struggling to deal with something. His music and performance is helping me get through this phase. I am still surprised at how I am able to think more clearly, able to deal with things better, and even started rediscovering things I had lost about myself, just by spending my days listening to his music. It makes no sense! Or maybe it does, because I used to love dancing, and I am dancing again which was the first step for me rediscover things I love. I am also ADDICTED to Michael, I hear his music all day, and then in my dreams! Not something you expect at this stage in your life (I am in late 30s). But this is the best kind of addiction. I can write on and on, but I have already written so much in other thread, I will shut up now
Enjoy the music!

Oh yes, I think I commented on one of your posts the other day! I have no chill but I'm so glad you found Michael at a seemingly important time for you. I really don't know why I found him right now (like, existentially speaking lol) but I did come out of a pretty dark depression in the fall and he's helping me a lot with just accessing joy and remembering what matters in life, etc. I am also happy that you are thinking more clearly and more focused I can't fathom this because I am distracted constantly with wanting more of him haha. But I know what you mean and that's wonderful! Oh, and I also hear his music in my dreams!! haha so funny.

It is totally the best kind of addiction! I love that so many of us in our 30s are feeling like teenagers about him....it really speaks to his magic!

 

[staywild23]

There's a lot in your post. It was awesome. I will just respond to one point, your question about will your obsession ever fade? Well, only time will tell and only you really know because we don't know you. But I think it most likely will evolve and grow and change as you evolve and change through your life.

I'm the same age as Michael so he literally was there for almost my whole life. I've been through so many phases with him. In fact, being here on this board is a part of that. It's a part of a bigger phase which started in Dec 2020. I haven't figured it all out yet. I feel like I need to write something about it. I don't mean a book, I have zero writing skills. I just mean something for myself, some sort of journal, I guess. I thought about a blog but I don't think that would work. It'll probably have to be a little journal type thing. At the moment I am expending a lot of energy regretting the fact that, as I am NOT the diary type, I have no record of my experience of watching Michael on the Motown 25 thing. It's causing me a lot of frustration. I won't bore you with the details but it's ... just ... I mean ... my head is about ready to explode and not in a good way.

I've been looking back recently and seeing some of the different 'Michael' phases I've had in my life. A little bit of it has 'gushed' out onto this board. I've done a huge mad rant about the Motown 25 performance. I've done 2 or 3 huge mad rants about my interview fantasies - I don't have romantic or sexy fantasies about Michael, I have interview fantasies! Seriously! I am not even joking.

I always loved Michael passionately but also took him for granted. I was (still am) a rock fan, that's my first true love (me and the mosh pit - yay!). And because of that, Michael was often part of the wallpaper for me. Not meaning I didn't love him to bits or was unaware of how awesome he was but - and I've said this already - he was not front and centre for me. My taste in music is reasonably varied (I hope!) but rock music does speak to me in a different way. It's complicated, let's leave it at that.

I have no idea where I was when I found out that he had died. You're right. Something did shift.

I don't know where I'm going with this so I'll just leave this here.

Your post was great, btw. Naming your feelings is never a bad thing. And Michael will only ever inspire really strong reactions from people. Sometimes negative ones, as we know, and that is unfortunate. But look at you, you're full of joy and excitement, you're having a blast, you're dancing around the kitchen (or somewhere!), discovering loads of new exciting stuff. If you're gonna go on a crazy roller-coaster ride it may as well be with Michael. And you're right, this is a blessing. Michael is such an amazing artist. How could welcoming him into your life be anything but a blessing?

Aww thank you for your thorough reply! I did write a lot, but I am a writer and also verbose as hell so it's easy. Trust me when I say that I scaled back with this post haha.

But again, as a writer especially, I LOVE that you are feeling driven to write about him! That is such a beautiful thing. I know in another post Hiker said they are writing letters to him... that is a very cool route to go. I will say that I have also been free-writing about him here and there and some interesting stuff has come out. It's amazing that this man inspires so much creative output in others, isn't it? Anyway, when it comes to thinking about what you want to write and how you want to approach it, I suppose my question would be what are you trying to communicate in this writing? Or even, what are you trying to discover, or figure out? The aim of your effort will help dictate the genre or form it will take. I also will offer that even though you didn't take notes on your experiences growing with Michael and can't fully remember them, you might be surprised by how many details you can recall through writing. Just sitting down and focusing and putting yourself into the "scene" from your life will likely spur some pretty serious emotions if you give it time. My advice would be to sit down for 15-20 minutes and free write about a particular moment you want to recall. Perhaps when you viewed Motown 25 for the first time. Do you remember where you were? Who were you with? How did you feel in your life at that time - what was going on with you personally? These might seem like irrelevant questions if you're thinking about Michael, but freewriting about the context of your life and who you were then will help you access those memories in a new way. Then maybe rewatching it on YouTube and just trying to notate any emotions or reactions that spring up.

Sorry I didn't intend that to turn into advice about the writing you want to do! But I am excited that you want to try this. It sounds like a lovely way to sort through your feelings!

I think I may have seen a post you did about interview fantasies and trust me I GET IT. I feel like I could interview the F out of Michael if I had the chance lol. It is shocking to me that people focused on such superficial bullshit when they had this man in front of them. Like...you're talking to a literal genius, how do you ask questions about his appearance and his relationships?! And while I DO have sexy fantasies about him, I still would choose to interview him any day over any other possibility with him. I want to understand him so badly! He's such a dynamic human being!

Ohhhh and I also want to comment on what you said about genre. My favorite artist for as long as I can remember has been Bob Dylan. He's the only other artist I've ever been obsessed with. And I was definitely OBSESSED when I discovered his music at 19. But it was in a very different way. Dylan stimulated my intellect and my view of the world. He stimulated me as a writer and creative. He exposed me to generational values and issues. I made fan art and hung his posters everywhere and listened to his music obsessively for like a solid decade. And yet....this is STILL on another level entirely. Michael Jackson stimulates everything about me - mind, body, and soul. It's wild. But still, I do not listen to pop music at all. I can't name a single song by most of the big stars today. He is the only pop artist I am interested in (for now). I listen almost entirely to classic rock, Americana, folk music, blues/jazz...etc. I have very little interest in the pop world, until now. So me becoming a fan like this is completely out of left field. All of my friends and family are shocked by it. My husband thinks it's hilarious, but is very supportive. Still, I totally get what you are saying about this not even making sense for you haha.

Anyway, thank you for writing back! I'm glad you enjoyed what I wrote because, clearly, I have sooooo much to say hahaha

 

[staywild23]

he ones touched me… heehee

Do you mean you met him? Or that he touched you emotionally? lol.

 

[filmandmusic]

@staywild23

True even among fans the fake news is still going strong. I guess these are more casual fans though. I'm anything but casual lol
The Michael wanted to be white narrative is one of the most harmful. This should be rectified.
Anyway I expect both the doc and biopic should make huge changes on those who are willing to watch it with an open mind. I wouldn't be surprised critics loving the biopic while fans might be more disappointed but they will eventually change their opinion when it rakes in Oscar nominations
I'm also not up to date with current hypes. So how is Michael on tiktok etc?

 

[zinniabooklover]

Aww thank you for your thorough reply! I did write a lot, but I am a writer and also verbose as hell so it's easy. Trust me when I say that I scaled back with this post haha.

But again, as a writer especially, I LOVE that you are feeling driven to write about him! That is such a beautiful thing. I know in another post Hiker said they are writing letters to him... that is a very cool route to go. I will say that I have also been free-writing about him here and there and some interesting stuff has come out. It's amazing that this man inspires so much creative output in others, isn't it? Anyway, when it comes to thinking about what you want to write and how you want to approach it, I suppose my question would be what are you trying to communicate in this writing? Or even, what are you trying to discover, or figure out? The aim of your effort will help dictate the genre or form it will take. I also will offer that even though you didn't take notes on your experiences growing with Michael and can't fully remember them, you might be surprised by how many details you can recall through writing. Just sitting down and focusing and putting yourself into the "scene" from your life will likely spur some pretty serious emotions if you give it time. My advice would be to sit down for 15-20 minutes and free write about a particular moment you want to recall. Perhaps when you viewed Motown 25 for the first time. Do you remember where you were? Who were you with? How did you feel in your life at that time - what was going on with you personally? These might seem like irrelevant questions if you're thinking about Michael, but freewriting about the context of your life and who you were then will help you access those memories in a new way. Then maybe rewatching it on YouTube and just trying to notate any emotions or reactions that spring up.

Sorry I didn't intend that to turn into advice about the writing you want to do! But I am excited that you want to try this. It sounds like a lovely way to sort through your feelings!

I think I may have seen a post you did about interview fantasies and trust me I GET IT. I feel like I could interview the F out of Michael if I had the chance lol. It is shocking to me that people focused on such superficial bullshit when they had this man in front of them. Like...you're talking to a literal genius, how do you ask questions about his appearance and his relationships?! And while I DO have sexy fantasies about him, I still would choose to interview him any day over any other possibility with him. I want to understand him so badly! He's such a dynamic human being!

Ohhhh and I also want to comment on what you said about genre. My favorite artist for as long as I can remember has been Bob Dylan. He's the only other artist I've ever been obsessed with. And I was definitely OBSESSED when I discovered his music at 19. But it was in a very different way. Dylan stimulated my intellect and my view of the world. He stimulated me as a writer and creative. He exposed me to generational values and issues. I made fan art and hung his posters everywhere and listened to his music obsessively for like a solid decade. And yet....this is STILL on another level entirely. Michael Jackson stimulates everything about me - mind, body, and soul. It's wild. But still, I do not listen to pop music at all. I can't name a single song by most of the big stars today. He is the only pop artist I am interested in (for now). I listen almost entirely to classic rock, Americana, folk music, blues/jazz...etc. I have very little interest in the pop world, until now. So me becoming a fan like this is completely out of left field. All of my friends and family are shocked by it. My husband thinks it's hilarious, but is very supportive. Still, I totally get what you are saying about this not even making sense for you haha.

Anyway, thank you for writing back! I'm glad you enjoyed what I wrote because, clearly, I have sooooo much to say hahaha

OK, firstly, I hope you didn't think that I was implying that your first post was too long. If you have seen any of my posts you'll know that I'm very long-winded. Like you, I have to scale back! No, what I meant about your initial post was, there is a lot there so I can revisit and think about stuff and reflect. Which I love to do.

Motown 25. No writing. I am now immersed in a new interview fantasy. I just found out yesterday that Adam Ant performed at Motown 25. I do not remember this AT ALL which is beyond weird. Everything about it is ridiculous. Apparently, Adam was there at Michael's invitation or insistence. So now I've gone into overdrive working out my questions for Michael (I know, it's ridiculous, but this is how I roll). Did he like Adam's pop star stuff or was he also aware of Adam's punk days? I need to know. Did he like Adam's songs? Which ones? Did he like Adam's videos? Which ones? Did he know Steve Barron directed an early Adam video? He probably did, Michael was like a walking pop music encyclopedia, I think. Which is why I want to interview him. Not just to ask about his own stuff but to get his take on the wider music world. He just knew so much and was interested in so many different bands. I know that applies to many musicians but Michael seemed to take it to another level. That's how it comes across to me, anyway.

And I agree with you re interviews. Even if Michael was playing the game and allowed the stupid questions to be asked I find it hard to believe he would have never wanted to be asked something more interesting. He does demonstrate an interest in his own work. Oh well, nothing we can do about it.

Bob Dylan. Oh yes, please. He was really my Mum's person but I did love all of his early to mid-60's music. My fave period re his image was the DA Pennebaker years (as I call them). Black clothes, black hair, black RayBans. This is before punk, before Alice Cooper, before Keith Richards started wearing eyeliner. I like to call him 'His Bobness'.

One of the things that I love about this whole Michael thing (and it's right here in your thread) is all the different ways we engage with Michael, connect with him, express our love for him or whatever. I mean, that's pretty obvious, we're hardly all going to react the same way but I love it, nevertheless. It's such a cool demonstration of how much depth there is to him and to his work.

I think it's great that your husband finds this hilarious but is also supportive. Because it is hilarious but also really, really cool.

 

[zinniabooklover]

@staywild23

True even among fans the fake news is still going strong. I guess these are more casual fans though. I'm anything but casual lol
The Michael wanted to be white narrative is one of the most harmful. This should be rectified.
Anyway I expect both the doc and biopic should make huge changes on those who are willing to watch it with an open mind. I wouldn't be surprised critics loving the biopic while fans might be more disappointed but they will eventually change their opinion when it rakes in Oscar nominations
I'm also not up to date with current hypes. So how is Michael on tiktok etc?

As a Black person I find the whole 'Michael wanted to be white' beyond offensive. Unfortunately, not only do many people still buy into it but, of course, the media still drives this nonsense. And, although I haven't heard any fans make this statement explicitly, I have heard comments which strongly suggest a belief in this harmful and offensive narrative. I don't wish to say any more about that, it's just that it makes me so angry. I find it hard to believe that this **** still has so much traction here in 2022.

God, I've put myself in a bad mood.

 

[Hiker]

oh, calm down zinniabooklover. Haters are going to hate, if not this, they are going to find something else. I don't think anyone in their right mind with even an ounce of knowledge can believe that its possible to bleach your skin to that extend. There is no cure for ignorance.

On genre of music, I don't really know what I like. I guess I like the genre Michael Jackson. . For a while I though I was Cher fan because I liked couple of her songs and played them many times. Then I thought I am Shakira fan because of the World cup song and couple of others. But till I heard and saw Michael, I did not even know what being a fan means. About 70% of what I listen I like instantly, any mood, any time, another 20% I work hard to like. The Invincible album, first time I heard it, I was like - what is this, how did Michael approve of it! But after listening to it repeatedly, I am starting to see the nuances, in the right mood I have started to love some of the songs. The rest 10% I don't like, but listen to them anyway just because its Michael's voice
Maybe at some point I will graduate to another genre, but I don't think I really have ear for the nuances of music.

 

[staywild23]

@staywild23

True even among fans the fake news is still going strong. I guess these are more casual fans though. I'm anything but casual lol
The Michael wanted to be white narrative is one of the most harmful. This should be rectified.
Anyway I expect both the doc and biopic should make huge changes on those who are willing to watch it with an open mind. I wouldn't be surprised critics loving the biopic while fans might be more disappointed but they will eventually change their opinion when it rakes in Oscar nominations
I'm also not up to date with current hypes. So how is Michael on tiktok etc?

lol despite being new, I am ALSO anything but casual! haha But yes, you are probably right. I mostly see comments like that on YouTube videos or other social media. Someone will say "I'm a huge Michael Jackson fan, but it's too bad he..." and then they go on some terrible rant about his racial identity. I'm just horrified by it. But you're right, these are probably not TRUE MJ fans...I feel like true MJ fans are just as invested in understanding him as a person (as in wanting to know the truth about who he really was) as they are about his music.

The thing about the biopic is that they have some high caliber people involved already and the estate is involved, so I feel pretty confident they won't paint some unflattering and false portrait of MJ even if they change some details for the narrative's sake. That's to be expected with biopics. I understand why people are nervous though. I can't imagine how literally anyone will pull off the role, but I feel hopeful based on the little we know so far.

So, I am actually not on TikTok, but on Facebook there are "reels" which are short videos connected from TikTok and Instagram so through that I see that there are a ton of people who dedicate their entire social media presence to promoting MJ through clips of his performances, analyzing lyrics, clips of his interviews, home videos, etc. all in an effort to promote him. One of my students told me there are thousands of TikTok accounts devoted entirely to that and there are hundreds of thousands of people who follow and respond to them, which I've verified is definitely true. The best part though is that it is *overwhelmingly* positive representation. I ended up logging into TikTok briefly just to check it out and if you search the Michael Jackson hash tag it is hard to find anything negative about him. It is mostly young people who are VERY obsessed with him, who defend him anytime someone says something untrue about him. It's really nice to see! From what I understand a lot of this took off post-LN, which I think is also why his streaming and sales all went up post-LN too. That's one positive thing that came from it! I think it ignited a lot of people's passion for defending his legacy. In general, I am so encouraged by how positive social media seems to be about him.

 

[staywild23]

OK, firstly, I hope you didn't think that I was implying that your first post was too long. If you have seen any of my posts you'll know that I'm very long-winded. Like you, I have to scale back! No, what I meant about your initial post was, there is a lot there so I can revisit and think about stuff and reflect. Which I love to do.

Motown 25. No writing. I am now immersed in a new interview fantasy. I just found out yesterday that Adam Ant performed at Motown 25. I do not remember this AT ALL which is beyond weird. Everything about it is ridiculous. Apparently, Adam was there at Michael's invitation or insistence. So now I've gone into overdrive working out my questions for Michael (I know, it's ridiculous, but this is how I roll). Did he like Adam's pop star stuff or was he also aware of Adam's punk days? I need to know. Did he like Adam's songs? Which ones? Did he like Adam's videos? Which ones? Did he know Steve Barron directed an early Adam video? He probably did, Michael was like a walking pop music encyclopedia, I think. Which is why I want to interview him. Not just to ask about his own stuff but to get his take on the wider music world. He just knew so much and was interested in so many different bands. I know that applies to many musicians but Michael seemed to take it to another level. That's how it comes across to me, anyway.

And I agree with you re interviews. Even if Michael was playing the game and allowed the stupid questions to be asked I find it hard to believe he would have never wanted to be asked something more interesting. He does demonstrate an interest in his own work. Oh well, nothing we can do about it.

Bob Dylan. Oh yes, please. He was really my Mum's person but I did love all of his early to mid-60's music. My fave period re his image was the DA Pennebaker years (as I call them). Black clothes, black hair, black RayBans. This is before punk, before Alice Cooper, before Keith Richards started wearing eyeliner. I like to call him 'His Bobness'.

One of the things that I love about this whole Michael thing (and it's right here in your thread) is all the different ways we engage with Michael, connect with him, express our love for him or whatever. I mean, that's pretty obvious, we're hardly all going to react the same way but I love it, nevertheless. It's such a cool demonstration of how much depth there is to him and to his work.

I think it's great that your husband finds this hilarious but is also supportive. Because it is hilarious but also really, really cool.

Oh no, you definitely didn't imply the post was too long! I very much felt like you appreciated it, which was so nice I was more calling it out as long because I get so excited it's hard to calm down. Honestly, I love that you post long stuff too! I've read some of your other posts and I'm right there with you!! haha

OH, it is SO cool to imagine that kind of an interview scenario about Motown 25! Though I don't know much about Adam Ant (as in anything lol) I would like to know Michael's opinion on absolutely anything and everything. Sometimes when I feel embarrassed by how much time I spend on Michael's videos, music, books, and just generally thinking about him I remind myself that Michael was also someone who had obsessions over his favorite artists, books, musicians, etc and it makes me feel a little less insane haha. I do think that the people who connect hard to him are connecting to something very real, powerful, and profoundly human. It is almost a disservice to think of him as a pop star because his popularity doesn't stem from commercialization, in my opinion, but rather this otherworldly quality that transcended everything around him. Sorry, I don't know how commenting on your interview fantasy turned into another opportunity to wax poetic about Michael, but alas. I cannot control it...still I think your interview fantasies are amazing. It would be cool to write fictionalized accounts of what he might say.

I'm just to some extend he played the game, if nothing else because he was such a seasoned pro. But at the same time, wasn't it the case that the Oprah interview was fully live and he didn't get a chance to see any of the questions ahead of time? I'm not sure the full truth of how that interview came about, so feel free to correct me on this. But I just HATE the part where Oprah is talking to him about his appearance and he goes off talking about how he's a fan of art and if he could interview Michaelangelo he would ask about the anatomy of his craftsmanship, not about who he was dating or his appearance. And then IMMEDIATELY following this, Oprah goes "how much plastic surgery have you had?" I mean...there is no way this is the kind of conversation MJ wanted to have... at least not from what I can tell!

Ahhhhhh I love how much you know about Bob Dylan! you obviously know a lot because a lay person (lol) would not know who DA Pennebaker is!! I am obsessed with the entire 60s for Bob Dylan and the entire 70s (until maybe 78-79). I'm a fan of his whole career, but the 60s-70s were just remarkable. The early-mid 70s is honestly one of my favorite times for him, so if you aren't super familiar, give his albums Blood on the Tracks and Desire a whirl

Yessssss I also LOVE the varied and incredible responses fans have to him. It just speaks to how broad his appeal is that he connects to so many different people. A few days ago I designed a digital poster of images that remind me of him and quotes from some favorite songs and I'm getting it printed. I'm so excited about it! I just love feeling inspired to do things like that.

Yeah, I think my husband is only slightly concerned lol. He's a very "STEM" type of person - very logical and level-headed - while I am full on art and passion and emotion. So I am like losing my shit over Michael and he's like "yeah, he's really good" lol. Mostly he just doesn't get how amazing and cool he is. Which is why it's so great to have a community of fans to talk to!

 

[staywild23]

As a Black person I find the whole 'Michael wanted to be white' beyond offensive. Unfortunately, not only do many people still buy into it but, of course, the media still drives this nonsense. And, although I haven't heard any fans make this statement explicitly, I have heard comments which strongly suggest a belief in this harmful and offensive narrative. I don't wish to say any more about that, it's just that it makes me so angry. I find it hard to believe that this **** still has so much traction here in 2022.

God, I've put myself in a bad mood.

I'm so sorry I brought this up! It is horrifying. I am white and *I* find it horribly offensive -- I can't even imagine how these comments feel for any Black fans or Black people. The implications are terrible. And it really is unbelievable that with all of the information in the world people can still be so ignorant. I really only brought this up to emphasize how an element of Michael's life that can be EASILY verified as fact is still so misunderstood. It just speaks to how messed up the narrative about him is.

But truly, I'm sorry for contributing to the bad mood. If it helps at all, pretty much anytime I see a comment like that about him on social media, there are a multitude of people defending him and trying to correct the disinformation. That brings some comfort at least.

 

[staywild23]

oh, calm down zinniabooklover. Haters are going to hate, if not this, they are going to find something else. I don't think anyone in their right mind with even an ounce of knowledge can believe that its possible to bleach your skin to that extend. There is no cure for ignorance.

On genre of music, I don't really know what I like. I guess I like the genre Michael Jackson. . For a while I though I was Cher fan because I liked couple of her songs and played them many times. Then I thought I am Shakira fan because of the World cup song and couple of others. But till I heard and saw Michael, I did not even know what being a fan means. About 70% of what I listen I like instantly, any mood, any time, another 20% I work hard to like. The Invincible album, first time I heard it, I was like - what is this, how did Michael approve of it! But after listening to it repeatedly, I am starting to see the nuances, in the right mood I have started to love some of the songs. The rest 10% I don't like, but listen to them anyway just because its Michael's voice
Maybe at some point I will graduate to another genre, but I don't think I really have ear for the nuances of music.

LOL can I just say I LOVE that Michael Jackson is your favorite genre of music?! But for real, that is completely fair. I am honestly not a fan of pop music. I find most of it to be really trite (at least in my limited scope). What sets Michael apart for me is that his musicality is SO authentic. For so many of the songs he wrote the lyrics, composed the music, helped produce the record (have you watched the Mexico deposition, or learned about his composition process?? he's so brilliant)....if you hear his acapella songs on YouTube his vocals are straight up INSANE. They make me want to freak out lol. The amount of passion and grit in them -- the force of them -- omg. So much intensity! Then obviously you have his performances which are just so exciting I sometimes have to pause them and step away because I want to lose my shit lol. AND THEN you have his lyrics which are often meaningful, or telling a story of some kind...I mean, my God, what is not to love about him?

Also, I have only minimally listened to Invincible. I started with Thriller and Bad because I knew the most songs from them. I know both of those albums quite well now. I am also obsessed with Dangerous. I know Off the Wall fairly well now, but still need to spend more time with it. HIStory is amazing, but I only know about half of the songs. I only know a couple of songs from Invincible. Basically I want to just extend the time I take with his music to make this period of discovery last as long as possible lol. But I agree with you - I would say easily 90% of what I listen to I really love and the other 10% takes a bit more time to like. But even if it was less than that, I'm with you. HIS VOICE. Omg. I legitimately miss it when I'm not listening to him lol. I'm also obsessed with his speaking voice. He is so gentle and lovely.

Remember when you were worried about going on and on? Look at me...haha.

 

[zinniabooklover]

I'm so sorry I brought this up! It is horrifying. I am white and *I* find it horribly offensive -- I can't even imagine how these comments feel for any Black fans or Black people. The implications are terrible. And it really is unbelievable that with all of the information in the world people can still be so ignorant. I really only brought this up to emphasize how an element of Michael's life that can be EASILY verified as fact is still so misunderstood. It just speaks to how messed up the narrative about him is.

But truly, I'm sorry for contributing to the bad mood. If it helps at all, pretty much anytime I see a comment like that about him on social media, there are a multitude of people defending him and trying to correct the disinformation. That brings some comfort at least.

It was kind of you to apologise but it's fine. There was nothing wrong with your post. It is a part of Michael's story, it's always going to come up.

On a brighter note, yes, Blood on the Tracks. Still haven't listened to it. People have been raving about it for years but I've always been too lazy - or too busy! - to listen to it. But you've given me the nudge I need. I do know Tangled Up In Blue (obvs!) but that's all. Oh, and I caught your 'lay person' Bob Dylan joke, btw. Good one!

Oprah. Can't help you with that. I haven't watched it. I've seen a few fragments and that was quite enough for me. I didn't watch it at the time cos celebrity interviews, no, just not my thing. And Oprah's style is ... not my cup of tea. I don't know if celebrity vetting of questions had become a thing at that point or if it happened later. Certainly, later in the '90's it seems obvious Michael was vetting the questions but whether he did at that point, I have no idea. I agree with you, I find it hard to believe he'd want to be asked those type of questions.

Motown 25. I watched a couple on clips of Adam talking about this. Adam had to go on straight after Michael has done his Billie Jean performance. Can you imagine? The poor guy. Anyway, apparently Michael invited Adam to his house for the day and they hung out together. Before Motown 25, Michael had phoned Adam to ask about the drum sound on a couple of his songs. Adam didn't know, says ask the drummer! That did make me laugh. Can you imagine that story the other way around? If someone asked Michael about any part of any of his songs you just know he'd know everything about it.

You said, "It is almost a disservice to think of him as a pop star ... " Absolutely. I mean, I call him a rock star but that's just my personal shorthand way of putting him way above pop star status. No, you're right, he was bigger than any label we could come up with. I've always loved the TII quote from Travis Payne, 'Everything is bigger and more intense in his world.' Travis is a bit of a divisive figure but I think that's a great quote because it not only describes Michael's life but Michael himself.

When Adam talked about Michael phoning him to ask about the drum sound Adam seems a bit hazy whether Michael asked about 'Kings' or 'Dog Eat Dog'. Here's a lyric from the end of Dog Eat Dog:

"Makes me proud, so proud of you
I see innocence shining through"
(lyrics Adam Ant, 1980)

 

[Friend&Flower]

Whew... I have so many feelings and so much to say lol. Let me attempt to express myself...

I am a woman in my early 30s and, obviously, I have known about Michael Jackson my entire life. He's one of those few people you don't even remember not knowing about. He's that much a part of the cultural fabric. However, I came of age during the 2000s and that was a difficult time for Michael so, needless to say, my understanding of him was hardly fair. I had a best friend in high school who was obsessed with him, but never made much effort to introduce me to his music. Yet despite my lack of real understanding of him, I still remember where I was when I found out he died and how strange it made me feel to imagine a world without him in it. I wasn't a fan, but I understood it was a massive loss and shift in the universe. I didn't know anything about him and, as someone who has never been a fan of pop music, I was in no real rush to learn about him. This is where I was coming from in early January 2022...and oh how much has changed since then!

It all started when I stumbled upon a random reel on Facebook of Michael dancing. I want to say it was a brief moonwalk compilation, or clip of a Billie Jean performance. I'm not sure. I just remember being blown away. Like, legitimately thinking, how the F is Michael Jackson this amazing? (as if I should have expected anything less than mind-blowing, c'mon past self). This led to scrolling through a few more of these videos, eventually jumping over to Google and searching things like "which songs include the moonwalk" and "Michael Jackson's best performances," then a YouTube binge of Billie Jean, followed by more Billie Jean, followed by the Superbowl performance, followed by everything else I could find. I was stunned. How could I have never realized how incredible this man was? How did I never realize how incredibly cool, smooth, and swag he was? How did I get through life not knowing how sexy he was? This turned into bingeing more and more videos, more and more Google searches, discovering (unfortunately) the existence of LN and feeling concerned about it, joining the MJ subreddit and learning more (and feeling less concerned about it), more YouTube, SO MANY LIVE performances, reading Moonwalk, reading Dancing the Dream, literally dancing the dream around my house blaring his music and deafening everyone around me, buying more books about him, scouring every record shop around me to find Thriller and Bad on vinyl, building and sharing playlists, blasting him all hours, all day long, buying tickets for an April performance of MJ the Musical (yay!) and just generally growing more and more and more obsessed with him in the briefest period of time that anyone has ever grown obsessed with a person. No lie, I wonder sometimes if I'm losing my mind haha!

You all. I'm not kidding. I am ADDICTED to this man. This artist who was in the backdrop of my existence forever and who influenced everything and everyone, but who I somehow knew nothing about. I am fully and thoroughly addicted to him. I legitimately cannot stop, because I cannot get enough of him! hahah I find it hard to concentrate because I literally want to listen to him every waking moment. During breaks between teaching classes, I pump myself up by watching his performances. I am sending his videos to everyone I know, trying to get them to understand (it's worked in a few cases haha). But like...will this ever end? Because I'm 33 years old and I did not sign up to fall in love with a celebrity at this age lol. Especially because I truly am not someone who has ever obsessed over celebrities in my entire life. Seriously. This is not normal for me at all.

So that's a good question - what is it about Michael Jackson, you guys? How does he do this to a person? No musician has ever had this affect on me. My love for his dancing, which is objectively the most incredible, dynamic, and sexy dancing I've ever seen, my love for his voice, which is the most beautiful, dynamic, emotive voice I've ever heard, his PERSONALITY which is just so kind, loving, generous...his APPEARANCE -- holy shit, I had no idea. After a lifetime of media propaganda telling me this man wasn't attractive, I am stunned on a daily basis by how ridiculously hot he is. He is insanely sexy and my mind and body can't comprehend it. I could literally write 1,000 words just about how attractive he is, but I will spare you all lol.

I know he's not perfect. I'm not trying to say he is. Please understand I am in my early stages of fandom. But since I've never felt this way about anyone else, I'm genuinely just baffled by how passionately I feel about him. I have cried for him multiple times, so pained by his pain I can't stand it. So much undeserved suffering. Ugh. But on the other hand, he fills me with the most complete joy and has inspired me so much to pursue doing good in the world and embrace my creativity (which I have neglected for too long). In short, I just feel so blessed to have developed this totally unexpected obsession with him. What a talented, beautiful, sensitive, force of nature wrapped up in such a fantastically compelling and lovely human being.

I am mostly posting this just to share my feelings about him because where else can I go this crazy but a fan forum! haha But I would love to hear from other people about how you came to love Michael and if I can ever expect this obsession to fade (at the moment I don't even want it to, but y'know, I gotta live a life).

But in all seriousness, I really just want to GUSH about him and I'd love to be joined by anyone else who feels like straight up GUSHING over him too!

I absolutely get what you mean! I’m your age too and fell in love with him in 2001 in 7th grade when my mom sat me down to watch the 30th anniversary concert special, and she said, “this is important.” Boy was she right. I was completely enamored. His music got me through some rough times, and being a dancer myself and an artist too (did you know MJ could draw?! Look up his drawings!) I felt such a kindred spirit in him.

As a young person with only message boards and no youtube or facebook yet, keeping up with the 2005 trial was exhausting especially when none of my friends understood. It was a lonely time. I prayed so hard for Michael.

In college I was busy with other things and fell away from MJ, (2007-2009 when he was a hermit) but was SO excited when he announced his comeback, but also had a strange feeling about it. A gut feeling he had suffered too much on earth and he needed to go.

When he died I remember being glued to the tv, and as well watching the funeral. I’ll never forget how absolutely broken I felt. Jennifer Hudson singing Will You Be There absolutely effed me up.

Time heals, but I had mostly fallen away from MJ again. I never watched LN, but started to have my doubts. Then, much like you, about 2 months ago I saw a reel on Instagram of him performing You Are Not Alone and him embracing a fan, kissing and hugging her. It flooded back memories of how I knew how much he truly LOVED his fans, and I crumbled to the floor. Another video of him breaking down at rehearsal when he heard about the ‘93 allegations destroyed any doubts that crept up that he was innocent.

Instagram and tiktok (Gen Z LOVES Michael!) has revealed video footage of all the still photos from events I remember reading about on message boards and news sites back in the early 00’s, before there was much video on the internet. It’s been really special for me to see and hear his voice on those videos, like a long lost home movie.

I’ve been struggling with my faith lately, but getting back into MJ has reminded me to truly live my faith in everything I do. He really tried to do that in his life. I really think he was an angel on earth.

And yes, he is SO sexy. Those gold pants, OMG. And the most beautiful smile in the world. (You should Google the most beautiful smile in the world)

 

[Hiker]

What an incredible journey fans have taken with Michael. Sometimes I feel sorry that I missed enjoying his music for almost 30 years of my life. I grew up so far away from pop culture. I had his big hits in my tiny collection of music but mixed in with everything else, downloaded or obtained from God knows where. But then sometimes I feel, maybe it's good that I did not know anything about the false media, trials and all the negative stuff. I can focus more on his genius. That's the consolation prize for not being on that incredible journey with him when he was at peak of his career.

This also gives me hope that the next generation will focus purely on his real legacy and won't be burdened by false rumors and allegations.

 

[staywild23]

It was kind of you to apologise but it's fine. There was nothing wrong with your post. It is a part of Michael's story, it's always going to come up.

On a brighter note, yes, Blood on the Tracks. Still haven't listened to it. People have been raving about it for years but I've always been too lazy - or too busy! - to listen to it. But you've given me the nudge I need. I do know Tangled Up In Blue (obvs!) but that's all. Oh, and I caught your 'lay person' Bob Dylan joke, btw. Good one!

Oprah. Can't help you with that. I haven't watched it. I've seen a few fragments and that was quite enough for me. I didn't watch it at the time cos celebrity interviews, no, just not my thing. And Oprah's style is ... not my cup of tea. I don't know if celebrity vetting of questions had become a thing at that point or if it happened later. Certainly, later in the '90's it seems obvious Michael was vetting the questions but whether he did at that point, I have no idea. I agree with you, I find it hard to believe he'd want to be asked those type of questions.

Motown 25. I watched a couple on clips of Adam talking about this. Adam had to go on straight after Michael has done his Billie Jean performance. Can you imagine? The poor guy. Anyway, apparently Michael invited Adam to his house for the day and they hung out together. Before Motown 25, Michael had phoned Adam to ask about the drum sound on a couple of his songs. Adam didn't know, says ask the drummer! That did make me laugh. Can you imagine that story the other way around? If someone asked Michael about any part of any of his songs you just know he'd know everything about it.

You said, "It is almost a disservice to think of him as a pop star ... " Absolutely. I mean, I call him a rock star but that's just my personal shorthand way of putting him way above pop star status. No, you're right, he was bigger than any label we could come up with. I've always loved the TII quote from Travis Payne, 'Everything is bigger and more intense in his world.' Travis is a bit of a divisive figure but I think that's a great quote because it not only describes Michael's life but Michael himself.

When Adam talked about Michael phoning him to ask about the drum sound Adam seems a bit hazy whether Michael asked about 'Kings' or 'Dog Eat Dog'. Here's a lyric from the end of Dog Eat Dog:

"Makes me proud, so proud of you
I see innocence shining through"
(lyrics Adam Ant, 1980)

ooooh you should definitely listen to Blood on the Tracks! It's pretty well known as Dylan's divorce album and in my early 20s, when I went through a really brutal divorce myself, it is the album I clung to for survival. It's a very emotional album but so, so good. I hope you enjoy it whenever you get to it!

Oh man...I have to admit. I actually love the Oprah interview. But NOT because I like Oprah or the way she treated him, or the questions she asked. I hate all of that. But I love the Oprah interview because he is such a sweetheart of a person. It was actually one of the first things I watched when I first started getting into him a couple months ago. I remember just being shocked at how kind and gentle he seemed. My whole life I knew he had a soft voice, but mostly because of the way he was portrayed in the media and movies. Seeing him actually talk in that voice and see his emotions and his smile and his laugh...he was just such an incredibly gentle, sweet person. I actually saw that full interview shortly after learning about LN for the first time and I was feeling very mixed up about that whole thing. Seeing who he was and how he came across when speaking to her definitely made an impact on me and propelled me to seek out more of the *truth* about him. If you do end up watching it at some point (which I think you should, especially since you are so interested in interviewing him!) I would love to hear your thoughts!

I cannot fathom how anyone could go on after Michael's Motown 25 performance. The entire thing, not just Billie Jean, is incredible. You are totally right though - Michael was so involved in every element of his music that there's no way he wouldn't be able to answer that question about the drummer lol. I recently watched the two Spike Lee documentaries about Off the Wall and Bad and it was so amazing to hear about his process. I'm also currently reading Man in the Music by Joseph Vogel and, again, it's just wonderful to read about his artistry! He was so special.

I actually haven't seen TII! I have been torn about it. It's very hard for me right now to deal with any of Michael's life post-2000. I've been actively avoiding it because it gets me so upset. But I know I will eventually watch it. But yes, I think "intense" is definitely the best word to describe him. I've never seen someone like him before. I really love that "king of pop" is his main title in the world, mostly because it was created specifically for him and I don't think anyone else will ever try to claim it. But that is still not big enough. It actually frustrates me because I feel like now that I understand who he was and what he was all about, I am furious that he doesn't have even wider acclaim than he already has (as the most awarded artist in history no less haha).

I love that quote from Adam Ant! You know, it's interesting to me that all of these people who knew Michael ALWAYS describe him the same way. You literally never hear a bad word about the guy unless money is involved. Idk if you've seen the behind-the-scenes of the Black or White video, but there's a point when he tells someone to bring water around for all the crew and the producer says to the camera something like "the absolute best major star to work for" and Michael gets all embarrassed and goes, "Oh, well thank you, that's nice" or something. Not only is it adorable, but it's also just indicative of who he always was as a person. I love it