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I miss you Michael

Thanks to all of you for your support and kindness. It helps. But I'm getting worse not better. This hole in my heart keeps on getting bigger and bigger... I can't even explain but I'm sure everyone knows how that feels. I feel like I'm going crazy, I can't stop crying it's like I'm back to day one. I feel like I'm never gonna get better... I've heard people saying that they are broken hearted. But I never thought I would literaly feel my chest hurt so much, my heart ache this way...I have such chest pains and my eyes can't stop burning. I miss Michael so much it's unbearable.... I really don't know how to go on.. today felt so empty. People must think I'm strange because I'm often just bursting out into tears and finding it hard to keep my head up. I can't stop loving him and wanting to be with him. It's not fair! :weeping:
 
GOD, I MISS HIM!!

it's really not fair at all.
*sigh* i can't sleep, the bags under my eyes are getting worse.

I MISS HIM!! URGHH

(sorry didn't know where else to vent this)

and so, you're not alone *Billie Jean*
 
*Billie Jean* said:
Thanks to all of you for your support and kindness. It helps. But I'm getting worse not better. This hole in my heart keeps on getting bigger and bigger... I can't even explain but I'm sure everyone knows how that feels. I feel like I'm going crazy, I can't stop crying it's like I'm back to day one. I feel like I'm never gonna get better... I've heard people saying that they are broken hearted. But I never thought I would literaly feel my chest hurt so much, my heart ache this way...I have such chest pains and my eyes can't stop burning. I miss Michael so much it's unbearable.... I really don't know how to go on.. today felt so empty. People must think I'm strange because I'm often just bursting out into tears and finding it hard to keep my head up. I can't stop loving him and wanting to be with him. It's not fair! :weeping:
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You are not alone! Still you got to be strong for Michael! You have to make him proud of you! Today is Valentines day and since I'm single, my family is in another country, my friends is in another city because I'd just move to a another city, I celebrate it alone. Bought myself some chocolate and then read Dancing the Dream book. Then I listened to MJ's songs and watch his videos online. So ofcourse I cried. I couldn't stop crying so I though I take a short nap. When I woke up I don't feel getting out of bed and I felt miserable. But I said to myself "be strong, for Michael" and I got up! Sometimes I can really feel he is looking down and smiling on each one of us!
 
*Billie Jean* said:
Thanks to all of you for your support and kindness. It helps. But I'm getting worse not better. This hole in my heart keeps on getting bigger and bigger... I can't even explain but I'm sure everyone knows how that feels. I feel like I'm going crazy, I can't stop crying it's like I'm back to day one. I feel like I'm never gonna get better... I've heard people saying that they are broken hearted. But I never thought I would literaly feel my chest hurt so much, my heart ache this way...I have such chest pains and my eyes can't stop burning. I miss Michael so much it's unbearable.... I really don't know how to go on.. today felt so empty. People must think I'm strange because I'm often just bursting out into tears and finding it hard to keep my head up. I can't stop loving him and wanting to be with him. It's not fair! :weeping:
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*hugs* we are all together in this Billie and we are holding on each other to live and continue Michael legacy and until one day we would all be together again with Michael and all the people we loved before :cry:I really felt your pain because that's what we all went through everyday. The swollen eyes, the chest pain, the depression. My eyes were infected with bacteria because of wiping my tears too much on my shirt but I didnt care. The tears were for Michael.You are not strange, dear Billie, it's very normal to burst in tears for the Michael as you love and miss most. Cry if you must dear Billie, you'll feel better. I did the same too. But it was a bit hard for me. I must hold my tears until I was all alone in my bedroom because I was often with my parents and siblings. I didnt want them to ask me anything as mourning Michael was very private and personal thing for me.

Sometimes I can really feel he is looking down and smiling on each one of us!
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I had that feeling too. I would look upon the sky and see a rather big Michael face smilling down at us.. :cry: I really miss him. Sky is the only place I could see Michael
 
Hugs to everyone on here. Reading the messages that everyone writes, gives me great comfort in knowing I'm am not alone. We are not alone, we all have each other to comfort and console in this horrific time. :depressed: I'm crying so much right now. My head hurts from crying. I just don't know how I can go on living without the love of my life. Michael was everything to me. I just feel so numb and sick. I'm still in denial about the whole thing. It just feels like I'm stuck in a sick and twisted nightmare that I can't wake from. I dunno what to do with myself. I don't seem to be bothered about anything. Yesterday I had a thought that I wouldn't care if I was to die cos I'd be with Michael. I can't get over this. I'm so depressed and confused.

As days go by, pain gets deeper and deeper. I have learned to live in sorrow, a hidden sorrow that people around me can't see. I act so normal I amaze myself. But as soon as I'm alone I break into pieces. Painful as it is, there has to be a way and a reason to carry on. Michael PLEASE give me a sign that you are here with me. :weeping:
 
*Billie Jean* said:
Thanks to all of you for your support and kindness. It helps. But I'm getting worse not better. This hole in my heart keeps on getting bigger and bigger... I can't even explain but I'm sure everyone knows how that feels. I feel like I'm going crazy, I can't stop crying it's like I'm back to day one. I feel like I'm never gonna get better... I've heard people saying that they are broken hearted. But I never thought I would literaly feel my chest hurt so much, my heart ache this way...I have such chest pains and my eyes can't stop burning. I miss Michael so much it's unbearable.... I really don't know how to go on.. today felt so empty. People must think I'm strange because I'm often just bursting out into tears and finding it hard to keep my head up. I can't stop loving him and wanting to be with him. It's not fair! :weeping:
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:huggy: I know how you feel Billie I too feel the same way. And it really is unfair that we are not with him. When I get up in the mornings now I have to really force myself to get up. Because I just really hate having to face another horrible day without our Michael in it. And I just spend my days and nights constantly thinking about him. While always feeling tired, sad, miserable, and depressed. Plus I am always feeling sick because my depression is always making me feel sick. I miss Michael Michael more than anything. But I just so badly want to be with him even more. In a way I am kind of thankful Dr. Death has shorten my life span. Cause he has put me in to a state of deep depression and sadness. By killing our dear sweet Michael. It really doesn't matter to me anymore. Because the sooner I die is the sooner I will be with my Michael. And from what I had read depression can shorten your life.
 
I miss you so much, my love.

I can't take it anymore.
I wish it was me instead of you.

My life would not be missed.

Well, since you went first, can you take me with you ?

I really don't want to be here anymore. I hate this world so much, its driving me insane.

I know suicide isn't the answer and I don't want to kill myself ..

Yet, I wish I had some Diprivan, Demerol or whatever, if you could promise me there would be no pain.

:weeping:
 
*Billie Jean* said:
When will the crying stop, Michael? I miss you so much it's killing me slowly. :weeping:
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*group hugs to everyone*
I'm so glad that this thread was created so we could all share all the pain we endured, the thoughts and how we miss Michael since his passing. It could at least lessen a bit of my pain and hopefully to everyone here.. This is a place for us..it's forever..To be honest, I doubt I'll stop crying or missing Michael. Time wont heal for me. He was such an impact for me that everything around me seemed invisible except my family and him.

Michael revisited me yesterday in my dream.Michael gave me listen tot his new video of WATW and sang in his demo. I cant believe it myself too. It was beautiful and without realising, I was crying in my dream already. I miss you so much Michael, my heart is aching crazily like everyone here since the day you left us.. :cry: why? why now ?
 
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^ I too had a dream about Michael last night. Me and Michael were on a train, he was sat near the window with a blanket around him and he was reading, and I was sat next to him. I remember at first we didn't talk, Michael just kept reading. After a while, I notiched he fell asleep, I got up, took the book out of his hand and as doing so, he awoke and smiled at me while half asleep. He took the book back off me and he finally spoke, he said "honey, come here" I moved closer to him and he wrapped his blanket around the both of us and the with his hand, he pulled me close to him to snuggle with him as he started reading again and again I woke up. :(

Michael please come back some how. I miss you more than anything. My heart has gone with you, my love. Reading some of the posts in this thread breaks me into pieces. :weeping:
 
*Billie Jean* said:
^ I too had a dream about Michael last night. Me and Michael were on a train, he was sat near the window with a blanket around him and he was reading, and I was sat next to him. I remember at first we didn't talk, Michael just kept reading. After a while, I notiched he fell asleep, I got up, took the book out of his hand and as doing so, he awoke and smiled at me while half asleep. He took the book back off me and he finally spoke, he said "honey, come here" I moved closer to him and he wrapped his blanket around the both of us and the with his hand, he pulled me close to him to snuggle with him as he started reading again and again I woke up. :(

Michael please come back some how. I miss you more than anything. My heart has gone with you, my love. Reading some of the posts in this thread breaks me into pieces. :weeping:
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Dear, Michael got your prayers and he visited you in dream. This showed that Michael loves you a lot *hugs*
 
^ I know he loves me. But he could never love me more than I love him. I don't even know what to do without Michael. Life doesn't make sense without him. I feel like the world is going on without me and I stopped living on June 25th 2009.

Nothing matters to me anymore. I try to remember what things I was interested in before he died, and my mind just draws a blank. Nothing matters. People say that time is a healer but I feel like everyday gets worse. I just think that each day that passes is another day he hasn't been on this planet and it kills me.

I can't eat, I can't sleep. One minute I think I am fine and the next minute I just burst into tears. I've been to the doctor and told him that someone close to me has died and I can't cope. I have been put on anti depressants and sleeping pills but it doesn't help. I don't feel any better and I still only sleep for about 3 hours each night.

My family have mostly been supportive, but they are saying now "It's time to move on" GOD!! I HATE that phrase. I can't move on, more than that, I don't WANT to move on. Michael was everything to me, he still is everything to me. He was there for me when nobody else in the world was. I knew he loved me and cared for me. I feel that I lost my soulmate on that really horrible day. The love of my life left me that day and took my heart with him.

I just miss him so, so terribly. I can listen to some of his music, but certain songs just tear me up. I go bed with my mp3 player filled with his songs, and hug a picture I have of him, and just cry and cry. I am heartbroken. I told my dad I feel like I've been widowed. My dad just laughed but it's true. I could relate to Michael more than I can relate to anyone else. A lot of the things he suffered in life, I have suffered with too. I really felt like he was my soulmate, I just love him so, so much, he was my treasure, a precious little gift from God that I adored. I prayed daily that God would grant me my wish to marry him. It hurts so badly that he's gone.

I just wish I had something that he touched so I could feel close to him. I wish he knew how much I love him and how much I miss him. I made a T-shirt which I wear all the time now. It has his picture on the front with the words "I love you apple head" people look at me weird when they see it but I don't care.

I just miss him so much; I wish this pain would stop. Having nobody to talk to doesn't help either. I try to talk about it to my mum but she said to me "The man was just an accident waiting to happen." I love my mum but I wanted to slap her for saying that.

Sorry for the long post. I just needed to offload. :weeping:
 
*Billie Jean* said:
^ I know he loves me. But he could never love me more than I love him. I don't even know what to do without Michael. Life doesn't make sense without him. I feel like the world is going on without me and I stopped living on June 25th 2009.

Nothing matters to me anymore. I try to remember what things I was interested in before he died, and my mind just draws a blank. Nothing matters. People say that time is a healer but I feel like everyday gets worse. I just think that each day that passes is another day he hasn't been on this planet and it kills me.

I can't eat, I can't sleep. One minute I think I am fine and the next minute I just burst into tears. I've been to the doctor and told him that someone close to me has died and I can't cope. I have been put on anti depressants and sleeping pills but it doesn't help. I don't feel any better and I still only sleep for about 3 hours each night.

My family have mostly been supportive, but they are saying now "It's time to move on" GOD!! I HATE that phrase. I can't move on, more than that, I don't WANT to move on. Michael was everything to me, he still is everything to me. He was there for me when nobody else in the world was. I knew he loved me and cared for me. I feel that I lost my soulmate on that really horrible day. The love of my life left me that day and took my heart with him.

I just miss him so, so terribly. I can listen to some of his music, but certain songs just tear me up. I go bed with my mp3 player filled with his songs, and hug a picture I have of him, and just cry and cry. I am heartbroken. I told my dad I feel like I've been widowed. My dad just laughed but it's true. I could relate to Michael more than I can relate to anyone else. A lot of the things he suffered in life, I have suffered with too. I really felt like he was my soulmate, I just love him so, so much, he was my treasure, a precious little gift from God that I adored. I prayed daily that God would grant me my wish to marry him. It hurts so badly that he's gone.

I just wish I had something that he touched so I could feel close to him. I wish he knew how much I love him and how much I miss him. I made a T-shirt which I wear all the time now. It has his picture on the front with the words "I love you apple head" people look at me weird when they see it but I don't care.

I just miss him so much; I wish this pain would stop. Having nobody to talk to doesn't help either. I try to talk about it to my mum but she said to me "The man was just an accident waiting to happen." I love my mum but I wanted to slap her for saying that.

Sorry for the long post. I just needed to offload. :weeping:
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Billie Jean I know just how you feel. I feel the exact same way. Except that I don't have a supportive family at all. I wish I did though. I remember back in July my mother threatened to have me committed if I didn't get over Michael's death in 2 weeks. She didn't see the look I gave her because her back was turn to me. But I thought to myself how the freaking hell can I get over someone. That I spent nearly 30 years of my life loving. So technically I am forced to have like this double life now. When I am around other people I have to act all find and normal. But only when I am alone is when I am crying and missing him badly. My depression and sadness is so bad now that now no matter how hard I try I can not snap myself out of it. I am not even interested in some of the things that I used to love. Like watching the Olympics. I am watching them but I am really not that interested in them anymore. And in the past I used to get really happy and excited when it gets closer and closer to the Olympics. And my eyes are like glue to the tv. When they are on. But now it is like who cares what country won what medal. And in the past I would always be for the countries I am part of. Which is Germany, Russia, Poland, England, Scotland, and Ireland. But it is mostly Russia I am really am for. Instead of being for my own country the United States. But it is not like that for anymore. There are only 2 things now that really interests me and that is sleeping and drinking tea. Sleep brings me such great comfort to me anymore. And helps me take my mind off of Michael. Which is why I can't wait to get under my Michael Jackson blanket. And tea really tends to soothes and relax me. I really need my tea anymore. Especially my Jasmine green tea which I prefer now over my black tea. There are no words in any language that can even begin to describe of much I truly miss Michael. A huge part of me died with him on that really horrible day. And I am never ever going to get that part of myself back.
 
*Billie Jean* said:
^ I know he loves me. But he could never love me more than I love him. I don't even know what to do without Michael. Life doesn't make sense without him. I feel like the world is going on without me and I stopped living on June 25th 2009.

Nothing matters to me anymore. I try to remember what things I was interested in before he died, and my mind just draws a blank. Nothing matters. People say that time is a healer but I feel like everyday gets worse. I just think that each day that passes is another day he hasn't been on this planet and it kills me.

I can't eat, I can't sleep. One minute I think I am fine and the next minute I just burst into tears. I've been to the doctor and told him that someone close to me has died and I can't cope. I have been put on anti depressants and sleeping pills but it doesn't help. I don't feel any better and I still only sleep for about 3 hours each night.

My family have mostly been supportive, but they are saying now "It's time to move on" GOD!! I HATE that phrase. I can't move on, more than that, I don't WANT to move on. Michael was everything to me, he still is everything to me. He was there for me when nobody else in the world was. I knew he loved me and cared for me. I feel that I lost my soulmate on that really horrible day. The love of my life left me that day and took my heart with him.

I just miss him so, so terribly. I can listen to some of his music, but certain songs just tear me up. I go bed with my mp3 player filled with his songs, and hug a picture I have of him, and just cry and cry. I am heartbroken. I told my dad I feel like I've been widowed. My dad just laughed but it's true. I could relate to Michael more than I can relate to anyone else. A lot of the things he suffered in life, I have suffered with too. I really felt like he was my soulmate, I just love him so, so much, he was my treasure, a precious little gift from God that I adored. I prayed daily that God would grant me my wish to marry him. It hurts so badly that he's gone.

I just wish I had something that he touched so I could feel close to him. I wish he knew how much I love him and how much I miss him. I made a T-shirt which I wear all the time now. It has his picture on the front with the words "I love you apple head" people look at me weird when they see it but I don't care.

I just miss him so much; I wish this pain would stop. Having nobody to talk to doesn't help either. I try to talk about it to my mum but she said to me "The man was just an accident waiting to happen." I love my mum but I wanted to slap her for saying that.

Sorry for the long post. I just needed to offload. :weeping:
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I know exactly how you feel. Hugs to you and everyone. :hug: I've never been the same since that day too. I just don't understand how to move on or cope. I always find myself back to the same spot. One minute I'm ok and thinking I'm better and the next I'm feel down again.

I can't focus on anything at all, even my university work. I'm down most of the time.

Michael means everything to me and I feel so empty without him.

My mum has been supportive through the whole thing and she knows how I feel, but she doesn't know how deep it has actually affected me. I can't even talk about it because I just end up in tears, just even if his name is mentioned. I feel that some people just wouldn't understand.

I can relate to Michael too. I've been though some things that he has. People not understanding me.

The only time I feel better is when I'm listening to his music and just tunning into his voice.

As I type this my heart is aching for him so much and it hurts so bad.

I love him so much, I can't even explain it.

I miss you Michael and I will love you always no matter what.

EDIT: Sometimes it's so bad that I feel like ripping my heart out because it's just too much. :weeping:
 
I think people don't understand when you tell them how you feel. Whenever I start feeling sad and depressed, I sit down and write out the feelings that are filling my soul. I also play piano, it helps me, to me it's like talking to someone about why I'm depressed.

I feel so empty and numb inside. I spend all day watching videos of him and listening to his music. I can't stop crying. Really can't. :weeping: I haven't eaten or slept properly since he went and I just feel so, so weak and tired. I'm just waiting to wake up and for this horrible nightmare to end.

I have never felt a pain like this, it hurts so much I feel like it's killing me. To be honest I feel so, so heartbroken, I have dark thoughts, but I think of how dissapointed Michael would be in me if I ended it. I have to be strong for him, and live for him. I will love him forever, he means more to me than anything in the world. This is just so, so painful, I don't know how to move on, I don't want to move on, I can't let him go. I just can't cope, this pain hurts so much. :weeping:
 
*Billie Jean* said:
I think people don't understand when you tell them how you feel. Whenever I start feeling sad and depressed, I sit down and write out the feelings that are filling my soul. I also play piano, it helps me, to me it's like talking to someone about why I'm depressed.

I feel so empty and numb inside. I spend all day watching videos of him and listening to his music. I can't stop crying. Really can't. :weeping: I haven't eaten or slept properly since he went and I just feel so, so weak and tired. I'm just waiting to wake up and for this horrible nightmare to end.

I have never felt a pain like this, it hurts so much I feel like it's killing me. To be honest I feel so, so heartbroken, I have dark thoughts, but I think of how dissapointed Michael would be in me if I ended it. I have to be strong for him, and live for him. I will love him forever, he means more to me than anything in the world. This is just so, so painful, I don't know how to move on, I don't want to move on, I can't let him go. I just can't cope, this pain hurts so much. :weeping:
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Oh sweetie your posts bring tears to my eyes, grief is the worst thing one can possibly have to suffer through, and it makes all the worse that Michael was truly an angel on this Earth and he shouldn't have left us.

Finding an outlet like writing and playing music is surely soothing for the soul.
Michael would be devastated if anyone took their life mourning him. He NEEDS us to be strong. And he NEEDS us here to carry on his music, legacy and message of love and peace.

If Michael was able to weather all the trials in his life, and remain a strong and positive individual, then we must as well. We owe that to him after all he has given us in his lifetime. But know you are not alone in your deep and dark pain, thank God for this forum, that we have each other to lean on for support. Everyone here can understand and relate to how you feel. :huggy: to you and I am always here to talk to if you need me.
 
RockWithYou28 said:
Oh sweetie your posts bring tears to my eyes, grief is the worst thing one can possibly have to suffer through, and it makes all the worse that Michael was truly an angel on this Earth and he shouldn't have left us.

Finding an outlet like writing and playing music is surely soothing for the soul.
Michael would be devastated if anyone took their life mourning him. He NEEDS us to be strong. And he NEEDS us here to carry on his music, legacy and message of love and peace.

If Michael was able to weather all the trials in his life, and remain a strong and positive individual, then we must as well. We owe that to him after all he has given us in his lifetime. But know you are not alone in your deep and dark pain, thank God for this forum, that we have each other to lean on for support. Everyone here can understand and relate to how you feel. :huggy: to you and I am always here to talk to if you need me.
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Thank you sweetie, I really needed to hear that ((hugs)). Today started off sad and just became progressively worse. The crying intensified and the darkness I felt on such a sunny day was almost unbearable. I did not have good thoughts. I miss Michael more than words can express. Not having people to talk to who understand is the hardest part. I have lost family members before but I could cope because my whole family were united in grief, but now, I am the only one grieving, and no one wants to even try to understand. They just see me as a crazed fan, but to me it was deeper than that. Michael was the love of my life. Without him I have nothing to be happy about. Or look forward to. I am so numb....so numb. My life is so focused on him and nothing else matters. God, I miss him so much. I would give my own life if I could just give him back to all of us.

I have passed through the last eigth months as if I'm in a kind of fog......my world seems strangely unbalanced. I think of Michael every single day....he's still my first thought in the morning when I awake and he is my last thought at night, as I lie down to sleep. Eigth months doesn't feel a long time to me....it is still very fresh and raw.......I'm not ready to let him go......I am holding on very, very tight. I play his music and watch his DVDs every day....I am surrounded by pictures and posters, books, T-shirts. I just can't stop crying, I can't eat or sleep. My doctor has put me on anti depressants, so he at least understood a bit. People say each day gets better, but in my opinion it only get worse. Another day without michael. It still does not seem real. I dont think I can ever accept that I will never see his beautiful face again. It hurts so much... I just can't accept it. :weeping:
 
Everyday, I try not to cry Michael but it's failing me. I know you would want us to not mourn for you but celebrate and carry on learning the messages you left in your music. I feel like I'm being selfish for not letting you go. You need to understand that you totally didn't need to go just in a "puff".

Today, I missed you more than yesterday, but tomorrow I will miss you more than today.

:boohoo:...Goodness, couldn't I be any more depressed today?
 
mjjchunt.jpg

I Wish You Were Here...

Sit alone here, I'm missing you
I tried so hard to smile
I wipe my tears, wishing my wish to be true
Hoping I'll see you after this while

.The moon sparkles, shining in the water so bright
.O'er the dusty, warm green plains.
.The forest trees, and the smokey breeze
.All whispering your name.

Oh, How they wish you were here
to hear what they have too say
As they bless and cradle you into sleep
captivating in their own merry way.
.Oh, How I wish you were here
.Oh, How I wish you could stay
.Oh, How I wish you could hear me
.Oh, How I wish you were near me.

See your face, everytime I close my eyes
The distance hurts me still
I hear the songbird's words of hypnotize
yet, I dream with my will.

.I know I sound insecure
.But I'll be alright in awhile
.Keep your picture close to me
.There's just a thousand more miles.

Oh, How I wish you were here
Oh, How I wish you could say
Oh, How I wish you could hear me
Oh, How I wish you were near me.
.And I'm so afraid of the fear
.Try not to let myself stay awake
.Forever lost, in your dreams
.Forever lost, in your memories...
 
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I'm having a hard time today. MJ's death is hitting me hard today.


I #*$&# MISS HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO unfair that such a beautiful, talented and gentle soul is no longer here

*Crying*

Please, please! I wish he could come back
 
I miss you MJ, so badly. :cry:
I got excited about the dvd release of TII.
Getting excited with my friends.
Then it hit me like a punch in the gut. :cry: And my heart sank.
I miss you so, so much Michael.
I already asked you today but please..please..come back.
I miss you. We all miss you. So so so so much.
:pray: :cry:
 
I was practicing on the piano today and realized that the possibility of you playing music at the same time as myself on the other side of the states...is impossible now that you're gone. :cry:

I wish you were here.:(
 
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