How Michael Jackson made me feel like a teenager again!

Before I became a hardcore Michael Jackson fan, I hadn't been "fangirling" this hard for a long time now. The only other fangirling that had happened so far during my adult years was, comparatively speaking, fairly low-key. So, while it did definitely happen, it simply was not the same like it used to be. Honestly, until I truly, truly got invested in Michael Jackson as an artist, person, and everything else, I thought I had completely grown over those days! "What, me? Going this hard about anyone? Now that's just silly, only teenage girls do that!"

Well, I thought wrong.

For comparison, as of writing this, I am 31 years old. The last time I went this hard about anyone was when I was 17. That's a long time ago! But while I became a fan back in 2019, I didn't truly become a hardcore fangirl until one day, on a bored afternoon, I decided to watch an MJ short film. It was Smooth Criminal, you know, the classic.

Well, something happened.
"Hey, um... Why didn't anyone tell me, or alternatively, why didn't I realize that Michael Jackson is actually kinda cute??"
I am admittedly not someone who watches music videos a lot. Not because I don't like them, but because I'm often so invested in the songs themselves that it simply does not occur to me. I also often do something else whenever I'm listening to music, and with a music video, you have to look at the screen all the time. Not so bad when you have nothing else to do, mind, but as a busy adult, I simply don't always have that time! I guess many will understand, lol. Though I've since watched many more MJ short films and boy, I do not regret it one bit!!

But what you also need to understand that Michael hits pretty much every box in my head with regards to the "ideal man". Appearance-wise, certainly - I actually have a thing for men with long hair, eyeliner, makeup in general, and who are well-dressed. Black hair is also my favorite! So, as you can guess already... Yeahhh, haha. But it's not just his good looks. One thing about Michael that I find extremely attractive is his genuinely gentleman-like behavior. Too many men in this world who proclaim themselves gentlemen truly just... aren't. Instead, they are often promiscuous, using this false demeanor as a "tactic" to pick up girls. I think you know the type I'm talking about. But in the case of Michael Jackson, it was 100% genuine, and that's a nice change of pace! (No, I don't think all men are like that... lol. I'm talking about the ones with a big ego!)

Other things I like about Michael are his general kindness, his charitable endeavors, his shyness (it's soooo cuuuuuuuute!! It makes me wanna yell!!), but on the other hand, also his "rock star beast" stage persona! And of course, his voice and his dance moves... I could write an entire, separate essay about that! Lol. I also find I have quite a bit in common with him, which is for another possible blog post.

But there's a bit more to this "teenage feeling".
I've already talked about this elsewhere, but as a teen, I was a really big fan of Chris Brown (and Usher, and... Name one, and I was probably a fan!). I no longer am, for rather obvious reasons (it ended up not just being one incident... I also think Chris Brown got ugly in recent years, lol), but the truth still remains that Michael Jackson is his idol. At the time I wasn't yet into MJ (I also talked about this elsewhere in detail... long story, lol) but honestly? The feeling... It's extremely similar! Perhaps it's exactly because he's so inspired by MJ that it does... But I think another part of it is that I truly believe Michael was a good person, which just adds to my utter love for him. It also means I have absolutely nothing to lose in this case; I don't think MJ would ever hurt a fly. (Literally! Didn't he catch bugs and let them outside instead of killing them? What a precious soul...)

I really just notice that I'm doing the very same things I did back then. "What would Michael do? What would he think of this? Man, I can't help but wonder...!" And I try to avoid things that I know would disrespect him directly, because I just can't bring myself to do it. "Oh, Michael didn't like this, so I'll avoid that when talking about him." Small things like that. And certain jokes about him that I would've tolerated in the past, I really can't anymore, since a lot of them are simply very offensive. It has actually come to the point where I can't do it with other famous people either, unless they're genuinely evil people who have committed atrocious deeds. But I have no interest anymore in making fun of innocent people who haven't done anything to hurt me or other people. Candid tabloid shots, for example, I really can't look at anymore. Especially not when it's clear that that certain someone is just acting like a regular human, even if they're making a mistake. I admittedly cared a lot less about this in the past, but I guess we all grow and learn.

And I want to know so much about Michael! For example, when I first became a fan, I was very invested in studying the allegations, to the point where I now know almost every single detail. As a result, I rarely talk about them anymore except whenever someone brings them up to me, since it feels like a "closed book" in a way, unless I have to defend him. (I've also read things regarding his death, but I actually find that subject a lot harder to talk about, so it's actually one of the few things I tend to avoid.) But to bring attention back to more light-hearted matters, most of all I'd like to know what inspired him in life; not just music, short films, dancing, etc. but his vision on life in general. Sadly, I'm aware that I'll never know every single detail about this, since most interviewers tended to avoid these types of questions. I find this very sad, because these could've actually been interesting instead of yet more tabloid nonsense. But as we all know, to the media, Michael Jackson simply wasn't a human being. (That's actually something I also want to write a blog post about!)

I think another thing that adds to this whole "teenage feeling" is the era he died in. (I'm gonna avoid talking about the exact circumstances of his death in this post; again, I'd rather not think about it at all, if I can.)
As I've mentioned above, I last fangirled this hard about someone when I was 17. Michael passed away... when I was 17. I personally believe this is not entirely a coincidence. Shortly before his death, I believe around the time of the This Is It announcement, I was actually considering "biting the bullet" and just become a Michael Jackson fan already! I was actually curious about what endeavors he'd pursue after the concerts would've ended. But... his death sadly put a (temporary, as it turned out) stop to me becoming a fan. You're probably wondering why - after all, didn't many people become a fan exactly because he died? You are, of course, correct - but what you also need to understand is that 1) when Michael passed, he was everywhere, to the point where I actually kinda got sick of it!! (Of no fault of his own, of course... but still.) Obviously, a big part of me regrets that now, but when you're a not-yet-fan it can get pretty frustrating. My general aversion for excessive hype/coattail riding didn't help matters. And 2) I don't want to suddenly love an artist just because they died. Like sure, respect the dead and all that, but becoming a fan just because someone died has always felt a little shallow to me. Obviously there's nothing wrong with becoming a fan of someone after their death in general (I mean, hello! Lol! ) but in my opinion, it's something that has to happen based on proper merit. I became a Michael Jackson fan because 1) I finally started seeing him as the human being he was, and 2) obviously, because I genuinely enjoy his work and who he was as a person. The fact that he died only factors into why I defend him; he's no longer among us, so the fans have to do it for him instead.

So, to keep a long story short, the flashbacks to my teen years are very real, and it's all because of Michael. And I'm grateful for it, since I had forgotten how fun it actually was!!

I believe this is all for now. If there's ever something that might pop up in my head again that I want to add to this post, I might, but for now I consider it done.

I hope to see you around!!

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30-something MJ fan from The Netherlands. Fan since 2019.

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