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Struggling Today

Just a Girl

Just a Girl

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hi all. im fairly new to the forums and i am struggling. I thought i was doing better. i think i finally went a day without crying but last night i dont know what set it off but i was up until almsot 4 am crying and i can't sleep again. i have really tried to stay positive and try to keep happy thoughts but i just don't know what else i can do to help when i get like this. i dont have that many friends and the few that i do have don't seem to understand why Michaels passing has hit me so hard. sometimes even i dont understand why it has been so hard to deal with at times. I've lost people in my life but honestly i dont think anything has hit me this hard before and i didnt know him like i have known some of those close to me that have passed. my mind tells me this isnt normal to feel this way but my heart is just breaking.

i just keep thinking back to when i was around 8 or 9 and i knew he would help those children in need and how i always wanted him to come help me. i know that sounds sorta funny when i say it that way, but i had a very bad abusive childhood and i would sit in my room and pray that he would come save me from my horrible life. im sad that i never got a change to tell him thank you, cause even though he didnt come save me from what i was going through.. in away he did save me. cause im still here and alive today. i really try to think about my life in a postitive way.. and realize that the past is behind me and be thankful for what i do have now. it's just so hard lately to even smile. someone please tell me im not crazy for feelign all of this... thanks for listening:)

Just a Girl
 
Just a Gril said:
my mind tells me this isnt normal to feel this way but my heart is just breaking.
someone please tell me im not crazy for feelign all of this...
Click to expand...

Listening?
YOU. ARE. NOT. CRAZY!
Sweetie, never question yourself like that. There's no such thing as "normal". You are not weird or crazy, you are YOU and this is how you feel.
Michael was very special in that he could touch the lives of people he's never even met and make them love him like he was part of their family - that was his magic, that was what's made him so different to any other artist.
There's nothing crazy about you grieving for him.
I'm struggling immensely, too, and what helped me a lot over the past month was the knowledge that I'm not alone with this - because a lot of people in all corners of the world are feeling what you're feeling now.
So let it all out, talk to people here, they are a really wonderful bunch.
We're all in this together.
Sending you lots of hugs! (((HUGS)))
 
I feel weird sometimes too.
When I cry again my head says, it's been a month now get yourself together! but it still hurts so much
 
Just a Gril said:
hi all. im fairly new to the forums and i am struggling. I thought i was doing better. i think i finally went a day without crying but last night i dont know what set it off but i was up until almsot 4 am crying and i can't sleep again. i have really tried to stay positive and try to keep happy thoughts but i just don't know what else i can do to help when i get like this. i dont have that many friends and the few that i do have don't seem to understand why Michaels passing has hit me so hard. sometimes even i dont understand why it has been so hard to deal with at times. I've lost people in my life but honestly i dont think anything has hit me this hard before and i didnt know him like i have known some of those close to me that have passed. my mind tells me this isnt normal to feel this way but my heart is just breaking.

i just keep thinking back to when i was around 8 or 9 and i knew he would help those children in need and how i always wanted him to come help me. i know that sounds sorta funny when i say it that way, but i had a very bad abusive childhood and i would sit in my room and pray that he would come save me from my horrible life. im sad that i never got a change to tell him thank you, cause even though he didnt come save me from what i was going through.. in away he did save me. cause im still here and alive today. i really try to think about my life in a postitive way.. and realize that the past is behind me and be thankful for what i do have now. it's just so hard lately to even smile. someone please tell me im not crazy for feelign all of this... thanks for listening:)

Just a Girl
Click to expand...

I feel the same way. I got upset yesterday again even though its been over a month. By the way your not crazy. I wish he was alive.
 
Michael was tied to my childhood as well. I used his music to escape into the beautiful worlds he created where every one was equal and everyone was recognized. A world made of electrifying colors, soaring melodies, beautiful imagery and heart pounding rythyms. Even when the themes were of an adult nature, they were still fun and unthreatening...He made us feel a part of the excitement. Enough to take us away from the ugliness and pain in our real lives...I thank him for that. I miss him too, and I also feel crazy because I never met him...but the more I realize his own experience as a child created his art and in turn he gave us that art so we could heal and not feel the pain he did, the more I realize why miss him. We will get through it though, eventually. But at least for now I feel so grateful for his art and for the love that we all received.
 
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