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How MJs passing caused my breakup..

RedRoses

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Alright well, not exactly DIRECTLY,
You see, me and my fiance (ex now) would have been together three years next month. And well, theres always been a lack of sensitivity on their part. It was always me being on top of 'em like *are u hungry, can i get you anything, ill go do laundry, ill go do this, are you comfy*
all the give give give give
and there was never much in return. Love was there, immensely. We had such a fantastic relationship when it came to getting along. I guess its just that it was good cus I never asked for much or needed much support.
When MJ passed, I was devastated. I flew out to LA for the memorial, In the days after his passing I was very sad upset and quiet. Instead of support, I got ignored from my partner. The days after the memorial got even worse. I was totally ignored and left working or home alone while they off and partied hard. Just tonight. We've broken up. I asked why I was getting ignored and the response I got was *i figured u were sad and depressed so I was letting u be*
Now.. when someone you love is sad and depressed.. do you try to be their support and help them, or do you just let them be?
It was such an eye opener. I cant continue my life this way. I cant have a family with a person like this. Would they be the same way with the children?
So, its time to move on.
The funny thing is, I didnt even sit here and cry. I was just like, ok, this is getting no where. So lets move it along. (and trust its not a matter of trying, cus we've BEEN trying for the past year and a half. ive BEEN trying to get some love and affection back)
So.. as I embark on a new chapter in life, I know that it wasnt Michaels passing that brought this on, but it was like the straw that broke the camels back. I thank Michael. From above, in his own little way he showed me that I deserve better.
Thank YOU MJ
I will always love you.
 
when something bad happens women try to comfort. men preferred to be left alone. and they treat the others the same way, thinking they'd rather be left alone.
i think in this case the seriousness of the situation wasnt understood by your partner. therefore your decision must be right

be strong :)
hugs
 
I feel the same way. My boyf with whom I am together for already 7 years doesn't understand at all. Right after the news he hugged me. Ever since then he is just saying how much he doesn;t like the fact Michaels music is on the radio so often, how many programms are on the TV and how much I talk about MJ and how I don't understand that all the moneymakers would do the same with any other idol.

When we were on holiday I really wanted to see the memorial and I told him he could do something else as I knew he wasn't interested. Finally we sat together in front of the television which first showed the Liberty Hall. My boyf was giving stupid reactions and after a while when the real memorial hadn't started he started annoying me. When do they finally start, maybe they can skip all the break then they will finish earlier. At that moment I really felt anger.... how could he....this should have been my day of grief and he was totally ruiing it.

I haven't had the courage to break up. But I am really wondering if he and we know with whom we are living together. He clearly doesn't seem that Michael played a tremedous role in my life. And I clearly didn't know his lack of empathy. Don't know how this will develop. Untill now I am trying to hold back my tears and grief when he's around. When I am crying and he walks in the room I whipe away my tears fast, but I don't know how long I can go on with this....
 
RedRoses, the people you think of the most - is most often the ones that let you down.
I don't want to make this about me, but I want to state an example to make you understand that you're not alone in this.
I know this girl, we've been knowing each other for a long time... sharing our lifes and having an amazing friendship that it's on a soul mate level.
I've always been there for her, through all the bullshit she's gone through (which is A WHOLE LOT) and never asked nothing from her.
Now, she knew exactly how Michael meant for me... and I have not even got "a keep your head up" since Michael passed.

On the flipside, people that I've not expected to be there for me have reached out from the bottom of their hearts. And it isn't like they're MJ fans or anything.

It's just... sometimes you just stop and go "Who are my real friends again?!

It's like I always say; through every tragedy you owe it to yourself to at least learn or find something good out of it to not make it completely meaningless.
 
CatherineNZ said:
when something bad happens women try to comfort. men preferred to be left alone. and they treat the others the same way, thinking they'd rather be left alone.
i think in this case the seriousness of the situation wasnt understood by your partner.
Click to expand...

CatherineNZ is right. Your fiance didn't understand your grief. Maybe he was overwhelmed by the situation and didn't know what to do. Maybe he was just plain insensitive. The truth is you need someone to understand you and support you emotionally. I think you made the right decision. Be strong and follow your dreams :huggy:
 
he had no excuse to act like that they can't get away with it every single time just because they're "men" and they don't like to show their feeling that's a pathetic excuse he simply didn't care. don't worry redrose - a good riddance.
I've had friends like that too over the years, I always thought it was my fault when something went wrong but the truth was they didn't give a sh*t about me the term "friend" is so overrated these days
 
I'm just real glad that we've all got each other to lean on for support and understanding xx

My husband isn't very sympathetic either.... but seeing as we've been together for 11 years now, I have learnt to 'ignore' his slightly bad points, because the good points are worth way more!

And...... he is still amazed everytime he see's Michael do the moonwalk so I guess I can forgive the fact that he's not very sympathetic!! xx
 
I am just really rather glad i didn't have a girlfriend during that time. It's been over between me and my ex for a year and seven months now. But if we were still together....don't think she'd been much of a help really. Always saying horrible stuff about him, while she knew i was a die hard fan.

I really do hope...and i've always hoped for this..to find a nice girl that might become my girlfriend and is also a huge MJ fan and supporter. That would be so good.
 
Thank you my lovies. U guys are awesome. It's true I deserve better. We all deserve nothing but good and love.
Staffordshire I agree with you 100 percent. I mean. Mj was such a giving person. And I feel like he's passed that on to all of us. To try to be better selfless people. So personally, I need someone like that in my life. Not just mj fan but someone who can contribute like that. The mj love would just be a plus.
Thank you all for ur beautiful words.
All I keep thinking about is mjs quote. I am loved. So. Everything that happens can be dealt with. You guys are all angels of his love. He touched us and we pass it on. God bless evryone of you.
 
RedRoses just wanted to leave my *hugs* in here!
I wish for you you'll find someone who you can be really happy with!
 
I can totally relate here too sadly. The night it happened my boyfriend was amazing...he stayed up with me all night and then went to work for the day with no sleep. I really don't know what I would have done that night if it wasn't for him. I rang my mum as soon as it was confirmed in bits, and she was terrified about my safety, she lives abroad so was extra concerned that she couldn't come and be with me. She ordered my boyfriend help me through, she was that scared. And he was, truly I am grateful for him that night. The next few days he was still sympathetic but he grew impatient. He was telling me I was selfish for not wanting to go to work, and telling me I was ignoring him and being non responsive to him. It got to the point where he would tell me I must love Michael more than him. That really confused me...why would he say that? I love Michael, on a totally different level yes. He's been with me so to speak since I was a child. It's like on a fatherly level more than romantically. I look up to him. I just don't need that confusion. After the vigil yesterday, he's now said as of tomorrow I need to get back to normal, and taking on my responsibilities again. Yes I know that, but why be so blunt. I'm grieving, and it's hard.
I'm sorry to rant, but I needed to. I am with everyone in here who is experiencing this. It hurts, as the person you would do anything for doesn't seem to be returning that in your darkest times. I feel I deserve better...but I'm too mixed up to really know how I feel right now. Good on you for making that change to your life! I wish you all the best.
 
Your story sounds very familiar to me too. My ex and I were together for about 6 years and in many ways very compatible. The only area we really had problems was that he had no empathy. He couldn't say anything comforting or even just 'poor you' if something bad happened. He just went into 'practical mode' and would try to come up with solutions. I know this was his way of trying to be helpful but when your nan has suddenly died there is no solution. He made me feel worse, not better.

I never held it against him - he just couldn't help it. My dad is the same way. I thought, I cannot be in the same position as my mum in 30 years' time. My dad had just got worse and worse; grumpy oldmaness combined with no empathy. He's treated my mum terribly, which I know my ex wouldn't have, but I still knew it was something I just couldn't budge on.

I think in life you learn through all of your relationships - the good and the bad. From the mistakes and the shortcomings you realise the qualities that are important to you, even essential, in terms of your partner. You need someone who is going to support you in your 'darkest hour' (to quote the master!), not someone who falls short when you need them most.

I think men do have different ideas and their brains really do work differently but you know in your heart what you hope for in a man. I'm so sorry that you've had the double upset of Michael and your boyfriend, but sometimes being free from that nagging doubt that things are 'not quite right' is the biggest relief; I know it was for me.
 
I normally do NOT post in the support forum (makes me sad actually), but this thread really tugged on me.

It's just sad beyond words why someone would break up (that too over Michael's passing). If anything, this is a time you should be pulling closer TOGETHER. Wasn't that what Michael was all about? Togetherness, happiness, LOVE, pure love?

I mean why??????

Look, I know Michael is the world to MANY of us (myself included), but you have to look at the bigger picture: Everyone of us has a different way of dealing with death -- in general. I for one, cannot deal with it. So, if you ask someone who has talked to me personally, I have probably been rather cold and quiet. You know why??? Cause it's DEPRESSING!

How can you talk to ANYONE at a time like this and NOT get the overwhelming feeling that NO MATTER what you do and NO matter what you say, there is NOTHING that will bring the dead back to life on Earth???

So, that's why I remain silent. I'm grieving. I don't know what to do.

So, some of these posts in this thread are just heartbreaking. Why would you BREAK UP now?? Have a heart! Just because your boyfriend or girlfriend wasn't as compassionate as you envisioned in your fairy tale dream of them, don't go breaking up over it. This is LIFE, not a dream. Everyone has their own way of dealing with pain, grief, sadness. Some people actually get into a party mode and go party, did you know that???

I mean, these are all defense mechanisms. People are hurting in their own way. And you have NO RIGHT to tell someone how to grieve or be sad.

Other than Michael's passing, whenever someone I know passes, I try to stay FAR away from them. You know why? Cause it hurts to be around people who are sad and crying. It brings me down and then I turn have aches and pains. It's not cause I don't have empathy, it's cause I do NOT have the same fabric as others who can deal with death.

Furthermore, some people MAY NOT feel the same way as YOU DO. That's life, too. You can't force people to feel the same way YOU DO about something. That's crazy.

So, here's my advice to the OP and to everyone else: STOP BREAKING UP! Pull yourselves together. Get CLOSER (not away) to the one you love (or you thought you love).

Even if your significant other didn't say or do the right thing (the thing you came up with in your fairy tale), YOU need to go and do the right thing and say the right thing to them! Maybe then they will reciprocate. Lead by EXAMPLE.

Stop the drama!

Love, don't LEAVE!
Pull together.

Put your pride aside and accept your loved one as is (without your fairytales getting in the way).

BE HAPPY!
 
Mmm. I was afraid that that might happen. That it may be taken be a slight bit TOO on mj topic. But the truth is it isn't. We we were engaged. And every 2 months ago my fiancé would go through a -did I make the right decision- moment. See my finace is really more the live free party hard time. I accept the engagemmt cus well it was beautifully done and so convincing that I was the one. 2 mths later the backtracking started. The unsureness. The being out when I needed them. The ignoring of my needs. Both physically and emotionally. When mj passed. This happened again. For the 6th time in the past year. My finace was using mjs passing as a crutch. -thought u should be left alone- truth is I realized, it's just not worth it. 6th time of a night by myself wondering where my fiancé was or what or even who they were doing. Why would I even me it get that far?
That's when I put my foot down. And I found strength in here. And on the fact that it had to do with the sweetest person on earth who probably would have told me how much better I deserve..
I guess I didn't explain enough in my first post to show that it really was deeper than mjs passing. Sorry.
 
don't blame it on MJ, this is not about his passing, I had a boyfriend just like him I know where she's coming from...I kept on going back to him because I loved him so much but I realized no matter how much I love him he won't love me back or even appreciate me as a person. Men like that don't deserve a second chance, again they can't get away with it just because they're "men" women deserve respect too and if you don't show respect you're out!
when I look back on it I swear I was so stupid I let my heart lead my mind. if anybody shows me any kind of disrespect now I'm gonna kick their ass!
 
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