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I feel like I missed out on summer

jemini515

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How is it September already? My world shifted more than I ever could have expected on 6/25. In one sense I feel like I've aged years in the last few months, and on the other hand I can't believe how fast time is passing. And it seems the whole summer flashed by in a sea of tears, anger, and confusion.

This summer I spent some time with friends, took a weeklong vacation, and worked on some creative projects, but I never felt fully engaged in any of it. I feel like I missed out on the fun of summer because of Michael's passing. Work stress contributed too, but this huge sense of loss is still affecting me daily. I'm no longer crying constantly but it's hard to get back "in the swing of things" -- I feel like my perspective has changed drastically. Although I am more inspired than ever to carry on Michael's message, I feel jaded and disillusioned about life and death, society, the media, big stuff. And all the little dramas in my life seem insignificant and petty, and I'm feeling disconnected from things I used to enjoy a lot.

Truthfully, coming on this forum is one of the things that's helped me keep my sanity and feel more connected. I love being around other people who love Michael. So thank you all for being here! :hug:

I feel a little bad complaining about missing out on "my summer" when Michael is missing out on the rest of his life, and his children are missing out on decades of time with their father.... but I just wanted to share this personal thought with you guys in case anyone felt the same.

Peace and love to you all :heart:
 
awwww don't worry, in time, things will hopefully go back to normal. stay strong :hug:
 
This sounds like my life as well. I had all these plans to enjoy my summer and have a good time and then on 6/25 my world STOPPED. I can't believe it's September already.. where did the past 70 days go??? I feel like I floated though the summer and now that grad school has started back up again I am being forced to return to the real world. I'm trying but it's really difficult. I understand how you feel completely!
 
That's exactly how I feel as well
It feels like a part of me has died and I just can't move on.
Mostly I'm just jaded.
Then there's not a down time at work when I'm not thinking of Michael which starts to break my heart as I move around the floor
 
jemini515 said:
How is it September already? My world shifted more than I ever could have expected on 6/25. In one sense I feel like I've aged years in the last few months, and on the other hand I can't believe how fast time is passing. And it seems the whole summer flashed by in a sea of tears, anger, and confusion.

This summer I spent some time with friends, took a weeklong vacation, and worked on some creative projects, but I never felt fully engaged in any of it. I feel like I missed out on the fun of summer because of Michael's passing. Work stress contributed too, but this huge sense of loss is still affecting me daily. I'm no longer crying constantly but it's hard to get back "in the swing of things" -- I feel like my perspective has changed drastically. Although I am more inspired than ever to carry on Michael's message, I feel jaded and disillusioned about life and death, society, the media, big stuff. And all the little dramas in my life seem insignificant and petty, and I'm feeling disconnected from things I used to enjoy a lot.

Truthfully, coming on this forum is one of the things that's helped me keep my sanity and feel more connected. I love being around other people who love Michael. So thank you all for being here! :hug:

I feel a little bad complaining about missing out on "my summer" when Michael is missing out on the rest of his life, and his children are missing out on decades of time with their father.... but I just wanted to share this personal thought with you guys in case anyone felt the same.

Peace and love to you all :heart:
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Hi,
My heart goes out to Michael's children and his family too. They are indeed missing out on what should have been many years with Michael. And I know you feel this way, but please don't feel bad getting your own feelings off your chest. You love Michael and therefore feel the pain as well. So do I. I was on a diet and I was counting calories and losing at least 2 pounds almost every week until June 25. Then I stopped keeping track of my calories, and I stopped being as disciplined. When I'm stressed and sad I turn to food unfortunately. I too in recent days am experiencing stress from work too. Therefore last week when it started from work, I gained three pounds back! :(
Anyway, the stress with Michael of course started on June 26, and I say that date because that's when it sunk in that he passed. As I went on listening to interviews on youtube and hearing Michael plea for people to accept him for who he is and for the media not to lie about him and for people to give him chances to tell the truth, I realized more than ever what a cruel world this really is and I no longer want to be here.
That doesn't mean I'm going to commit suicide. No way. I am a Christian, so therefore I believe in God and He would be offended by that act, and therefore since I would be taking a life, that would be a serious sin, therefore I couldn't even be with God. I want to go so I can be with God and live in a place where there is no cruelty, sadness, lies, etc.
I find it hard to reconcile these feelings that I'm having because I'm married, and pray that my husband and I die at the same time. I never believed in wishing anyone dead, but I wouldn't want to leave my husband by himself, just as I hope God doesn't want to take my husband before me, so therefore since life has been cruel to him(my husband) too, I guess I am just hoping both of our times are soon and at the same time. I guess I can reconcile it that way.
I can't get totally into things either. I can't get into my work anymore. I work with customers so actually they are my break from thinking about Michael, but the work I do before the place opens up is the work I have a hard time getting into.
Anyway, sorry about the rambling. I had to get this off my chest as well. Thank you, Jemini, for starting this thread.
 
The same thing for me as well. I worked, went to school, hung out with family & friends and went on vacation, but my mind was bothered most of the time. Michael's passing has really taken such a toll on me. My spirit is broken and I have little motivation to do certain things I once loved to do. All in all, this has not been a good summer for me at all and most of it is because of Michael.
 
I missed out on summer too...

I sat home and just cried. Went to one wedding 3 days after his death...It was so hard. I had to hold in my pain and nothing seemed real. I had to put on a fake ass smile. Then I saw people dancing and I died inside...I saw dancing feet. I saw people doing what Michael lived to do. :cry:

My question is : Where the hell did July go? I feel like I just had June and August. July was the worst EVER.

*HUGS*

Let us let Michael's love and message heal us.
 
I feel totally the same. I can't believe it's September...it's like I might as well have been asleep or something for the last 2 months. Totally surreal. It's the longest 2 months of my life as well as being the quickest. It's a nightmare. :(
 
jemini515 said:
How is it September already? My world shifted more than I ever could have expected on 6/25. In one sense I feel like I've aged years in the last few months, and on the other hand I can't believe how fast time is passing. And it seems the whole summer flashed by in a sea of tears, anger, and confusion.

This summer I spent some time with friends, took a weeklong vacation, and worked on some creative projects, but I never felt fully engaged in any of it. I feel like I missed out on the fun of summer because of Michael's passing. Work stress contributed too, but this huge sense of loss is still affecting me daily. I'm no longer crying constantly but it's hard to get back "in the swing of things" -- I feel like my perspective has changed drastically. Although I am more inspired than ever to carry on Michael's message, I feel jaded and disillusioned about life and death, society, the media, big stuff. And all the little dramas in my life seem insignificant and petty, and I'm feeling disconnected from things I used to enjoy a lot.

Truthfully, coming on this forum is one of the things that's helped me keep my sanity and feel more connected. I love being around other people who love Michael. So thank you all for being here! :hug:

I feel a little bad complaining about missing out on "my summer" when Michael is missing out on the rest of his life, and his children are missing out on decades of time with their father.... but I just wanted to share this personal thought with you guys in case anyone felt the same.

Peace and love to you all :heart:
Click to expand...

Thankyou for what you wrote as I too feel exactly the same just could'nt put it into words,and how you explained how your feeling now is just so so true of me.
So thankyou again for your words :hug:
 
well you know... there were times before this summer that I've really thought: ok either I'll not survive the next summer... or I will go crazy... sheeeesh and I had not any thought about Michael losing also that time...
There's times I'm still wondering that I am still here, still alive and still also able to use my mind and feel myself... I just know being on this board, struggeling with all my pain together with you guys helped me so endlessly much and I am very very thankful to all of you!

The pain is still not gone... well it will need its time... I'm willing to take it as it comes. Then again I am in a state that I just know I will survive this.
Honestly when I look back I still wonder often how could I survive this... but also I feel already I grew somewhat through it and feel more confident about myself.
I am not sure how I will look back on this crazy summer later in my life... but although it was a time of the hugest losses in my life it will not only looking back into pain and anger... there's more to it and one reason are all the ppl here... and again I just feel so thankful for you guys being here. You guys are truely amazing.
 
I hate June.

It's the doomed month for me ever since he died. :cry:

Summer is gonna be melancholy forever for me now... :cry:
 
I can't believe it's already September. I don't feel like I had a Summer either. Just endless pain and soon it's back to classes and work work work.

I thought this was going to be the best summer ever. I don't remember ever being so excited about Summer (it's not my favorite season). It turned out to be THE WORST!! I hate Summer even more now. Maybe my soul knew something and that's why I had a panicky feeling every damn Summer for many years now. I'm not making this up. I had this feeling in early June this year too but I ignored it.
 
In January of this year, I thought for sure this would be a good year, better than the previous years. I've had some financial difficulties that I thought would be solved. They kind of were but not as much as I thought. Then I kept continuing to think this will be a good year. THEN June 25th came, and I realized I was so wrong! Now I don't know if any year will be good. I don't know if I can have hope for any year to be "better" than 2009.
 
What about Christmas! How the heck are Paris, Prince, and Blanket going to deal with Christmas!! Oh my gosh!
 
Michelle MC said:
In January of this year, I thought for sure this would be a good year, better than the previous years. I've had some financial difficulties that I thought would be solved. They kind of were but not as much as I thought. Then I kept continuing to think this will be a good year. THEN June 25th came, and I realized I was so wrong! Now I don't know if any year will be good. I don't know if I can have hope for any year to be "better" than 2009.
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That's how I felt. When 2009 began I was sooooo excited. Now I just want to go back to 2008 and just stop time... :cry:

OH MICHAEL..

2008 was so awesome.
 
i feel like that entirely .... is it autumn already ? why?25th was the saddest day ever, mike's birthday was the second saddest day ever, my birthday is going to be a very sad day ...and christmas a lot more lonely and sad new year even worse ...holidays are the worst time of the year for me but i think this year they will be unbearable:no:
 
I was so looking forward to this summer.My boys were excited because we were going to London and everything was going to be so great :cry:
I feel so guilty because they are already back at school after the holidays and it hasn't been a holiday at all for them :(
They understand I know, but it still makes you feel so guilty.
The weather here hasn't been that good either.
Its just been the worst summer anyone could of imagined :cry:
 
.....................summer of h*ll!:no::(
Hurts so bad its hard to breathe...
 
michael was suppose to make my summer happy!
but instead the worst thing imaginable happened and I've been empty ever since. time goes by and I keep on waiting for something to happen, I know nothing will ever change but it's like my mind cannot accept it...I've lost track of time too and I'm so confused
 
I was just thinking about this the other day. The summer just flew by, and it was so depressing. I just remember staying up late and crying at night, and not being present with my daughter during the day. :(
 
The whole summer was supposed to be the best summer for a long time... But I just couldn't feel any joy. After Michael went away, my world stopped. I had my wedding on August and then my husband and me went on a two-week holiday, but I was so numb. It was awful, just during my wedding I was just like an outsider, just watching things happen. People having fun and myself in a wedding-gown, it all just happened. I couldn't really feel it. The same thing seems to happen all the things I get to experience. Life is just going on, but where is my happiness? It still feels so bad.... :( I miss Michael every second.
 
oceanborn said:
The whole summer was supposed to be the best summer for a long time... But I just couldn't feel any joy. After Michael went away, my world stopped. I had my wedding on August and then my husband and me went on a two-week holiday, but I was so numb. It was awful, just during my wedding I was just like an outsider, just watching things happen. People having fun and myself in a wedding-gown, it all just happened. I couldn't really feel it. The same thing seems to happen all the things I get to experience. Life is just going on, but where is my happiness? It still feels so bad.... :( I miss Michael every second.
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Aww that's sad it should have been the best day of your life as they say.

I was at my parents yesterday and we talked about all the bad stuff what has happend this year and I said this year really sucks.
As other ppl already said this year should have been great.
I moved to my new appartment to start a new life and stuff but this year turned into a disaster...
 
For me there was no summer. It was supposed to be the happiest summer ever with Michaels big comeback but instead it turned very cruel. Last summer was terrible also when my 14 year old cat Max passed away :cry: This was the first 4th of July ever when I refused to go see fireworks. Now its fall, and soon it will be winter. Michaels been gone for 83 days now and im going crazy without him.
 
I really feel the same as you all about this. I had no summer, It was suppose to be a great summer, I moved (on June 26th, dammit) to the city center, tought I would go to many shows, festivals and activites since they are all around where I live, was suppose to renovate the appart, to go out with my friends, to start new projects...

Did none of all this. I still can't figure out how I was able to take the energy to move the day after... was tough.

Since June 25th, I stay home, I haven't done anything. A single day is long to pass, but weeks and months pass very fast.
 
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