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Still Can't Accept It

Cinnamon234

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I have tried and tried, I really have. I try telling myself he's at peace now. I try to tell myself that he was suffering so much when he was here and at least he doesn't have to hear people's cruel comments about him anymore but I still cannot come to terms with MJ's death. Tonite was a bad night for me especially. I was listening to the radio and they started to play some old r&b from the 70's and I broke down crying once again. I can't listen to certain songs. Almost anytime I hear a ballad, it doesn't matter if it's from MJ or not, I start to cry. Most of the time I pretend everything is okay and I stick to listening to MJ's upbeat songs but if it's something slow or it's a ballad I completely lose it. If I hear an MJ ballad playing when i'm outside, I try to walk away as quickly as possible because I know if I don't i'll start to cry and I don't want to be sobbing when I'm outside with other people watching of course.

I just can't :cry:....ahhhhhhhhhhh... I just don't think I ever will fully accept his death. I feel so stupid and pathetic sometimes for crying still after almost two months especially over someone I didn't know but I just don't know why but MJ dying has affected me so much.

Sometimes I forget Michael is dead and then when I realize the reality of the situation at which point I get very upset and depressed all over again. It just never gets better and I don't think it ever will. I'll never accept it fully.
 
me too :cry: I will never accept it.. Ive also been repressing alot of it. Like I have a hard time listening to his music now.. Im afraid I cant listen to it the way I use to. The songs used to be comforting to me now they just hurt so much :cry: They play alot of MJ music at my work and its really hard. A customer walked in today with an MJ shirt that said King of all Kings and had MJs face in the front :cry: I just about lost it. I had to go outside and started crying. This is all too much for me. My hero and greatest love of my life.. my god.. sorry im really emotional. Im emotionally and physically sick. My body just is numb.
 
Aww no I'm so emotional too, so I understand . The pain becomes too much at times and there are still certain MJ songs I can't listen to. For instance, I refuse to listen to "Smile". I listened to it the night he died and cried and cried and cried for what seemed like hours. I can no longer listen to that song sadly, but maybe sometime in the future. Just not now. I so wish we could have been talking about MJ's concerts at the 02 now and looking at pics and video instead of talking about his death. This should have been a great time for MJ and us as fans, but instead we have to deal with the worst scenario imaginable. *Sigh* This is just a nightmare.
 
i feel exactly the same as you both. i am certainly not over it. its still very hard to accept.................when you see the years 1958-2009 its just so real and when they refer to him as the late pop star etc its like naw can't be....................its much more real than at first but will continue to hit us and sink in over a long time
 
Hi Cinnamon234, never feel stupid and pathetic for crying. You have a heart, you have feelings, its natural to mourn and cry when we lose someone we cared about. Unfortunately death is never easy to deal with really, it affects all of us differently. If you feel really depressed, try doing something nice for yourself or for someone else. And be kind to yourself - you're only human! *Hugs*
 
Cinnamon I know exactly how you feel. Because I am pretty much the same way. Especially since most of last night. I was back to feeling how I was after I had heard the horrible news. I am still like that now. I didn't even go to bed last night because I was afraid of going to sleep. I was afraid because I didn't know what kind of MJ dream I might have. So I was practically up all night long in a zombie like state crying and thinking about how much I still miss Michael. And I never even met him before. There is only 2 reasons why Michael's death is really effecting me hard. It is because he was the love of my life. Ever since I was 12 years old I had consider Michael my soulmate. Because we had so many things in common. And the 2nd reason is that I had always consider Michael like a father to me. Michael was more of a father to me. Than my real father will ever be to me. His death is something I am never going to get over anytime soon.
 
:cry: I feel the same as all of you. I refuse to let myself believe it. I feel so numb but I can't believe it - I just CAN'T. Michael can't be gone - NOOOOOOOOO. I really don't believe it. I'm just waiting for him to come back and say he loves us, I really am waiting. I feel kinda crazy. It doesn't make sense that he's not here...he IS here. He has to be. Everyday I wake up feeling empty and broken. I can't listen to him without crying. I don't know how to do this. :cry: I don't see it ever getting better. I can't believe this! NO.
 
I feel the same too. Sometimes I forget that he's passed, but most of the time I want it to be a long nitemare that I can't wake up from. Ever have one of those nitemares that you can't seem to wake up from? I wish this was one of them. Not only am I wishing, but I'm trying to tell myself that tonight. I don't know if that is a stage of denial or what, but if it is, why after almost two months and not right away? I can't feel at peace with his death, and I am religious and if someone good and devout like Michael passes away, I always feel that they're lucky and I can come to peace with their passing. I can't with Michael's death and it's not because I don't believe he's in Heaven. This is just wrong. I can't come to peace with it. I try to make myself come to peace, but it just isn't happening soon enough.
Gosh I wish this was a nitemare.
 
Cinnamon234 said:
I have tried and tried, I really have. I try telling myself he's at peace now. I try to tell myself that he was suffering so much when he was here and at least he doesn't have to hear people's cruel comments about him anymore but I still cannot come to terms with MJ's death. Tonite was a bad night for me especially. I was listening to the radio and they started to play some old r&b from the 70's and I broke down crying once again. I can't listen to certain songs. Almost anytime I hear a ballad, it doesn't matter if it's from MJ or not, I start to cry. Most of the time I pretend everything is okay and I stick to listening to MJ's upbeat songs but if it's something slow or it's a ballad I completely lose it. If I hear an MJ ballad playing when i'm outside, I try to walk away as quickly as possible because I know if I don't i'll start to cry and I don't want to be sobbing when I'm outside with other people watching of course.

I just can't :cry:....ahhhhhhhhhhh... I just don't think I ever will fully accept his death. I feel so stupid and pathetic sometimes for crying still after almost two months especially over someone I didn't know but I just don't know why but MJ dying has affected me so much.

Sometimes I forget Michael is dead and then when I realize the reality of the situation at which point I get very upset and depressed all over again. It just never gets better and I don't think it ever will. I'll never accept it fully.
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That happens to me too. I have days when I forget that MJ is gone and then it hits me again. :(
 
exactly the way i feel... some songs right now makes me cry soo much! i can`t believe he`s gone.. sometimes i forgot he`s not with us now.. and then i remember.. when i watch his videos, i can`t accept he`s gonee! so many bad people in this world, and why michael?! i cannot accept it.. and probably never will
 
Cinnamon234 said:
I have tried and tried, I really have. I try telling myself he's at peace now. I try to tell myself that he was suffering so much when he was here and at least he doesn't have to hear people's cruel comments about him anymore but I still cannot come to terms with MJ's death. Tonite was a bad night for me especially. I was listening to the radio and they started to play some old r&b from the 70's and I broke down crying once again. I can't listen to certain songs. Almost anytime I hear a ballad, it doesn't matter if it's from MJ or not, I start to cry. Most of the time I pretend everything is okay and I stick to listening to MJ's upbeat songs but if it's something slow or it's a ballad I completely lose it. If I hear an MJ ballad playing when i'm outside, I try to walk away as quickly as possible because I know if I don't i'll start to cry and I don't want to be sobbing when I'm outside with other people watching of course.

I just can't :cry:....ahhhhhhhhhhh... I just don't think I ever will fully accept his death. I feel so stupid and pathetic sometimes for crying still after almost two months especially over someone I didn't know but I just don't know why but MJ dying has affected me so much.

Sometimes I forget Michael is dead and then when I realize the reality of the situation at which point I get very upset and depressed all over again. It just never gets better and I don't think it ever will. I'll never accept it fully.
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I feel the same Cinnamon:( Just like you, even songs by other artists got me thinking of Michael and what he went through...It's like, no matter what I do, my mind finds a way to think of him. Yesterday my sister was on the computer and surfing the net. I was sitting right beside her doing something else. She happened to click this blog or something and "Who's Lovin You" started playing. I began to feel down at the moment. Then later, I saw her watching the Teen Choice Awards clip and here comes Britney Spears. I thought "If Michael was alive, he would attend these award shows..." Maybe I was subconsciously thinkin about the MTV awards where he and Britney were together. This is crazy, I mean, even things that is not about him make me think about him...

There's nothing pathetic or foolish about crying these days, girl. I saw many fans, esp.longtime fans couldn't even cry within a week or month after he passed away becuz they were that shocked...And when you lost someone you really care for, you might feel more sorrow as time goes by rather than right after they died.

MJstarlight said:
me too :cry: I will never accept it.. Ive also been repressing alot of it. Like I have a hard time listening to his music now.. Im afraid I cant listen to it the way I use to. The songs used to be comforting to me now they just hurt so much :cry: They play alot of MJ music at my work and its really hard. A customer walked in today with an MJ shirt that said King of all Kings and had MJs face in the front :cry: I just about lost it. I had to go outside and started crying. This is all too much for me. My hero and greatest love of my life.. my god.. sorry im really emotional. Im emotionally and physically sick. My body just is numb.
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"The songs used to be comforting to me now they just hurt so much"...Same here. Sometimes, even songs like, "I Want You Back" sound sad, for real.

I don't have many people around me remembering Michael like you do, but if I was you, yeah, it would be too tough to put a smile on my face when those customers walk in...I would try to hide it, but it would be written all over my face.
 
i feel no better. just find myself asking WHY all the time cos it has really sunk in now
 
I know I find it hard to accept it......I keep him alive in my mind by watching the videos, I feel like he is alive even though deep down I know that's bananas and then reality comes crashing in :cry:

I often wonder why I feel this way about someone I didn't even personally know......but Michael said he put all his heart and soul into his music, right? So we did FEEL like we knew him and that's why it hurts so badly :boohoo:
 
For me it,s hard to think and talk about michael like he,s in the past and not in my future anymore.....

he was.......instead of....he is............... :sad:
 
god yeah i know........thats the part that is slowly sinking in and it breaks your heart
 
He may be gone, but his legacy and music will never die. Now it's up to us fans to keep his memory alive...Elvis is still remembered to this day...so will Michael..
 
i can't accept it, i don't want to. i talk about him like if he's still here, because he is and always will be. life doesn't feel right thinking otherwise
 
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