:hug: I know how it feels. That's why I don't bother. None of my friends really knew just how much I liked him anyway. My mom understands a little more but I think she's even getting tired of it. A couple weeks ago "I Just Can't Stop Loving You" started playing in a restaurant and I wanted to break down. My mom saw I was upset but didn't say anything. She just gave me this look as to say "Oh give me an effing break already."
Nobody understands. I'm not only struggling over his death but all of the things I'm feeling that comes along with it. The pain, the agony, the guilt that I feel for doubting him during the trial and for taking him for granted all those years. I hate myself for that. I feel like I turned my back on him. I knew in my heart he wasn't guilty, but I let all the media get to me anyway. Maybe that was because I was going through some crazy stuff myself at that time and just had a crappy attitude overall, I dunno. I had always considered myself a fan, but I wasn't fanatical about it, you know? I have all his albums and that's about it though. All these years I just figured Michael would always be around, thought nothing of it. His death made me realize just how much he meant to me. I should have realized this a long time ago. I sometimes feel like I don't even belong here. I see all of you loyal devoted fans, and then there's me. I know fans come in all different varieties, but damn, I dunno. It just feels weird. Maybe that just ties into the guilt.
Sorry, London, I meant to comfort you and I ended up turning it into about me. My main point is that I know how it feels. That's why it's easier for me to do what I need to do to get through this in private.
