OH boy, I *totally* get this. I feel the exact same way. I've mentioned before that (for better or worse) I really can't bear criticizing him, but I especially can't about his appearance. I mean, of all things, what a cruel thing to be critical of with anyone. But especially when someone struggled with so many huge challenges throughout their life. Like you, I just think about the context of whatever was going on with him and I ache for him. I've cried so many tears about Michael, it's ridiculous (and I know this seems to be a common response). Michael triggers so many things in me including just this deep, deep desire to love and protect him.
If I remember correctly, there is a bit in Moonwalk where he basically talks about girls/women always trying to get inside of his head and understand him and how he doesn't like that. Which, frankly, I took to be an explicit cosmic communication from Michael to me that no matter how desperately I may want it, this is just one of the many, many, many (many, many, many) reasons it wouldn't have worked out between us