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Help! I need you!

Michelle MC

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I need all the support I can get right now. I am hurting so bad, crying so bad, and the bad thing is I haven't even been to see TII yet, but tonight is my night to go and I don't know how I'll cope. I need you all now, as much as I can. I need some encouragement, anything.
I heard Thriller on the radio today and I cried, and I lost pictures of hubby and I and this is when I started crying without stopping. I think if today wasn't my day to go see TII, I could cope with this all better, but I am just crying. I have food but I can't eat, because of my crying.
Why did MJ have to go!!! I can't do this anymore!! I can't deal with this!!
Help!!

:(
 
Well, first we are all here for you :)

Second, I garantee you'll be smiling while watching this movie. If you need anything, you have a whole family just here on this forum ready to give you LOVE!!!
 
Does anyone have msn, who maybe isn't busy now? There's no chat room, nobody on my buddy list on msn is available. I don't want hubby and my friends to see me this way. Please someone!
 
:hug:
I know exactly what you mean. When it was my day to go, wensday, I was scared cause I though I wasn't ready for it. But the truth is that you are never ready for something like this.
But I can asure you, when you see Michael smiling, working, dancing, singing you will feel just love.
We are all here for you and plase feel free to pm me when ever you need to!
Be brave and atrong like Michael would like us to be ok?
LY!
 
Thank you so much carinemjj and pg13 for your responses. I appreciate them. The chat is working, but very few people are in there and they're not talking. I appreciate your concern.
 
Hey Michelle, I hope you're feeling better now and the film made you smile. Michael was so amazing wasn't he? I'm only a PM away if you ever need to talk.
 
I have msn if you want to talk, I'd seen the movie. I didn't cry throughout the movie because I feel like singing along with his wonderful performance but after that I just feel horrible, even now. It was simply heart-breaking. I know some cried a lot during the movie, but we will be okey. MJ don't want us to feel sad. He want us to help make the world a better place.

you can add me at missbsbno1@hotmail.com
 
Michelle... my therapist lately asked me, why I don't want ppl to see me crying... reminds me of you telling you don't want your hubby and friends to see you like this.
I was... well I still am pretty much like that also... however the last year didn't give me lots of options to hide.
Although I still am like that... most because I don't want ppl to worry about me somehow... I also think ok if they see me crying it's not too bad... cuz in the end all these tears are nothing else but love. That's not really something to hide, is it?!
Tears help to deal with pain. To cry means to let tears go, means also to be willing to let pain go.
In this last year my boyfriend and I had I think I was probably more crying than in all those years of my life before together... and sometimes Andreas said: "Oh gosh please I don't want to do this to you, I don't want to cause this much pain in you, I always only wanted you happy!!!" and I've explained to him, that it's not him causing this of cause. It wasn't his will to get sick as it wasn't his will to leave me... and sometimes we ended up saying, smiling helplessly under all those tears: "It's just all love coming out."

Should we hide that from ppl we love? from friends... or even your hubby?

Tears are very human. Then again to me it feels often they are a sign that I'm losing controll... and for sure I do not like giving up controll or even losing controll with everybody... but friends and hubby or boyfriend... the ppl close?!

Tears are a sign of a loving heart I think... should we hide?
It shouldn't even scare us to cry in public cuz we all do cry. Some of us only mainly to the inside maybe... but actually... tears are no sign of weakness... tears are more the sign that a loving heart has to deal with pain. And maybe it's the heart pushing these tears to the outside to let the pain go, to then make space for a loving smile again?!

Well again... I am someone not giving up controll easily... and not really liking it also. I try not to or really chose ppl I can do so with very carefully. But if I did, it never turned out badly. Ppl who know me or ppl whom I want to know me cuz I want them to love me... well maybe they should see me crying at times, to just really know me.

Cuz in the end of the day we're lucky we can cry sincerly like that and we can smile sincerely like that... someone touched our heart the most beautiful way.

Hope you'll find the pictures again... I have a feeling they're not lost.
Yes pictures are a treasure.
Make me smile so often... beautiful. I hope you'll find them back soon.
 
Hello Michelle.....I hope you are feeling better today.....If you went to see the TII Movie...I hope you enjoyed it.....I know it was hard to see...it did make me laugh and then cry and then laugh again....It is ok to let the people you love see you cry.....you are showing you are human and I am sure your family and friends will be there to support you....well we are always here for you...so if you ever need someone to talk to feel frr to PM me...:happy:
 
uppsala_mow@hotmail.com

hey Michelle i understand how you feel. i felt the same before i went to see TTI and i would have never believed anybody that told me that i would want to see it again. but this is what i wanna do now. even now when i think of the movie and Michael's jokes in it - it makes me giggle. the movie will bring him back to you
 
I want to thank everyone for your replies, and I leave nobody out. They all mean a lot to me. I appreciate your caring so much. I saw the movie. Surprisingly I didn't cry as much as I thought. I only cried in the beginning but felt sad of course during I'll Be There, or I should say MORE sad. But then TII wasn't it. There was a band who is a MJ tribute band who played in our area so hubby and I saw them. They played songs I couldn't listen to so I cried about two times there. It was tonight I first cried to hubby, and explained that the band played some songs I couldn't hear. They are a very good band and they have toured the US and other countries. In case you don't know who I'm talking about, the name of the band is Whos Bad. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post their website, so I won't until a moderator tells me I can if they tell me I can.

The movie, well I don't know what to say about it, only that I did like it. I felt for a while that I had MJ back. But we all know that isn't true. So this is all like June again. I don't know, so I think I suffered a setback, which I know I'm not the only one who did. This is very unfair. Michael's children need him, his family need him, we all need him and so did the world even though many didn't know it. Now that many more probably know it, he's not here. It's very sad.
:(

On a quick note, I went to get the tickets out from where I locked them up(so I wouldn't lose them or forget where I put them) and I found the pictures. I'm glad that happened before the movie.

Thanks for all your concern. I love you all.
 
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Do you have MSN? Feel free to drop me a line, yazman AT hotmail.com if you want to talk.

We all need strength! I love you all too, and we all need it during these times!
 
Michelle MC said:
I want to thank everyone for your replies, and I leave nobody out. They all mean a lot to me. I appreciate your caring so much. I saw the movie. Surprisingly I didn't cry as much as I thought. I only cried in the beginning but felt sad of course during I'll Be There, or I should say MORE sad. But then TII wasn't it. There was a band who is a MJ tribute band who played in our area so hubby and I saw them. They played songs I couldn't listen to so I cried about two times there. It was tonight I first cried to hubby, and explained that the band played some songs I couldn't hear. They are a very good band and they have toured the US and other countries. In case you don't know who I'm talking about, the name of the band is Whos Bad. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post their website, so I won't until a moderator tells me I can if they tell me I can.

The movie, well I don't know what to say about it, only that I did like it. I felt for a while that I had MJ back. But we all know that isn't true. So this is all like June again. I don't know, so I think I suffered a setback, which I know I'm not the only one who did. This is very unfair. Michael's children need him, his family need him, we all need him and so did the world even though many didn't know it. Now that many more probably know it, he's not here. It's very sad.
:(

On a quick note, I went to get the tickets out from where I locked them up(so I wouldn't lose them or forget where I put them) and I found the pictures. I'm glad that happened before the movie.

Thanks for all your concern. I love you all.
Click to expand...

Yes I saw the movie this wednesday and I still feel like I'm back to where I was weeks ago.
 
Someone somewhere kind of rudely suggested I see a counselor yesterday without showing much concern for me and there was someone else there(it wasn't on this forum, but I can't say where) who witnessed how this person suggested I see a counselor. Anyway, some of you have read many of my posts. What do you think? Should I be thinking of seeing a counselor?
I feel weighed down by this loss. I feel I can't be how I used to be, determined, giving, happy. I can only fake happiness, which I can't believe I can even do that, but since I lost my job because basically I wasn't enthusiastic enough(which I blame on MJ's death), then I am making sure I am trying my best to appear happy in my new job. It's so hard. I thank God I am married. Being with my sweet husband helps me through, but I still feel something missing. This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't MJ's time. TII should be a concert that people are coming home all excited about that they went to and maybe disappointed that the time has end and they don't have a concert to look forward to anymore, but that's it. Only that. Not this, not TII as a movie because the star is no longer here! There should be people joining here because they found out about the TII tour and being excited that even though Michael said "this is it", etc maybe be excited about the prospect of Michael touring more than he planned.
There should be a TII concert section and maybe a section for just talk about MJ, and maybe for those who for financial or other reasons can't make it to his concerts and for those who never had the fortune of seeing MJ in concert. This section should not be as it is. Not at all, but it is because we all need support.
This was not MJ's time. As I've said many times, I can make peace with people's passing but MJ's passing, I just can't.
 
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Mechi said:
Michelle... my therapist lately asked me, why I don't want ppl to see me crying... reminds me of you telling you don't want your hubby and friends to see you like this.
I was... well I still am pretty much like that also... however the last year didn't give me lots of options to hide.
Although I still am like that... most because I don't want ppl to worry about me somehow... I also think ok if they see me crying it's not too bad... cuz in the end all these tears are nothing else but love. That's not really something to hide, is it?!
Tears help to deal with pain. To cry means to let tears go, means also to be willing to let pain go.
In this last year my boyfriend and I had I think I was probably more crying than in all those years of my life before together... and sometimes Andreas said: "Oh gosh please I don't want to do this to you, I don't want to cause this much pain in you, I always only wanted you happy!!!" and I've explained to him, that it's not him causing this of cause. It wasn't his will to get sick as it wasn't his will to leave me... and sometimes we ended up saying, smiling helplessly under all those tears: "It's just all love coming out."

Should we hide that from ppl we love? from friends... or even your hubby?

Tears are very human. Then again to me it feels often they are a sign that I'm losing controll... and for sure I do not like giving up controll or even losing controll with everybody... but friends and hubby or boyfriend... the ppl close?!

Tears are a sign of a loving heart I think... should we hide?
It shouldn't even scare us to cry in public cuz we all do cry. Some of us only mainly to the inside maybe... but actually... tears are no sign of weakness... tears are more the sign that a loving heart has to deal with pain. And maybe it's the heart pushing these tears to the outside to let the pain go, to then make space for a loving smile again?!

Well again... I am someone not giving up controll easily... and not really liking it also. I try not to or really chose ppl I can do so with very carefully. But if I did, it never turned out badly. Ppl who know me or ppl whom I want to know me cuz I want them to love me... well maybe they should see me crying at times, to just really know me.

Cuz in the end of the day we're lucky we can cry sincerly like that and we can smile sincerely like that... someone touched our heart the most beautiful way.

Hope you'll find the pictures again... I have a feeling they're not lost.
Yes pictures are a treasure.
Make me smile so often... beautiful. I hope you'll find them back soon.
Click to expand...


Mechi,
Thanks for your wonderful post. I appreciate all your encouragement. As I said before I found the pictures.
I came across wrong in one of my posts. I don't mind crying in front of hubby and friends, but I do mind crying as bad as I was when I started this thread. I think I just broke down and I felt like I was crying hard and I could not stop, not at all. So that's what I didn't want hubby and friends seeing me do.
I felt like because I had a delayed reaction in June that hubby would think I'm kind of strange crying about MJ, but he's my other half, I could have explained. It sunk in on the day after, but I guess because I didn't cry right away I never allowed myself to just go in to where hubby is and tell him I was sad because of MJ. I have told him previously to yesterday that I have cried a lot when on here and after he's gone to bed, so he knew that I cried, but I never cried to him.
Maybe this all sounds weird, but hey we're talking about something that wasn't supposed to happen anyway.
 
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