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I'm stuck

Rockin.

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I feel like the world has moved on since June 25th but I'm stuck there. Some days I feel fine, like I've got to the exceptance stage. Other days, like when footage comes out, or news comes out, or I see a negative comment somewhere about him I'm back there.

I've never been a forum person or even an internet person.. but march 09 started my forum life. Since Michael died my life has gone nowhere.. I finished university and now I'm supposed to be thinking about my next step. I should have been looking for a part time job for now at least, but nothing seems significant or important anymore.

I feel like I'm on here way too much and I've become a little too obsessed with everything..:ph34r:

I'm down all the time and I've become quite an angry person. I'm taking out my anger on my parents and I know its not fair on them. They're worried about me..

I've never been like this about anyone or anything, ever.

The thing that is affecting me most now is the haters. I'm on youtube and I see some sickening things. Complete lies and hate. Horrible horrible things, I won't repeat them here because they'll probably affect you like they've affected me. I know I should ignore it but its so hard, I have to reply and sometimes it turns into confrontation that goes on and on.

One instance began yesterday and has been going on today too. I don't know if these people realise how much they are hurting us with what they say, or if they even care. I left my house and I couldn't get it out of my mind. It brought tears to my eyes... yehh I shed tears over a random person spewing hate on youtube.. but really its more than that, its about the fact that people do NOT know Michael but they think they do!!! They are doing him such an injustice [understatement of the century] with what they say and what you tell them they just ignore!!

We all know the kinds of things they say.. about the allegations.. but its not just that. They say all sorts of things about him. They even say he didn't write his own songs...and talk about him like he is insignificant in music...that hurts just as much as talk about the allegations!

Anyway, basically I can't move on, its on my brain all the time, each day. I'm on here way way too much and I can't help wanting to change the minds of all the haters. Right now I feel like I could dedicate my life to clear MJs name if it would make a difference. I can't stand people living with the wrong image of Michael and spreading it around. They add their own lies too. It is stressing me out, like I said, I've become an angry, depressed person.

it sounds selfish but sometimes i wish i wasn't so into mj.. :ph34r: ... i wish i didn't care so much, but i DO care A LOT.

When I think like this it so makes me wonder how MJ could cope with everything that happened in his life, and with the media and public opinion. I couldn't have coped, he was so strong. I would have wanted to die, sometimes I don't want to be here just because of the things I hear/see/read.


I have completely changed since his death and I know its not good for me. I try to stay away from here a bit to take some time out, but I can't help it..and I know tomorrow I'll have a reply from a youtube hater..*sigh*. I WISH everyone could know what we know, I wish I could change everyone's minds, I wish they could know the MJ we do.

I don't really know what to do. :ermm: :(
 
I understand what you're going through... :/
Don't give attention to the haters, cuz' that's what they want. I know you want to defend Michael from them, like we all want, but don't do it. Just stop payin' attention to them, please. That's the best thing we can do. In the bottom of us we don't care about them. We're happy to be what we are, to be Michael's fans and to know the truth. Poor them... they're nothing, they don't understand, they can't see the good, the divine, a pure person... they just can't, because they aren't like us and like Michael, and that's too pity for them. :/

I know that you don't command it and you do it without any evil, but try to be more nice to your parents. And why don't you talk to somebody? Why don't you go out with your friends? It's good for you. =]

If you want to talk to me of somethin' just let me know, send me a PM, ok? I'll be very glad to help you. ^^

A big hug for you, XxX :*
 
Don't let the haters get to you, they aren't worth it.

Death affects everyone differently - and I have certainly discovered that on here. As much as we are all missing Michael, I feel we have all been affect by his death in different ways. that's not to say it means some people don't care as much as others, not at all. I think we all equally miss him, but I think it brings out different feelings in all of us, and the reason why some people cope better than others.

I've always loved Michael, and respected the person that he is - and I never though his death woul have affected me the way it has. I knew I would be upset, but I never would have thought it would have me feeling so unsteady some days, and fine other days. I feel a little over the place at times, and think about him everyday.

I know it's hard, but just ignore all the bad comments that are out there, they are just mis-informed about Michael, and are sheep. They just listen to the garbage that are fed to them, and haven't bothered to look into and actually see how much of an amazing person Michael was, is.

Don't be angry, it will just make coping twice as bad. Is there anyone you can talk to?

It's good that you found this forum, because we will always listen here, because we know how it feels. So you are never alone, there are always many ears on here willing to listen and offer advice.

I have found not many people in my life have been that affected by michael's death, and that's fine - they didn't feel the same way about him that I do. So I don't talk about it to them, instead I find comfort on here, and it's been great. I don't need to bottle anything up, I say what I feel - and people repond that they feel the same.

Anyway, to cut all that babble short! :lol: You are obviously already hurt by Michael's death, and the cruelty he's had to live with, don't hurt yourself by expressing yourself in the wrong way or bottling anything up. Just come here and we'll help you get through it :)
 
Rockin...I am soooo sorry that you feel so poorly.:cry:...Please dont let the haters get you down...I know that June 25th was a terrible time for all..(By the way congrats on graduation from uni)...maybe you should try talking to someone who could help make sense of all this for you...Sometimes as much as I love this forum...sometimes I get so mad just coming on here because of the Breaking News and all that...I think the worst part is that ...It just doesn't seem as though there will ever be an arrest in this case...But if we are patient...then ...hopefully one will come shortly. Michael would want us to carry on his work....we all know his legacy..to heal the world...maybe if you try to do your part...even in a small way ...maybe it would help you....I will pray for you.
 
I know what you mean Rockin....when I found that forum in march, I was right at home and I wasn't really a forum kinda person either, ....I remember the excitement, the waiting, the great anticipation...then...BAM june 25th. :cry:

I'm a different person since then too, so I can understand you :huggy:

I want to rewind back to before june 25th. It was a different atmosphere ( I don't just mean on forums, I also mean the world in general)

I too feel like I am stuck on that day, I thought I had moved on a bit....then the news about the TTI film just about put me right back to square one. I can't deal with it :(

The thing about the haters is that they just read the sun newspaper or NOTW and that's it. They don't try to find the real truth, they have a closed mind. Ignorance. That shows you the intelligence level of those people ;)

I don't read any comments on youtube, I used to but it didn't get me anywhere. The way I see it is that millions of people know the real truths and that's good enough for me.

You know the truth, and Michael would be proud of you for standing up and saying what's right and defending him :)

We were always there, that's what matters, and he knew that and I hope he knows that now too :cry:

massive :huggy: for you Rockin :huggy:
 
:hugs: i feel for you rockin, i also feel like you. i find its best to not even go to those places and read the hate. :better:
 
Big hugs for you :hug:

I feel totally different too. I've changed. I'm harbouring this anger inside of me that I never knew exsisted, its scaring me. I distance myself from my friends cause in some way I think they are to blame. They never respected me being and MJ fan. I know it sounds crazy, but in a way I feel its everyone else is fault. I feel that all the haters and non MJ fans are to blame for everything, and I know that they'r'e not in some ways, but it just feels like that.No one here at home understands how I feel, they think I'm over it. I put on a mask everyday, I smile in their faces, but alone I cry, the pain just gets to much sometimes :cry:
I'm glad that we have this forum to come to, its been a big comfort for me.
:hug: hugs to everyone cause I know we're all going through the same thing.
 
I completely understand what you're going through Rockin.
During the last trial there was a period where I felt the need to fight every hater I encountered. And heaven knows there were a lot of haters active during that period. I had one discussion after another, and tright my hardest to get the facts across.

At one point I stopped and said to myself: you know what, let it be! I'm blessed to be able to 'experience the magic', I'm one of the lucky ones to be inspired by the selfless, humane, loving person that is Michael. I feel sorry for those who can't take off those blinders and view things with their own eyes.
And thats how I view things now aswell. Michael left us with a great legacy, a legacy that I was lucky enough to have experienced while he was alive, and can still experience now that he has passed away. Let the haters be haters, and try to focus on the good. Like Michael aimed at living his life to the fullest, so should we. With a graduation in your pocket the world lies at your feet! So grab it as best as you can, and know that in the meantime you are surrounded by many here that understand what you're going through and are here for you, me included. :better:
 
Miss_star said:
The thing about the haters is that they just read the sun newspaper or NOTW and that's it. They don't try to find the real truth, they have a closed mind. Ignorance. That shows you the intelligence level of those people ;)
Click to expand...

Yeah, I agree....these people don't have the inclination to take a bit of time and find out if the sh*t the media is pedalling is true or not. Whether it is just apathy on their part or whether they are actually swallowing this crap, I don't know, but it doesn't say much for them in terms of having the ability to research something and make their own minds up about it.

Rockin, I feel and I have said this before, that the world has moved on without me. At the moment I'm working on a postgrad thesis - I was working on it up until 23 June, said I'd go back to it in a couple of days, and I haven't looked at it since. Now I have a deadline coming up next month for my first submission and I'm finding it so hard to move on, but today I did some work on it - I think its a natural progression, taking it one day at a time and not over doing it.

I also feel overwhelming anger over the situation which I am talking through with people, maybe if you could find a confidant on here who you would feel comfortable pouring your heart out to, it may help.
I would love to help if you feel you want to talk about this - please PM me if you need to talk.
 
Wow I didn't expect so many responses. thank you guys so so much :) I've read every word and you are all right in what you've said. I'm so glad this forum and others like it exist. Like some of you, nobody I know is a Michael Jackson fan in the same way as us on here. I have friends that like some of his songs but thats where it ends. They don't have the real image of Michael, they have the tabliod caricature.

welshfan.. I know where you're coming from on the friend front. Only one of them showed any happiness for me when I said I was going to the concerts. Others just stayed silent and ignored it.. I know what they thought of him. Now a couple are all of a sudden playing his CDs in their cars..

Only one of my friends asked me how I was when he died. She was in New York at the time, shes been there all summer :sad: , she said she thought of me as soon as she heard the news. Another friend has been understanding I guess, in a quieter sort of way. Others just don't get it and have not mentioned it, even though they all knew how much I like him and that I was going to see him.

One friend said something quite hurtful...on the night of my concert I was out shopping with a group of friends. I didn't tell them it was the night of the concert, but when we went in hmv and all the MJ stuff was in my face .. posters, calendars, cds, dvds, books and a little tv screen with earth song playing, I told them. This particular girl hugged me and then stepped back and said 'thats all the sympathy you get for a peodophile'. I was dumbstruck.. all I said was 'you are so wrong, but i'm not going to get all my defense out now'. Guess what.. a couple weeks later she has MJ blasting out from her car CD player.

I'm really trying not to be angry towards my parents.. they haven't done anything wrong, I'm just constantly in a bad mood. I know I need to stop snapping at them.

I myself have told people to ignore the haters on youtube etc., but sometimes I just can't help myself. I went through a stage where I decided not to look at the comments and just stay away from it, but then I noticed a comment right at the top of the list a very horrible one, just lies and I couldn't help but respond. I couldn't have it sitting their like that unchallenged, for someone else to come along and see it and believe it. Starting from now I will take your advice and not look anymore... we can't change everyone's mind I guess.

I'm glad I have you all on here, it helps so much.

You don't realise how much these posts have helped. I've been reading them the last few days. I took in every word and I'm feeling much better today.. hope it continues :)

I hope everyone here is feeling alright..

Welshfan.. how are you feeling at the moment?
 
Rockin. said:
Wow I didn't expect so many responses. thank you guys so so much :) I've read every word and you are all right in what you've said. I'm so glad this forum and others like it exist. Like some of you, nobody I know is a Michael Jackson fan in the same way as us on here. I have friends that like some of his songs but thats where it ends. They don't have the real image of Michael, they have the tabliod caricature.

welshfan.. I know where you're coming from on the friend front. Only one of them showed any happiness for me when I said I was going to the concerts. Others just stayed silent and ignored it.. I know what they thought of him. Now a couple are all of a sudden playing his CDs in their cars..

Only one of my friends asked me how I was when he died. She was in New York at the time, shes been there all summer :sad: , she said she thought of me as soon as she heard the news. Another friend has been understanding I guess, in a quieter sort of way. Others just don't get it and have not mentioned it, even though they all knew how much I like him and that I was going to see him.

One friend said something quite hurtful...on the night of my concert I was out shopping with a group of friends. I didn't tell them it was the night of the concert, but when we went in hmv and all the MJ stuff was in my face .. posters, calendars, cds, dvds, books and a little tv screen with earth song playing, I told them. This particular girl hugged me and then stepped back and said 'thats all the sympathy you get for a peodophile'. I was dumbstruck.. all I said was 'you are so wrong, but i'm not going to get all my defense out now'. Guess what.. a couple weeks later she has MJ blasting out from her car CD player.

I'm really trying not to be angry towards my parents.. they haven't done anything wrong, I'm just constantly in a bad mood. I know I need to stop snapping at them.

I myself have told people to ignore the haters on youtube etc., but sometimes I just can't help myself. I went through a stage where I decided not to look at the comments and just stay away from it, but then I noticed a comment right at the top of the list a very horrible one, just lies and I couldn't help but respond. I couldn't have it sitting their like that unchallenged, for someone else to come along and see it and believe it. Starting from now I will take your advice and not look anymore... we can't change everyone's mind I guess.

I'm glad I have you all on here, it helps so much.

You don't realise how much these posts have helped. I've been reading them the last few days. I took in every word and I'm feeling much better today.. hope it continues :)

I hope everyone here is feeling alright..

Welshfan.. how are you feeling at the moment?
Click to expand...

Some people just can't help but rub salt in the wound. They know they're hurting you, yet the urge takes control over them and they end up hurting you. I'm lost, really lost. I listen to his music 24/7, I cry at night thinking of him, and in the day I put this mask on my face for everyone else to see.
That girl you mentioned, hugging you then saying that , I would have lunged myself at her. What people like that constantly do is sticking pins in your heart. They have no clue about anything, they can't seem to judge a person on their own, they need other peoples shallowness, or the vile tabloids to put words in their head in order to sum up a person. When people say horrible stuff about Michael, it reveals absouletly everything about them, it shows what kind of heart they have, and exactly what kind of person they are. Ignorance to them is paradise, they don't want to know anything else.
We've got to stick together on here , keeping supporting each other. Without this forum I would have gone over the edge by now, I'm nearly there already :( but you guys keep me going, Michael's music and legacy keeps me going everyday.
I hope you're feeling better Rockin, anytime you wanna talk you know where I am, that goes for all of you.
 
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